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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 40 year old virgin question?      Home login  
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 piano4te
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 26
40 year old virgin question?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
There are some GREAT things I love about this thread.

First, it totally reminds me that we might have GRADUATED high school.....but we never really LEFT high school. Rude bravado at the beginning, with 'cool' statements, until one NERD might poke their head thru risking being chastised for not being in the IN crowd.....and then more finally follow suit to admit they are nerds TOO!! (seriously, go back and scroll through)

ART IMITATES LIFE!! PERIOD!

That axiom being said, I simply LOVE "The 40 Year Old Virgin". (The DVD is actually FUNNIER with seventeen minutes of additional scenes). I saw it THREE TIMES in the theatre, (one time being with a fellow musician friend who has had the same life experiences as me in the professional entertainment world where 'sexual promiscuity' is rampant.) He could NOT stop laughing at the complete accuracy of the situation.

For women out there who would REALLY like to see what men REALLY think about certain things in regards to sex.....RENT THAT MOVIE. For men out there who are too macho to admit they have some insecurities themselves about sex, and aren't always as SURE as they pretend....RENT THAT MOVIE.

To quote a scene from it....."You know how I can tell you're gay? You didn't rent the movie!!"

I did not loose my virginity till I was 23....on my birthday....I was saving myself too....I had MANY opportunities to loose it earlier....(this because even ugly mugs like me CAN get VERY beautiful women to like them if they play an instrument or sing......I had MANY a cheerleader want me later on....and was never a JOCK)....To this day, I STILL regret doing it. First, I was TERRIBLE....Second, I didn't ADMIT to being a virgin.....so if I HAD, it might have been a BETTER experience for both of us....THIRD....I just got tired of waiting for the right one to come along. It STILL was a mistake non the less. But we live and learn. I'm actually still in the single digits where sexual partners are concerned......and I LIKE it that way....

So help me, I'm writing a book about the things I've seen in that biz.........
 Johnquin
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 27
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:24:21 PM
I don't think there is a problem with waiting for the person who is right for you. While I'm not a virgin, I've probably turned down sex with more people then I've slept with. The only thing I would say to people who are, get to know the person before you tell them that you are. Who you've slept with or have not slept with is not really first date material. If things seem to be getting more serious and going that way then tell them if you feel they should know, hopefully by that point it won't matter.
 Summernights
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 28
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 12:54:24 PM
I would be quite understanding. I know I'll be ridiculed for this but I happen to be a 47 year old virgin. I've had my opportunities I mean who hasn't. But given my past history with men I don't really find it surprising. It seems that most of the male friends in my past thought nothing of trying their hardest to rape me, thank the gods I was able to get away from every attempt at it. I can tell you it makes you think twice before trying to trust anyone that much or open yourself to that kind of love... all you can think about is the stigma of the word... think about the person inside and what may have brought about their situation everyone is different and so is their past....
 Ace_2
Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 29
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 1:20:38 PM
Yes, Iron wolf, you are correct. For some people there ARE "extenuating circumstances" as to why they are still 40+ yr old virgins. And for this reason they should not be disregarded and looked down on by others.

I am a 40 yr old virgin. I did not choose to be this way but life circumstances dictated my situation. I am not ugly at all. I consider myself a nice looking guy. I am over 6 feet tall and in good shape. I have been told I am a kind, friendly person who is nice to people. The point I'm making is that I'm not some troll living under a bridge.

So what are my circumstances, you say, that turned me into a 40 yr old virgin? Well, it's a long story, but to sum it up in a nutshell, I was born with a facial birth defect which caused me to have low self esteem when I was younger. And as a youngster I developed severe Social Anxiety Disorder -- which I didn't realize I had until a couple of years ago (Until I found this out, I had thought I was just crazy). I got the birth defect corrected and became normal looking, but my Social Anxiety stayed with me. So from the time of my birth until my late 30's I had severe social anxiety and did not know it. And because of this I've never been on a date (much less had sex).

Since finding out I had Social Anxiety Disorder, I have gotten therapy for it and have improved much. I now feel I am ready to date. However, because of my past social anxiety, I feel I lack social experience, as well as life experience. And reading here about how women say they would "run away" from a 40 yr old virgin (especially without understanding his situation)... well that makes me even more depressed in my desire to find a woman to get into a relationship with.

So, women, do not automatically judge a guy because he is 40 and hasn't had sex yet. He may have had circumstances that were beyond his control. You may be passing up a great catch. And as a bonus, if he's never dated or had sex with a woman then he won't be comparing you to someone else, and... he won't have any STD's.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 30
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History
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:12:13 PM
[So, women, do not automatically judge a guy because he is 40 and hasn't had sex yet. He may have had circumstances that were beyond his control. You may be passing up a great catch. And as a bonus, if he's never dated or had sex with a woman then he won't be comparing you to someone else, and... he won't have any STD's.]



