Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sweetcuteddybear
Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 152
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
LOVE IS NOT A MANY SPLENDERED THING! Been there done that. Truth is you know your heart. But you mind is not in control. What is good will endure. What is bad and never meant to be will suck the life out of you. Learning to let go and move on is the hardest lesson to learn. Speaking as one who has been used and abused I look for the good in the relationship and move on. I am better for having loved. I did my share of eyeballing so it is not a critical part of the equation. YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE> SNAP OUT OF IT!
Cito
 hywman3p
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 161
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 8:12:59 AM
You don't have a problem what you have is life this is only a short stopping point in that life.Get over him look for some one who really looks at you
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 169
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:01:50 AM

It is a fact that many women can't tell the difference between put on machismo and violent bull puckey that is often a mask for a LACK of confidence...and real manhood.
I find this whole theory about women dating ***holes (yours, and the rest of the world's) to be completely false. I think a lot of "nice" guys have made this up to make themselves feel better about the fact that they don't have dates,
that the women they know are in relationships with BAD BOYS, and not with them.
There's a whole shitload of guys who describe themselves as 'nice'...yet stomp through life with a big ole chip on their shoulder, spitting poison about how all those horrible women have the gall to deny them the love they're owed by virtue of their anger besotted "niceness"... damn it.


No what men are going through makes perfect sense to me.

If you are too "nice" or giving to another person in life, under any context, odds are you will get taken for granted. That's just human nature.

The best way to handle women, honestly, is to treat them good half the time and like garbage the other half. It's enough to keep them in line, but also enough to keep them staying. Over time, I find this is pretty much the only way for a guy to keep a relationship level.

It's the standard warning from fathers to their sons "Don't treat her too good too fast"

But it is very very hard for some guys to treat their women like crap half the time. People are not hardwired that way naturally, well not most. Some men get there after bad experiences and a select few just naturally do it as a matter of course in their personalities. Many have to push past everything that women, society and the mainstream media is telling them about how to treat a woman.

Well guys, women, society and the mainstream media tells you to treat her like a princess because they want you buying shit. Flowers, diamonds, nice dinners, etc etc. Of course they want you to pamper her, they make more money that way. They don't care if you are happy or not. But treating her like a princess too fast and too intensely is the surest way to have her treat you like shit the rest of your relationship.

But a.ssholes? Well those kind of men don't care what women want. They don't cater to their needs. And the women love it. They love it because they want to know why, unlike all the other nice guys who cough up all the attention and money, that this one guy, just doesn't care about them. Women can't handle that, especially if the guy has his shit together, he's nice looking and has some cash. Why doesn't he want her? What's so wrong with her that he doesn't want her? Well to answer that question, she's willing to smoke his meat pipe to find out. So it's not really about the a.sshole, it's about the woman and her image of self worth at stake.

So either way guys, to women, whether you are nice or a jerk, it all boils back to what's in it for the women. The mistake guys make are thinking they are part of the equation at all. A.ssholes, or whatever women want to call them, have wised up. They use women's own narcissitic behavior against them to get what they want - Sex.

Guys, treat them good half the time and like garbage the other half. The better looking the woman, the more you treat her like garbage in the beginning. Remember not all a.ssholes want to be a.ssholes, but it's the way of the world and how the dating world really shakes out. If you guys want to get laid, sometimes you have to take the princess, throw her out of the carriage and let her go facedown in the mud.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 173
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 11:31:30 AM
HAHA Indie was reading my mind, I was thinking the exact same thing. Wonder how this works out for the Gecko.... Men who treat women like garbage attract women who don't think much of themselves. The duality of trying to be a prince half the time and a jerk the other half just doesn't work, it's another one of those games that has all losers and no winners.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 177
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 12:15:54 PM

Here's what keeps MY relationship level:

My man must know who he is and then gently, but very firmly be able to lead.That's your job!
I can't bear to be yelled at nor will I tolerate being treated badly... I will turn and leave or bite your ass then leave ,but a man who speaks softly, no matter what he is saying to me, will always hold my attention. I may not obey!! (smile) But I will listen! A man with quiet authority is a rare man indeed. This is someone who is confident in himself and has no need to bully, threaten, or "treat a woman like garbage" The anti-***hole so to speak!


