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 qutethrunthru
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 101
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
it depends on a lot of things like if this was his first time abusing then it would be possible but definitly not if he has relapsed on more than one occasion or started using something else instead then i would have to say no and of course he would have to have a note from his dr attached to his forhead
 mustang54321
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 102
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History
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/6/2006 5:40:31 AM
would depend on what kind, how long they did it and how long they have been clean
 Nufyxes
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 104
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History
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/6/2006 2:06:14 PM
Sure as long as he still has all his teeth and he doesnt do that stupid crap anymore. Oh and no extra baggage, if he is still like on probation or whatever no way
 shaunamarie78
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 105
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/7/2006 2:00:14 PM
Well, yes, you do have to replace your addiciton with something and in a lot of cases, it's just another bad habit. I've been addicted to almost everything. Food, smoking, gambling, the internet, and then pills. But after my mother's death, I had no choice but to grow up. I now get my feelings out on these boards, emails, blogs, friends, work--you name it, I get it out that way. I've had to deal with a lot of crap over the last few years. And I am in no way the same person I was a year ago. I now actually care about my job most days. I do what I can to succeed and may even be going back to school to go for another degree. Most things just roll off my back--I've already watched my mother die, guaranteed I've learned a lot by surviving that. And oddly enough, it was never an option to go back to pills. But I've been through a lot in the last few years. Currently at the moment I'm dealing with abuse issues, weight issues, issues related to parents deaths, and everyday issues. Plus we've just sold our family home. And yet I still manage to get up most mornings to go to work and actually find things to enjoy in life.

I hate all of these posts where people say, "No, I wouldn't be with a junkie" without even so much as possibly finding out what they have done to fix their problems. Yep, I've turned my life around and I sure as hell wouldn't want someone to hold that over my head. I've done a LOT of work in the last few months to get where I am today and I didn't think it was possible. I thought for sure I'd be in the grave right next to my mom. I didn't think I'd survive and I didn't think I'd ever get to this point.

And addicts are actually very smart people. Of course, the smartest addict is one that gets off of the shit that they're on. Which I have done. I actually originally start abusing pills because I could never sleep. I now can actually sleep the whole night. I'm very proud of the strides that I've made.
 kamikazekate
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 106
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:33:46 PM
no. once a junkie, always a junkie.

if it isn't heroin, it's coke, if it isn't coke, it's booze, if it isn't booze, it's prescription drugs...

even if the obsession became going to the gym, life would never be what you want with an addict, you will always be second

99.99% of addicts stay addicted to something their entire life

addictive personalities never go away, they just change focus.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 107
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/8/2006 5:42:28 PM
^^^^^ You are 100% on the money there. When you're dealing with an addict, you're dealing with an overwhelming CHARACTER DEFECT. Someone who can't stand on their own two feet, but must always have a crutch. The crutch may change, but no matter what, it will always be there, and everything else will always come a very distant second.
The crutch may be crack, heroin, pills, booze, it may be going to the gym, or even work. Some addicts are very successful, for a time. That's the qualifier...for a time. Then the roof comes crashing down.
The bottom line is this: There are six things, all equally important, and all absolutely vital for any kind of a relationship to work.
1. Honesty
2. Respect
3. Trust
4. Communication
5. Faithfulness
6. Love
Addicts, by definition, and by their very nature, which will not and CANNOT change, aren't capable of any of them.
 Chameleanne
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 108
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/9/2006 2:33:48 AM
KAMIKAZEKATE and BULLDOG1966:

I guess the names are slightly indicative of the approach here!!
Who made you guys experts on addiction issues...and don't you dare tell me that one or two personal life experiences sew it all up for every recovering addict out there. Somebody ought to take you both out to somewhere private and give you both a spanking for your useless, ill-informed, red neck attitudes and comments
You guys are a riot... in living colour no less
Many a Pheonix has risen from the ashes and has remained in flight!!
I have worked with addicts in recovery for well over ten years in a proffesional capacity... so I think I can state with some small amount of confidence
You guys are WRONG...
Is there a place where you can go to get fixed?? Perhaps a treatment facility (residential)..where they will not let you out until you are completely cured of your "thinking problem"...only to be determined by myself and a select group of recovering addicts
 kamikazekate
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 109
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/10/2006 7:10:57 PM
Most social workers are the same, in my opinion...and cannot feel good about themselves unless they are constantly in the company (professionally) of people who always need "help".

