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 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 52
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle momsPage 3 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
:O *GASP*

THEN YER OUT!!!

*stomps off to find choc..um..I mean a different girl*

 Butterfly_Girl
Joined: 4/1/2005
Msg: 53
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 11:01:40 PM
men are missing out if the choose not to date single moms becuase alot of single moms have it together. they are ready to cut the crap and stop being pety and have a relationship. they know what they are after and usually dont want to play games. and who ever said dating single moms is just for sex is wrong. sense i had my baby i havnt had sex. not because i cant get it but because im not looking for the next conquest im looking for something real and just cause i have had a kid doesnt mean im easier then anyone else.

hey guys have the right to choose. some people just arnt ready for the resonsibility and i respect that but there is alot of good stuff about bieng a single mom.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 54
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/20/2005 8:22:10 AM
I agree, single parents have good things to offer, but I am one, so I am a bit biased. Even so, I won't date a single mom. Why? Well, first of all, I have a child and I don't want any more. Sorry, but you're a package deal and that doesn't interest me. Secondly, I find that most single parents in my age group are looking for marriage. Yuck! Thirdly, single parent usually means "messy situation with an ex." Again, no thanks. Fourth, it could lead to a confusing situation for my son.

That might make me a hypocrite. But I also understand there are those who won't date me for the same reason, among others. It's all personal preference.
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 55
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 6:28:44 PM
Vandelai -

Truly, I see no difference, each rejection is based on a preconception of who that person is.

Dealing with ex-husbands, is only minorly different that dealing with ex boyfriends (and let me say this, from bitter, heart breaking and RECENT experience... with ex-husbands, all you have to deal with is 'kid' issues usually, with ex-boyfriends you are running real risk that you will give your heart away, only to have her missing him and wanting the ex back and all that crap, then you have ugly scenes and stupid crap... at least an EX husband is generally ALWAYS out of the picture romantically and permanently... )

AS for the little hellion aspect... you know... that MIGHT be a valid concern, or it just might be that they are missing the male aspect in their lives... depends on whether the mother is trying or not... if she is trying, and simply needs a little help and PARTNERSHIP, and you are man enough... why not... if on the other hand, she just lets it go on and does NOTHING about it and is not even trying.... well then she may not be the one for you... however... her is a positive aspect of that... you KNOW about this deficiency up front. As opposed to a gal with no kids, and you fall in love and then have kids and find that she has NO clue or interest in REARING the children....

But... if you find a lady attractive, and like her... but dismiss her out of hand cause she has kids... you lose... cause you haven't even given it a chance... and she could be exactly what you were looking for as a person, a lover, a wife, a helper, a companion, and a partner for life... would you NOT consider that a tragedy?

Dragon Rider...
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 56
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 7:43:38 PM

just because we have a child means nothing other than we are more responsable than other woman


I don't think that having a child outside the marriage is more responsible than not having them.


some people just arnt ready for the resonsibility


Some of us are ready for our responsibility. But other guy's children are not our responsibility.



But... if you find a lady attractive, and like her... but dismiss her out of hand cause she has kids... you lose... cause you haven't even given it a chance... and she could be exactly what you were looking for as a person, a lover, a wife, a helper, a companion, and a partner for life... would you NOT consider that a tragedy?


I think that I wouldn't lose a thing, because if she's a single mother, she's definitely not what I'm looking for.
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 57
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:09:57 PM
Tango - I think we have had this discussion... but... I will have another go... nothing else going on at the moment...

Without assigning blame for her being single... if her personality is a fit, she is well groomed, clean, healthy, cares about herself, feels the way you do about things, is smart, pretty, intelligent, witty, and has all the other attributes that you desire in a mate and partner, what is there about having a child that makes her so abhorrent?

As for being responsible, if the child is healthy, happy, reasonably well adjusted, and taken care of in an appropriate manner.... does this not show a high level of responsibility?