So I said, if a guy is an a.sshole or not, it doesn't matter because the woman makes it all about herself anyway, and the first thing you do to respond is to talk about "MY relationship level"?

So I point out women's narcissistic behavior, to explain why men who don't treat them well all the time are so appealing to many of them, and the you feel the best way to counter my opinion is to start talking about yourself?

Keep watching guys. Never mind what they say or type, watch what they are doing.
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 184
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:51:04 PM
Birds of a feather flock together ...............
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 186
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:52:35 PM
haha @ loverboy. your profile reads 'Look into my eyes..can you resist me?'

sorry, but women won't want someone with your attitude. they like fun, confident, outgoing guys, that's just stupid if you ask me.

this post isn't about you
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 187
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:55:19 PM
I think that everyone wants someone independant and strong, sounds like your guy was a bit too much of both of those, and its left you wanting more (wanting what you can't have).

Ditch that zero and get your-self a hero!!

Just kidding. Seriously though relax, don't worry about relationships, and you'll find yourself in a comfortable one soon as you stop thinking about them so much.

Leave your ex behind, don't overlook him being an ***hole, you broke up with him for some good reasons.

You sound like a nice person but don't latch on to everything you can't have just because you can't have it, anyone who crosses you or screws you over isn't worth your energy.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 188
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 2:54:10 PM

A woman who possesses a healthy self esteem will not abide a man who abuses her mentally or physically! A man that believes the way to maintain a relationship with a woman is to treat her like garbage needs to go back and reread the MAN BOOK

Here this might help some to understand what We woman people desire in our MEN!

He is strong yet gentle.
Honest yet tactful.
Masculine yet emotional.
Decisive yet flexible.
Goal oriented yet spontaneous.
Driven yet giving.
Dominant yet thoughtful.
And gives her wild screaming orgasms.Yeehaw!



I never said to treat women badly all the time, I said half the time. Just enough where someone doesn't take you for granted.

A woman who truly has "healthy self esteem" doesn't exist. Well, maybe you can find one hanging around a couple of unicorns and Hogwarts castle.

And looking at your list, where you ideally want EVERYTHING, but you expect a man to read your mind to figure out which of your contradictions are turned on or off on any given day, means you might want to crack open the REALITY book.

But if you think guys are going to believe you, go ahead and let them answer this question for you -

Guys, all the things that women, society and the mainstream media says that women want and you tried to give them those things, did you ever find that they behaved in any way consistent to what they said they wanted?

And after they answer that, don't be surprised if they don't listen to a word you are saying.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 191
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 5:09:09 PM
whats that about a thong?
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 197
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 6:47:25 PM

My response to all the evolution-quoting is that, by your criteria, then men must be just as crippled as women by their coarse nature, if not more so. If you believe women can no more overcome their own biological urges to procure good DNA for her offspring as the main justification for the whole "nice guy versus a$$hole" debate, then you must also conclude that men "can't help" their urge to fertilize every youthful, healthy woman of child bearing age.

Sound ridiculous?it is.


Yes , anything with an evolutionary theme to it is ridiculous, including natural selection (atleast as it relates to humans)



Can men overcome their urge to impregnate every women? Of course. We are rational, sentient beings, for the most part.

As far as viewing love and attraction as some sort of game where people gamble their odds of attracting a mate against their age and desirability - thereby sometimes "overplaying" their hand -- that is a completely opposite point of view from the whole "women's chicken hawk nature" that supposedly rules us. "They can't help it," right?

So which is it? Are women coldly calculating our marketable worth against the available men's paychecks or blindly following our natual biological urge to make the strongest babies? You can't have it both ways.


it's good to hear you are talking some reason. These forums can use more of that lol.

