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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 40 year old virgin question?      Home login  
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 halfleb
Joined: 7/4/2006
Msg: 76
40 year old virgin question?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I would believe there was some deep psychological fear or trauma that would cause this person to be afraid of sex (either that or they are REALLY bad with women). Sex is very healthy and natural, its a special (I say that term loosely) connection between human beings. To have it does not mean you have to lose any values or morals.

I respect anyones choice to wait until marriage or some kind've committment but to be over the age of 40 and not of experienced this connection is just simply odd and does cause others to speculate quite a bit as to why????

To say that you're proud of avoiding STD'S and pregnancy is ridiculous because there are plenty of safety measure out there nowadays to prevent all of these things all the while maintaining a healhty sex life.

I believe probably a lot of these men are past the point of no-return with their age as not a lot of women would be compassonate enough (i'm not sure if that's the correct term) to date someone with so little experience or most importantly a lack of interest in something that is so natural. The women would have to be in the same situation.

Don't worry guys, I suppose its never too late!

PS- I thought that movie was funny.
 Zain.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 77
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/22/2006 3:19:14 PM
"To say that you're proud of avoiding STD'S and pregnancy is ridiculous because there are plenty of safety measure out there nowadays to prevent all of these things all the while maintaining a healhty sex life."

There is nothing wrong with being proud of the fact that you never got anyone pregnant or caught an STD. look at the statistics STDs and unwanted pregnancies are still running rampant. I'll take being a virgin over paying child support anyday. Yes they're is condoms and birth control. I agree that's one way to protect yourself however Some prople simply choose to remain celibate and there is nothing wrong with that. A common miscoception about virgins is that they don't like sex or don't want it. Well... I can only speak for myself.. I'm a virgin and no I don't think is sex is bad or sinful yes i have hormones and yes i get horny Just because a person has had sex before is no guarantee that they are more well adjusted or normal it just means.. well they've had sex. You have to realize that until you have talked to the person and gotton to know him everything that's going through your mind is speculation and assumptions and those aren't very reliable.
 Love to Cruise
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 78
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History
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/22/2006 3:33:59 PM
How old is "too old" to be a virgin?
 sportsdude3479
Joined: 2/5/2005
Msg: 79
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/22/2006 5:17:22 PM
Sportsdude if ur goal is to wait till marriage u might have to stay a virgin till 40, if not then anyone can get sex and im sure u can also if u really wanted to. Just make sure u do it the way u feel comfortable with dude.


It was, but latley, I just have been thinking if I met a cute girl, who wanted to have sex, I'd do it. Who knows if I'll ever get married, and I don't wanna take life for granted anymore, after all I have been through health wise.

BTW, where can I get sex with someone if I want to lol, and im not talking about paying for it. I mean im up for a one night stand, but im not going to pay for sex!
 Lux_Interior
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 80
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:29:09 PM
I hope all you people getting prepared to bolt from a 40 yr old virgin feel really good about yourselves, though I can't fathom how you would. It's kind of an idiotic stance to take and I hope other people find something incredibly stupid wrong with you and bolt from you in return.
 Discofied
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 81
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:49:55 PM
I would be inclined to think he was a eunuch....
 Iloveteal
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 82
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/27/2006 11:01:47 AM
Well, I would think that he was awesome! Really, I think that it takes a lot for a man especially, to keep himself a virgin. Just because a guy was say...40, and still a virgin, doesn't make him less a man. It doesn't mean he didn't have the opportunities, it just means he wasn't gonna settle for just anything. Bravo to virgins, Bravo! How come it's such a big deal tho, if a guy is a virgin at 40? Would it be such a big deal, if a female was 40 years old and a virgin? If I reach 40 and am still not married, I will be a 40 year old virgin, and proud of it!
 jpneok
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 83
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/27/2006 8:52:18 PM
But there seem to be relatively few posts like Teal's, and a lot more that do seem to be pretty condemning of an "older" virgin, unfortunately. Though I do note that there does seem to be an undercurrent of the guys being "relationship virgins" as well, indicating that they're damaged goods, defective, imbalanced, etc. That's kind of harsh.

