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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 snowsoup
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 26
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
First let me say thanks everyone for your great advice, I do really appreciate all of your post's really; and you all have legit things to say I think. It is so hard when you start a relationship to know what to do.

I can tell I like him alot already and realize while I need to be careful and not take dumb chances I think he has special qualities and don't want to just let him go by.

What's funny is he is a divorce lawyer himself so you would think he is jaded.(guess he can do his own prenups but no worries, my bro is a CA divorce atty. also and would help me if necessary.)

I did find out his high school sweetie, (wife #1) was in a plane crash. Wife #2 was a rebound wife that was impulsive choice on his part from being loney and depressed after a few years still recovering from wife #1 while raising 3 babies on his own.(He was dedicated to his children and that says a lot) Wife #3 had credit card debt and cheating issues. Wife 4 he wanted to just help her I think with an immigration issue and felt sorrow 4 her. Of course I don't know all the stories and the truth is although I have never been hitched, my Mom was 3 times, my sis three times sooooooooooooo. (Mom's last at 26 tyears and sis's last over 20 years...maybe he is perfect for me cause at least 3 or 4 times seems to be a charm in my family,lol--or elese we get worn out ..lol)

He is not talking marriage yet obviousy but did tell me he is a one woman man and I believe sincere.

PS, even though it is new, I can feel that it is intense and could lead to something serious and yes, if it all works, I can deal with serious......

His kids are all married adults with their own family's and he is close to all of them and their kids. (only had kids w wife #1)

I will be going slow but I think he has some outstanding qualitys.

Thank youall.

I was also thinking that I have been dating over 15 years, multiple men so whichis worse?

 Ont_jackal
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 27
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:19:14 PM
I think the more times a man/woman has been married, the less they would take the next marriage seriously. I think they give up quicker on relationships after they have a few under their belt (so to speak).-bucaneer 38

I think youre generalizing somewhat Sport? yes some folks do not take marriage seriously what you said in the aforementioned is completely asinine, while the OP did find out why he was married 4 times but it should be noted that not all folks that have been married more than 2 times cannot commit?

Unless you commissioned a poll and all the folks who have been married more than twice tells you that you are correct, then you shouldnt make such a statement, everyone is different .

For the record ive never been married, but my best friend was married 3 times and it wasnt because he couldnt commit, his first and second wife cheated on him, third wife was very abusive, but he at least acknowledges hes part of the blame for picking the same type of woman.
 picker_grinner
Joined: 7/26/2005
Msg: 28
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:22:02 PM
He (a) makes a lot off $$$$ (b) makes no $$$$ (c) has very nice ex's.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 29
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:32:52 PM
I really do not see the difference between four failed marriages and four failed relationships. Would you be questioning it, if he had been involved with four women for the same amounts of time, but not married to them? I say if you like this man go for it, at least he has tried to become a family with the women he becomes involved with, rather than just being in as the catch phrase of the day calls it "a long term relationship". Personally I do not want to have a relationship with anyone, but would love to find the right person and try the family thing again through marriage. No, I do not mean having more children(Way to old for that!!!). However every marriage begins a new family, even if there are never any children.
 Aurora73
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 30
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 5:50:47 PM
Well the first difference between a failed marriage and a failed relationship is the "until death do us part" thing. There are other differences, but in order to see them, you have to take marriage seriously. This is only part of a trend of women trivializing it, primarily because they usually gain economically from such and almost always get the kids. If you want to know why men are marriage-phobic, that is one huge neon sign.

OP, nothing anyone says here will be sufficient to warn you. Your mind is made up. All I can say is that I hope that you enjoy the journey.

~Aurora
 Veedub447
Joined: 8/6/2005
Msg: 31
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 6:01:24 PM
How old is this man? ..did you say about 50? If he was say..21years old the first time he was married and lets assume he only had a few months downtime between each marriage, then he 's probably been in each relationship about 6 to 7 years. I don't know.. sounds about right to me. I say.... go for it!
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 32
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/13/2006 6:36:01 PM

Well the first difference between a failed marriage and a failed relationship is the "until death do us part" thing. There are other differences, but in order to see them, you have to take marriage seriously. This is only part of a trend of women trivializing it, primarily because they usually gain economically from such and almost always get the kids. If you want to know why men are marriage-phobic, that is one huge neon sign.


