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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 40 year old virgin question?      Home login  
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 museamuse
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 76
40 year old virgin question?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
There are all different levels of interest in sex and all different reasons for keeping or loosing one's virginity. I know a 40-something virgin who is male, extremely religious and I think secretly hates the idea of sex. I could be forgiving of a younger man who was "saving himself," but when an older guy is so much more inexperienced, I think I would stay away. There is such a thing as bad sex and an old virgin is an invitation to just that.
 cartographer
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 77
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 6:49:36 PM
I'm a 35 year old virgin, and not ashamed to admit it. I didn't fall in for the trap of marrying someone
who was dating someone else, nor did I fall in to the trap of marrying someone who wasn't ready. Not everyone learns social skills at an early age, and some who don't are late bloomers like myself. Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Seems like a few people on here because they don't understand how someone can be one are biased against such people. Honestly, open your minds. Some don't run around having sex with with every woman on the block. Some are deathly afraid of STDs, so we don't have sex with people who have sex with many other different people. And the few who have had sex with only one or two are hard to find, and often quite shy so you never get to know them well enough to know who they are, nor how to tell them apart from those who have had many different sex partners. Worst yet, there are many who are dishonest about who they are seeing presently. I'd love nothing more than to find someone who loves Classical music, doesn't smoke, and live a wonderful life with them, and know that they aren't in a relationship with someone else. Thus far, though I haven't found that woman. I decided on career first, then find the woman I like. Now that I have the career I like I'm much more ready to find that woman. Sex is the last thing on my mind, in spite of the fact I'm a virgin. The first job is to find someone honest and fun enough to be around with that only afterwards sex will come naturally. I'm not about to have sex with any of the people I try to date. It is when they really want a relationship, that sex will happen. Virginity should not be treated as a curse. It is a sign of honesty. It is a sign of someone who actually doesn't fall victim to peer pressure. It is a sign of integrity. It is a sign that the person will not stand for one night stands. And if you are one who doesn't like one night stands, look for the older virgins. They are less likely to want one.

And being afraid of STDs is quite reasonable. Not even condoms are 100% effective. Only abstinence is.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 78
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:50:41 PM
Wow, this is a good one. First I'll say there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. But your attitude SUCKS. You cry because people look down at you, but in these posts I see you calling everyone else idiots and stupid for having sex. Pot, kettle.

I don't think the gals who said they would run away meant they would physically run, screaming. Most people are going to assume a 40 year old virgin has no intimate relationship experience. And most of us, in our 30s or 40s, do not really feel like spending years with a virgin training them on how to be in a relationship.

A lot of you guys seem to think your virginity is more important than anything in the world. You sound like you expect women to bow down to you, be eternally greatful that you 'allowed' them the 'honor' of having sex with you. And when it's over they should be so grateful they will run out and buy you gifts and wash your car, clean your house, cook your dinner. Because you bestowed upon them your holy blessed virginity. Sounds like a God complex to me.

XDB: I have to say this. You said
I'll admit I couldn't even "get it up" I was so nervous. Of course, I kicked myself afterwards until I thought about it a bit and realized that I can't be expected to perform in such conditions
. Are you saying, you can't be expected to get an erection when its time to have sex? How else do you want to get it done??? See that's the problem with some of you guys. You hold off for so long, you make sex into this important thing so when you get the chance, you're so nervous you can't do it. I'll address that at the end.

And summernights sums it up for a lot of older virgin females. At that age, any time a guy touches them they decide he raped them. With that attitude you will never relax enough to enjoy making love. You will always think it's rape.

And a lot of you keep saying you kept your self respect by not having sex. Do you really think every person who ever had sex with their sweetheart was giving up their self respect? WOW! That's all I can think about that. If you truly believe you lose all respect for yourself when you have sex then no one can help you.

Ok Gentle Wolfe this one is for you. You said
Some of you ladies think that the guy is going to automatically fall in love with you the moment he climaxes and you will have to escape his clutches somehow.
You got that exactly right. All these 40 year old virgins are saying they are saving themselves for THE ONE. So by the time he agrees to 'give' her his virginity, he is going to be very infatuated with her. After all, she's the one he waited and suffered 40 years for, right? So when they have sex and a month later she decides he's boring and leaves......well no way is that guy going to shrug his shoulders and say 'oh well'...because she is THE ONE and he is not going to just let her walk away. She's the one because she got his virginity dammit. Hell yes he's going to stalk her. You also said
you won't have to deal with the ego of the guy who thinks he is "God's gift to women!!"
That's true but she WILL have to deal with his ego of 'see what i saved for you? look what im GIVING you! you should be grateful I saved it for YOU.


Women will stay away from an older virgin because they are looking for an easygoing, comfortable guy who loves intimacy along with a stable relationship. Not some holier than thou type who thinks she should worship him because he saved it for her.

