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 stoowart
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 12
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playersPage 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
msg 2 "Last I heard he's still at it (total a***hole with a very very small winkle!)"

so size really doesnt count then?


Isn't this one a bit old hat?
 stoowart
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 29
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Posted: 5/26/2006 5:39:59 AM
anyway, isn't it justa bit of a misnomer created by the likes of oprah and rikki because they aren't allowed to say lying, cheating bithc or bastrad on daytime tv? i kinda like to be playful now and again and following the same line of thought there seem to be a lot of profiles with "if your looking for fun, then walk on by" eh? you dont want to smile of laff anymore then? bizarrre!
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 32
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Posted: 3/29/2007 1:58:29 AM
I'm not sure whether there are that many players, but I bet there are a few, both male and female.

In my experience women who suffer from desperate soul mate hunter syndrome seem to use the "he's a player" excuse far to readily when a relationship doesn't work out how they would like it to.

Personally, I'm not averse to a long term relationship if I find the right person, but I've had a couple of experiences where after just a couple of meetings things have just got too heavy too quickly. The upshot is that I've given up on online dating and now I'm happy to just have a chat and a laugh with anyone I find interesting.
 restless_native
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 42
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Posted: 3/29/2007 5:21:55 AM
theonethatyoumissed

I wasn't referring to you. I was generalising based on my own personal experience as I assumed you were.

The word "player" is used constantly. I understand what the correct meaning of the term is, but it does seem to be used at every opportunity. I'm always sceptical when I only hear one side of the story, but I'm a born cynic. After all it's human nature not to accept responsibility when a relationship fails and to try and rationalise it in such a way as to leave yourself blamesless.

Again I'm generalising. This isn't aimed at you. You sound different. I may even send you a "hey baby.....any chance of a quick fumble whiles my wife's away" email.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 45
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Posted: 3/29/2007 5:38:12 AM
I believe 'players' and i'm not selecting gender although obviously the ones I have come across personally have been male, are attracted to the net as it is easier to stay anonymous and slick back into the etha without trace. People you meet locally tend to be easier to track down and face some kind of come back or reputation for their actions. All you have to do online is change your profile and you're back to square one.

There is an easy and fairly affective way to combat this. At the moments we have 'favourites' which lets be honest count for very little. We also have the comments section where people can write some nice little ditty about you, but again this does not mean they really know you.

What some other sites use are 'real life friends' where only people that have actually met you can add themselves or leave a comment. Obviously if someone is a player you will find comments left by upset people are going to force them to change their profile without time to keep all their contacts and hopefully save a few broken hearts. If they are happy to be known as a player, perhaps they would leave the comments up.

Obviously there has to be a method of taking these messages off if they are not geniune, but I should imagine most of them would be.
 Oxfordshire_Lass
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 74
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Posted: 4/7/2007 12:28:21 AM

have players ruined the dating game on the internet that much that no one can trust anyone now


I don't doubt that there are both male and female players and just as I am a genuine female, I believe there must also be genuine men out there too.

Players aren't exclusive to the internet - it happens in "real life" too - the potential reach on the internet though is wider than in real life though as players in real life may only cover a 20 mile radius, whereas on the internet a 60+ mile radius is easily covered. In addition to the larger number of potential "partners" this larger radius provides, the number of potential partners can be found and approached far more quickly! How long in real life would it take a player to find and approach a thousand or so potential partners? The internet does provide a highly efficient and effective playground for the players.

It also means that two partners of one person may not be living within the same local area and could be 120+ apart so the chances of being found out are less than in real life where a player may be more easily spotted by one partner or their friends/family whilst out with another in the same local area.


Also I notice a few of these people also ask YOU to delete your profile and then they 'delete' their profile to appease you


If I'm dating a guy then I would change/remove my profile to reflect this and I would expect him to indicate on his profile that he is dating someone, or remove it. Just as in real life if I'm dating a guy and someone asks him if he's single I would expect him to say no.

