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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...      Home login  
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 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 101
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He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
He could be a poor judge of character, could be naive, could have some hangups, could just be unlucky.

Nevertheless, proceed with caution.
 meg707
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 102
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/23/2011 4:57:35 PM
In any relationship it takes two. From my own marriage's experiences had we both knew what we were getting into before we got into marriage we would not have gotten married to each other. Do what you feel is right for yourself sometimes we never know what the ending is until we have a beginning.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 103
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:24:24 PM
"I would want to find out how the relationships ended ... who ended them.. how long her knew each women before he got married." And I wouln't be asking him, I'd be asking his exwives why the marriages ended. There will always be "his" version, "her" version and then there is the truth. I certainly wouldn't be asking him "so, how come you got divorced 4 times. what happened" and take his answer as gospel. Married 4 times, I'd be running for the hills. Four time loser written all over it.

I'm in agreement with Winterwithflowers on this one.

I haven't met too many men that haven't been married by the age of 50. A couple did the heavy duty career thing that involved travel, a couple guys had 10 or 15 year livein relationships but no marriage. I don't see this as a red flag. Four marriages, a huge red flag - couldn't be brighter.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 104
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:20:40 AM
Pulling a Lazarus on this thread.

Married 3x. Divorced each one. 5 years. 12 years and 6 years.

Married at 20 with little overlap between marriages. Yeah, I committed easily and thought it was forever each time.

1st was violent. Beat my son. 2nd couldn't accept my son from first marriage (even though I accepted hers). Third cheated (cause I'm so special).

So yeah, it kinda sucks being able to commit and having this as evidence to support it. Giving a ring within 2 years of saying 'I love you' is the right thing to do, yet, here I am.

Very embarrassing.

Either I wait til I'm much older when this sounds more typical, or I find another gal with the same track record, lol.

Mom says not to mention the third, but I'm too honest for that.

I don't mind explaining the circumstances if asked and would hope to be given that chance to explain before being written off so early. I'm solvent and not paying lifetime alimony either.

 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 105
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:30:02 AM
No way would I be interested in a man divorced 3+ times. Call me prejudiced but it demonstrates (to me - YMMV) a certain error in his picker and inability or unwillingness to fix it.

Note that said "divorced", not "widowed". Although after my experience dating a widower I will think twice before trying that again too.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 106
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:30:35 AM

I haven't met too many men that haven't been married by the age of 50


raises hand


I figured out very early in life that "commitment" had nothing to do with a ceremony, and I found no reason to proclaim to the world of such commitment. I also figured out that I could breed,and be a very good father, without the walk up the aisle. But, all of my actions throw a red flag out there for those that "believe" otherwise.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 107
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:43:28 AM
Seeing we are being honest here Clooney, that is my old post just above yours. I will also admit that I always said, "forget how tall he is or what zodiac sign he has on his profile...I want to know how many times he's been married". My attitude has changed over the years I will admit and you had a part in that. I find your posts insightful, wise, full of common sense, intelligent and witty. You show character and a sense of self...plus the fact that I don't recall you posting negative remarks regarding you ex, any of them. You've taught me a lot and the important lesson was - don't jump to conclusions....communicate. My thoughts now are totally different regarding multi married, never married and any such label.

I think you'd be one hell of a catch.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 108
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:52:22 AM
^^^
Thank you for your kind words.

Each ex has reached out to me later on, but I'm not quite sure that is a selling point either:)

I have a new script in my head. At a bare minimum...2 years of living together before the altar.

Ring is fine but 2 years co-habiting first.

Clearly, right or wrong, judging from the responses in this thread, my 4th victim will probably never happen:)

How often do we hear the tale of the guy that loves the gal but they've been together for 2+ years with no ring? Not a good sign. Sure, there are exceptions.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 109
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 9:06:17 AM
One man I worked with and then he became my manager, he was married 5 times.

But his second wife he remarried again as his 4th wife. So not sure how to count that.

I guess I would see why, he was a bit of an odd duck. Not bad, just odd. As long as he had someone who was a friend above him to tell him what he should do, he made a good manager. On his own, I think he was lost.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 110
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He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 10:22:21 AM
See .. Im not sure a man who has divorced 4 times is a bad option.. its a possibility that he has a bad picker and falls in love easily.
I would just tread slowly and see what happens .. whatever is causing his failures will show up eventually. Tons of men have baggage(and women) that doesnt show so easily.
My ex b/f was only married ONCE.. had babies by 4 different baby mamas.. THAT my dear is a bigger red flag.

I think we could find something wrong with EVERY person we meet.. and dismiss them. Seriously.. my goal is to just be happy with myself.. and all other things are icing on the cake.

At this age.. I am not so sure I would want to "seal the deal" again with a wedding ceremony. Maybe a "conscious coupling".. lol.. exclusivity.. maybe even cohabitation. I have a wait and see attitude.
 Dan198508
Joined: 11/7/2014
Msg: 111
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 7:31:08 PM

GO SLOW!!! It may just be a fluke, but it could also mean that this man has issues that caused his relationships to break down. You may want to speak to his ex's too. You'll have to sort out what is their misplaced anger and what is truth, but you could get an insight to why this man has so many failed marriages in his past.