I would not be interested in a 40 year old virgin woman, but for different reasons. I am going to assume she was either abused as a child (I know a lot of those) or she just never warmed up to men. A woman who hasn't been intimate her whole adult life definitely does not have a natural tendency to be loving and passionate. A passionate woman loves making love. And even if she does decide to have sex (after 40 years, doubtful) it is not going to be a warm loving experience. She is going to lay there with her eyes squeezed shut as you 'deflower' her. Wow, sounds like fun.

I know you guys have run into beautiful, funny, smart, loyal, generous, loving women. And you turned your nose up at them. The woman you are looking for does not exist. The fact you haven't found her in 40 years attests to that. What makes you think she's right around the corner? NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN. But it's highly likely if you haven't met a woman you liked yet, you never will.

I think it's fine if women hold onto their virginity for a few years. But I believe guys should get that first one out of the way quick. Then when you meet a great girl, you won't be obsessed with performance anxiety. You've already done it, you know you can, and you have an idea what to do with her. Makes things a lot easier. You won't have the problem XBD did.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 79
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:53:33 PM
Jeez and I did a lot of editing to get that down! Cut out several paragraphs of more rants I had.

But I do want to say this. In most men, desire outweighs nervousness. If you are so nervous it rains on your desire parade, you need to see a doctor. Nervousness is all mental, where desire goes much deeper and should easily overpower bad nerves.
 orchid38
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 80
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:01:58 PM
Why this is an issue is beyond me..I'm still one and if a man wants to run the other way just because I am then it's his loss. I have chosen to wait for love and not be the typical female of our generation. SEX is not what a relationship should be built on ..It's important but first things are first..I realize my point of view is old fashioned, but lust fades .Just look at all the cheaters online..If love was truly in the equation in those relationships then the man or woman would not NEED to be looking outside their bedroom for fun!..When you truly care about someone then your sex life should be fine and you should be able to talk about your needs, wants and desires and not have to shop around for it outside the relationship!

Anyway, too each his own and it's a matter of values, morals, and what matters to you.Many people see nothing wrong in bed hoping and again that's their choice; however, so many of those relationships fail..Why? Chances are they never got to know one another as people first and just let the sex rule..Then they find out later that they don't even like one another or would even be friends aside from the sex..Yea, that may be great fun but again to me I would much rather wait until a man came along who stuck around and didn't let virginity be his ruler for staying with me... I've always believed when I found the right man then intimacy would not be an issue. If a man simply says, YUG, you are a virgin therefore I can't get laid, so I won't waste my time with you, well sorry charlie he ain't the man I want to spend time getting to know in the first place!.."

By the way experience is not the key to being a great lover..First key is realizing no matter how many people you sleep with, we are all different and what turns one person on, may not turn another one...So you may have slept with a number of people but still have no clue how to please someone..

To many I may be a joke and that's ok...However, If I can withstand peer pressure or whatever and hold out for my own values, then perhaps if a man truly wants someone who will be faithful, loving and family oriented, then perhaps I'm not that big a joke after all..

Virginty should not be the issue when making a decison about getting to know someone and if it is YOUR main concern, then you are focusing on all the wrong things...God Bless all and Good luck in your search..
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 81
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/23/2006 8:04:24 PM
I have total respect for you being a virgin, orchid38, but you seem to be on a different planet.


SEX is not what a relationship should be built on


Nobody said it was. Plenty of relationships are not built on sex, yet sex is part of their relationship.


but lust fades


I beg to differ. I was in love and lust with everyone woman I dated, right until we broke up. And sometimes after.


When you truly care about someone then your sex life should be fine


A healthy sex life needs more than just love, it depends on more factors. Love does not automatically guarantee an awesome sex life.


By the way experience is not the key to being a great lover..


Sex advice from a virgin?

No one thinks you are a joke for being a virgin. But you sure are quick to put sex down or make it sound disgusting or blame it for failed relationships. Most of us have had relationships as virgins also. So we know first hand what part sex plays in a relationship. All you know is what you've read.

Good luck though.
 Bubbles1979
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 82
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/23/2006 10:06:25 PM
It depends on the person as an individual just like wioth anything else. Why are they a virgin? Do they chose to be? Couldn't get any? lol Totally depends...

BTW, The 40 year old Virgin was one of the most hilarious movies I have ever seen! I laughed my ass off!
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 83
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/24/2006 5:35:40 AM
I liked the movie for the sake of it being a movie, not because the individual was literally a 40 year old virgin. It was "the way" he portrayed the character, not the characters sexual history, or lack-there of.

