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 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 132
Unconditional love?? Page 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I'll love my children until I'm no more. It doesn't mean I love myself less and allow myself to be an obliging human doormat. As it were, my children and I are a very close-knit family, very much in love so profoundly.
 matthew83co
Joined: 2/11/2015
Msg: 133
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/17/2015 8:22:06 PM

What is that?? Does it mean that you are willing to put up with a ton of BS just because you are related by blood - or because you once said to someone, "I love you"?

I actually do not understand the concept.


Unconditional love is spending three hours on the phone keeping a guy you went overseas with from leaving the earth too early.

Unconditional love is spending three days celebrating the wedding of a family member or close friend.

Unconditional love is spending three minutes playing with your pet the minute you walk in your front door after work.

Unconditional love is spending any amount of time or energy dedicated to an individual whether family, friend, animal, or other significant other who you are simply there for. No threes required.
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 134
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/18/2015 5:40:29 AM

I actually do not understand the concept.


Love can be measured in the degree of stupidity one is willing to endure from a person place or thing

which is why Unconditional Love can be equated to a mental disorder, consisting of a frame of mind hovering somewhere between "Stepford wife-ism" and a lobotomy

this is why when Humans seek or demand unconditional love..... they should buy a puppy
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 135
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History
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/18/2015 6:00:40 AM
As I understand it, unconditional love is an abstract ideal that is to be attempted, but never REALLY achieved...and it does not exist on a continual basis between two adults.

Also, it does NOT require a relationship of any kind in order to be present. I think that's where people get confused on this topic.

I love a LOT of people that are no longer in my Life as they are too dangerous to be close to, and can only be kept at arm's length.
I believe that we all may experience moments of unconditional love, with our children and families and even our SO's but it is not a constant, with the exception of children. I have met many parents who love their children unconditionally...or that's what they say. Not sure that those same people continue that with their adult children....as I have also seen that fall apart.

To have a relationship with virtually ANYONE requires conditions. To think otherwise is to set yourself up for failure, imo. It's called having boundaries and limits. Those are an absolute necessity in ALL relationships, even those of parents with their children, as that's how kids learn about boundaries and limits.
That simply means that there are limits to what I will do for someone in a relationship that I love, and there are boundaries that I also won't allow them to cross.

I won't be able to stay in a relationship with a man who treats me like sh!t, but I can continue to love him as a fellow human being struggling to relate to the world as we all do, in a general kind of sense. Kind of goes hand-in-hand with the concept of forgiving others for yourself....It's also much easier to have that attitude when the person is NOT in my Life wreaking havoc, or acting out their issues on me....
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 12/26/2014
Msg: 136
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/18/2015 12:33:21 PM
Only for my kids, and even then, there are times they drive me to distraction and I could kill them. But I never hold a grudge with them. Even if my son turned out to be a serial killer, I would be horrified, but I would still love him.
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 137
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/18/2015 3:28:11 PM

I dont agree. I think you can argue with someone and still love them.

Unconditional Love requires at least one of the parties to be in an extreme subservient position "StepFord Wife-ism" which means you would not argue but offer suggestions in a calming matter


I think you can be firm and as Dee said maintain boundaries and not accept unacceptable behaviour.

maintaining boundaries is placing conditions, not accepting certain behavior means you are unwilling to accept the person as a whole which in turn cancels out Unconditional


(beyond children)

when it comes to Love and Children is it really Love or an evolutionary trait, an inherent desire "addiction" to nurture an offspring


I believe (beyond children) you can love someone one just because they are who they are and you love them. I think it starts with accepting people for who they are.

that's sounds more "like" than Love


I just think its extremely difficult to maintain.

actually impossible unless one has a mental disorder...Love and Hate are supposedly both emotions....emotions are fleeting..spur of the moment ......if you feel hate 24 hours 7 days week then it's probably due to some disorder...the same with Love...so if one feels Unconditional Love 24/7 it's probably OCD


You would have to be so attuned to each other that I think for a long term unconditional love, it would be very difficult for many people.

because it borders on Obsession
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 138
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/18/2015 10:59:39 PM
Unconditional love
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. It can be also love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or "mother's/father's love." Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging. It is a concept in ones mind comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. An example of this is a parent's love for their child; no matter a test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a strong belief, the amount of love that remains between this bond is seen as unchanging and unconditional.
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 139
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:15:19 AM

The easiest way I think I can explain what Im trying to say is to use the comrades in arms. When people go into the army they come together with as very different people. They train together, learn new skills (not even the same skills) and work together as a team (you need different views, opinions and skills to make an effect team). You then go to war and fight together, rely on each other and in doing so you form an understanding of each other that you can read each other so well you can trust that person because you can judge how they will react. Thats what I mean by attune. When you have experienced that together the bond you form is IMO unconditional. You know that person faults and all, accept them and respect them. That doesnt mean you are together 24/7 or feeling the emotion 24/7 after you leave you may not see them for months even years. But when you come back together that bond is there, unchanging.