And true, the child is not your responsibility, unless you choose to be part of his/her life. To what depth will depend entirely on your character... but could you see where such a child might be worthy of your love, guidance, help and caring?

Just my opinion, and one that has been good for me mostly, won't say I haven't been hurt... but, I still am proud to be the way I am...

A side note Tango... and no slur or slam intended... but would you be a practicing Catholic? Just curious...

Dragon Rider...
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 58
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:39:41 PM

Without assigning blame for her being single... if her personality is a fit, she is well groomed, clean, healthy, cares about herself, feels the way you do about things, is smart, pretty, intelligent, witty, and has all the other attributes that you desire in a mate and partner, what is there about having a child that makes her so abhorrent?


I think "abhorrent" is a word I'd never use. Yes, she can be all those things, but in the long term, I want to rear my own children. So, I'm not wasting my time, nor hers.

Besides, have you seen some of the posts single moms place here?

"My child will always come first!!"
"If you can't handle me being a MOM, then BEGONE!!"

Great sales pitch, isn't it? Looks like they have a lot of love to give

Wouldn't you think that, maybe, men would be more receptive if they wrote something more along the lines of: "I'd like to find a good man who will accept me and my child and I'm eager to make time for us."

But, instead they put something like: "Yeah, that's right, I have a kid! He's more important to me than YOU'LL ever be! But if you were a REAL MAN then it won't bother you. So don't waste my time!!!"

Thanks, but no, thanks.



could you see where such a child might be worthy of your love, guidance, help and caring?

Most of those women say they don't want a father for their children, so I'd be redundant in that family.

And no, I'm not a practicing Catholic.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 59
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:41:10 PM
Sorry about those four last faces. I'm not used to the right side panel.
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 60
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 9:52:49 PM
Tango -

Yeah, I have to agree that some of the women aren't real great at getting their point across, but I guess I know what they are saying... and in general it isn't that they don't have time for you, just that if it comes down to you or the kid... yeah... guess what... but then again that is pretty much true even in a relationship where it is your own child... in the middle of making wild passionate love... kid falls out of bed and you are a tent post with no tent... but you get used to it.

I can certainly understand the whole wanting to raise your own, for better or worse, they become mine... and I never make the distinction... but hey, that is me.... And for all the ladies that say they aren't looking for a father figure... sorry, but if you take the guy, he is going to be a dad there... it won't ever work any other way... Not a replaement, but an addition... It takes nothing to be a father but 30 seconds... but it takes a lifetime to be a dad... and yes, kids can and do have two dads... most find it cool... though some won't... what can I say...

Sorry about the abhorrent comment tango... I was a bit down when I wrote that... still am but that was a bit harsh of me and I apologize...

Don't worrry about the faces... I thought they were fitting...

I leave you with a parting thought, if you happen across the right combination of mother and child, things may happen.... and you may look back on this and wonder why you ever thought that it wouldn't work... remember... magic happens in the oddest of places, the oddest of times and under the strangest of circumstance... and never at the time we would like it to...

Dragon Rider...
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 61
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/23/2005 8:20:36 AM
You'd be surprised... if you are the daddy type, you can get attached to the kids real quick... which can make things very hard ... if things don't work out...

Dragon Rider
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 62
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/23/2005 8:30:56 PM
Well Bon Jour... and Hello... How are you other than gorgeous? (Sorry, could not resist... )

Seriously though... my only requirements are a spark, and sweetness and that we like each other... if it is great between us, the rest will work out...

I Hope...