You have to ask yourself - if someone hasn't changed their profile to indicate they are dating or removed it themselves when they are dating you without being asked then what are their motives behind them leaving it there stating to the world that they are single and effectively inviting approaches from others. Just as in real life if you were dating a guy and another girl asked if he was single and he said yes, you'd probably question his motifs for saying so.

I've met (and unknowingly dated) my fair share of players and none of them actually asked me to change/remove my profile as I would always change it once we were dating anyway to indicate this. After them leaving theirs unchanged, it was a subject that I would bring up after a while, and in some cases after I had suspicions about their online activity. The fact that I brought the subject up certainly doesn't mean I'm a player!


then re register & continue on the site under another id or do not upload a picture hoping you will not realise it is them..


The basic details, age, height, location, etc are usually the same and with some it is easy to spot the same style of writing - one of my ex's had a tendency to use !!!! at the end of each sentence. If age is calculated from their date of birth of course the age on the profile changes on the same day of your partner's birthday and the chances of there being two people with the same height, location, hair colour, style of writing, etc and exact birthdays is pretty slim!


They often do not introduce you to friends and family incase someone 'outs them' for their behaviour. Plus you hardly ever get called by your name for fear of them slipping up & calling you by the wrong name. Usually more often than not they talk in 'loose general terms' such as darling, hunni, chick, love, sweetheart etc.. (by both men & women) this way they cannot forget your name.


Very true - often they don't invite you to their house (or even let you have their address as they don't want to risk you turning up unannounced) as friends/family may be there or may pop around but they are happy to come round yours all the time and meet your friends/family. They never take you out to places where their friend's may be, and just generally keep you away from their "life".

Also if you try and ring them without warning or prior arrangement - the phone may go unanswered or if they answer they may refer to you as "you" or "mate" .. ie "hi you", "hi mate", etc .. flirting with them on the phone you only get vague responses which to someone else listening in could be referring to anything .. or they tell you they'll ring you back in a moment (in other words when they have freed themselves from the other partner they are with).



They answer calls secretly or don't answer them in front of you or view text messages in front of you incase it is another one of their many 'friends' on the phone and they get caught out..


They may also switch off the phone when they arrive, and turn it back on as they leave to avoid receiving any such calls whilst with you. Of course this allows them to tell you they don't want to be interrupted whilst they are with you and their time with you is precious - but can really mean that they don't want you finding them out when another partner or potential partner calls them.



They need shaming


So true - a site I used to be on years ago had a email list that only girls were invited to join and this allowed the girls to warns other girls of con-artists, players, etc they had come into contact with. New girls joining the site were instantly invited to join the list. It wouldn't surprise me if the men had a similar thing.

Whilst you may get one person say someone is a player or a con-artist, etc and it may be a case of sour grapes after a relationship didn't work out so you may tend to treat the accusation with suspicion, when you get 3 or 4 people all saying the same thing it's usually because what they are saying is true.

The great thing about the internet is that it is a public place and there are ways and means of finding out what people are doing online fairly easily.

Of course you can find out if you are being played - if you are dating someone then before the player edits or removes their profile or asking them to so that they indicate they are no longer single, or if you suspect the person you are dating has set up another profile themselves - then set up another annoymous profile yourself and then message them. If the person you are dating tells the annoymous you that they are single/not dating anyone then obviously whilst dating the real you they are still looking elsewhere at the same time! Of course if you want more proof you could always set up a date between them and the annoymous you and see if they accept! If at the same time the real you suggests a date with your partner the same night, you can find out what excuse they would give you for not being able to meet when they have arranged to meet the annoymous you. Of course if you want conclusive proof turn up on the date as the annoymous you (late of course so you catch them waiting for you and don't give them the chance to see you first and do a quick turnaround unnoticed) then dump them!