It was the best of times It was the worst of times....a Tale Of Two Loves

"Regular Love" is generally used in reference to the best of times....therefore would not "Unconditional love" be used in reference to the worst of times

in your posts you gave examples of only "the best of times" there were no examples that would test anyone's resolve as to why the love your were describing would be classified as being Unconditional or "the worst of times" ...

I will attempt to give an example of Unconditional Love and why Unconditional Love would fall into the category of mental disorder and/or lack of esteem

FOR EXAMPLE
you met someone and over time fall deeply in Love but after a while they start abusing you and your children and your friend ask you why don't you leave and you answer..."Because I Love the person" ....

so what type of Love is that? ..is it Unconditional?..and what does it say about the person's frame of mind
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 140
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/20/2015 7:48:28 AM

But when you have children who many feel is the only time you love unconditional,


Unconditional Love for a Child is just an assumption that society choose to believe that parents have for their children, parents might find it rather embarrassing to admit to others that they don't like their child ...because let's face it some parents do have "Children of The Corn" "Damien Omen II, Rosemary's Baby, The Demon Seed, The Bad Seed, Micheal Myers ..but hey what's you going to do
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 141
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History
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/20/2015 8:05:30 AM

I dont class that as unconditional love. The condition is that Im getting my needs met by staying with you because I LOVE YOU. If it was unconditional love you would do what was right for that person. ie I will not stay with you because your behaviour is not acceptable to me nor would it be to anyone else.


Agree Vicky. This is exactly why I am not with my sons mother after 7 years of trying to make it work. She gave me a wonderful son, and I will always love her for that regardless. But the fact that she and I could not make it work, it was best to separate and find someone else who could fill the needs I wasn't receiving. Still looking though >.<
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 142
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/20/2015 8:11:07 AM

I dont class that as unconditional love. The condition is that Im getting my needs met by staying with you because I LOVE YOU. If it was unconditional love you would do what was right for that person. ie I will not stay with you because your behaviour is not acceptable to me nor would it be to anyone else. The best I can do for you is to leave you so that you realise the consequences of your behaviour and hopefully become a better person or the person you truly want to be. I therefore sacrifice my wants (in this senario that would be I want to stay with you because I love you) to do what is best for you.


but you mention nothing about your children being abused which would have displayed your Unconditional Love as the reason you dump the abuser......you were all for the betterment of the abuser which is not Unconditional Love nor Love but Altruism
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 143
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/20/2015 9:06:14 AM

Yes I was referring to unconditional love for a SO.


my point is once times got worst you choose to dump the person you claimed to have Unconditional Love for ...

Unconditional Love would require the two parties supposedly in Love to stick together not only during the good times but also the bad times....
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 144
Unconditional love??
Posted: 2/21/2015 2:32:03 PM
It's something that's only available from a puppy.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 145
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/3/2015 9:44:53 AM
Reminds me of Peeta in the Hunger Games :3
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 146
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/3/2015 9:56:21 PM
unconditional love means not expecting anything in return, loving someone for who they are, not necessarily liking them all the time or their behaviour. It does not mean letting people disrespect or abuse you. You dislike or do not tolerate their bad behaviour but still love the person.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 147
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/4/2015 1:14:08 PM
Between people , very often something is expected in return for love , other than love . It is to bad many are that way .
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 148
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/4/2015 3:06:39 PM
Unconditional love costs…….. because I seriously gave myself a headache, and at times doubted I'd free myself from the madness....

-------The post that you never knew you wanted to see-------

Keep in mind - this might take a read or more to understand.

You have absolute terms – Abide by conditions, they give you solid figures, to help you communicate. (you cannot manipulate the conditions of the absolute term)

You have relative terms – Abide by the conditions of the term, but are subject to individual interpretation based on connections made. (you cannot factor relative term, it is for all intent and purpose - absolutely unique)

Or to put it simply, you cannot count the total number of apples with the total number of oranges, and come up with a single figure.

-------------

"There's no such thing as love without the anticipation of loss, and that specter of despair, can be the engine of intimacy" - Andrew Solomon

This is an example of how you define a relative term. Not with the data of absolute, but the parallel of relative context.