No one takes marriage more seriously than I do. I see marriage as the birth of a family, and divorce as the death of a family. Death is very sad, but it does not mean one gives up on life and does not try again.

I certainly have never gained the first cent from being married, and yes I got the kids. No judge in their right mind would have given their father custody of a hamster, much less children.
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 33
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 7:13:36 AM
That's way past being a 3 time loser
 Ont_jackal
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 34
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 7:39:47 AM
Well, ont jackas, sport, you have to judge a tree by its fruit. If I lived my life, by your thinking, someone that was in prison for murder I couldn't judge either, now that is stupid-buccaneer38

the only thing I understood from your last rejoinder is that you were being flippant Buccaneer38, I responded to your post and you resort to a little mudslinging???(ont jackas) hmmmmmm

Unless you missed my point earlier or I've missed yours I will clarify my position, What i said was You cant judge someone because they have been married 4 times, unless you know what the circumstances was, I agree that some folks dont take marriage seriously but and I said BUT you cannot paint everyone in the same brush, and comparing someone in Prison for murder vs Married 4 times well what can one say to that?? Im afraid i dont understand the comparison? maybe ive been sitting in my Igloo too long son.

I have one client was was married twice, widowed both times, does that mean that person cannot commit? common sense right????????
 crzrck
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 35
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 7:51:33 AM
4 times? If you cant get it right the second time your all messed up. Im 41 never been married and Im called a commitmentphobe...lol.. Please Im smart enough to know if a relationship I get involved in is gonna actually last.Most women can sense right away if a man isgoing to live up to what they are looking for.Most women cant deal with my eccentricity long term so thats their choice , but a man or woman that jumps the broom repeatedly is making the same mistakes over and over and over. Damn even a fruit fly can learn not to make the same mistake twice,
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 36
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 7:56:32 AM
Where the danger with you and this fella lie is putting the cart before the horse. You won't know if you are in for heartache until you've talked to this guy a couple of times on the phone, and meet him in person. You have to take those steps before you can make that final decision. Meeting in person will speak volumes, don't be afraid to listen and ask questions. Watch his body language, if he speaks ill of all of his relationships, then he's got quite the problem.

I agree with the other posts that being married 4 times, I would be quite skittish about pursuing a relationship with this fella. Take it slow.
 Aurora73
Joined: 3/25/2006
Msg: 37
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 9:21:10 AM
My point is that even mentally unstable women get the kids over the mentally stable men. It's a built-in bias of the court system that is only now, grudgingly, headed towards equal treatement before the law. You personally may not have benefitted economically from the divorce, but *many* women do and *have*. Divorce has become an economic tool used to get back at the other partner, and it's often used by women against men.

Please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying you did these things -- I have no reason to doubt your honesty. But I am saying how marriage has become something fearful for many men, especially successful men, and how viewing marriages as just another relationship (as your original post seemed to indicate) laid the foundation for the other actions.

~Aurora
 Olygirlwild
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 38
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 9:30:48 AM
Why don't you ask him why each of these marriages failed.
What is his response?
If you sense anger, or blame, or gee, woman after woman up and left "for no reason"...that will give you a hint.
Does he know where these women are?
What are his relationships like with his children, mother, friends?

When he deals with you, what is he like?
Easy going, or pushy?
Do you talk on the phone?
A voice can tell you a lot about a person.
 annaa
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 39
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 9:59:35 AM
Well snowsoup, i dont know how young you are, but i would steer clear of this guy.you look young in your pic soooooooooo this is my best advice.Have some fun meet alot of people, and i would say forget this guy. Best of Luck!
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 40
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 2:11:08 PM
I was just thinking ...

