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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...      Home login  
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 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 76
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
As someone said there is a difference in being married 4 times and being DIVORCED 4 times and in your case he hasn't been divorced 4 times.


I hope if she's thinking about marrying him, he's planning on getting divorced
for a 4th time.

I read he has already been married 4 times, so she would be his 5th wife.
Unless I can't count anymore.


VVVVVVV
Yeah, we know that. You've been here long enough to know they discourage
starting new, redundant threads. While the OPS are long gone, the dilema
remains the same I guess.
 Merdave
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 77
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 10/21/2010 1:10:34 PM
Umm, you all DO know that this is a 4 1/2 year old thread, right?
They've both probably been married and divorced a couple more times by now...
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 78
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 10/21/2010 2:32:02 PM
No I didn't know that I didn't look......I guess people get bored and go wayyyyyyyyyy back on the threads.........

I've emailed Markus about getting rid of the OLD threads.....of course I never got a response........
 janedoe40
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 79
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/19/2011 7:10:11 PM
I met a man divorced 4 times, said the same thing, he's old fashioned. From Maine. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, believed him. Wow, was I wrong. There is a reason for it and he is the common denominator!! What I learned is that he spoke ill of all of them, which should have been my red flag that he would do the same about me. Over time he talked about them one by one, bashing them and saying terrible things about them, then I realized that he was saying the same things about all of them. Just no way!! They all cheated on him, they all are terrible people that wronged him. He was the victim!! I took it slow too, but he never stopped complaining about them. Serious emotional baggage. He was disfunctional, cheater, lier, and more. Became possessive, controlling, angry, and unpredictable. Which may have something to do with his alcohol consumption. Beware, don't commit and keep your options open until you find out the real truth!! Don't let him in your life, know where you live, or anything personal about you until you learn more. Keep in mind, if he bashes his x's he'll bash you!! He'll work to seed your mind. To bad he was a funny, witty guy!! Best of luck!
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 80
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 2:28:54 AM
run like hell...do a search on multiple divorces in the forums...i once dated a man who was divorced 3 times, i did not know it @ the beginning...he also sandwiched living together w/ women in between all those marriages...he was a charming, sociopathic liar who preyed upon vulnerable women. he was not particularly attractive or well off at all...he inadvertantly left his email password on my desk towards the end of our relationship...i admit it, i snooped...you would not belive the lies lies lies did i say lies this man engaged in...so glad i got out...and btw, i believe he still has an ad in here lying, lying, lying about everything...and on top of it all, he is dumb, but will copy & paste other people's writings from the net on things such as politics & current events to try to sound intelligent/educated

RUN FOREST, RUN
 Theophannia
Joined: 5/7/2010
Msg: 81
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 5:03:03 AM
I would take it as a warning sign. At the very LEAST try to find out, not from him, why the relationships didnt work out. I wish I had known some of the things I found out BEFORE I got married! Trust me I would have run in the opposite direction like I was on fire.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 82
view profile
History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 5:28:39 AM
This could be a bad thing, neutral or a nothing to worry about

On the one hand as somebody said he could be religious. So getting married could be the only way he feels allowed to "get some" so the fact he is a serial marryer would make those marriages have occured for the wrong reasons partly at least

Unless you got to hear his ex wives sides of what happened too then you have no way of knowing what the "truth" is, and it could be vastly different to what he claims and even believes the truth is

As for him raising HIS children being a "good" sign, gee, how jaded towards men are you?

Thats what PARENTS do, gender is irrelevant in that equation

I used to get sick to my back teeth of women carrying on like I was some kind of saint for raising my OWN children after my 16 year relationship ended. They were MY kids, of course I was going to do that same as their mother would have if the scales had tipped the other way and as most men arent even given the chance nor the option of doing that then the fact its a rare occurence DOESNT make it "special" when one does end up being the resident parent. It just highlights how unfair the system is by he disparity in the way its majoritively decided



The last thought here is that in the same way "some" people "need" to be in relationships otherwise they feel incomplete and odd, theres also many who feel the same about being married. So for them being married is FAR more important to them than WHO theyre married to

Which tends to lead to them having multiple marriages to the wrong people because its the marriage rather than the person or the compatibility that they focus on

As hes a divorce lawyer, and because of some companies politics being married might actually be a requirement for advancement in his work. So his marriages could even be so frequent because they are advantageous in the workplace and too and be even less to do with who he is marrying
 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 83
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 8:11:59 AM
i once knew a girl who was married 4 times b/4 she was 25. I think she just liked getting married more than being married, once she asked me why I never asked her out, I told her I could never catch her between husbands. she went immediately from one to the next. LOL
 skays
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 84
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 9:14:06 AM
i dont want to be mean. By my soon to be ex husband was married 4 times before me. im wife number 5. i fell for all of the lines. He didnt want a divorce, it was them. I totally sucked it all in. The problem is you get judged by everyone that he has been with, their mistakes, become your problems. His family will have a hard time getting close to you. His children will be problems, trust me, going thru that many step moms can really mess up a kid.

He was my only marriage and it was good for about one year. Then it went downhill bad. People who have been hurt that many times, have some issues. TRUST ME. I stayed for almost 7 years. In my experiece men who constantly get married, are scared to be alone, but not afraid of exiting when the going gets tuff.

I didnt realize that in his mind I was a disposible commitity. It is just easier for them to find someone new, than to make the relationship work. That is how they play the game. Please be carefull. I am now 39, and getting a divorce. He has been thru this so many times before, he has totally protected himself. Not married long enough for alimony, the house was his before we got married.

