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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms      Home login  
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 GMCAcadia
Joined: 5/6/2004
Msg: 27
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle momsPage 2 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
The only thing they may be missing out on is a Good Heart Woman...
 FallenTigress
Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 28
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 3/16/2005 12:31:20 AM
thats true also....
 faithyangel
Joined: 3/14/2005
Msg: 29
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 3/16/2005 10:33:24 AM
I am a single mother of a beautiful two year old. I never knew myself inside until I had my son. Children are truly God's gift to people. I think if men limit themselves to only single women without children, they are missing out on feeling comfortable and safe in love. I am not saying they should date only women with children but they should keep that option open. The other side of this is that the man might get attached to the child and clash personalities with the mother. Then the man is stuck without the opportunity of seeing the child again after he and the mother have split ways. It can be considered a double edged sword.
The one phrase I can stand is "baggage." I do not think people should consider a living, breathing, feeling, human being someone's 'baggage.'
Before I had Xavier, I had never considered children but ha has brought so much life and love and unmost astonishment into my life, I am not sure how I carried myself through the day before him. The most wonderful thing is to see a little smile cross his face when he learns something new or discovers something I thought was frivilous.
When his face lights up and he runs to me and says "mommy" ...it then I know True, unbreakable LOVE in its purest form
Faith
 FallenTigress
Joined: 2/22/2005
Msg: 30
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 3/27/2005 11:27:06 PM
i am a good person.....i love my kids and i am not looking for a guy to be a father...i just want someone to talk with, to hang with, and have sex every now and then
 Lucky_Vet
Joined: 3/27/2005
Msg: 31
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 3/28/2005 2:45:00 AM
Well, I'm a single father and If I date a woman for 2 years she's obligated to pay child support til my daughter is done university. she's must also pay half of her tuition.

So, Single parents rock!!! Come on rich babes!!
 bkzlovelylady
Joined: 2/24/2005
Msg: 32
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 3/28/2005 5:45:27 PM
well i am a single mom to a 15 month old....i find it very hard to find a guy that can accept me being a single mother cuz they dont understand my situation.....once u become a mom or dad things change drastically....my whole outlook on life changed and that makes me more selective on who i choose to surround myself with because that person may have an influence on my son if it gets to that level....but i dont hate on the guys that dont choose to date single mothers but dont criticize our decisions....
but i feel that a man (or woman) who is really secure with him/herself and the relationship would not have a problem dating a single parent....it takes a real man (or woman) to accept someone elses child and love them like their own...
just my opinion
 AllLiveAlone
Joined: 10/8/2004
Msg: 33
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/13/2005 4:05:01 PM
Imagine a kid you see anywhere today. It could be the mall or a school setting.

Do you think they are "god's greatest gift" or deserving of being put first?
It would depend. Maybe an infant might need to be but the older kids, well NO.

Children are a huge amount of work in a great many ways.
The older they are the harder it is to fit in.

Children need so many things.
They can give back but it depends on the kid, the upbringing, and the parents.
Many kids are very selfish and it is their nature.
You need lot's of patience.

If you just want a woman, stick with single non-mothers.
Be careful that the woman do not trap you into getting her pregnent.
If you do, it's like buying a car but the payments are for 18 years!
This decision must be made well to have a good life.
These women made decisions that didn't work out (ditto for divorced men).
Don't leave used condoms arround as she can inseminate herself with a turkey baster.
It's easy. Bang she is pregnant! Some women want a meal ticket.
Other women would think of this as the worst thing to do. It depends on the person.

Kids need constant attension and everything will cost money for sitters and ....
There will not be alone time unless they are sleeping.
Your plans will be interrupted by sicknesses and broken arms.
They will get you sick since germs brought from school will spread to others.
There will be daycare pickup, soccer practice, and running them to the mall and most everywhere.
This is a big enterprize and make no doubt about it! It's work--hard work 24/7.
There is no peace with kids but maybe you like that.
There is likely to be no quiet and the house will mess up faster than you can clean it.
This can be followed by pets as kids and pets need each other.
You will want to be pampered by the women BUT YOU WILL BE SECOND!
Does that sound good? Guess?
They will say you are SELFISH if you don't so watch it buster!
Get real! You know the truth as you were a KID!
You are not selfish. That pride and joy is HERS and HER old man's.
The reality is that she may leave you and go back to him--get that!
How's that for selfish? And, you might like the kids by then! WOW!