If I start to disqualify all the women with a bunch of kids from bunch of husbands as date worthy .. then the current slim picking will become nonexistent.
 sapphireblues
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 41
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/14/2006 11:29:13 PM
Danger sign? It's a "DEAD END AHEAD" sign! At the very least "Dangerous Curves Ahead" (Slippery When Wet?) You should "STOP" and proceed very carefully.

An Old Fashioned may be a great drink, but IMHO not really an honest way for a man who's had four wives to describe himself. Yes, he could be on the up and up, but he has to know that with that kind of track record, he ain't gonna be anybody's race favorite! Check everything out twice. (It's the little things that'll catch a cheater.)

Everything is intense and wonderful and a real Disney love story online; it's real life that's the kicker.

Sapphire
BTW, how many of you know someone who was killed in a plane crash? Or was in one? Or saw one in person? Or even knew someone who knew someone who....?
 snowsoup
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 42
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/15/2006 8:51:09 AM
I knew two people in plane crashes, it does happen. But then I worked on an Airforce base.
 soulthing
Joined: 8/13/2005
Msg: 43
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:05:35 PM
I guess he was rich!!! Now he is poor.....
They took everything....
So take care of him
 typingsux
Joined: 5/25/2004
Msg: 44
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/18/2006 12:49:28 PM
Have you never heard the old saying "The 5th time's the charm". If not you should familiarize yourself with it.
 snowsoup
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 45
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 5/18/2006 11:33:45 PM
I feel sorry for all the negative people on here. Thanks for the positives!!! I see why they are single...
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 46
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:16:28 AM
I have read through all the posts on here before this one, and really don't understand most of them.

Yes, marriage is meant to be for life, but many times it doesn't work out that way. Yes, if someone has been married a lot of times, it does show a problem on their part, but don't any of you, think that it is possible that they have learned from their past mistakes, or should they just spend their life alone?

For me a real red flag would be a man that states I have been married before and will never do it again!!! All the ones here that are, marriage is just for the benifit of women, men always end up screwed, etc. etc.

Another red flag would be a man that was over 30 and had never been married as it would seem he is waiting for some idea of perfection that is not realistic(Yes there are exceptions).

If there are people that have been married and divorced and are now willing to give up on live, that is fine with me, but I am not, and the man the op spoke of must not be ethier.

In any case op, don't listen to any of us here, do what your heart, mind and soul tell you to do.
 sweetlifenow1
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 47
view profile
History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:34:41 AM
Head for the hills girl!!! 4 times married before, what makes you think that No5 is the charm?? Please don't be desparate enough to fall for this guy!! We all want someone to love but this guy has it down to a science when it comes to marriage. RED FLAG!!!!! Get with the program girl, he is a 4 time loser, obviously he may not think he is in the wrong. It takes two to tango and two to make a bad marriage. What is wrong with this guy? He hasn't learned how to play house right. Get real and quit being desparate, your making the rest of us look desparate too. Not 50 yet, he's got a lot of soul searching to do. He can't keep thinking that another relationship will work, he hasn't worked on the first 4 yet!! GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!! Don't be naive!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have a glass of wine, bubble bath before you even consider this. Bath and drink will allow you time to think what a big mistake this relationship would be!!!!!!!!!!1 Your not a stupid person but someone who is behaving stupidly!!
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 48
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 6/10/2006 2:56:08 AM
To those that would write this man off because he has been married 4 times, maybe you are right, and if you try anything in life more than once and it doesn't work out, then just give up.

Again OP, make up your own mind. Those of us on here, don't know him, you do. I just don't think you should give up on him, because people on here don't understand the notion of not giving up on life. Yes to me, this is the most important part of life. Yes I know the rest, just a piece of paper, yack, yack yack. Whatever!!!
 aneed4peace
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 49
view profile
History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:43:42 AM
5 is his lucky number....what's yours'??
 jamesdean55
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 50
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 6/22/2006 12:47:21 AM
danger sign eh' yup!
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