I only worked part-time, because he wanted a wife at home. Now I have nothing, I have to move back in with my mom and try to salvage my life, knowing that he will just marry the next one and hope she is what he wanted, being replaceable really hurts.
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 85
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 9:41:30 PM
He is better then all the 40 and 50 yr olds on there that never asked a girl to marry them.. he likes being married. Give him a chance but have your eyes open ,Someone being married a few times wouldnt be a bad thing at least in my mind
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 86
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:39:50 PM
He has been DIVORCED 4 times. Yes... that is a red flag!
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 87
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 1:24:57 PM
Does the name Drew Peterson ring a bell?

Crimson Red Flag!

Seriously, can a quality woman with some self-esteem not do any better than a guy who's been married 4 times??
Talk about settling.
Even if, under the best scenario, he was just a vcitim of bad circumstances, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone with that kind of karma?

 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 88
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 3:59:36 PM
Woah, 4 times and considering a 5th...talk about a massochist! LOL

Take your time lil lady. Each individual is different, might be a good man behind the bad press
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 89
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:02:58 PM

i once knew a girl who was married 4 times b/4 she was 25. I think she just liked getting married more than being married, once she asked me why I never asked her out, I told her I could never catch her between husbands. she went immediately from one to the next. LOL


LMFAO I`m quoting you on my facebook dude!
 4everRadiant
Joined: 1/16/2011
Msg: 90
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:40:12 PM
There's a big difference between being judgmental and *using judgment* (i.e. discernment) to decide what you're going to do. Use judgment to discern, and trust your gut.

Edit:
Ok, well, this is an old thread so I'll leave it at that. I'm sure the OP has long moved on. No need for further comment LOL.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 91
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:42:30 PM
snowsoup- I'd be VERY wary. Four times is a lot. One thing to consider, how many of the ex's does he have children with ? If he has all of his children with one ex, that helps. if not you have to take into consideration that each ex he has a child with (grown or not) means you have to deal with those ex's because they are the mother of his children.
If it were me, I think I'd pass.
Four divorces doesn't say much for him.
 VirtuallyLove
Joined: 9/8/2011
Msg: 92
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:48:00 PM
Personally, I think four marriages is fine. What I'd be far more alarmed about would be someone who'd been married three times. Now THAT is freaky scary!

My dad's fifth marriage was his jackpot, so I figure "never say die."
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 93
view profile
History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:49:21 PM
I'd be worried about somebody who has had "four weddings"

Wouldnt that mean that "a funeral" would be pretty imminent?

 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 94
view profile
History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 5:18:50 PM
Well. I didn't read all five pages but
my experience with a multiple married person-

Run. Run like your hair is on fire.

Something is wrong. Very wrong.

In my case, it was very very wrong.

I get that there could be legitimate reasons but
really, personality disordered comes to mind.
Hiding in the closet and needing a beard comes
to mind and just fccked up issues comes to mind.

Really- maybe you should have a nice talk with
one of the exes before you take this on.

Or maybe talk to all of them.
Probably the same story.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 95
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 5:55:13 PM

He is better then all the 40 and 50 yr olds on there that never asked a girl to marry them.. he likes being married


Well,here we are. This has got to be the most silliest statements I have ever read. In fact, I have to ask, WTF does it mean????? Does it mean, that all men, are "suppose" to ask "a girl" to marry him before the age of 50 orrrrrrrrr WHAT???????? He turns into an old lady with a million zillion cats?????

And, do you honestly believe that being married 4 times is better than never being married????? Really????? Wouldn't you LOVE to have a man WITH conviction, instead of a guy that follows the "norm"(at one time) and "marries" someone, cause,well, he can??????

Oh my,,,,,I just got reason # 783 for my book. I'm bettin I hit a 1000 before the New Year.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 96
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 6:11:04 PM

If a man wants to be married he would find someone by the time he is 40 probably 30. Good man get taken fast. If i meet a guy over 40 never married most woman wonder what is wrong with him.. All the men i have met over 35 who are single are in a single state of mind and cannot function as a couple. To me they are not interested in kids and family. and they have been the type who are self centered and independent. I have met many men married several times who were very wealthy very romantic,,, very attractive... so I think good men get taken, If a guy is a good catch he will get taken trust me. I know this will upset some losers men who never got married. I am not happy with the single scene and if my husband didnt pass away I wouldnt be single now. I have been on this site a week and i get dozzens of letters each day from single men in there 40s and 50s who never met the right one. If they havent in 40 yrs they arent just my oppinon


Okay,,,,reason 784(geez, I better tell the publisher there is gonna be book #2!!!!!

Good men don't get "taken". A misconception by a few,but,hey we let ya think what ya must. I ask, what would you say about a woman,who decided to concentrate on her career,education or whatever, not really wanting to marry until later in their life?????? Would you repeat the same "stuff" that you typed here about those nasty,greedy,selfish men that you have just described. All based on the fact they decided not be involved in a "ceremony" before 50 years of age???????
 luvmtgolf
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 97
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 6:21:10 PM
Take the average of his marriages....if you don't mind being married for approximately that long, then go for it. Just don't count on happily ever after.
 DrumminD
Joined: 2/3/2011
Msg: 98
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:00:23 PM
That's a very big red flag. "Till death to you part, or you get bored, or till someone better comes along."
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 99
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:43:57 PM
The OP asked for opinions based on our experiences.

I have talked to people, both those who were married multiple times, and had been married to people multiple times, and none of the stories were ever positive, and I'm not about to believe any old story told on a dating site just to single out my post.

 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 100
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:33:51 PM
I would want to find out how the relationships ended ... who ended them.. how long her knew each women before he got married. People repeat paterns in life. what would make you not his next ex wife. Maybe he likes the trill of the chase and gets bored. Maybe he just falls in love to fast .. try to find out.
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