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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 40 year old virgin question?      Home login  
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 Iron Wolf
Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 26
40 year old virgin question?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Digsy, you're right, man...I think they've lost their freakin' minds!
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 27
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History
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/30/2006 5:59:40 PM
I would react the same way as I do to the other's that say they haven't been kissed for a couple of yrs.... That he just didn't find the right "One" yet...so what's wrong with that? Because he wouldn't compromise himself just to do it with anyone?...No, I wouldn't be all that surprised...different people do different things...at least he stuck up for what he believes in...good for him...
~Micheline~
 Iron Wolf
Joined: 10/11/2004
Msg: 28
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/30/2006 8:06:36 PM
Thank you 101, you display a beautiful attitude about it - one of the few, I must say.
 piano4te
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 29
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/30/2006 10:41:10 PM
Hmmmm.....let me see....

staggering increasing rates of every known STD out there, despite everybody's claim that they are using 'protection' everytime they've been having sex like it's now a 'handshake'????

hmmmmm...let me see.....people constantly lying about how many partners they've actually had to somehow sound VIRTUOSE, knowing and participating in every deviate fetish out there, even though they call anybody who calls them on it 'judgemental'.......

I'll say this about a forty year old virgin....they at least respected themself in ways that most did not.....they don't pretend to KNOW everything about sex, and would rather you possibly TEACH them......and they might actually believe that sex should be an expression of LOVE instead of instant gratification?

Where do I sign up for one???
 metro-man
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 30
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/30/2006 11:08:29 PM
OMG what is wrong with women today. I was 21 when i lost it. IT. I was waiting for that person. I dont consider myself ugly, boring, dull, or uninteresting, however, I did think that the first time should be with someone I really cared about and was very attracted to.....so i waited...two girls in high school broke up with me cuz i didn't do IT with them. Did everything else....but not, IT. So they both went to a freind of mine who they knew would do IT....and he did IT. They didnt last long with him either.....he wanted to do IT too much and with both of them at they same time....even they didn't like that idea....woulda cut into their own doing IT time with him. :)

As i turned out my 'moment'....the moment i had waited for....the ascent into passion, love and sexual maturity.... my 'first'....ended up being a 'moment' in the cheapest room at the Biltmore Hotel in Vancouver at 21. Oh well I at least tried.

Some guys, ladies, have an ideal and are willing to wait for that moment. Its more that just sex to some people. Quit the running from them and look above his waist.
 subboy777
Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 31
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 1:07:48 AM
Im only 10 years away from remaking this movie based on real life haha.. maybe not though.. who knows what the future holds..

I have to say, at 1st i was shocked by the fact that alot of people who posted here would be so shallow to run away from such a reality.. but the when re-reading those sorta posts realised how lucky i would be not to have such rude people in my life.

for me i have had many oppertunities, had a few test and tempt me.. but i have stood by my faith and morals and am going to until the day i get married or die (which ever comes 1st)

I am glad it is the way it is and am glad that shallow women would just run away.. makes it easier for me to find a good hearted unselfish woman for my life.
 lonecoll
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 32
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 4:26:36 AM
Well Ted has me beat by one year. Much the same story as his I guess. Dated off and on but could not develop desire for the women who did for me. The women I desired I became psycho over so not much chance of hooking up that way.

Off and on I passed on the opportunity because of my religious beliefs. That is probaly more true now then ever before. Not that I think sex is evil in anyway, but only appropriate in marriage. This will likely make me an 80 year old virgin if I live that long
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 33
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 4:58:28 AM
well intimacy and sex are important to me but I wouldn't disocunt someone just because they haven't had sex yet. Doesn't mean they haven't had intimacy. Maybe their reasons for not having sex are personal and valid - who am I to judge?

that being said , I don't know that I could be in a serious relationship without the physical contact and yes, the sex. Maybe I could , I haven't been in a situation like that before but I found the relationships where I had a close physical and emotional connection with someone to be the most fufilling kind.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 34
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:34:48 AM
Thank You Iron wolf...you and piano4te...metro-man...subboy...and lonecoll...display that same wonderful attitude also...it's really Great to see guys stand up for that, which they believe in like you guys do...Good for you!!!
~Micheline~
 womanatthewell
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 35
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:57:05 AM
I think it is awesome to wait till marriage and if he is a christian and doing it in obedience to God how awesome and Glorfying that would be to God.

I think it would be awesome but realistically you will not find it very often if at all because we are all sinners and selfish when it comes to putiing our wants, desires and needs above obedience to God.