You see by publishing this observation, he gives everyone the ability to gauge loves intensity through the thought of losing a loved one.

-------------

So if you desire greater definition of love…

You create relative parallels to be drawn from relative observation. Thereby creating a condition of natural expansion through subjective and relative correlation of context/understanding.
...hm...
Unconditional love is - in essence – an absolute maximum intensity love. As per strict rudimentary definition.
…hmm…
And love being a relative term - makes it difficult, dare I say impossible. To modify without creating a subjective bias on the absolute definition.

…Relative term is subjective to the beholder…

…Absolute term is subject to natural process of evolution, as is any live language in use…

I want a greater definition of love, using Andrews parallel – I want to define love subject to condition, yet create a valid basis for love at maximum experience.

Essentially I want to define “unconditional love” – without analyzing the structure of the word – but by the general meaning of what this type of love represents.

I am CTRLvector, I am a pseudonym for Justin ******. I have absolutely experienced love, and can say that in clear and definite terms. I have loved and lost, I know Andrew’s parallel, unforgiving as it may be.

I did not experience the loss of my mother, the emotion pains me.

I did not experience the loss of my father, the emotion indifference.

I did not experience the loss of a great man, my grandfather who passed away prior to my birth. Recipient of the Navy Cross, pilot and officer of a torpedo bomber in WW2. I didn’t know him, our paths never crossed. And he’s the family I miss the most.

I have experienced the loss of a brother I grew up with, who was remarkably better than I. I envied him for his appearance and stature, and he was the horse to bet on. But I lost him to drugs, he’s given up on himself and his death will bring mercy to the life he lives.

I have experienced the loss of the women I believed would stand by me, till the day she left me I’d have given anything to protect her. I just couldn’t protect her from myself, I was so lost tried to believe my own lies of feeling ok. I couldn’t help myself in time, and so she left.

I want a better definition of love,
I use sage observation,
I note the parallel,
I use my relative experiences,
I keep conditions in tact,
And I mind the context.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 149
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/4/2015 11:43:20 PM
funchesf?

You can't hide from me...

What is your take on this syntactic compound? I mean contextually... I've covered the retainer fee of your services as canon lawyer. Advocacy for the hooved brute is necessary as we've canonization arguments to submit to the promoter of justice.

Business is time, to asset, and - not to be squandered.

I don't know if you remember or not, but we were both drunk and decided to analyze the nature of lexical semantics in direct relation to cognitive semantics in some way, shape or, form. And seman got all over the place? You got anything you'd like to critique/contribute to my analysis here?
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 150
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/5/2015 6:21:23 AM
I didn't let her go, (at least not initially) she ignored me so it would be something she could accomplish – without having to deal with the circumstances I ran the gamut when it came to begging for one more chance. I didn’t really know how bad it was till I unknowingly started to barter cash for 1 more chance to never screw up again….

But I begged her to give me a chance, just one more, one hour, one lie. one anything... nothing, and by ignoring me she was able to let go. I felt every second of the silent treatment, and ever second of knowing I had lost her forever afer.

But she would end up letting me go. As I was the dark side,

She referenced the notion - that if it wasn't for me she'd have no interest in humoring the potential. But it was true that she generally disliked men, at least with regard to affection. Her father is follower of strict middle-eastern ideology.
I believe my most accurate assessment is this:

I would transition out of the Army and, it was a trying time for her and I both….
We just had trouble understanding each other, and reading the severity of indifference toward making things right, we started out with my being approximately 90 days off in my estimation. It wasn’t my fault though, as the factor that would screw my calculation, was of the unknown variety.

For those 90 days Mariam was stuck in the Army and on post...

Chiefly her biggest issue was that I had developed the mind-set - 'i'll do everything myself. That’s why I majored in depression, because if I am failed with treatment protocol – I do it myself. This would mean that not only would I not take good advice, I wouldn’t listen to Mariam, nothing more to say... flaws on my behalf.

I also had a lot of physical pain, because I had relied on pain meds for a long time. And that gave me an easier quality of life. My depression was removing me far from life -me, slowing my thought processing down,
I failed to rise to the challenge, and successfully combat my depression. I passed my classes, but I had trouble getting everything within reason done and accounted for.

Mariam made one mistake – had she given me time I would have gotten through it.... If I knew I were capable of that (prior) I would have defended myself. But yeah Vicki I did curb the pain. I let her go off and not talk to me, I didn't trouble the situation. I thought she would come back, she didn't...