Ace2...don't let anyone scare you away if you are ready...just talk with the ones who know your situation and are going to be understanding...I really admire all of the guys on here who say they don't want to have just any casual sex with anyone, and they would rather make sure they have the right one before going thru with the sexual aspect of a real relationship...that has to be admired...and the fact that they have come on here into the public and admitted it also has to be admired...a lot of women think all men just want to take them out...get in their panties and have a good time...here's proof ladies ALL guys are NOT like that...so try to message some of these guys that do believe in real relationships if that is what you are looking for...and guys...please do the same...all girls aren't after the sexual aspects before a relationship starts either...very good point in your quote also Ace...making them a Great catch!!!
~Micheline~
 piano4te
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 31
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 5/31/2006 3:12:18 PM
Ace, ole buddy, ole pal!!!

If what you're saying is true about yourself, (this IS the internet, and who knows what anybody is concocting) then I wish at this very moment I could jump thru the computer, hand ya a beer, sit down, and say...."BOY! Do I have some GOOD news for you!!"

Remind me to tell you the tale of a blind person I knew who went from social pleeb to being laid by and dating some of the FINEST women in the country within one year of our meeting........ You will NEVER have whatever social anxiety phobias ever again...

Listen up...and listen good....about those 'insensitive' sort of replies at the beginning that are making you depressed. You BECOMING depressed will eventually make you....exactly like THEM! And the world does NOT need one more cynical jaded person who becomes a LEMMING! Kapish???

Second....KNOW THIS....This dating thing that you are now trying to overcome to relieve yourself of your S.A.D. (think about the acronym and the MEGA BUCKS that so called 'therapists' are making off of unsuspecting people....I don't doubt that you have it...only that most think there is something wrong with them, when there clearly is not....) is a lot like a RUMPKE Dumpster......you have to JUMP IN, stand in and sort through a bunch of SMELLY TRASH for a LONG TIME. But eventually, you get down to the bottom and you sometimes find a good item that somebody else threw away that.......you can hopefully sell on EBAY later for a HUGE profit!!

As it was said in The Shawshank Redemption.....all it takes is.....'pressure and time......pressure and time'....think about it.

If ya need to chat....let me know....
 okiedokietxxx
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 32
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 6:11:39 PM
if it were a 40 yr old virgin woman i'd doubt it would open.
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 33
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/11/2006 6:28:36 PM
wow. I never tought about it before, but it makes sense. And it's one of the things I love most about POF and the forums...the chance to talk to people with such extremely different beliefs and experiences. This pond is great!

Back to the topic....40 yr old virgin? I wouldn't be rude and run away screaming like some people would. Frankly I'd be a little curious about it. But...I know I would be very CAUTIOUS...and make sure he didn't think my friendship meant anything more. He's jsut a guy like any ol guy and he doesn't get special treatment.
 cartographer
Joined: 3/20/2006
Msg: 34
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/12/2006 5:00:12 PM
I'm a 35 year old virgin, and not gay or anything either. Just happy to not have made the biggest mistake of my life by:

1. Getting a woman pregnant who was uncertain about our relationship.
2. Getting some virus that is sexually transmitted.
3. Overcommitting to someone who did not show enough interest.

I do not like to force anything on anyone. I've met a few women I'm quite attracted to, but none have turned into someone who wants to get engaged with me. It isn't because I'm anti-social either. Just haven't met women who are ready to get into a serious relationship. And they realized it just about the same time I did.

So we parted company and went off our own ways. Some I occasionally make contact, but it seems they aren't interested in anything else.

For those women who would go the other way, give a guy the chance to be himself, and show that he can be kind, friendly, empathetic, a listener. Some take longer simply because they have not the experience of being social. Sometimes that's the curse of being smart, is that you get obsessed by computers, and other technical things, and you make women afraid that you'll outsmart them. Well let me tell you, of all the women I've met, most could outsmart me at at least one thing. Knowing how to make small talk. You want someone real, genuine, ready to be your only one, well consider that they have known no other, the virgin is the ideal person to meet. So no matter what age they are, give them a chance to be yours.
 leeanndemon
Joined: 11/24/2004
Msg: 35
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:54:50 PM
why woudl that be an issue? I'd simply assume it was a life chouce. It is for me.
 Kimmaranclh
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 36
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/13/2006 7:24:49 AM
You know, I think it really depends on how you feel about that person. If I was attracted to him and got to know him and felt comfortable being with him than why not? When you are in a relationship you learn from each other what pleases you. So a man that isn't experienced is just a man that's more open to learning in my opinion...lol
 hendrix8989
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 37
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/13/2006 7:33:37 AM
tedjmil....47 virgin?? I can see if you were retarded to be a 47 old virgin. did you ever kiss someone before??
 Smily_face
Joined: 2/1/2006
Msg: 38
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/13/2006 8:04:26 AM
crossroad, I like your attitude! Don't ever change it. Sex doesn't define a person but
who the person is emotionally, mentally and intellectually and persons' ability to love deeply.
Sex is. an expression of that love for another and completes the intimacy. By itself it's meaningless.
 sportsdude3479
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 39
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 6/13/2006 3:55:49 PM
I am a 27yr old virgin, I better not be a 40yr old virgin!
 desertrat38
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 40
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History
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:56:48 AM
You can`t be judgemental. The lady saying she would run the other way is the most heartless statement I think I have heard yet. I am sure there are far more virgins out there, but because you have some hate filled ignorant people out there, they keep it in the closet.