I haven't seen the movie because it looked stupid and insulting and misses the entire point of most people's real issues, and I just can't enjoy a movie I can't identify or sympathize with.
 whowantstoknowjoe
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 84
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 8/28/2006 7:11:58 AM
Well to be honest I thought it was a good movie had some real funny stuff in it to me I also work in retail electronics so I got the privalige of acually comparing it to something that is completely real I thought that it made complete sense and had some hilarious parts. really good casting for the roles people played they played them well. Mike from friends, Conrad from Weeds and Micheal from the office. The arabian guy they play poker with thats old and freaks out might be one of the funniest ppl in the movie.

OP i guess my take on it would be your probably religious or have high morals which is completely respectable but by the age of 40 you would think you'd put some effort in to find a companion. Being single is also a bit of an addiction you get used to certain things like freedom, daily tasks, working all the time, some people just don't even realize life is passing by. If you want to look at it this way avg life of girl 85 guys 75 or something so say 80 if your a virgin at 40 you've missed at least 50% of your chance plus you don't have the body you had when you were 20 anymore.
 *V*
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 85
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/2/2006 1:58:51 AM
I want my virginity back..let me have yours...:)
 desertrat38
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 86
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/10/2006 8:12:19 AM
Well you can`t judge people and its never too late to start. I think if you are around enough women via work activities it will happen sooner. If you an IT guy where its you and the computer 24/7, its quite conceivable you could end up a 40 yr old virgin, especially if you have no other activities.

The problem is social isolation in this high tech society.
 BlackbirdXIII
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 87
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/10/2006 8:36:00 AM
"I respect anyones choice to wait until marriage or some kind've committment but to be over the age of 40 and not of experienced this connection is just simply odd and does cause others to speculate quite a bit as to why???? "

Boy, I love the polite attempt at saying "You're a demented freak".

But seriously I'm just about 32 and still a virgin, largely because there's nobody I've met yet that I wanted to have sex with. No relationships, maybe dating once or twice a year, and nobody who wants to be with me. It's not that I don't want to, I just want the right person--and as slowly as my dating life goes I'm doubtful I will ever meet that person
 mistakenlost
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 88
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/11/2006 9:38:47 AM

run the other way


Ive noticed many people here are awesome. Always helpful, never with speaking with prejudice. But I cant understand why some people are so hurtful. We call come from a different background with different experiences. I guess that would make us unique but not so different. I guess thats not the case for some people. It seems they want me to be ashamed of my choices in life.

I am a FREAK, if thats what they want to call me. Yes treat me like I'm worthless, run away, call me a eunuch or what ever labels you can muster. It doesn't matter to me anymore because for all the comments, it only highlights the ignorance that is so prevalent in todays society. Ive always thought just maybe there is more to life than simply sex. I just turned 24 and this past week lots of things happened. I did have the chance to do something about my virginity but I remembered why I am so. I remembered what I had forgotten so long ago... the reasons why I don't fall prey to the over sexualized world...

I truly thank you for all of your prejudice, animosity and apathy. It teaches me why I hope to never be "Normal".

Thanks to everyone who posted, its good to know that others feel the same way.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 89
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/11/2006 9:16:10 PM
The impact of one being a virgin, depends on age. In late teens, it is a sign of being clean cut... by mid-20's, it becomes a possible concern. And so forth... Yes, during the "just seeing them" period, people are stereotypical, and you should expect them to be so on some levels. They can't get to know you in every way THEN decide to have a relationship with you -- so expect it, live with it, deal with it. They'll be sterotypical about red flags. It's just the law of probability in terms of what is a good match for them.

It isn't about "putting p*nis in v*gina" that makes one cool, or one who hasn't by a certain age being uncool. It really isn't... it's about being intimate with someone, which is a natural thing. It's unnatural to be older, under normal life circumstances, and not have had physical intimacy with someone. If you "rounded the bases, but stopped at 3rd" in a few relationships, and every other part of you was great... then that may be acceptable. You'd just have to express that you don't fear sexual relations at all, you just haven't gone all the way yet. That will let down their guard. But those sitautions are rare.