Kids can be rewarding at times too but there is no certainty.
They have so many things to do from video games to movies to sleepovers.
A kid with a cell phone is a threat to the pocketbook.
Kids will be a bigger threat to your relationship with her.
The reason is that they will try to manipulate you to get what they want.
This can get you in trouble. Kids are very smart and know mom very well and better than you.

Kids can be a joy but turn a more simple dating situation into a complex chain of concerns and issues.

Best if you just marry a woman without kids, have your own and never leave her.
It also helps to get as much education as possible.
Then you might find a good woman with a young child and make it work.
Be prepared to work for it.

I don't think you miss out in the sense that setting up your own family might be safer.
However, think about that these divorced women come from somewhere.
The best predictor of behavior is past behavior and that is a fact.
These things tend to repeat.
Get real guys. These broken families messed up and in past days a woman like this was considered a less desirable woman.
This is why still today some men say the right things to get laid then take-off.
Be Nice and don't prey on a woman's situation!
 night501
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 34
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 1:16:51 AM
smily posted:

I understand why you don't want to date single mothers however, it ticks me off to find out that I am unfit to date because of some past experience the guy had with another single mother. That would be me saying that I wil never date another "baker" because I had bad experiences in that department before.


i have been in this situation before. i was " having benefits" with a girl i liked so i asked her out. her responce was " i cant date you i have had bad luck with men named jon"
stuff like that happens all the time. i know it sounds stupid but there are alot of stupid people in the world.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 35
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 6:56:41 AM


When will we realize that we are all responsible for eachother?


When will we realize that we must clean our own mess?
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 36
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 7:46:05 AM
@tangoperu
Well said, indeed. We are not responsible for one another. We are responsible to ourselves and our families.

In general,
I have read the responses about how "we may be missing out." Well, big deal. Did you know in a divorce you can be held liable for child support for children that AREN'T YOURS?!?!?!?!?!?! And what if you're in a siutuation like me. You have a child you're raising and don't want any more? Is that wrong? I know it sounds hypocritical, but it's not what I want in MY life. There are women who choose not to date me because I have a child. Fine by me and I harbor no ill will toward them.

There are a lot of complications to consider when getting involved with someone who has a "ready-made family." It's not as simple as "well, you're just immature to eliminate single parents from your dating pool." In fact, it might be the most mature decision someone can make. If that person doesn't want kids or to feel obligated to support them monetarily or emotionally, it is quite damn mature for someone to reckognize that.

There are many, many guys who wouldn't even pause to think about the implications of dating a single mom. Credit those who do. Don't get upset with them when they decide it's not for them. They're being honest with themselves and with you. Better than getting involved with someone, investing yourself and only seeing it fall apart because that person simply could not make it work with your kids or came to realize they weren't ready for that responsibility.

I'm sure there are some wonderful positives to dating single moms for some men. There are some wonderful positives for women to date me as opposed to a childless single. But you have to be the right person with the right frame of mind. And single parents need to stop taking it personally when people don't want to date them because they have kids. Not dating you because you might be overweight or a redhead instead of a blonde or perhaps because your bust size isn't big enough is petty and trivial. Not wanting to date you because they, for one reason or another, don't want children in their life is a respectable and honorable decision.
 AllLiveAlone
Joined: 10/8/2004
Msg: 37
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 7:49:54 AM
You said:
i have been in this situation before. i was " having benefits" with a girl i liked so i asked her out. her responce was " i cant date you i have had bad luck with men named jon"
stuff like that happens all the time. i know it sounds stupid but there are alot of stupid people in the world.
-----

She did you a favor. Overtime you might well become attached to her as a result of "benefits".
A girl with that kind of mind could be trouble if she ever deicded she wanted to "love and infant". That is, yours.
It's not hard to tear a hole in a condom if she puts it on you with here mouth.