Just as players have widened and developed their "game" on the internet, those who are in danger of being played or have been played develop their ways of sussing out who are the players. That's evolution I guess.
 stonecastle
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 82
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Posted: 4/10/2007 3:18:41 PM
I don't know how men can be players on the internet as men outnumber women so much that it is hard for most men to get one date let alone several. I suppose that women could be players though as they have the pick of men on the internet and get tons of messages each asking them for dates. Personally it wouldn't bother me if I dated a woman who was a bit of a player, I would be just glad to get a woman to go out with in the first place. As long as she practises safe sex that is.
 Oxfordshire_Lass
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 83
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Posted: 4/10/2007 11:36:06 PM
Another thing I've noted with players is that all the effort goes into the "chase" and after sleeping with you they invest minimal effort to keep you hanging on, whilst their real efforts are being applied elsewhere to chasing other playthings to add to their "toy cupboard".

So although they may respond to your prompts to keep you happy and hanging on, the several unprompted texts a day pre-sex turn into one text a day post-sex if you're lucky, the unprompted daily texts or calls pre-sex turn into once or twice a week post-sex, the endless kisses and cuddles for no reason pre-sex only occur when sex is wanted post sex, etc. They have achieved their goal so no further effort is required, they only need do enough to keep you hanging around.
 Tim61
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 91
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Posted: 4/13/2007 2:15:43 PM
What do you mean by "PLAYERS" ???

Tim
 Perikaryon
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 101
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Posted: 9/25/2007 1:08:07 PM
Nincompoop


a male victim of an internet player



????

A female victim





Or something like that....aint sorted out the exact word yet...on the phone to the OED....



BRB
 Perikaryon
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 105
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Posted: 9/25/2007 3:00:35 PM
Buffoon


a male victim of an internet player



????

A female victim

Can't be bothered finding the equivalent word for the women as all this 'internet player' stuff is a load of old bogeyman cobblers.

Brain 1st....Underwear off 2nd........End Of.
 Perikaryon
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 114
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Posted: 9/27/2007 5:54:38 AM
quote]I imagine there are a few people on here for the wrong reasons but in my opinion they are far and few between. The people who do the "player" and "timewaster" labelling seem to do it as a result of someone they have met not wanting to carry on the relationship. They are the ones with the problem.

Can't argue with that.

Also presumably if someone has spent weeks chatting online and the phone, they'd have more interest in trying to make a relationship work, given the fact they've already invested so much time and effort in it.
 Oxfordshire_Lass
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 120
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Posted: 10/9/2007 10:39:18 PM
Usually having a long line of failed short lived relationships behind them. Often they are this way due to past events. They often wreck the relationship due to trust issues. The result being they are labelled players.

Then there are what are widely accepted as being true players, those that seek only the thrill of the chase, that inital excitment that comes with a new relationship. Constantly moving from one relationship to another. Often saying anything they need to, to get their way. Leaving a trail of hurt people behind them. These are the true players

Others are labelled players, because they change their mind, they enter into a relationship. But at some point they feel its not right for them.


The first and 3rd I certainly wouldn't call players, but the second example "saying what they need to, to get their way" I would count as players. However, if they were honest about the fact they weren't looking for a long term relationship then I wouldn't call them players.

My definition of a player is someone who actually sets out to deceive, a liar, a cheat, etc - not someone who has been unfortunate in their past relationships.
 OmegaPoint
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 153
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Posted: 2/18/2008 8:05:11 AM

Sooner or later most people will experience a player. Deal with it, learn from it, and don't play the victim card for too long


Best advice I've read on this topic. Back to
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 211
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Posted: 2/14/2009 7:41:59 AM
If a player plays a player are they playing with you or are they playing with themselves?
 :
Joined: 4/15/2005
Msg: 217
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Posted: 2/18/2009 5:42:49 AM

a player is defined as someone who deceives others


Deception i would argue is a natural human state of interaction. Whether you enjoy the act or not is simply a matter more of his or her skill, then any conscious level of deception.
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