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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 113
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I couldnt agree w/ you more. Excellent, insightful post.
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 114
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:22:29 PM

As for "over medicating'...anyone whose profile on here is named after a drink???
WELL???...need I say more???

You sound angry

As for BULLDOG...

I DO NOT Play at addictions or recovery. I know it inside out!
You too, sound pretty angry.

No doubt you both have been burned
...but, maybe, just maybe, instead of painting ALL people in recovery (not people in active addiction) with the same brush, your time would be better served if you took a peek at your own responses to this post and the type of energy and hatred it has generated. Those feelings did come out of each of you...didn't they? Last time I looked we are all responsible for our own feelings...
In my book it is really nice when people pay attention to their own sign posts instead of dumping on a convenient scapegoat!
Just a thought
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 116
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:28:31 AM
im clean now for over 7 years and whan im with a new partner she would never no i was on anything and never do un till i tell them and its been some time some times .i deal with alot of people thay never no or even think anything about what my life was when i tell them thay are like wow i would have never all im saying is people are not the same but when your done with that life you move on and grow you see things like your baby girl and say never will i let her see me that way.and let me tell ya i dont even think about then i think about whats next in my life .so what im saying is every one can move on and be just as good or even better then the next guy.i go with some one for who thay are then not who thay once were.and what went on in the past is up to them to share with long as i keep my family safe im doing my job.
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 117
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:39:35 AM
no a junkie is a harion addict as the word junk is one of its many names and junkie comes from that word.
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 118
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 4:03:30 PM
Sory Toni, I couldnt disagre w/ you more regarding your reaction to Bulldog. You are either quite nieve or you are an X-user yourself under the influence of a Fruedian ego-defense mechanism. Which is OK-- We all have to protect ourselves.

"If you think there is good in everyone, you havent met everyone"
Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 120
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 5:53:35 PM
Thanks for your reply Toni-- You do do sound like a straight shooter (no pun intended). And you are right, there are some ex-junkies who are essentially good-- but its not a risk i'd be willing to take on-- especially in in a relationship.

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"

The lady I "referred" to her entire life is ceneterd on lies and deciet-- she got pregnant by husband # 3 (or was it 4) before they were maried, and she was still married to husband # 2 (or was it 3). She aborted the child cause she didnt want her current husband to know. Then divorced him. Started dating anohter guy-- got engaged-- (he would have been husband # 4 9or was it 5). they took a pre-hioneymoon trip to Europe-- when they got back were suppose to get married a week later-- SHE did get married 2 days later to the guy she had been banging on the side-- and left her Fiance "holding the bag'

When i met this loser (and I do mean loser-- so flame me if you like), she 'convinced me she was cleaned up now-- understood her mistakes of the past-- and she was very convincing. I was married to an addict for 16 years-- couldnet get her clean-- so when I met this "X-junkie" -- I thought-- "see, addicts can turn themselves around if they want to".

She did to me what she did to her previous fiance. Even the folks in "the church of Bill W" I still occasionally see around town say "I wonder if "Jon" (he's got an appropriate name for being married to her, i can tell you that), now husband # 5 (or is it 6, I cant keep track) is sorry he married "Holly" yet. She boondoggled him like every other guy she had been with.

Point is-- as Bulldog points out so eloquently-- You can be off the "stuff", but you still have a major abusive, addictive dysfunctional character flaw and you can't shake that.

Junkies should marry w/i their own species.

"Caveat emptor "
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 122
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 6:52:48 PM

This is a multifaceted issue that I have some experience with. Some drunks recover and actually do quite well. Some linger in what is known in AA as a "dry drunk". Others relapse. There is no way of knowing. If you claim to know then you need to attend some meetings over a period of years and see who goes in and out.

The last gal I dated was an RN who is a recovering addict. She liked her morphine. She is pretty and smart. She also had her mood swings and I think some lingering life issues. We went to meetings together and I NEVER tried to work her program (she wanted to work mine and take my inventory to top it all off).

So one Saturday I drove to Detroit to see her, which is 3 long hours from me. When I got there she was acting weird (which is normal to an extent). She told me that I was "not the one for her". Mind you this was after my rather long drive. So I picked up my bag and told her "you suck" and left.

I wrote her and told her what I thought without using any rude language or attacking her program.

My experience with this particular drunk was not positive. I will normally not mix my program with anyone who is in recovery locally.

It's ok though. We are simply at different points.
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 123
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 6:56:19 PM
Kate<<<< obviously has not a shred of human decency.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever read.