There are alot of reasons why a person might still be a virgin.
It could be choice. There are some who abstain for religous reasons -- even up to the ripe old age of 40.
First he might be painfully shy. Lets face I am sure most painfully shy guys are probably virgins. And maybe they are justifiably shy because they aren`t that attractive to women.
(I do advise like this though, that confidence(without being****) can easily compensate for looks.)

A few mentioned a low sex drive. That can be too. If that is your case, I might seek some medical attention though as there are some underlying medical conditions that can cause this.

There are also many unusual circumstances that people are in. We shouldnt overlook the socio economic factor either. I knew a guy who was a virgin till he was 32 because he was dirt poor, as was his family. Never could get enough money to buy a car or the proper wardrobe. And Im talking real poor. This guy grew up not knowing where his next meal was going to come from. His self esteem suffered because of that. Once he had his car,good job finished school, he finally had an interest in women.

Its a deviation from the norm, but you can`t be hateful and judgemental. But unfortunately many people are. I`m sure if someone got news of some "40 yr old virgin" in my neck of the woods, there would be a lynch mob after him -- he`d probably would be killed.
 unorthadoxchick
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 41
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 10:24:43 AM
lol....I recently saw the movie too, it's was okay. I do agree though, I really couldn't believe that his co-workers took such an interest in his virginity.
I'm a 25 year old virgin and I basically figure that out of all the co-workers I have had...none of them would care about a personal matter such as that.

It is possible to be an adult and be a virgin, and be completely normal. There's nothing wrong with it. So, if I met someone that was my age or older that was a virgin, well good for him. We could deffinately be friends.
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 42
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 10:43:06 AM
If I met a woman who was a virgin at my age, I'd make a distracting movement, and then run while she was looking the other direction.
 calaf
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 43
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:02:29 PM
Remember the basketball player A.C. Green? He waited until he got married when he was 38 years old. He now runs a youth foundation that recomends abstinence.
 classact504
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 44
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 1:11:54 PM
Run as fast as I can.
 shelovesthesummer
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 45
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:21:00 PM
A 40-year-old, never married virgin? As a Christian, I'd be highly impressed, as I myself am waiting for my husband. I've (unfortunately) had to come to terms with the fact that the man I eventually marry, a Christian man, will probably not have waited for me. I suppose that's just the way society is, huh? I'm still waiting though, more for myself than for my husband to be quite honest. I'm not so sure that a bride's virginity is really respected or valued anymore. Times are changing! But I respect myself and my own virginity, and so I have chosen to wait.

How has this post ended up being about me? Enough about me! haha... A man who's chosen to wait, and managed to wait, 40 years to meet his wife gets my respect.
 JoftheJungle
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 46
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:11:16 PM
I'm a 23 yr old virgin. I have no interest in trying to get into someone's pants for bragging rights or so someone doesn't label me as a loser. Not to say I didn't have a couple opportunities, but I just didn't have any sexual interest in someone I didn't love and was just whoring herself out to me. I guess that makes me an abnormal man, but oh well.


I'm right there w/ ya. I'm curious...why the hell does everyone think virginity is such a bad thing? Its just confusing. You'd think having had partners would be worse, but apparently thats not the case anymore...
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 47
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/18/2006 11:47:59 PM
HOw would I react.??

I'd wonder why. And I wouldn't make any decisions or assumptions. There are too many options for the reasons why.

eg
- relegious nut - fridgid - man hater - LOOKs too pure to get laid.
 Ojabwe
Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 48
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:57:38 PM
Anybody no that Guy who discovered Gravity

I think his name was Sir Issac Newton.

On his Death Bed he was asked what his greatest accomplishment was:

He answered, "Living my whole life as a Virgin."

Hey Look how smart 'George Costanza' became after he stopped having sex.
 dylanw25
Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 49
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/19/2006 9:47:45 PM
Well, I'm not a woman.

But if I was, I would definitely give it up to him. But then again, I'm a slut...:) JK....
 capnstinkfish
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 50
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/19/2006 10:15:58 PM
40 year virgin? ya mean it's possible? well I thought it was just a funny sounding title [shrug]



Here's what I think..A SEXUAL. I hope those that are are smart enough to realise they are and to clue the rest of us in when appropriate!




The capn' has spoken.
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