As a matter of fact, social workers are some of the most inept, incompetant people on the planet. Already-rose-to-their-level-of-incompetancy in their field, making ridiculous policy after ridiculous policy, social workers are a blight on our society, always almost getting the job done, creating programs that just do not work, spending our tax dollars on a bunch of losers who are milking the system and usually end up over-medicated and useless for their entire lives, or in jail.

Next, she'll be telling us that pedophiles can be cured.

The name refers to the drink... a kamikaze: vodka, roses lime juice, triplesec, ice.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 110
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:02:36 PM
^^^^^ Absolutely right, in every detail. Anyone who wants to know about addicts, instead of playing at "addictions recovery" 6 hours a day, try living with a crackhead. You'll find out all you need to know when you come home and find your bank account emptied, and your credit cards and TV missing, or when you notice the cops are watching your house because of what's going on when you're at work.

Incidentally, in my case, the name pays homage to nearly 25 years as a dog breeder and trainer.

Thought everyone knew the only cure for pedophilia is a bullet to the head.
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 112
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:31:50 PM
I dated an ex-alcoholic/drug addict, and high school drop out. Now she is a devout member of the church of Bill W. She may be sober, but her personality and behavior is still junkie/alchie. Manuplitative, self-centered, self absorbed. She wore her-"x-junkie status" as a badger of honor. Her thought was that b/c I wasn't one, I knew nothing abt addiction. Then one of her friends would say essentially the same thing I did, and it was the word of god. They'd sit around AA meetings and tell stories of how FU'd they use to be, trying to out-do each other with their assinine drug - alcohol day behavior. She was married 5 times (that should have been a red-flag). Two are dead (another, and bigger re-flag). Her kids are bigger losers than she is.

This lady ( and I use that term loosely) was fraud from the get-go.


Oh, btw......."no" in response to your original question.
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 113
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:33:41 PM
I couldnt agree w/ you more. Excellent, insightful post.
 Chameleanne
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 114
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:22:29 PM
Sorry, KAMIKAZEKATE...

NOT A SOCIAL WORKER...
As for "over medicating'...anyone whose profile on here is named after a drink???
WELL???...need I say more???

You sound angry

As for BULLDOG...

I DO NOT Play at addictions or recovery. I know it inside out!
You too, sound pretty angry.

No doubt you both have been burned
...but, maybe, just maybe, instead of painting ALL people in recovery (not people in active addiction) with the same brush, your time would be better served if you took a peek at your own responses to this post and the type of energy and hatred it has generated. Those feelings did come out of each of you...didn't they? Last time I looked we are all responsible for our own feelings...
In my book it is really nice when people pay attention to their own sign posts instead of dumping on a convenient scapegoat!
Just a thought
 joezeppi65
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 116
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:28:31 AM
im clean now for over 7 years and whan im with a new partner she would never no i was on anything and never do un till i tell them and its been some time some times .i deal with alot of people thay never no or even think anything about what my life was when i tell them thay are like wow i would have never guessed.so all im saying is people are not the same but when your done with that life you move on and grow you see things like your baby girl and say never will i let her see me that way.and let me tell ya i dont even think about then i think about whats next in my life .so what im saying is every one can move on and be just as good or even better then the next guy.i go with some one for who thay are then not who thay once were.and what went on in the past is up to them to share with me.as long as i keep my family safe im doing my job.
 joezeppi65
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 117
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:39:35 AM
no a junkie is a harion addict as the word junk is one of its many names and junkie comes from that word.
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 118
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 4:03:30 PM
Sory Toni, I couldnt disagre w/ you more regarding your reaction to Bulldog. You are either quite nieve or you are an X-user yourself under the influence of a Fruedian ego-defense mechanism. Which is OK-- We all have to protect ourselves.

"If you think there is good in everyone, you havent met everyone"
 tenacious1
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 120
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 5:53:35 PM
Thanks for your reply Toni-- You do do sound like a straight shooter (no pun intended). And you are right, there are some ex-junkies who are essentially good-- but its not a risk i'd be willing to take on-- especially in in a relationship.