Dragon Rider
 Xainos9
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 63
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/23/2005 8:36:02 PM
Everytime I have dated a single mother, I find to get along better with the kids than with the woman. kids had told the mother to for me to come over cause I can make youngersters laugh and have a good time. I have nothing against kids. I love them all. But I can not date a single mother anymore. For reason, I, myself, don't have any kids and I find myself very hurt.
 mzzlala25
Joined: 4/25/2005
Msg: 65
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/26/2005 9:43:16 PM
in general i don't think men are missing out on anything when it comes to dating a single mom...kind of odd being a single mother myself. but, there are some men who could benefit from seeing a healthy relationship/bond between a single mother and their child. being a single parent means knowing that this little, precious life relies on you for everything...nurturing, advice, food, clothing, love and all the other requirements of parenthood. there are some men out there who could benefit from seeing the way a single mother raises her son, especially for a man who never had a positive female rolemodel in their lives. other than that...it's still a choice. some men enjoy children, some men can't stand them. i guess it really depends on how they feel about children and what their reasoning behind not dating a single mother. at any rate...to each his own.
 north9
Joined: 2/19/2005
Msg: 66
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/27/2005 6:45:54 PM
Frankly I would be saying that if men were to be pregnant, every time they have sex just like a women. The men would be the once who would have more children today than the women. So let us not be very judgmental here. Give a serious consideration to situations that arise in any relationship. There are more woman who are single mothers today. It shows something is wrong with the system, at the same time though, you have to give credit to those women who chose to have a baby whether the man was to take responsibility or not. Woman take on more responsibility when it comes to raising a child, in most society today. Children are very delicate, they need lots of nurturing and that sometimes may be hard to some men, who also need much nurturing from the woman.
 Xainos9
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 67
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/28/2005 5:59:41 PM
I have nothing against a woman with kids. I wish her all the luck; it is just not for me due to bad expiriance. I'm 5''8 and most women preffer men over 6 feet tall. So everyone has their own preffernces. Nothing wrong with that.
 lisa251
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 68
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2005 11:09:03 AM
hi ,i;'m from the us to honest w\u i could really care less about a dudes money i have my own i'm the sole supporter of 2 kids count them 2 kids thier sperm donors aren't paying child support but the only thang that i am looking for right now is a friend or whatever and if i do end up going out on a date i'm going to pay my own share i'll admit some females are money hungry but not all so it isn't fair to classify all women from the us are money hungry because you got guys too that are money hungry i had goes go out w\me just because i had money that sucked a-- because everythang we did i payed for so if i'm going to date a guy i exceppt him to have his own money not because i want it because my money basically goes to bills and to my kids i raised my kids 3 years by myself i'm very proud of that fact about the only thing i'm saying to ya is don't classfy everybody into one group unless you know for a FACT that all us women are money hungry becacause that isn't cool and it sounds to be you are just a little jealous of anythang girl because she got the guy you wanted i dunno i maybe wrong well thats all i wanted to say you have a great day
 gregg63012
Joined: 3/1/2005
Msg: 69
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2005 12:21:02 PM
so do all women want a man with a hard body and no heart?
what about a ok body and a loveing heart?
 medussa19
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 70
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/5/2005 5:03:00 PM
being a single parent hasnt really affected ,my dating life, ive been lucky. But up front i tell them, im not looking for a father for her, i can handle raising her on my own, but to get to know me u will have to get to know her because she will always be around and if u cant handle that then im not the girl for u...... i have gotten real lucky b/c there is/was a man in my life who grew to love my daughter whom even though we arent together n e more still likes to visit her and spend time with her...and my current love intrest accepts her
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 71
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/24/2005 6:58:39 PM
I don't believe that men are missing out if they don't date a single Mom and likewise, a woman isn't missing out if they don't date a single Dad.

Get real! First of all, to bring children into this world is a matter of choice! Some like myself choose to be child free. I love interacting with my niece and nephews, but I've never heard the "motherhood bells" toll for me.

Each of our lives can be full (if we want it to be) whether we have children or not. That is a lifestyle choice.

I see my life as full even though I don't have children.