Thank You
Becky O
 womanatthewell
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 36
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 7:10:12 AM
Awesome reply: piano4te

staggering increasing rates of every known STD out there, despite everybody's claim that they are using 'protection' everytime they've been having sex like it's now a 'handshake'????

hmmmmm...let me see.....people constantly lying about how many partners they've actually had to somehow sound VIRTUOSE, knowing and participating in every deviate fetish out there, even though they call anybody who calls them on it 'judgemental'.......

I'll say this about a forty year old virgin....they at least respected themself in ways that most did not.....they don't pretend to KNOW everything about sex, and would rather you possibly TEACH them......and they might actually believe that sex should be an expression of LOVE instead of instant gratification?

Where do I sign up for one???

Becky writes:

I am one of those people who look back and realize that in my search for love I compromised so many of the vales and beliefs I had. Although I never took money for sex I was just as bad as a prositute who did because I sold my body for the dream of finding love and never did.

I cannot go back and change the past but I have abstaines for two years now and counting and will remain here know that if God has someone for me that he will provide him and if not at least I learned from my past and did not keeping run in the same insane circle.

Your post was awesome and I appreciate it. My past is checkered but my future is not and I can honestly say things look better from this side then the other. Desperation makes us do crazy things. I am happy I refuse to fall into that desperation again.

Thank You
Becky Ogg
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 37
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 7:33:26 AM
Would I run?? I might be a little intimidated, definitely curious as to why they would wait so long.... altho I totally understand and respect them for doing so. Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs, so as I respect them for theirs I hope they would respect me for mine.

I was too young when I lost mine. My ex was 23, nearly 24 when we met and virgin pure. Not sure why he chose me, but I hope that his first experience was a good one. I've been with 3 or 4 male virgins and their trust in me is amazing. I'm not saying that from an egotistical POV, just a statement of fact. One of them talks about it to this day and thanks me for being the one to help him lose his virginity. I've been nearly 2 yrs now without having sex with someone, and reading this post just kind of reinforced my belief that I don't need to just rush out and lay down with the first (or several) man that looks at me... if he respects me enough to not push and really wants to be with me, he'll stick around for more then a single date and work for the good stuff. It is all about respect... for yourself and for others.
 piano4te
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 38
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:03:11 PM
There are some GREAT things I love about this thread.

First, it totally reminds me that we might have GRADUATED high school.....but we never really LEFT high school. Rude bravado at the beginning, with 'cool' statements, until one NERD might poke their head thru risking being chastised for not being in the IN crowd.....and then more finally follow suit to admit they are nerds TOO!! (seriously, go back and scroll through)

ART IMITATES LIFE!! PERIOD!

That axiom being said, I simply LOVE "The 40 Year Old Virgin". (The DVD is actually FUNNIER with seventeen minutes of additional scenes). I saw it THREE TIMES in the theatre, (one time being with a fellow musician friend who has had the same life experiences as me in the professional entertainment world where 'sexual promiscuity' is rampant.) He could NOT stop laughing at the complete accuracy of the situation.

For women out there who would REALLY like to see what men REALLY think about certain things in regards to sex.....RENT THAT MOVIE. For men out there who are too macho to admit they have some insecurities themselves about sex, and aren't always as SURE as they pretend....RENT THAT MOVIE.

To quote a scene from it....."You know how I can tell you're gay? You didn't rent the movie!!"

I did not loose my virginity till I was 23....on my birthday....I was saving myself too....I had MANY opportunities to loose it earlier....(this because even ugly mugs like me CAN get VERY beautiful women to like them if they play an instrument or sing......I had MANY a cheerleader want me later on....and was never a JOCK)....To this day, I STILL regret doing it. First, I was TERRIBLE....Second, I didn't ADMIT to being a virgin.....so if I HAD, it might have been a BETTER experience for both of us....THIRD....I just got tired of waiting for the right one to come along. It STILL was a mistake non the less. But we live and learn. I'm actually still in the single digits where sexual partners are concerned......and I LIKE it that way....