Fact is we humans are intelligent sentient beings and we have reason and logic and rational and a conscience, so using any evolutionary excuse is ridiculous and a silly reasoning. I can't understand how some people (that hold to this view of evulotion/natural selection etc)people deliberately degrade themselves and humanity to an animal when infact we are different and WAY more advanced in reason/logic/rational/conscience etc.

However with your last point


Are women coldly calculating our marketable worth against the available men's paychecks or blindly following our natual biological urge to make the strongest babies? You can't have it both ways


Not too sure what you mean by that and what your intenmt on that is? I would assume it's neither?!?! ...again I don't know lol.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 199
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 7:43:11 PM
Hmmm ~ contrary to a few select negative opinions, there are those of us who simply don't have the masochistic gene. I don't mind a bad boy (actually rather fond of them) but that doesn't mean he's bad to me. If I want to be treated badly I'll go out for the night with my crazy girlfriends, have entirely too much to drink and let one of them tell me about her love-life, that is all the abuse I can take.
 Funme40
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 200
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 7:46:58 PM
This thread is too fucked for me to bother answer....
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 201
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 7:48:39 PM

This thread is too ****ed for me to bother answer....


I am sorry i will say this but........BRAVO ^^^^^^ I was waiting for someone to say that !!LOL
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 204
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 10/2/2006 9:29:56 AM
Awesome awesome posts on this one! Everything that Oslo has said is very true and some of the others as well! It sounds like some of the guys have read some of David DeAngelo's materials when it comes to women and dating which is really great! I will add that we have to remember that attraction isn't a choice with women. The lady here who is having the problems with the ***hole really can't help her attraction for the ***hole. The poster who talked about why people don't look for folks at church? Very simply because most women at church usually don't say much if anything. lol Oslo is right as men we have to be good at displaying sexual communication with women but how can we do this at church? How can you display sexual commnication with christian women when pre martial sex is so frowned upon by churches? Display and get kicked out of every church or what? lolSo what happens is you have large groups of single men and women who get together and very few of them date. If they do date the women usually have most of the power (meaning they are the leader i.e. take on the guys job in relationships ironically in those types of relationships women are not going to be as happy because women are the higher social status and their need for challenge, mystery, adventure isn't being met)
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 206
HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:22:04 PM
OP
Lady, you never told us why you consider your X an ***hole.
And what is a nice guy?
I hear a lot of men refer to themselves as the nice guy, or
say they are one of the few nices ones left, only to
find out they were just mere words.
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 209
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 10/15/2006 10:12:14 PM
To the thread starter I must say concerning that you love ***holes......

To keep this as simple as possible ( because it is quite simple) and with all due respect, you seek and love ***holes just as water seeks its own level. Its that simple my dear.

You think.........therefore you are.
 Stal
Joined: 12/3/2004
Msg: 211
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:53:44 PM
Because......you're yet another ***hole lover. So, thanks ever so much for your contribution in making all this world's ***holes succeed even more in being the prolific ***holes they are.

Cheers,
Stal
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 218
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 1/7/2008 9:06:23 PM
coz most girls go 4 look and not porsonalty!


Oh, gosh, not me! I go for *porsonalty* every. single. time.


 FescheLola
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 222
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:43:52 PM
Take away the "most women".

If you attract and are attracted to ***holes YOU are in the minority.

Don't try and drag normal women down with you.
 okie tex girl
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 224
view profile
History
why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:26:54 PM
My opinion: a man can not be an ***hole to you unless you have put yourself in the position to be treated badly. If you have to wonder " what is going on with this relationship" then girls, open your eyes. There is nothing there. It's time to move on. Yes, we all have met men that we have been attracted to, and maybe they are also attracted to us ( you), but, if you take your time, keep your eyes wide open, use some common sense, you know in your heart if it is right. Really, you can know that pretty quickly. Never lower your standards and keep your beliefs, and most of all be a lady. Things will work out if it is meant to be.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  >