I also believe that both single Mom's and single Dad's have it tough, but also, the rest of us have it tough too. Just because one chooses to be a parent, doesn't mean their lives are tougher than others who don't. Again, we all have our own crosses to bear, it is how we deal with it, is what counts.
 YamIhere
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 72
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How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/24/2005 8:16:51 PM
My goodness, seriously, the more I read these types opf threads, the more I have to wonder: Why do people think their status as a single parent influences their dating ability? Seriously, I have no problem getting a date. I know ,many other single parents that have no problem getting a date. Is it possible you're making a mistake somewhere else along the line?
 bambi75
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 73
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/24/2005 8:32:47 PM
nicklicks- i think you are the crazy one here.


am sorry to say to all single moms out there but no man wants the bullsh*thaving another man always being part of the relationship (picking up the kids and all the other crap)


Who do you think you are speaking for every man? Thank god your world is not the one in which we all live. Yeah maybe you are not the type that can handle a child, but you should get a check into reality before you tell us what other guys want. Since you have such a low regard for kids, do you mind telling me if it was your mom that didn't love you enough? That is what you accused dennis_i_am's mom of, right?

 mommyoftwo20
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 74
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/25/2005 5:40:38 PM
Hi everyone,
I to am a single mother. I have two beautiful wonderful babies under the age of three. I have a very sweet two and half year old little girl who also brightens my world anytime she learns something new or just flashes her great smile. I also have a 9 1/2 month old son. I always wanted to get married and have kids and have the great life we all dream about having. Though it didnt work out that way. I got pregnant when I was in a 5 year relationship and I was 17. I had already graduated from high school which was a plus. However, I dont think that guys are necessarly missing out if they dont date single moms, no on ever knows what they are missing until they find it. I though I had found what I wanted, but as I was raised to understand and so far has been true, that when you get with that person you think you will be with forever, they change almost right after. I met this guy and was with him for five years and had my two wonderful children with him. That was the only two good things I ever got from him. He wasnt the great sweet guy after I had kids than he was when we first met. He turned out to be an abusive acoholic who obviously couldn't hit just men, he had to hit me to. That was just for recreation. I wont put all the horrible things he put me through on here. I just got out finally. I hope now that I am out of that situation that I can find a decent guy to be with. Although all you ever hear is I dont some single mom who has "baggage" which in its term by itself is a stupid term. Woman with kids are very compassionate and loving. Like someone else said, to see a mother give a baby a bubble bath or anything is one of the most great things in life to see. I understand alot of guys dont want woman who have kids from another relationship, but seriously, what is so wrong with having kids from a different relationship. If I found the right person wether I had kids or not, if they did, I would treat them right. I would be a good stepmother. God gives us kids as gifts and we should treat them like they are. There are alot of people out there that cant have kids and would love to. There are also some that have them and dont want them. Also, before I end this incredibly long message, let me just say that, there are ALOT of rude comments on here, if you dont want to get with a woman/man who has kids, then dont. Everyone has a choice for who they want to be with, but you dont have to put all of your negative and stupid comments on here for those of us who are single mothers or fathers to see. Keep negative **** to yourself. Also, the kid kicking you in the balls or whatever comment is so not true. Maybe you just had a bad experience with that, but its not always like that. Also, the money hungry comment also was very rude, yes there are woman who are out there that are money hungry. But not all of us in the US are like that. I am also self sufficent and dont need a man to take care of me. I do just fine on my own, my kids have a father and they dont need a replacement. Alot of people who are single parents arent looking for a replacement for their kids' fathers or mothers, we are looking for companions for ourselves. Yes kids can fulfill your life, mine do, but There is alwys that place that only a man can fulfill. Let me tell you something else, I have ALOT I could still say about this, but I will keep the rest to myself. Those of you who are out there and actually WANT a real relationship, we single parents and single people are still here. You know what else, I dont care if I find a single father or just a single man, as long as whoever I do end up finding wants me for me, and doesnt care if I have kids or not. I am not looking for a man for my kids, I am looking for one for me. Anyways, I will stop this long message for now. Sorry if I hurt anyone in the process of me saying all this but if the truth hurts, so be it. I am really a very nice and caring person, and you will never find someone as nice and someone that will be there through thick and thin through good times and bad, than a single mother. Single mothers do alot, and go through alot of **** and still get picked on. Frankly, its a shame to see how this world is turning out. Especially some of the people in it. The point of this is "If you dont have something nice to say, then dont say nothing at all"
 Xainos9
Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 75
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:17:48 PM
For those who think that men should date single mom? Why should they?

