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 BeccaAnn
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 76
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I dated a man that was an on again/off again heroin addict. He did try to get clean and at some times actually was clean, but they always have the tendency to fall back into the addiction. Drugs are always their first love, which would make you their second. There fore, even if a person claims that they are clean, I would not date them because anything could set them off and cause them to relapse and I would not want to be held responsbile for that.
 junglemel
Joined: 1/9/2006
Msg: 77
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/2/2006 8:17:54 PM
If you decided to date an addict or junkie, I suggest you educate yourself about addictions because addict/junkies are the BEST liars in the world. Unless you know what to look for, you could end up in a bad situation before you know what hit you. People can and do overcome drugs...... but lots dont. Just keep your eyes open and be careful. Dont go there if you are uneducated about it. Mel
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 84
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 2:42:03 PM
Addiction IS a disease, I'm not disputing that, but it's a self-inflicted disease. No one made you get high the first time, or the next, or the next. Everyone knows what can happen.
I've never met an addict, and I've met lots of them, who didn't have a great big tear-jerker story about how it's not their fault. Know what? IT'S BULLSHIT.
 Silky3511
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 86
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:44:21 PM
Everyone has a right and deserves a second chance!
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 87
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History
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:54:06 PM
Well I don't think that I would hold that against them. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. I would proceed with caution.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 88
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:55:35 PM
^^^^^ You're right, everyone deserves a second chance. NO one deserves a third, or fourth, or tenth.
A junkie's favorite line is "I'm cleaning up my act, I'll never do it again."
Sure. Until the next time.
 ozma
Joined: 6/23/2006
Msg: 89
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 3:56:09 PM
There are people who are addicts. Bottom line, they trade one addiction for another.
There are those few who turn to drugs who are going through a rough patch and don't have enough relationship skills to learn how to deal.
There's a fine line between the two.


and then there are people who have a party phase and then get over it and grow up.

i don't know which you are drugstorecowboy but to anwser your question yes, sure

the past is past. if i think the person is really over their bad habits then i see no reason not to live in the now and give it a shot...i mean try.
 Chameleanne
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 90
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 4:32:24 PM
WOW... I am just blown away by what I am reading here!!

On the one hand some of these responses are just hysterical, on the other hand...it is quite obvious some people have been really hurt by people who are obviously STILL struggling with their problems. I feel alot of empathy for you folks. However, this stuff happens all of the time and not just with Junkies:

I can truthfully say that I have dated and had relationships with people who have appeared to be of "outstanding character" and upon more lengthy investigation...you wouldn't beleive the skeletons jumping around in their closets...and they WERE NOT junkies, substance misusers or addicts of any kind...just your normal garden variety "****ed in the head types of people! " Idiots abound on this planet and they are not just relegated to the "Junkie" file

I have always said "You can make a case for anything if you talk long enough!!"

Some folks view the world very simplistically...those folks would probably be best to leave the recovering addicts alone...what in the world would they have in common anyways!!...and for the folks who have a more indescreet past...don't waste your time with people who show you that they are incapable of being on the same playing field...don't waste the richness and depth of your life experience!!

For the more complex, creative, passionate souls inhabiting this planet..."Don't EVER let anyone EVER tell you that you are not worthy or of more value than some of these close minded morons on here say you are. It is just the status quo talking...and do you really care about that anyways? You would not want to date someone who was so misunderstanding of you...would you ??

Carve your space out in life and make sure it is a well travelled and thought out one! YOU are the only one who will ever make your past difficulties a barrier to what you want now!!!
 beardob580
Joined: 5/30/2004
Msg: 91
Would you date an ex-junkie who''s cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:40:57 PM
^^^^^^^^
Thank you for your post.I dont try to hide my past from people,i was not a junkie,but an addict i am,i am in recovery,but i will ALWAYS be an addict.I get judged all the time.......a loser i am not.I also have no tear jerking story,i picked up.....and thats about it.Just got a lil unnerved when another post referred to all addicts as losers.To bad more people didnt have the same mind set as you........they miss out on meeting some really awesome people.Im a good person........with a bad disease.........
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 93
Would you date an ex-junkie who''s cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:14:42 PM
How many people here would juggle dynamite?

Seriously.

How many?

Dynamite is extremely unstable, and if its very old , could explode at any time. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn''t.

Would you want to take the risk that the times you touch it, that it doesn''t?

And guess what? A stick of old dynamite can''t steal your TV, ruin your credit record and empty your bank accounts.

How is living with a former junkie any different from juggling dynamite? I''d argue that the junkie is more likely to blow up in your face.