So, stupid is as stupid does.
There are two kinds of stupid: some that believe strange things and some that hang out with them.
Good luck.
 AllLiveAlone
Joined: 10/8/2004
Msg: 38
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 8:11:16 AM
coco said:
I give you much credit for what you have done. I would love to have a man like you that think about what a woman wants and not about what is in your pocket.Great Job and Keep it up.I am glad you are home.
----------
"what a woman wants and not your pocket" That could be why she is divorced.

Get it?
She want to spend your money since if she were married to you everything is hers.
Money is a big problem in relationships.
Wise management is key and with credit today it is hard to manage what she might spend.
Did you know she can signup for credit cards without you and just charge it up.

So, you must partner with a trustworthy and disiplined woman and not someone that thinks she has a right to your pocket if that makes her happy.
There are many men that do not lead a family and let the woman run it.
It many times ends in financial disaster and you split.
Did you notice how most divorced women have huge debts to pay off and statistics on bankrupcy is very high with divorced couples.

Get real people.
 AllLiveAlone
Joined: 10/8/2004
Msg: 39
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 8:27:23 AM
faithyangel wrote:

I am a single mother of a beautiful two year old. I never knew myself inside until I had my son. Children are truly God's gift to people.
--Yes, God creates children and little bunnies, and billions of them in Africa and China.
--What makes yours so special? All are special but why your specifically?

I think if men limit themselves to only single women without children, they are missing out on feeling comfortable and safe in love.
--No, there are plenty of situations where children make it harder. Men know it.

I am not saying they should date only women with children but they should keep that option open.
--Fine but a negative is not a positive in most cases. There are exceptions.\

The other side of this is that the man might get attached to the child and clash personalities with the mother. Then the man is stuck without the opportunity of seeing the child again after he and the mother have split ways. It can be considered a double edged sword.
--Yes, that is a negative but that's life.

The one phrase I can stand is "baggage." I do not think people should consider a living, breathing, feeling, human being someone's 'baggage.'
--Baggage refers to the left over negative feelings towards men that resulted in the man not having the same unconditional love as a woman. Men don't carry the child inside them and bond like women. So, they don't have the same attachement and women think mem and women are equal in all ways. They are NOT.

Before I had Xavier, I had never considered children but ha has brought so much life and love and unmost astonishment into my life, I am not sure how I carried myself through the day before him. The most wonderful thing is to see a little smile cross his face when he learns something new or discovers something I thought was frivilous.
--There are also many negative aspects that he man takes care of like medical bills and you not being able to work etc. You give a man no credit for seeing anything but the smile. You need to get real and see a man for what he is.

When his face lights up and he runs to me and says "mommy" ...it then I know True, unbreakable LOVE in its purest form
--Yes, thats sweet but when the child breaks stuff or poops in the car or ruins a vacation, that is reality in PURE form.
--You project your feelings of joy to a man, but don't relate to the costly realities of raising a child. Coping skills brought with years of marraige might cure this if you are alert and smart enough. Emapathy goes both ways.
 warmheart7871
Joined: 9/16/2004
Msg: 40
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:01:55 PM
I think it depends on the guy. Im a single mom myself and have sometimes you end up with just another kid to look after. Some men just dont grow up enough to understand that just because your a mom and spend the day looking after the kids dosent exactly mean that you want to do the same for him too. Dont get me wrong or anything. I was raised very old school and strongly believe in look after you man but if you cant put your shot in the clothes hamper or wipe the seat then you need to go back home to your own mother. Single mothers need a man that will remind them that they are still a sexy woman not only someones mom. Sigle moms are no diffeent then single women. we have the all the same needs and feelings. the only diffrende is that we have a kid(s).Single moms need to date men..not men who want a second mommy.I am willing to cook and clean and treat my man like he the king of the castle but if he wants to be the prince then he needs to find another kingdom.
 Xainos9
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 41
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:25:31 PM
Let's get real here now.
If a man is single and has no kids of his own, why would he want to get involved with a single mother. As for me, I don't have any kids, so therefore, I prefer the same. I have nothing against single mothers, but I want something of my own, not someone else. For instance, if I was a single father, then by all means, I would prefer a single mother over a single woman. I always prefered someone in my own catagory.
 AllLiveAlone
Joined: 10/8/2004
Msg: 42
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:47:29 PM
warmheart wrote:
I am willing to cook and clean and treat my man like he the king of the castle but if he wants to be the prince then he needs to find another kingdom.
----
What woman would accept a man that thinks his wife is his mother? That is crasy.
I am not sure I understand you.
Wives are wives and they clean and cook but are not his mother.
That is, how I understand a wife.

