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 dknickerbocker
Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 18
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Some things you can selectively bring up, maybe in a playful or flirtatious way... but others you might do better not bringing up in conversation...

I'm pretty freaking... I'm also very creative about incorporating what ever I into in broader sex play... Alot of women might be turned of or disgusted by something they may actually like... take for instance getting a rim job or having her toes sucked.

not the kinds of things I would bring up in general discussion.... But in the context of a full body massage with lets say strawberry kiwi massage oil she might be ok with it or find she even likes it...

Moral of the story... some things are better left unsaid... you might have to contain your own anticipation or anxiety about whatever you are into .

Good luck... And remember sex should be fun
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 19
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 4:00:34 PM

I have a pamphlet which I give them...............


I love it - I'll have to get mine printed up - good idea -
 stoneside
Joined: 9/3/2004
Msg: 20
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 4:08:08 PM
I'm a very sexual person. As such when I was chatted for the purpose of meeting I would mention it before meeting. There just no point in me meeting a lady that isn't sexual. I raise the subject and let her guide the conversation after that so we stay within her comfort level. I've chatted with alot of women and not once has a lady had a problem with discussing the subject. Be honest and straight forward. It's never failed.
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 21
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 4:19:12 PM
OP, There are numerous ways to bring up preferences, though bringing them up immediately upon talking or meeting isn't a good idea. ;) Besides finding out some pretty interesting information through these forums ;) I'd say once the two people are comfortable with each other it's something that kind of comes up...maybe not very explicitly, though that can happen, lol. If they're waiting to have sex before becoming exclusive, then it's just another thing that can be talked about during the discussions leading up to that time, along with sexual health and history. If they don't wait that long, then it makes for some good pillow talk.

Msg 6 - As an older woman ;) I can say that preferences definitely don't get fixed for all older women. Actually, based on experience and listening to other older women, we women tend to get more uninhibited and adventurous. I believe there are always going to be some things that a person isn't willing to try, things that they've never had an interest in and never will; but I also believe that anyone with a healthy outlook about sex and their body, who cares about not only pleasing themself but also their partner, will be more open to trying something new, being uninhibited, and being able to tell their partner their likes and dislikes.
 Pete73052
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 22
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 4:27:01 PM
Don't discuss these things at all. I say surprise her. Surprises make sex exciting. She may become very turned when she walks in the bedroom and finds you dressed up as Little Bo Peep. And if she runs, that's what the long stick with the hook on the end is for.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 26
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:09:14 PM
I honestly think that the moment you decide to get naked together you should express your wants and desires - why make sex difficult - it's to be enjoyed fully - so communicate your preferences and take yourself to heaven each time you connect!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 27
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:46:49 PM
I was always more comfortable waiting until the relationship was deemed exclusive and sex was obviously going to happen. That didn't always work well for me. It just seemed that each time I waited to have the discussion about physical intimacy ~ he was much too prudish for me. What a let down that was. Twice that happened. I now know that if I meet someone datable for me ~ that conversation needs to happen much sooner than later.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 29
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/2/2006 4:08:39 PM

Anyway, I simply hand them a page from a book of barnyard animals and a marker ask them to circle or 'X' as appropriate. This technique can help cross language bariers, so it's also good to know when you're travelling.


LMAO.
 Lisa!!!
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 30
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:23:34 PM
You DON"T discuss it. At each and every sexual encounter, you just try something new. Spring it on her - or gently try to pursuade her.
Then, if it she doesn't go for it, you can discuss it over a smoke after.
A lot of us don't like to talk about it, but in the heat of the moment, you never know WHAT might happen!
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 33
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/2/2006 11:18:07 PM
I'll try anything once.... twice if it didn't hurt the first time...

I find it hard to "discuss" sex before you actually HAVE SEX... if you do then there are too many expectations. So far everyone has enjoyed the dungeon out in my barn... of course there was that one guy, he didn't like the electric cattle prog very much, spoil sport!!
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 36
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:28:04 AM
ohhh a pamphlet, good idea, mines gonna come (hah no pun intended) with a road map too!
I kinda enjoy the sexual preference talk. Before you're intimate its fun because you get a feel for what the person is into , what they've done , what they'd like to try. Hopefully it means your compatable but sometimes they open your eyes to new and fun things!
I find in my relationships anyway , a fair bit of talk happens before the down and dirty action does!
 morganaca
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 38
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:10:00 AM
i would always take the situation in hand pretty quickly. i mention what and why im here on the date and this is what my interests are . you need to know what you seek and allow the other person to open his/her thoughts as well.i start with me first and ask lots in return i think this puts them at ease and then add my sexual pleasure are open and perhaps willing to try something new. i prefere the man to start with this topic but if they dont then i must because i know what i seek and want. once said the other person ussually will respond and open their thoughts and ideas. sex today is as common as whats your name at least i find it that way. personally dont beat around the bush like i want friends and in truth a sexual partner or i enjoy what my partner like s bull.... its your happiness and make it work for you. all are differant so the approach has to be timed but definately done by the end of the night dont get involved if your not happy. i am happy in what i want but also happier if i can give them what they want as well the sex is better that way. example if its not mentioned and your having sex and your urges takes over and start to get freaky without you knowing would you really want to see their look of surprise then or before it got that far or perhaps she whips out one bigger than yours and says let me drive hunny lol.
 fatesown
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 41
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:30:56 AM
>>As a female, I find that discussing sexual preferece early on may turn people onto that side of things more than getting to know you.