You're assuming that marriage has no inherent flaws causing its own failure with time.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 112
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:03:07 PM
I supposes a person who doesn't believe in the institution of marriage, and has had multiple common law partners that all eventually failed would be considered more pure and wholesome than someone who did the official marriage and divorce route, since there was never any official divorce in a common-law relationship.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 113
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:26:02 PM
Four times married??? Not one of them died??? Hmmm it would give me pause. Especially if there are a tribe of children from those liaisons. Not everyone takes marriage as seriously as others, and have the attitude that if it doesn't work out, try again. Americans in particular are prone to multi marriages from what I can gather. The rich and famous of course have multiples but they can afford the divorces.

If the marriages were of short duration then I would certainly be wary of some inherent flaw within the guy. i.e alcoholism, violence, gambling, cheating, lying, lack of finances etc.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 114
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 8:33:00 PM
clooneystutor

That two year trial is only a new script?? You are a slow learner lol!! I like the idea of the Irish Brehon law where the couple say I will have thee, and then try it out for a year and then if not happy, say, I will not have thee!! No legal binds or contracts.

People typically fall out of love after about two years and the rose coloured glasses can break, but others go on to have a more committed realistic partnership. Sometimes children keep a couple together. Not all long lasting relationships are happy either or healthy but people congratulate those who have the long anniversaries and see it as a feat. Co-dependency, fear of change or being alone, financial considerations etc. keep people together very often.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 115
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 9:07:34 PM
Petula , you're what now? 68, 69.. and you had a relationship that lasted 9 years? Many would think that is a red flag. You can't commit, aren't relationship material, might have a number of issues or traits that aren't attractive to a man...like pictures where we look up your nose while trying to smooth out you neck wrinkles. But, you might just be a nice lady that just happens to be single at this moment.

See what jumping to conclusions looks like. We all make little judgment calls or call them red flags. My point in my earlier post is to ask questions, communicate, listen and then make up your mind. And maybe, just maybe a man or woman married four times is not such a bad thing. It depends on the honesty of looking at oneself and seeing the reasons for the end of those marriages, growing from that and moving on.

There is no guarantee any of us will have a truly happy relationship but we will never know if we don't try. Look at Clooney, full of wisdom, hope, has learned from his mistakes and gives some of the wisest advice on here. 3 divorces and has hope...guys like Joe Depressed and the cranky postal worker Demidar or who ever he is now...one divorce and the world changed and they rarely have a happy or positive thought. If I was a few year younger I'd be chasing a guy like Clooney as I like witty, smart, charming and human...a human with hope.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 116
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 10:02:22 PM

No way would I be interested in a man divorced 3+ times. Call me prejudiced but it demonstrates (to me - YMMV) a certain error in his picker and inability or unwillingness to fix it.


I concur. There's just way too much baggage there--be it emotional, psychological, financial, or all of the above.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 117
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 11/30/2014 10:44:45 PM
I'd probably not date somebody who was married four times (to four, unique people); then, again, it would depend entirely on the circumstances, of course, if he were willing to share those,

It's the same reason why I won't date a person who has series of relationships without breathers in between them. It'd also depend on many, many factors. Yes, I'm that picky. Should I be? I had only one common law marriage and one court marriage, and yes, I have had relationships (one of them equal to the amount of time I was married). A person who takes their relationships, their personal well -being and that of another very seriously, is the person who will accord me that same consideration.

I (nor anybody else) will be a magic solution to anybody's personal issues, past or past, in relationships.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 118
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History
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 6:40:26 AM
Well...you know what they say....Practice makes perfect!!!!

LOL
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 119
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 7:07:20 AM
Is 4 divorces a red flag? I'll admit it would look better if they only had one divorce. Elizabeth Taylor being married 8 times, now that's a red flag!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 120
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 7:56:49 AM
What's just as weird as being married 8 times is marrying (and divorcing) twice to the same guy-Richard Burton. If the first go around ended in divorce, why have a repeat performance? In her case, practice does not make perfect.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 121
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 10:08:14 AM

Well...you know what they say....Practice makes perfect!!!!


true, although if it wasn't perfect after the second time, I would throw in the towel on the whole marriage thing
 babiebird
Joined: 10/20/2014
Msg: 122
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 5:00:22 PM
Best you take a serious look, and not look at the past.

Unless you find he is a walking legacy, of his past relationships, with baggage etc.

4 marriages, can mean a heck of a lot of baggage, coupled with unresolved trauma.

Good to speak about it, forums can resolve a lot as I found.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 123
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 5:06:50 PM
Ah the **** from British Columbia!! I think I recognise you now.
Actually I have some sag under the chin but no neck wrinkles as it happens. That was an uncalled for personal remark. You don't know that my partner may have died and been my one true love so you are jumping to conclusions.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 124
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 5:34:01 PM
^^^ if you had actually READ my post you would have noticed I made mention of jumping to conclusions. In fact, it was the whole point of the post.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 125
He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...
Posted: 12/1/2014 7:07:14 PM

4 marriages, can mean a heck of a lot of baggage, coupled with unresolved trauma.


- I see a lot of people saying this, but it's not necessarily so... people accumulate emotional baggage in life for a variety of reasons, not just divorce. I'd be more concerned that they may have poor relationship skills, and have trouble keeping a relationship... particularly if this is true:



If the marriages were of short duration then I would certainly be wary of some inherent flaw within the guy. i.e alcoholism, violence, gambling, cheating, lying, lack of finances etc.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He has been married 4 times.........a danger sign or what...