I think is a good idea for single dads to date single moms.

But then again most single moms don't want anything to do with a single dad.
How fair is that?
Is all about the greed it seems
 mommyoftwo20
Joined: 6/25/2005
Msg: 76
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/25/2005 6:23:19 PM
hi Tango,
for one thing, let me tell you as being a single mom,
"My child will always come first!!"
"If you can't handle me being a MOM, then BEGONE!!", single moms who say things like this, me including, are not saying this as a "sales pitch", we are not selling you ourselves or our love. And what the heck is this:Great sales pitch, isn't it? Looks like they have a lot of love to give
single moms have ALOT of love to give. and us saying things like that doesn't mean we dont have love to give. When you are a single parent, your first priority should be your child/children. We woman who are single parents or not, have very much love to give, if a man not a boy would give us the chance. So what, if you dont come first, if you arent the first person. you are not more important than our kids. The reason for that is, our kids will always be in our lives, forever, they depend on us to nurture them and to lead them in the right path, to have a safe and healthy life, to be loved and to learn to give love. They depend on us and us only. Especially if like me, they have a no good for nothing father. Nonetheless, he is their father and they dont need another one. When we say were not looking for a father for our kids it means, they dont have to be the father unless they choose to be that way. Everyone has choices for anything in this world, and that is your choice. But dont say that a woman who says things like that doesnt have a lot of love to "sell" to you, we dont sell our love,friendship, companionship, or sex for that matter, we give it and only when its the right time and person to give it to. Like i said, our kids will be with us forever in our lives, men will come and go, hopefully they dont, but still some do. We cant depend on a man nor do we have to, we do just fine on our own. But everyone and I do mean everyone, needs that fulfillment of having a companion to share your life with. All we ask in return is to treat our kids nice with respect. You dont have to be their father for that.
 Goddard
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 77
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 6/25/2005 7:03:58 PM
Hi Mommyoftwo20 (btw, there is already a mommyof2 here, and another who left, I think)

"If you can't handle me being a MOM, then BEGONE!!", single moms who say things like this, me including, are not saying this as a "sales pitch", we are not selling you ourselves or our love. And what the heck is this:Great sales pitch, isn't it? Looks like they have a lot of love to give

When I said "sales pitch", it was figuratively, because the thread is "what men are missing out if they don't choose SMs". So, it indicates that there is something that they have and childless women don't. It means that, just like a vendor who gives a pitch to convince a potential customer, a person has to convince a potential mate that such potential mate would be better with the person than without him/her (at least, that's the spirit of my words, and since there were no bad comments about it, looks like everybody else understood that). And how will you convince a prospective partner that his life will be better if he chooses you, if you say such remarks?

single moms have ALOT of love to give. and us saying things like that doesn't mean we dont have love to give.

Such remarks also indicate frustration, anger, and others. And guess who will probably be at the receiving end? Yes, the prospective mate. So, from the viewpoint of the guy those remarks don't sound too loving.

if a man not a boy would give us the chance.

Here we go again. "Date me or you aren't a man". Great way to attract a man, trying to shame him into liking you.

So what, if you dont come first, if you arent the first person. you are not more important than our kids.

Wrong. For me, I am more important than your children. Remember, they're your children, not mine.

If we turn the tables, what if you don't come first in a guy's life? Would you be equally eager to be with him, knowing that you come second/third/fourth in his life? What you want is a guy who makes you his first priority, and is eager to be your second/third/fourth priority. And if he's not eager to be that, you call him "a boy, not a man".

All we ask in return is to treat our kids nice with respect. You dont have to be their father for that.

Ok, then what am I? Mom's friend? If I'm gonna have a family, I will be the father, with full rights and duties, and won't accept any less than that.

You ask a lot. You should be also eager to give a lot.
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