I've had the same thing happen. I'm a very earthy, sexual female, with definate preferences, some of them on the...hmmm.... unusual side. But when I hinted at that in my profile, as a "ask and I'll tell" kind of thing, that's what hooked guys in, and I got a lot of 'moron' mail. When I deleted the reference, I got fewer responses to my profile, but more quality. Then as we talk as 'normal people' getting to know each other, the subject eventually comes up. At that point, we can talk about likes, dislikes, and kinks without as much awkwardness.

Though not many men are willing to be on the receiving end of a flog! lmao

But honestly, I think women in general want to be appreciated for themselves, and their sexual proclivities are the extra special frosting when they meet the right guy. And as a guy, rereading your question here, I'd agree to wait until the lady hints at the subject, then slide those insinuations into the conversation.

Asking a bold "what do you like and dislike" will in most cases earn you a big fat BLOCK!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 42
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:43:10 AM
lady_bugg65 says:


i like to have sex first and foremost.....before any indepth conversation........eliminates the problem entirely..............................:)


I am with you. If you annalize the crab about what you like or not you will not do d•ck. Just make sure you wear a condom and go from there, don't even ask, do.
 panmankb
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 48
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:39:22 PM
I've thought about this subject alot for a good reason I think. I have in my mind what I want in a partner that would make me happy. I never thought this way in the past and paid a dear price wishing I would have asked her before I married her. I'm not talking 'kink' either, never got in to using the whole chicken! (from a joke). I will ask this time but the time frame will have to be when I think we are both comfortable discussing it.
 camper28
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 50
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/3/2009 7:16:45 PM
I generally like to know my dates sexual preferences before I meet them because I don't like to waste time on someone I am not going to ever be sexually compatible with hpwever if the person is a little shy I will wait a couple weeks maximum.

Never ever wait til your in a committed relationship to find out things because it will make it that much harder to leave a relationship and you will resent your SO.
 WasabiGal
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 51
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:32:51 PM
It starts with chemistry. Doesn't matter if the other person likes the same activities as you. If there's no chemistry, the rest is irrelevant.

I didn't discuss much with my boyfriend...but we had firecracker chemistry, and I knew that if the kissing was fantastic (which it was) I wasn't worried about having sex the first time. And now, two years later, we're still coming up with new things to try and new ways to surprise each other.

I couldn't imagine ever talking about my sexual experiences/interests with a guy I just started dating. It wouldn't feel natural to have that discussion before I knew him better, and there'd still be no guarantee that it would work out. Haven't you'all been in bed with a new lover who reveals a habit or sex style that you could never have predicted from the conversations that you had...and you can't stand it?

There are no guarantees...sometimes you just have to go for the ride to see what it's like
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 52
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:48:11 AM

Maybe you should just put it on your profile if it means that much to you.


I put it in my profile. Although in my case, my preference is for a non-sexual relationship.
 produceninja
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 53
How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:49:43 AM
Sooner rather than later and not just your kinks but also how important sex is to you. Vastly large differences in how often both of you want to have sex can become a huge issue later in relationships.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 54
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 8:41:01 AM
this is a very good topic,i think it needs to be talked about before you develop feelings and are willing to get intimate , if a woman is not adventurous ,imaginative,and kinky, there is no point in going any further with her than simple friendship, everything could be perfect, but if your not on the same page sexually then any serious relationship is doomed to fail
so you might as well let her know sooner then later,its unfortunate that there are so few open minded women in north america
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 55
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 2/10/2019 8:17:58 AM
I have never initiated sex talk and always let the female start this only because I want to see where she is with what she thinks a relationship is....which tells me if we are compatible...….
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 56
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 2/10/2019 8:51:37 AM
First of all. Pete at message 22 - Little Bo Peep! Thank you for the laugh. I snorted my coffee!
Second....I can't see the original message but I'm not sure that we're talking as much about sexual preference as to when?
Some women and/or men have never had the opportunity to be sexually adventurous and the right partner could bring this part of their nature out. As an older woman and comfortable with a level of 'kinkiness', that is something that would be discovered even the first time but other people may need to become very comfortable and trusting of their partner who realizes that he/she cares enough about their partner to be patient.
As to when....again as an older woman, I have made mistakes over the years and realized that some men who get the candy too early never want any more, at least from my candy jar. Not sure why because it seems sex is the major goal for many men and some women. Alternatively there are times that early sex has resulted in a LTR, be it for months or years that was never really right. It was only the sex that was great. For me, having learned a thing or two about myself, it is far better to get to know someone. Being intimate with someone I really don't know ends up feeling awkward for me, at least the last few times at tried it, but if two people feel some chemistry and anticipation about seeing each other, then things can will happen naturally when each is ready and it is a mutual decision. Let the first kisses stir the flame.....and imagination will help with the rest.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 57
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 2/10/2019 8:55:16 AM

It starts with chemistry. Doesn't matter if the other person likes the same activities as you. If there's no chemistry, the rest is irrelevant.

What she said.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 58
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How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 2/10/2019 9:24:24 AM

It starts with chemistry. Doesn't matter if the other person likes the same activities as you. If there's no chemistry, the rest is irrelevant.

Long term chemistry that develops over time? Yes. Instant chemistry? Not necessarily. Many times there won't be instant chemistry because 2 people are virtual strangers or one person might be a little shy or nervous at first. Even when there is instant chemistry, that can quickly fizzle out when 2 people get to know each other better.

To answer the actual question, sexual preferences were often discussed earlier when I was in FWB/casual relationship. In a serious relationship, it wasn't discussed until we were about to get intimate.
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