So help me, I'm writing a book about the things I've seen in that biz.........
 Johnquin
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 39
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:24:21 PM
I don't think there is a problem with waiting for the person who is right for you. While I'm not a virgin, I've probably turned down sex with more people then I've slept with. The only thing I would say to people who are, get to know the person before you tell them that you are. Who you've slept with or have not slept with is not really first date material. If things seem to be getting more serious and going that way then tell them if you feel they should know, hopefully by that point it won't matter.
 Summernights
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 40
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:54:24 PM
I would be quite understanding. I know I'll be ridiculed for this but I happen to be a 47 year old virgin. I've had my opportunities I mean who hasn't. But given my past history with men I don't really find it surprising. It seems that most of the male friends in my past thought nothing of trying their hardest to rape me, thank the gods I was able to get away from every attempt at it. I can tell you it makes you think twice before trying to trust anyone that much or open yourself to that kind of love... all you can think about is the stigma of the word... think about the person inside and what may have brought about their situation everyone is different and so is their past....
 almostfamous2
Joined: 1/17/2006
Msg: 41
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 1:03:03 PM
...hmmm...40 yr old virgin??...i guess all people have thier reasons for what they decide to do or not do with thier bodies...religious beliefs...lack of confidence...body image problems...bad experiences in the sexual arena...who knows...i admire those who do whats right for themselves nomatter what anyone thinks of them...thats the bottom line...yet i feel badly for those who fear intimacy and have denied themselves the opportunity to engage in an intimate loving relationship because they have been conditioned to believe its dirty..or worse that they are defective for having sexual desires...going to hell perhaps..??...because those types of beliefs repress our sexuality and will infiltrate all intimate relationships in a negative way....sex without love isn't for me so i understand people who don't want casual sex...and i think it shows respect for thier own person as well as another...so the fact that there are 40 yr old virgins doesn't bother me in the least...whats more important is the reasons behind it...self honor??... self respect?? or fear??...if its fear....being a virgin still is just a symptom of alot deeper issues...if its self love...thats inspirational...
 Ace_2
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 42
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 1:20:38 PM
Yes, Iron wolf, you are correct. For some people there ARE "extenuating circumstances" as to why they are still 40+ yr old virgins. And for this reason they should not be disregarded and looked down on by others.

I am a 40 yr old virgin. I did not choose to be this way but life circumstances dictated my situation. I am not ugly at all. I consider myself a nice looking guy. I am over 6 feet tall and in good shape. I have been told I am a kind, friendly person who is nice to people. The point I'm making is that I'm not some troll living under a bridge.

So what are my circumstances, you say, that turned me into a 40 yr old virgin? Well, it's a long story, but to sum it up in a nutshell, I was born with a facial birth defect which caused me to have low self esteem when I was younger. And as a youngster I developed severe Social Anxiety Disorder -- which I didn't realize I had until a couple of years ago (Until I found this out, I had thought I was just crazy). I got the birth defect corrected and became normal looking, but my Social Anxiety stayed with me. So from the time of my birth until my late 30's I had severe social anxiety and did not know it. And because of this I've never been on a date (much less had sex).

Since finding out I had Social Anxiety Disorder, I have gotten therapy for it and have improved much. I now feel I am ready to date. However, because of my past social anxiety, I feel I lack social experience, as well as life experience. And reading here about how women say they would "run away" from a 40 yr old virgin (especially without understanding his situation)... well that makes me even more depressed in my desire to find a woman to get into a relationship with.

So, women, do not automatically judge a guy because he is 40 and hasn't had sex yet. He may have had circumstances that were beyond his control. You may be passing up a great catch. And as a bonus, if he's never dated or had sex with a woman then he won't be comparing you to someone else, and... he won't have any STD's.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 43
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:12:13 PM
[So, women, do not automatically judge a guy because he is 40 and hasn't had sex yet. He may have had circumstances that were beyond his control. You may be passing up a great catch. And as a bonus, if he's never dated or had sex with a woman then he won't be comparing you to someone else, and... he won't have any STD's.]



Ace2...don't let anyone scare you away if you are ready...just talk with the ones who know your situation and are going to be understanding...I really admire all of the guys on here who say they don't want to have just any casual sex with anyone, and they would rather make sure they have the right one before going thru with the sexual aspect of a real relationship...that has to be admired...and the fact that they have come on here into the public and admitted it also has to be admired...a lot of women think all men just want to take them out...get in their panties and have a good time...here's proof ladies ALL guys are NOT like that...so try to message some of these guys that do believe in real relationships if that is what you are looking for...and guys...please do the same...all girls aren't after the sexual aspects before a relationship starts either...very good point in your quote also Ace...making them a Great catch!!!
~Micheline~
 piano4te
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 44
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:12:18 PM
Ace, ole buddy, ole pal!!!

If what you're saying is true about yourself, (this IS the internet, and who knows what anybody is concocting) then I wish at this very moment I could jump thru the computer, hand ya a beer, sit down, and say...."BOY! Do I have some GOOD news for you!!"