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"


The lady I "referred" to her entire life is ceneterd on lies and deciet-- she got pregnant by husband # 3 (or was it 4) before they were maried, and she was still married to husband # 2 (or was it 3). She aborted the child cause she didnt want her current husband to know. Then divorced him. Started dating anohter guy-- got engaged-- (he would have been husband # 4 9or was it 5). they took a pre-hioneymoon trip to Europe-- when they got back were suppose to get married a week later-- SHE did get married 2 days later to the guy she had been banging on the side-- and left her Fiance "holding the bag'

When i met this loser (and I do mean loser-- so flame me if you like), she 'convinced me she was cleaned up now-- understood her mistakes of the past-- and she was very convincing. I was married to an addict for 16 years-- couldnet get her clean-- so when I met this "X-junkie" -- I thought-- "see, addicts can turn themselves around if they want to".

She did to me what she did to her previous fiance. Even the folks in "the church of Bill W" I still occasionally see around town say "I wonder if "Jon" (he's got an appropriate name for being married to her, i can tell you that), now husband # 5 (or is it 6, I cant keep track) is sorry he married "Holly" yet. She boondoggled him like every other guy she had been with.

Point is-- as Bulldog points out so eloquently-- You can be off the "stuff", but you still have a major abusive, addictive dysfunctional character flaw and you can't shake that.

Junkies should marry w/i their own species.

"Caveat emptor "
 mysymstir
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 122
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 6:52:48 PM
Bucs,



This is a multifaceted issue that I have some experience with. Some drunks recover and actually do quite well. Some linger in what is known in AA as a "dry drunk". Others relapse. There is no way of knowing. If you claim to know then you need to attend some meetings over a period of years and see who goes in and out.

The last gal I dated was an RN who is a recovering addict. She liked her morphine. She is pretty and smart. She also had her mood swings and I think some lingering life issues. We went to meetings together and I NEVER tried to work her program (she wanted to work mine and take my inventory to top it all off).

So one Saturday I drove to Detroit to see her, which is 3 long hours from me. When I got there she was acting weird (which is normal to an extent). She told me that I was "not the one for her". Mind you this was after my rather long drive. So I picked up my bag and told her "you suck" and left.

I wrote her and told her what I thought without using any rude language or attacking her program.

My experience with this particular drunk was not positive. I will normally not mix my program with anyone who is in recovery locally.

It's ok though. We are simply at different points.
 mysymstir
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 123
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 6:56:19 PM
Kate<<<< obviously has not a shred of human decency.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever read.

Addicts must be treated with tolerence, love , dignity and respect. Otherwise they will not recover

Rant over....
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 124
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:15:25 PM
When I first met my son's mother, she liked to get high, she smoked marijuana and did a bit of coke when she could get it. She always insisted she could quit any time, but when she got pregnant, it was a 9 month fight to keep her off it. Not always successful, either. Thank God my son was born without any major damage.
When he was 3 1/2 months old, his mother went to the mall one day. The next time we saw her was his 16th birthday. She showed up high, with no explanation at all, and wanted to borrow money.
She called a week later and threatened to file a custody suit unless I gave her $10,000. When I told her I'd gotten full custody and had her parental rights terminated for abandonment seven years earlier, she called me an ***hole, then threw a brick through my dining room window. I later found out she'd been arrested, charged and convicted numerous times, everything from dealing to prostitution. She'd also had three more children, all lost to CAS.
Haven't seen or heard from her since, never want to again. She's a total stranger to my son, he doesn't remember her, and wants nothing to do with her. This is a result of CHOICES SHE MADE.

As part of the hoops I had to jump through to get custody of my son, I spent a lot of his early childhood dealing with CAS. This was in the '80's, and they were even worse toward single fathers than today. I frequently got unannounced home visits, at all hours. They even put my son in foster care for a time, the theory being that a then 20 yr old single man could not raise a child. Based solely, as far as I can determine, on the fact that I usually had a couple of beers in the fridge, it was decided that I had to get help for my "drinking problem".

On my lawyer's advice, I attended AA meetings twice a week for six months. Two nights a week, I listened to a seemingly never-ending series of stories of how people had screwed up their lives, again through CHOICES THEY MADE. I still see some of the same people I met then, twenty years ago. If the majority of them have made any change in their lives at all, it's been for the worse. I can think of three people, just off the top of my head, who inherited very successful businesses, one a car dealership, one a large construction company, one a $20 million a year trucking company, and all of them put the entire company up their noses or into their arms in less than five years. What can you possibly call someone like that, other than LOSER?