There is so much crap people have to deal with in life already, why would anyone want to make conscious choice to charge head on into some real potential bullshit?
 lorielau
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 94
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 7:58:00 PM
You contradicted yourself. you said you would date an ex-junkie...if he's so wonderful, why wouldn't you date him now. the best relationships are when 2 people are the best of friends.
 shaunamarie78
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 95
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 8:52:58 PM

Addiction IS a disease, I'm not disputing that, but it's a self-inflicted disease. No one made you get high the first time, or the next, or the next. Everyone knows what can happen.
I've never met an addict, and I've met lots of them, who didn't have a great big tear-jerker story about how it's not their fault. Know what? IT'S BULLSHIT.


Actually, it's not all BS. I stayed away from the normal addictions that I knew could cause an addiction (drugs, alcohol) and turned to pills instead. I became horribly addicted to Gravol and other OTC meds. Also turned to benzos. And sadly took my father's and mother's death to make me realize that I couldn't let pills be the cause of a third death in three years to my brothers. Very almost did lose my life. And pretty much had to rebuild my life from the ground up.

Do I blame anyone for my addictions? Yes and no. While I don't blame my mother, she had a horrible illness that eventually robbed her of her life. And the pills made the pain go away for a little while. There was no joy in any other part of my life and I'll be the first to admit it. She'd always be crying with the pain. And there was nothing that could help her. And I couldn't deal with losing her...I only lost my dad in 2004. And the life was quickly being sucked out of her. I was trying to keep a normal life...but it was next to impossible. You try working and being around normal people...knowing that your mother will not be here come Christmas. And you know that you are going to be watching her suffer until she does. Because nothing is going to help her.

If it wasn't for the pills, I'd have died. It's as simple as that. Call it what you want, judge me all you want. I did what I had to do to survive. Just like any other addict. Sure, it's been a hellish six years for some of my family members. But that's six years they surely would not have gotten. And that's the bottom line.

Would I date someone in recovery? Yes. I'm not the same person I was ten years ago and I've changed a lot. So I'm not going to judge someone because they *might* relapse. If and when they relapse, then I will make a decision. But not until that happens.
 swee10lo
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 96
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:09:53 PM
no no no and NO again!!!way too risky!!!
 daisie
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 98
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:20:07 PM
JUNKIE?? No way!!

Someone who just used a few times, I would be cautious, but sure, I would give him a chance.
 biginvt
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 99
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 9:40:41 PM
I have to agree. i to was into drugs. but it has been 22 yrs and havent done a drug since... so it does depend on the person. it can be a hard thing to stop...... i was lucky... and thank God for giving me my son because when i found out i was going to have him, i stop right then and there, never even smoke ciggs... so there is hope.
 TheBurningMan
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 100
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:04:26 PM
Experimental drug users I don't mind. I mean, who hasn't smoked weed or taken a Hallucinogen during their first couple years of college? I did! I stopped partying with em though; finished my degree (and about to go back for my second).

If people stop using, why punish them? I know alot of people who don't drink/smoke/drug who have no car/house/job... How are they a better option?

That being said, I'd not want a using crackhead in my house. But that's another topic in it's own. Former users are a different lot, than abusers or addicts.
 qutethrunthru
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 101
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/5/2006 10:35:48 PM
it depends on a lot of things like if this was his first time abusing then it would be possible but definitly not if he has relapsed on more than one occasion or started using something else instead then i would have to say no and of course he would have to have a note from his dr attached to his forhead
 shaunamarie78
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 105
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/7/2006 2:00:14 PM
Well, yes, you do have to replace your addiciton with something and in a lot of cases, it's just another bad habit. I've been addicted to almost everything. Food, smoking, gambling, the internet, and then pills. But after my mother's death, I had no choice but to grow up. I now get my feelings out on these boards, emails, blogs, friends, work--you name it, I get it out that way. I've had to deal with a lot of crap over the last few years. And I am in no way the same person I was a year ago. I now actually care about my job most days. I do what I can to succeed and may even be going back to school to go for another degree. Most things just roll off my back--I've already watched my mother die, guaranteed I've learned a lot by surviving that. And oddly enough, it was never an option to go back to pills. But I've been through a lot in the last few years. Currently at the moment I'm dealing with abuse issues, weight issues, issues related to parents deaths, and everyday issues. Plus we've just sold our family home. And yet I still manage to get up most mornings to go to work and actually find things to enjoy in life.