Remind me to tell you the tale of a blind person I knew who went from social pleeb to being laid by and dating some of the FINEST women in the country within one year of our meeting........ You will NEVER have whatever social anxiety phobias ever again...

Listen up...and listen good....about those 'insensitive' sort of replies at the beginning that are making you depressed. You BECOMING depressed will eventually make you....exactly like THEM! And the world does NOT need one more cynical jaded person who becomes a LEMMING! Kapish???

Second....KNOW THIS....This dating thing that you are now trying to overcome to relieve yourself of your S.A.D. (think about the acronym and the MEGA BUCKS that so called 'therapists' are making off of unsuspecting people....I don't doubt that you have it...only that most think there is something wrong with them, when there clearly is not....) is a lot like a RUMPKE Dumpster......you have to JUMP IN, stand in and sort through a bunch of SMELLY TRASH for a LONG TIME. But eventually, you get down to the bottom and you sometimes find a good item that somebody else threw away that.......you can hopefully sell on EBAY later for a HUGE profit!!

As it was said in The Shawshank Redemption.....all it takes is.....'pressure and time......pressure and time'....think about it.

If ya need to chat....let me know....
 Crownie317
Joined: 2/23/2006
Msg: 45
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:13:21 PM

I have to say, at 1st i was shocked by the fact that alot of people who posted here would be so shallow to run away from such a reality.. but the when re-reading those sorta posts realised how lucky i would be not to have such rude people in my life.


I was kind of disappointed with some of the responses from some of the women, myself. While a 40 year old virgin is a bit of an anomoly, the responses seemed a bit immature to me. Shallow? I'm not sure. But definitely immature.
 okiedokietxxx
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 46
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 6:11:39 PM
if it were a 40 yr old virgin woman i'd doubt it would open.
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 47
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 6:28:36 PM
wow. I never tought about it before, but it makes sense. And it's one of the things I love most about POF and the forums...the chance to talk to people with such extremely different beliefs and experiences. This pond is great!

Back to the topic....40 yr old virgin? I wouldn't be rude and run away screaming like some people would. Frankly I'd be a little curious about it. But...I know I would be very CAUTIOUS...and make sure he didn't think my friendship meant anything more. He's jsut a guy like any ol guy and he doesn't get special treatment.
 Paulchino II
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 48
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 7:18:23 PM
..all the immature responses...I can almost guarantee came from people who lost it in their teens....

...let me tell you...I had a very interesting experience with a girl who should have been the most judgemental of all...but she WANTED me...you know why? because I was a MAN enough to admit that I didn't know everything about pleasing a woman...and I was MAN enough to search out that knowledge and give her one of the best experiences she's ever had....

...the two biggest factors in truely fullfilling sex are trust and respect...I want a woman who will feel so incredibly comfortable with me that she will totally let loose...EVERYONE is a sexual beast...waiting to be unleashed...sadly for some women...they are never truely unleashed...because they underestimate the power of trust and respect in the bedroom...

...yup...gotta love these virgin threads...some would be surprised at the diverse reasons why it is kept for longer that the "average" person...I heard there was a study done that suggested kids who's parents didn't educate them about sex were more likely to do it at a younger age...the ones with KNOWLEDGE waited longer....

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER...ARM YOURSELF
 Zain.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 49
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 8:44:51 PM
A previous poster on another thread about virgins made a very good point. So what happens when you lose it? Are you considered normal then? LOL I'm sure if a woman is looking for is a one nighter then she'd probably go for someone who's sexually experienced. However when it comes to actual relationships and boyfriend matarial. How sexually experienced a guy is shouldn't be an issue. Because relationships that are just physical and built on just sex never last anyway, and these types of relationships are of no interest to me.
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 50
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/12/2006 7:42:53 AM
My brother is 47 and as far as I know he's never been with a woman or a man or anything. He also has Social anxiety disorder and wasn't diagnosed with it until he was around 40 or so and it's sad really .
To think that if he had been diagnosed earlier in life he may have had an opportuntiy to change the course of his life. He just always felt afraid and different but never tried to find out why due to his own fear of knowing what it was that was wrong with him.
Now I'm not saying that being a virgin at 40 is wrong but It certainly seems limiting to me. How can a person go through life without experiencing everything that it has to offer. Like saying I've never eaten liver or never tried waterskiing or something. How do you know what your missing until you know what your missing. Wouldn't you have a very deep regret in not ever knowing this natural human function.

Personally I thought it was one of the funniest movies I've seen, I rarely laugh at movies but this one made me really laugh.
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