Wives that stay at home (no outside work) + do clean and cook, and care for the kids right?
The wife still works plenty with the kids and house and all.
If the husband pays the bills, the wife still does this right?
The husband makes 110K$/year and they take nice vacations and have 200k$ cash saved in the bank.
And, you don't do his laundry?
He takes you out to dinner at nice places.
You ski for 4-5 weekend/season at Colorado Ski resort. You own your home outright.

And, you don't do his Laundry, but you do your kids laundry?
Are you for real?
Is that treatment like a Prince and are you feeling like the hired help, not a wife?

That is what my wife had til she died.
She thought it was great. She would do anything I ask for and she worked more hours than me, but not paid hours.
Really, you wouldn't do that for a man you loved?
For real?
If the man says, you can only spend 35k$ on the new car but he doesn't want a loan, you say ok right?
If he says, he wants to cut the ski lodging to 80$/night, and no more lessons for the kids, you say ok right?
You don't charge up the credit cards if he says not to cause you are living in your means.
You don't do it right?
You agree to a budget and spend within that an don't spend the savings unless you both agree.
You would do that right?
 Vandelai
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 43
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:52:52 PM
What are they missing? - Possibly a fine lady, and a wonderful life, same as they would if they refuse to date redheads, or gals over 6 foot or under five or ones with blue eyes or geminis.... THey are missing a chance... "

Dragon, I believe there's an EXTREME difference between refusing to date a redhead, and not wanting to date a single mother.

There are alot of issues to consider when dating a single mother.

How well do the kids behave, if they are little hellions that break stuff, and she doesn't do anything about it, then forget it.

Then there's dealing with the Ex husband. And of course, the more kids she has, the less likely a single man with no kids won't date her.

I have met some single mothers that have real nice kids as well, so they keep them straight.

I would probably date as single mother, but probably would consider not marrying her though.
 Mike-n-La
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 44
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 6:42:01 AM
ok all i am single dad with kids and dating single moms worries me because i want my kids treated as the other children are bacause i feel i would treat hers the same as i treat mine the reason i worry about this is i have already had someone do this to me i know not all ladies are like that but it does spook me
 Xainos9
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 45
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 3:19:26 PM
A single mother would put her kids first, which is the right thing to do. So when a man dates a single mom, who should he put first?

Last year I dated a single mom, she told me her child was allergic to my dog and ask if I could get rid of my dog. I sure did get rid of her and fast too.
 BulldogMedic
Joined: 12/31/2004
Msg: 46
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 7:54:15 PM

Well, I'm a single father and If I date a woman for 2 years she's obligated to pay child support til my daughter is done university. she's must also pay half of her tuition.


Holy crap. That is the most messed up thing I've heard in this thread. You don't have to do anything but date someone for a couple of years and you owe them child support?
 countryCO
Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 47
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 8:43:40 PM
Here is how I see it.......You will date and fall in love with whom ever you choose. What are we missing out on if we don't date women without children. I am a single parent myself and no one is mising out on what they might not want. A woman with children makes the,m no better than a woman with children. It all comes down to take it or leave it
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 48
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 3:28:28 PM
PLUS they are already USED to immaturity!!!!

SCHAWEEEEEETT!!

 Rebecca1974
Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 49
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 4:01:09 PM
If a man opts to not date a single mom he's not missing out, because it's not a situation in which he'd be comfortable nor is it one from which anyone (mom and children inclusive) would benefit.
I certainly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything being a mom, and I sure as heck don't want to date a man who has an aversion to children.
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 50
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 4:07:46 PM
^ Plus they have chocolate chip cookies somewhere..... GUARANTEEEEED!!

 Rebecca1974
Joined: 3/20/2005
Msg: 51
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 4:22:57 PM
I have no chocolate chip cookies. Sorry to disappoint you. Ginger/molasses for holidays and birthdays, but rarely chocolate chip.
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