In February of last year, 2005, I bailed an ex-girlfriend out of jail and allowed her to stay with me while she got back on her feet. She's a crackhead, and had been arrested trying to break into her dealer's house. I put up with the lies, the stealing, the BS, until I finally had to kick her out the day she tried to trade my dog for an 8-ball. Saw her not long ago, she's got a brilliant new career now, as a prostitute.

It's NOT one bad experience, I've been through this too many times, and I know what I'm talking about. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. I stand by my previous posts.

Incidentally, I realize that not everyone agrees. If anyone feels the need to flame me, go right ahead, by now it's just about impossible to offend me.
 bulldog1966
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 126
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:10:42 PM
Sure, almost anyone should get a second chance. No one deserves a third, or a fourth, or a tenth.
 AftonMac
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 128
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:14:43 AM
I happened accross this thread and decided to share a eulogy I had to write last month for a guy who was popular with everyone in his youth and abandoned by virtually all when he started to slide, but I think it is germane.

Robert XXXXXXXXXXXX. My friend, my brother.
>We found it ironic that our fathers had grown up
>together and lost touch as adults and that we met
>independent of them. And so began a friendship of
>three decades.
>Robbie was blessed with the ability to light any room
>he entered, and as generous as he was in every
>respect, the gift he gave most freely was laughter.
>Even as I mourn his loss, my thoughts inevitably turn
>to some humorous anecdote from our misspent youth and
>a smile comes through the tears.
>Fiercely proud of his Scottish heritage, as evidenced
>by our shameless ransacking of my parents collection
>of Kenneth McKellar and Andy Stewart recordings on
>many a night. Singing out of key and somewhat
>inebriated to the "auld scots sangs". Those evenings
>are among my most treasured memories.
>And yet no recounting of the man would be complete,
>nor would it do him justice to fail to acknowledge
>that in Robbie there was an inner struggle.
>Every soul has within its dark recesses, those
>whispered voices of self destruction and temptation.
>In Robbie those voices were pervasive and his battle
>was a long and arduous one.
>Too often we define victory in terms of success or
>failure. I submit to you that victory sometimes
>deserves a higher definition. I believe that victory
>can be defined as a moral decision to take up arms in
>a battle against a daunting foe without regard to the
>odds arrayed against you. And there are no greater
>foes than human weakness and self-doubt.
>So let us remember Robbie as a warrior. Let us pay
>tribute to his struggle. Let us salute his victory.
>And above all else, let us hold dear in our hearts,
>the memory of a kind and courageous man. And let us
>tak a cup o' kindness yet for auld lang syne.
 madamoisele
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 129
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:47:59 AM
Dear Drugs,

(I loved that movie)

No.

Best Wishes,

Wendy
 mallett44
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 130
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 11:00:35 AM
i just got out of a relationship with a guy who went through drug programs and has claimed to be clean for a year. wrong. he has what he calls ''slip ups'' and let me tell you, they are so not easy to deal with

while being with him, i have met many of his friends, from his programs, and they have all had, and are still having ''slip ups''

im not saying its impossible. im sure many people can do it. but in my experience, its so not worth it. and i would recommend ru walking, no, running away from them
 greeneyedgirl123
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 132
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:52:42 PM
I wouldn't be single if my ex would have cleaned up his act. I'm still hoping for him, he's a great guy, but there is nothing that I can do for him anymore. If I were to date an ex-junkie today, it would be a clean slate between the two of us, right.
 JUICY N8IVE PRINCESS
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 133
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:31:42 PM
Ok Kits Guy.

I am ready to have this conversation with you.

I am so sorry about that man who died in the bathroom. That is extraordinarily sad.

I want to have a friendly, uncomfortable debate with you about your theory that "Once you are one you always are one.......................there are addicts that aren't using."

My intention in this debate is to create learning and closeness with our friendship.

Ok. Here goes.........

I work at a drug and alcohol treatment center. It is true that I am an expert on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My experience with providing service to "alcoholics" whether it be the addict or their children is varied.

This is what I do know. That particular belief, theory, idea, opinion..........

in my opinion,

is subject to failure.

Failure for the addict.

Because, the addict who has "clean" time will have an excuse when s/he wants to relapse. The excuse will be, "well, I am an alcoholic forever, so, I may as well act like it".

I believe that all issues and problems come down to one thing = lack of self love.

When a person feels worth living, feels acceptance for self, and has a load of self love, then really, the addiction is so secondary.

That is my idea.

I am not ridgid in it, I am flexible. I know that there are more opionions than my own, so talk to me if I don't make sense to you.

Lillian
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