Either way, I got a free cat out of the deal. No, thats right I paid for him,
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 151
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:28:05 AM

Unconditional love = the way you love your parents, your kids, etc.
Conditional love = "you have to be over 6 foot"
It's pretty simple of a concept.

LOL -- Yep, that pretty much sums it up. There's certainly no unconditional love in the land of dating. I think "unconditional love", applied to Relationships is basically like the concept of "Looks don't matter to me" applied to Dating. Looks are going to matter, love will be conditional -- it's just not as Much as the common person, that's all.

I think unconditional love is just a street/slang term to mean you'll put up with a lot of sh!t and be in love with the person even though logistically you shouldn't at all. I think stalkers suffer from this syndrome. :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 152
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History
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/5/2015 7:47:40 AM

Unconditional Love for a Child is just an assumption that society choose to believe that parents have for their children, parents might find it rather embarrassing to admit to others that they don't like their child .


While I applaud all parents who say that they unconditionally love their children, as it SHOULD be, I worked many years with kids who weren't so lucky as to have parents that are capable of that, or willing to give it to their kids, or who could even DEFINE what it is, in most cases.
I also have experienced it first-hand and can say that some parents, if they were animals, would have eaten their own young!!!!lol


I think "unconditional love", applied to Relationships is basically like the concept of "Looks don't matter to me" applied to Dating. Looks are going to matter, love will be conditional -- it's just not as Much as the common person, that's all.


I disagree....Love NEVER requires people to "put up with sh!t" as a qualifier for it's presence....unconditional or otherwise....In fact, as many parents have said on this thread alone, tolerating intolerable behaviour from someone ISN'T 'loving' in any way , shape, or form....It's called 'enabling'....

While I'm familiar with the whole concept as described by those with religious affiliation of Jesus, "turning the other cheek" and 'dying for our sins' that, to me, is NOT love....It's martyrdom....Also, as far as "looks don't matter" while dating...Once again, beauty/attractiveness/attraction is PURELY subjective....For some people, believe it or not, how a person LOOKS is really NOT the primary reason for attraction.

While I'm aware that this subject has been 'done to Death', I'm going to keep banging on this drum as I am SO tired of reading this type of stuff...
Two little words missing there...'for me'....

REALLY great book by Scott Peck, for anyone who's interested.....Called The Road Less Traveled....wherein he gives a thorough and in-depth explanation for the definitions of 'love'...give it a look-see....
 funchesf
Joined: 6/27/2014
Msg: 153
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/5/2015 8:11:15 AM

Vicki159
No I dont consider being abused by someone 'bad times'.

What????? ......I wouldn't be surprise if you start receiving an influx of marriage proposal in POF e-mails


Vicki159
Bad times are when your countries at war and you have nothing, when there is an earth quake and everything you own you have just lost.

the examples you gave are of disasters, disasters are circumstances generally beyond the control and scope of the two individuals supposedly in love, disasters are a test of ones resolve not of Unconditional Love, during disasters even enemies can band together in order to survive


Vicki159
Being abused by someone is behaviour that should never be accepted.

I'm pretty sure the S&M crowd would disagree with that statement, and then there are those that remain in abusive relationships under the claim of "love", and this is why dumping a significant order due to their behavior is not a sign of Unconditional Love..it's a sign of intolerance


CTRLvector
funchesf?

You can't hide from me...

What is your take on this syntactic compound? I mean contextually...

Unconditional Love is supposedly love one has for another that they lack for theirself



CTRLvector
I've covered the retainer fee of your services as canon lawyer.

I've meant to tell you that your check bounced ...


You got anything you'd like to critique/contribute to my analysis here?

you said it all in your post Mgs 168, that once one of the the persons (her) opt out of a relationship while the other (you) opt to pursue the relationship..it' displays how Unconditional Love in your scenario was actually Obsession and could have been equated as being a result of having an addiction or mental disorder
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 154
Unconditional love??
Posted: 3/5/2015 11:08:52 AM

I disagree....Love NEVER requires people to "put up with sh!t" as a qualifier for it's presence....unconditional or otherwise....In fact, as many parents have said on this thread alone, tolerating intolerable behaviour from someone ISN'T 'loving' in any way , shape, or form....It's called 'enabling'....

Allow me to clarify: I was talking about non-platonic love. Not love of pets, kids, magical creatures, gods, parents, etc. I guess one could have a mental disability/disfunction and have unconditional love (non-platonic/romantic). I think we see signs of those in stalkers - lol. Where "No" still means "Maybe" in the very least...
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