Addicts must be treated with tolerence, love , dignity and respect. Otherwise they will not recover

Rant over....
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 124
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:15:25 PM
When I first met my son's mother, she liked to get high, she smoked marijuana and did a bit of coke when she could get it. She always insisted she could quit any time, but when she got pregnant, it was a 9 month fight to keep her off it. Not always successful, either. Thank God my son was born without any major damage.
When he was 3 1/2 months old, his mother went to the mall one day. The next time we saw her was his 16th birthday. She showed up high, with no explanation at all, and wanted to borrow money.
She called a week later and threatened to file a custody suit unless I gave her $10,000. When I told her I'd gotten full custody and had her parental rights terminated for abandonment seven years earlier, she called me an ***hole, then threw a brick through my dining room window. I later found out she'd been arrested, charged and convicted numerous times, everything from dealing to prostitution. She'd also had three more children, all lost to CAS.
Haven't seen or heard from her since, never want to again. She's a total stranger to my son, he doesn't remember her, and wants nothing to do with her. This is a result of CHOICES SHE MADE.

As part of the hoops I had to jump through to get custody of my son, I spent a lot of his early childhood dealing with CAS. This was in the '80's, and they were even worse toward single fathers than today. I frequently got unannounced home visits, at all hours. They even put my son in foster care for a time, the theory being that a then 20 yr old single man could not raise a child. Based solely, as far as I can determine, on the fact that I usually had a couple of beers in the fridge, it was decided that I had to get help for my "drinking problem".

On my lawyer's advice, I attended AA meetings twice a week for six months. Two nights a week, I listened to a seemingly never-ending series of stories of how people had screwed up their lives, again through CHOICES THEY MADE. I still see some of the same people I met then, twenty years ago. If the majority of them have made any change in their lives at all, it's been for the worse. I can think of three people, just off the top of my head, who inherited very successful businesses, one a car dealership, one a large construction company, one a $20 million a year trucking company, and all of them put the entire company up their noses or into their arms in less than five years. What can you possibly call someone like that, other than LOSER?

In February of last year, 2005, I bailed an ex-girlfriend out of jail and allowed her to stay with me while she got back on her feet. She's a crackhead, and had been arrested trying to break into her dealer's house. I put up with the lies, the stealing, the BS, until I finally had to kick her out the day she tried to trade my dog for an 8-ball. Saw her not long ago, she's got a brilliant new career now, as a prostitute.

It's NOT one bad experience, I've been through this too many times, and I know what I'm talking about. A leopard doesn't change it's spots. I stand by my previous posts.

Incidentally, I realize that not everyone agrees. If anyone feels the need to flame me, go right ahead, by now it's just about impossible to offend me.
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 126
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:10:42 PM
Sure, almost anyone should get a second chance. No one deserves a third, or a fourth, or a tenth.
Joined: 7/5/2006
Msg: 128
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:14:43 AM
I happened accross this thread and decided to share a eulogy I had to write last month for a guy who was popular with everyone in his youth and abandoned by virtually all when he started to slide, but I think it is germane.

Robert XXXXXXXXXXXX. My friend, my brother.
>We found it ironic that our fathers had grown up
>together and lost touch as adults and that we met
>independent of them. And so began a friendship of
>three decades.
>Robbie was blessed with the ability to light any room
>he entered, and as generous as he was in every
>respect, the gift he gave most freely was laughter.
>Even as I mourn his loss, my thoughts inevitably turn
>to some humorous anecdote from our misspent youth and
>a smile comes through the tears.
>Fiercely proud of his Scottish heritage, as evidenced
>by our shameless ransacking of my parents collection
>of Kenneth McKellar and Andy Stewart recordings on
>many a night. Singing out of key and somewhat
>inebriated to the "auld scots sangs". Those evenings
>are among my most treasured memories.
>And yet no recounting of the man would be complete,
>nor would it do him justice to fail to acknowledge
>that in Robbie there was an inner struggle.
>Every soul has within its dark recesses, those
>whispered voices of self destruction and temptation.
>In Robbie those voices were pervasive and his battle
>was a long and arduous one.
>Too often we define victory in terms of success or
>failure. I submit to you that victory sometimes
>deserves a higher definition. I believe that victory
>can be defined as a moral decision to take up arms in
>a battle against a daunting foe without regard to the
>odds arrayed against you. And there are no greater
>foes than human weakness and self-doubt.
>So let us remember Robbie as a warrior. Let us pay
>tribute to his struggle. Let us salute his victory.
>And above all else, let us hold dear in our hearts,
>the memory of a kind and courageous man. And let us
>tak a cup o' kindness yet for auld lang syne.
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 129
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:47:59 AM
Dear Drugs,