I hate all of these posts where people say, "No, I wouldn't be with a junkie" without even so much as possibly finding out what they have done to fix their problems. Yep, I've turned my life around and I sure as hell wouldn't want someone to hold that over my head. I've done a LOT of work in the last few months to get where I am today and I didn't think it was possible. I thought for sure I'd be in the grave right next to my mom. I didn't think I'd survive and I didn't think I'd ever get to this point.

And addicts are actually very smart people. Of course, the smartest addict is one that gets off of the shit that they're on. Which I have done. I actually originally start abusing pills because I could never sleep. I now can actually sleep the whole night. I'm very proud of the strides that I've made.
 kamikazekate
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 106
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:33:46 PM
no. once a junkie, always a junkie.

if it isn't heroin, it's coke, if it isn't coke, it's booze, if it isn't booze, it's prescription drugs...

even if the obsession became going to the gym, life would never be what you want with an addict, you will always be second

99.99% of addicts stay addicted to something their entire life

addictive personalities never go away, they just change focus.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 107
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/8/2006 5:42:28 PM
^^^^^ You are 100% on the money there. When you're dealing with an addict, you're dealing with an overwhelming CHARACTER DEFECT. Someone who can't stand on their own two feet, but must always have a crutch. The crutch may change, but no matter what, it will always be there, and everything else will always come a very distant second.
The crutch may be crack, heroin, pills, booze, it may be going to the gym, or even work. Some addicts are very successful, for a time. That's the qualifier...for a time. Then the roof comes crashing down.
The bottom line is this: There are six things, all equally important, and all absolutely vital for any kind of a relationship to work.
1. Honesty
2. Respect
3. Trust
4. Communication
5. Faithfulness
6. Love
Addicts, by definition, and by their very nature, which will not and CANNOT change, aren't capable of any of them.
 Chameleanne
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 108
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/9/2006 2:33:48 AM
KAMIKAZEKATE and BULLDOG1966:

I guess the names are slightly indicative of the approach here!!
Who made you guys experts on addiction issues...and don't you dare tell me that one or two personal life experiences sew it all up for every recovering addict out there. Somebody ought to take you both out to somewhere private and give you both a spanking for your useless, ill-informed, red neck attitudes and comments
You guys are a riot... in living colour no less
Many a Pheonix has risen from the ashes and has remained in flight!!
I have worked with addicts in recovery for well over ten years in a proffesional capacity... so I think I can state with some small amount of confidence
You guys are WRONG...
Is there a place where you can go to get fixed?? Perhaps a treatment facility (residential)..where they will not let you out until you are completely cured of your "thinking problem"...only to be determined by myself and a select group of recovering addicts
 kamikazekate
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 109
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/10/2006 7:10:57 PM
Most social workers are the same, in my opinion...and cannot feel good about themselves unless they are constantly in the company (professionally) of people who always need "help".

As a matter of fact, social workers are some of the most inept, incompetant people on the planet. Already-rose-to-their-level-of-incompetancy in their field, making ridiculous policy after ridiculous policy, social workers are a blight on our society, always almost getting the job done, creating programs that just do not work, spending our tax dollars on a bunch of losers who are milking the system and usually end up over-medicated and useless for their entire lives, or in jail.

Next, she'll be telling us that pedophiles can be cured.

The name refers to the drink... a kamikaze: vodka, roses lime juice, triplesec, ice.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 110
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:02:36 PM
^^^^^ Absolutely right, in every detail. Anyone who wants to know about addicts, instead of playing at "addictions recovery" 6 hours a day, try living with a crackhead. You'll find out all you need to know when you come home and find your bank account emptied, and your credit cards and TV missing, or when you notice the cops are watching your house because of what's going on when you're at work.

Incidentally, in my case, the name pays homage to nearly 25 years as a dog breeder and trainer.

Thought everyone knew the only cure for pedophilia is a bullet to the head.
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 112
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:31:50 PM
I dated an ex-alcoholic/drug addict, and high school drop out. Now she is a devout member of the church of Bill W. She may be sober, but her personality and behavior is still junkie/alchie. Manuplitative, self-centered, self absorbed. She wore her-"x-junkie status" as a badger of honor. Her thought was that b/c I wasn't one, I knew nothing abt addiction. Then one of her friends would say essentially the same thing I did, and it was the word of god. They'd sit around AA meetings and tell stories of how FU'd they use to be, trying to out-do each other with their assinine drug - alcohol day behavior. She was married 5 times (that should have been a red-flag). Two are dead (another, and bigger re-flag). Her kids are bigger losers than she is.

This lady ( and I use that term loosely) was fraud from the get-go.


Oh, btw......."no" in response to your original question.
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 113
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:33:41 PM
I couldnt agree w/ you more. Excellent, insightful post.
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