People will assume you have issues, if you're past most of your 30's and still a virgin. Far more often than not, if you are just a name on the list among other names, they will be right. If they've gotten to know you well, and THEN they find out -- it will be less of an impact.

Point is, many people have social, sexual, or behavioral problems. And it isn't just about being a virgin, either. It's the statistical chances. Someone who had sex only twice of one-night stands, and they're 45... well, they're going to get the same assumption -- no true dating or relationship experience. It's an assumption -- they know they *could* be wrong -- but the odds are that there are issues that they are not comfortable dealing with, and if they're older too, they're probably in the mindset of avoiding any POSSIBLE issues.
 DungeonDad
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 90
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/11/2006 9:24:46 PM
I'm not a virgin, but I've been with the same women for 15 year's. I think I'm a virgin compared to everyone else.
Chadd
 xSeirenesx
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 91
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/11/2006 9:39:05 PM
hmmm, running because a guy is an adult and a virgin?...anyways, to me, I wouldn't care either way, viriginity doesn't play a part in whether I like a persons personality or not.
 ProphetPX
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 92
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/13/2006 12:01:14 AM


40 year old virgin is not something out of this world, in fact its Godly. Isaac married Rebeccah when he was 40. to 40 yr old virgins



well that's funny, then how come I don't feel very "godly"? in fact, in some of my innermost thoughts, i KNOW that I am not godly at all, if you know what i mean ... I am 33 now, almost 34 as of next month, and I am STILL a virgin.

AHHHHH THE STIGMA THE TRAUMA THE HORROR!!! but it is totally true! :-(

Yes that's right, not a lie, totally the truth. Not something i am proud of, hate it absolutely. And I don't think of it as an accomplishment at all. :-(

i hate this but women never seem to want to stay interested in me long enough to even give me time to ever get comfortable with sex. I can't just "jump into things" like that, it would probably take me forever before I could ever consider "giving it up" to someone just like that. I just cannot do that :-(

for as much as i always hear women complaining about the men in their lives and how they only always want sex all the time, I feel I am just the opposite and the few women i have tried to have in my life have been JUST LIKE THAT, and just because I have not been comfortable with "giving it up" to them like that, they leave me, they dump me, they never come back .... growls sighs ... :-(

isn't a person worth more ON THE INSIDE than just his stupid sex appeal ???
i mean, i want someone who will still want to be with me when i am 64, when sex appeal means next to nothing anymore and the whole reason you stay with someone is because of REAL LOVE and that you can't picture yourself as being with anyone else but THAT ONE SPECIAL PERSON!! THAT IS THE KIND OF THING I WANT FOR MY LIFE and why can't I find it ??? Sure I'd love to get rid of this virginity thing and have LOTS OF HOT SEX WHILE I AM YOUNG, cuz I ain't gettin any older!! but dammit it just ain't happenin ... blah lol And if I ever wanna have kids someday (and someday I think I do), then i know that: not only does the woman have a constantly ticking biological clock (to some ladies it sounds like reverberating church bells in a tall tower at night lol), but believe it or not, I have a biological clock too, and it is telling me IT IS FAR PAST TIME TO BE ENJOYING MY YOUTH AND WHY CAN'T I FIND ANYONE TO BRING ME THOSE KINDS OF BLESSINGS WHILE I AM STILL YOUNG ???? !!!


-- a very sad virgin at 34
... hoping that i can really LIVE LIFE (sexually) some time before 64 :-(
 Paulchino II
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 93
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/13/2006 1:40:55 AM

... it's about being intimate with someone, which is a natural thing. It's unnatural to be older, under normal life circumstances, and not have had physical intimacy with someone.


That's an interesting point...all you people who "would run" ...take note...this is a lesson in being tactful...but I would bet that 99.999999% of all older virgins have had some kind of physical intimacy.....

...so what's the problem then? the only problem is INSECURITY! It's insecurity that makes one feel the need to spring this little fact onto somebody and make them "run"....(or post a silly question in the forums)

...if you've gone through date after date...and never found the connection that was right for you...you've got something to be VERY proud of...BUT....