If someone is 40 years old, and a virgin -- hey, I can't judge them. I have no idea what reasons they've not had intercourse.
 dbz77
Joined: 12/5/2006
Msg: 84
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/11/2007 2:02:33 PM

I don't really get it, why do women ridicule men who are virgins. I would think that the message men would get from that is that they need to lose their virginity as quick as possible so that they can 'appear' normal, experienced, and confident....as well as gain acceptance from their male counterparts. Do you really want to be the girl some guy loses his virginity to so that he can appeal to other women when you two are through. I think if virginity in general wasn't seen as such a negative thing, men would feel more comfortable in waiting till they were ready or found the right person.

Women ridicule men who are virgins because women have this perception that men who are virgins are inferior, less of a man than other men, and therefore not worthy of them. The reason behind this perception is that 95% of adults have had sex, and so if those men fail to do what 95% of men did, they must be less of a man than 95% of men.

There is a say that goes that the reasonable man changes himself to fit the world, while the unreasonable man tries to change the world to fit himself.Our society has decreed that virginity is shameful; therefore, you can be reasonable about it, and join the rest of humanity, or you may be unreasonable and go about trying to convince other people that your alternative lifestyle is somehow superior.


Michael
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 85
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/11/2007 3:53:51 PM
If you dont use it -do you lose it??? -that movie was the funniest thing i have seen since scary movie 3... i would love to have friends and co workers like them <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 NoMoreRegrets
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 86
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 3:57:37 PM
Well, when the question comes up, there's really only one right answer: "Sure I am. Just like Justin Timberlake told the media when he was still dating Britney Spears."

Sure, you're all saying "I'd run" or any other close-minded response. If someone will reject you outright just based on that, you're probably better off. And like it shoulda been said a zillion times before: you say that now, but everything else is in place (personality, confidence, attitude, etc. etc. etc.), then it won't matter at all. Seriously.

-NMR
 maryrachelle
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 87
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:10:54 PM
well i wouldnt run the other way as fast as i could just because i met a guy who was a 40 year old virgin. if i like him i would still want to get to know him and maybe when he was comfortable would tell me what the reasons are. there must be some good and probly interesting reasons as to why he is waiting. sex isint everything and it wouldnt stop me from wanting to hang out with and get to know the guy.
 ialmostcare
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 88
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:21:00 PM
First off, I thought that movie was hilarious...

Secondly, I prefer a man with a bit of experience.
 anu_cal
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 89
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:07:10 PM

Secondly, I prefer a man with a bit of experience.

why?? its not rocket science. its one of the most natural things humans can do. do you remember your first kiss?? did you not just "know" what you were doing??
 ialmostcare
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 90
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:15:59 PM

why?? its not rocket science. its one of the most natural things humans can do. do you remember your first kiss?? did you not just "know" what you were doing??

Anyone can have sex. Not everyone can get me off.
 anu_cal
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 91
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/12/2007 9:00:42 PM

Anyone can have sex. Not everyone can get me off.

well don't you think a bit of communication is in order then???
 ialmostcare
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 92
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/13/2007 4:39:16 AM

well don't you think a bit of communication is in order then???

I've tried that. Some people are just hopeless.

It's a preference. You don't have to understand it.
 Ninki
Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 93
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/13/2007 5:02:59 AM

for me i have had many oppertunities, had a few test and tempt me.. but i have stood by my faith and morals and am going to until the day i get married or die (which ever comes 1st)



I'm sorry, but to me it's just not normal for a man especially, to be celibate at 30. Good luck trying to find that good-hearted unselfish woman, though...

Ninki
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 94
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/13/2007 5:24:35 AM

well don't you think a bit of communication is in order then???


The poster you refer this to makes it sound like it's a one shot audition.
 Tramp
Joined: 2/8/2007
Msg: 95
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/14/2007 6:56:58 AM
Hey, how about me. Why should one loose virginity.
I have been in a frozen display case until today, I am saving it for the soul-mate.
Sacrifice, sacrifice....
 baycitymom
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 96
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:58:05 AM
When I was 19 I met a guy and we were dating and he told me that he was a virgin, he was also 19 at the time, I know this sounds bad but I couldn't get over the fact that he was still a virgin at that point I myself had only been with one person so I was freaked out by it. If I was to meet a guy now that was a virgin I wouldn't react the same way. I actually think it may be more of a turn on that he respected himself enough to wait until he found the right woman to be with.
 calaf
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 97
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/14/2007 8:58:55 AM
He waited till 19!?!? I can see why that freaked you out. NOT. But the original question was about a 40 year old virgin. I gave a good example of a good well adjusted person who waited until marriage at age 38 - the basketball player AC Green. There is nothing freaky about it. Or him.
 baycitymom
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 98
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:46:40 AM
I freaked out because I didn't know what I was really doing myself.....
 imcummy
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 99
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 2/14/2007 5:57:36 PM
i would **** his brains out if he was clean
 lala69
Joined: 10/31/2006
Msg: 100
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 7/10/2007 3:24:43 PM
ARE YOU SERIOUS......DONT MEAN NO HARM BUT YOU NEED TO BE ****ED.
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