...if you've gone through date after date...made each one "run" because you're too insecure about your "virgin status"....you need to get some things handled.....


I'm not a virgin, but I've been with the same women for 15 year's. I think I'm a virgin compared to everyone else.


Awsome statement there...I can relate...in a VERY roundabout way...
 ItalianGoGetta
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 94
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/13/2006 2:07:32 AM
Im only 21 now but I lost my "virginity" when I was 15...Since then ive only had 6 partners, 7 or 8 if you include oral (I can't remember about the one time lol, god I was so trashed :-P )...

Im not going to sit there and choose to dislike someone just because they choose to be a virgin, because that just gives men like myself more opportunities lol...I am a nymph and proud of it, im very open sexually and I just love intimacy...3 of those 6 were very serious relationships, and the other 3 were just O.N.S's...

If you don't want to have sex then don't, do whatever floats your boat...No one should be hated or disliked just because they choose not to do something, it's what makes us all unique, our choices in life are what makes us who we are...

Me...Personally...Im on a mission to try -ALMOST- everything there is to do out there in the sexual world as long as its legal and I don't end up in a wheel chair afterwords haha
 Zain.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 95
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 6:06:25 PM
BTW, where can I get sex with someone if I want to lol, and im not talking about paying for it. I mean im up for a one night stand, but im not going to pay for sex!"

it's never for free you're paying for it in one form or another
 museamuse
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 96
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 6:28:26 PM
There are all different levels of interest in sex and all different reasons for keeping or loosing one's virginity. I know a 40-something virgin who is male, extremely religious and I think secretly hates the idea of sex. I could be forgiving of a younger man who was "saving himself," but when an older guy is so much more inexperienced, I think I would stay away. There is such a thing as bad sex and an old virgin is an invitation to just that.
 cartographer
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 97
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40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 6:49:36 PM
I'm a 35 year old virgin, and not ashamed to admit it. I didn't fall in for the trap of marrying someone
who was dating someone else, nor did I fall in to the trap of marrying someone who wasn't ready. Not everyone learns social skills at an early age, and some who don't are late bloomers like myself. Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Seems like a few people on here because they don't understand how someone can be one are biased against such people. Honestly, open your minds. Some don't run around having sex with with every woman on the block. Some are deathly afraid of STDs, so we don't have sex with people who have sex with many other different people. And the few who have had sex with only one or two are hard to find, and often quite shy so you never get to know them well enough to know who they are, nor how to tell them apart from those who have had many different sex partners. Worst yet, there are many who are dishonest about who they are seeing presently. I'd love nothing more than to find someone who loves Classical music, doesn't smoke, and live a wonderful life with them, and know that they aren't in a relationship with someone else. Thus far, though I haven't found that woman. I decided on career first, then find the woman I like. Now that I have the career I like I'm much more ready to find that woman. Sex is the last thing on my mind, in spite of the fact I'm a virgin. The first job is to find someone honest and fun enough to be around with that only afterwards sex will come naturally. I'm not about to have sex with any of the people I try to date. It is when they really want a relationship, that sex will happen. Virginity should not be treated as a curse. It is a sign of honesty. It is a sign of someone who actually doesn't fall victim to peer pressure. It is a sign of integrity. It is a sign that the person will not stand for one night stands. And if you are one who doesn't like one night stands, look for the older virgins. They are less likely to want one.

And being afraid of STDs is quite reasonable. Not even condoms are 100% effective. Only abstinence is.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 98
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:50:41 PM
Wow, this is a good one. First I'll say there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. But your attitude SUCKS. You cry because people look down at you, but in these posts I see you calling everyone else idiots and stupid for having sex. Pot, kettle.

I don't think the gals who said they would run away meant they would physically run, screaming. Most people are going to assume a 40 year old virgin has no intimate relationship experience. And most of us, in our 30s or 40s, do not really feel like spending years with a virgin training them on how to be in a relationship.

A lot of you guys seem to think your virginity is more important than anything in the world. You sound like you expect women to bow down to you, be eternally greatful that you 'allowed' them the 'honor' of having sex with you. And when it's over they should be so grateful they will run out and buy you gifts and wash your car, clean your house, cook your dinner. Because you bestowed upon them your holy blessed virginity. Sounds like a God complex to me.

XDB: I have to say this. You said
I'll admit I couldn't even "get it up" I was so nervous. Of course, I kicked myself afterwards until I thought about it a bit and realized that I can't be expected to perform in such conditions
. Are you saying, you can't be expected to get an erection when its time to have sex? How else do you want to get it done??? See that's the problem with some of you guys. You hold off for so long, you make sex into this important thing so when you get the chance, you're so nervous you can't do it. I'll address that at the end.

And summernights sums it up for a lot of older virgin females. At that age, any time a guy touches them they decide he raped them. With that attitude you will never relax enough to enjoy making love. You will always think it's rape.

And a lot of you keep saying you kept your self respect by not having sex. Do you really think every person who ever had sex with their sweetheart was giving up their self respect? WOW! That's all I can think about that. If you truly believe you lose all respect for yourself when you have sex then no one can help you.

Ok Gentle Wolfe this one is for you. You said
Some of you ladies think that the guy is going to automatically fall in love with you the moment he climaxes and you will have to escape his clutches somehow.
You got that exactly right. All these 40 year old virgins are saying they are saving themselves for THE ONE. So by the time he agrees to 'give' her his virginity, he is going to be very infatuated with her. After all, she's the one he waited and suffered 40 years for, right? So when they have sex and a month later she decides he's boring and leaves......well no way is that guy going to shrug his shoulders and say 'oh well'...because she is THE ONE and he is not going to just let her walk away. She's the one because she got his virginity dammit. Hell yes he's going to stalk her. You also said
you won't have to deal with the ego of the guy who thinks he is "God's gift to women!!"
That's true but she WILL have to deal with his ego of 'see what i saved for you? look what im GIVING you! you should be grateful I saved it for YOU.


Women will stay away from an older virgin because they are looking for an easygoing, comfortable guy who loves intimacy along with a stable relationship. Not some holier than thou type who thinks she should worship him because he saved it for her.

I would not be interested in a 40 year old virgin woman, but for different reasons. I am going to assume she was either abused as a child (I know a lot of those) or she just never warmed up to men. A woman who hasn't been intimate her whole adult life definitely does not have a natural tendency to be loving and passionate. A passionate woman loves making love. And even if she does decide to have sex (after 40 years, doubtful) it is not going to be a warm loving experience. She is going to lay there with her eyes squeezed shut as you 'deflower' her. Wow, sounds like fun.

I know you guys have run into beautiful, funny, smart, loyal, generous, loving women. And you turned your nose up at them. The woman you are looking for does not exist. The fact you haven't found her in 40 years attests to that. What makes you think she's right around the corner? NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A VIRGIN. But it's highly likely if you haven't met a woman you liked yet, you never will.

I think it's fine if women hold onto their virginity for a few years. But I believe guys should get that first one out of the way quick. Then when you meet a great girl, you won't be obsessed with performance anxiety. You've already done it, you know you can, and you have an idea what to do with her. Makes things a lot easier. You won't have the problem XBD did.
 WakeDan
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 99
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:53:33 PM
Jeez and I did a lot of editing to get that down! Cut out several paragraphs of more rants I had.

But I do want to say this. In most men, desire outweighs nervousness. If you are so nervous it rains on your desire parade, you need to see a doctor. Nervousness is all mental, where desire goes much deeper and should easily overpower bad nerves.
 indri
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 100
40 year old virgin question?
Posted: 9/22/2006 8:35:10 PM
i have nothing against virgin, for example, could be a priest who met the love of his life at forty although he observed his vows all before......

the only problem i'd have with a virgin of any age is that..... well..... we wouldn't know what to do..... and that is not because i am a virgin myself mind you..... it's just that i can't figure out being there and explaining all that.....

then again, you know what, if it did happen to me to fall in love with someone who's a virgin for GOOD reasons..... i probably just wouldn't care at all...... now, there's left to define good reasons..... the priest's the only one that comes to mind really.... ever seen a really sexy priest?... ''
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > 40 year old virgin question?