(I loved that movie)


Best Wishes,

Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 130
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/18/2006 11:00:35 AM
i just got out of a relationship with a guy who went through drug programs and has claimed to be clean for a year. wrong. he has what he calls ''slip ups'' and let me tell you, they are so not easy to deal with

while being with him, i have met many of his friends, from his programs, and they have all had, and are still having ''slip ups''

im not saying its impossible. im sure many people can do it. but in my experience, its so not worth it. and i would recommend ru walking, no, running away from them
Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 132
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 7/19/2006 3:52:42 PM
I wouldn't be single if my ex would have cleaned up his act. I'm still hoping for him, he's a great guy, but there is nothing that I can do for him anymore. If I were to date an ex-junkie today, it would be a clean slate between the two of us, right.
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 133
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:31:42 PM
Ok Kits Guy.

I am ready to have this conversation with you.

I am so sorry about that man who died in the bathroom. That is extraordinarily sad.

I want to have a friendly, uncomfortable debate with you about your theory that "Once you are one you always are one.......................there are addicts that aren't using."

My intention in this debate is to create learning and closeness with our friendship.

Ok. Here goes.........

I work at a drug and alcohol treatment center. It is true that I am an expert on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My experience with providing service to "alcoholics" whether it be the addict or their children is varied.

This is what I do know. That particular belief, theory, idea, opinion..........

in my opinion,

is subject to failure.

Failure for the addict.

Because, the addict who has "clean" time will have an excuse when s/he wants to relapse. The excuse will be, "well, I am an alcoholic forever, so, I may as well act like it".

I believe that all issues and problems come down to one thing = lack of self love.

When a person feels worth living, feels acceptance for self, and has a load of self love, then really, the addiction is so secondary.

That is my idea.

I am not ridgid in it, I am flexible. I know that there are more opionions than my own, so talk to me if I don't make sense to you.

Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 134
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:55:44 PM
our country can debate this until the final sunset and nothing is gonna change. addicts and users can only get help when THEY ARE READY! until then it is all window dressing and self pity. for some it is after losing a couple years of their lives and they want to change for others it is lifelong. until a person can admit THEY phukked up and not their parents,not the government or rock music or michael schiavo or any other high society "cause" we can come up with. on the other hand if a person is the type that CAN NEVER BE WRONG and it is always someone elses fault,well then he or she can simply sit back and enjoy a wasted life of partying and doing drugs and consuming alcohol! this way THEY can always be right. the drug use and the wasted lives are not the sad part of this moden day scourge,what is really sad is the devastation it has on the loved ones around them. unfortunately they dont care about this as they dont care about themselves. OOPS wait a minute yes they do. actually thats all they care about is THEMSELVES!

clean and sober NOW and dont miss any of it..........thx
Joined: 12/1/2006
Msg: 135
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 12/14/2006 8:18:43 PM
I've been actively clean and sober for almost 16 years.

Would I date a clean addict? Possibly. It would depend on what they did, for how long, the way they got and stayed clean and sober, whether they dealt with the issues recovery programs usually can't touch and how long they'd been clean. It would have to be at least 5 years before I'd *consider* it, but more likely 10 or more.

I've read a lot of misinformation in this thread on both extreme sides of the arguement.
Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 138
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 1/16/2007 5:59:44 PM
Sure, but I would exclude anyone who uses "Your honour I rest my case..." with every closing.
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 139
view profile
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 1/16/2007 9:08:59 PM
Interesting subject here.... Would I date a addict??? Not again... Been there, done that... I dated a crack addict for 4 years and it turned into hell.... Our relationship was long distance and today I am embarrassed to say that out loud..... He never told me much about his drug past and I was too naive to ask.... Many months into the relationship he disappeared for a couple of days..... Told me he used cocaine when he returned... I asked about crack and he denied it.... We carried on after he said it was something he'd never do again.....I was pretty clueless about it so I believed him..... 6 months later off he went again.... After that, the times got closer together that he would take off..... I got to the point I was afraid he'd die, so I stayed.... the "I can save him" syndrome......Of course it turned out to be crack.... I stuck by him through being left in an airport while he did drugs, his out-patient rehab, than his in-patient rehab.... Than his relapses after that, which included a 6 day binge.....The longer he stayed clean after, the worse his personality got...

So no, I wouldn't date a drug addict again.....
 Looking Through Glass
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 141
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:11:46 AM
Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 142
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:45:18 AM
My sister has been a recovering addict for the last 30 years. With some relapses. Her times of sobriety are longer than her relapses, but the one thing I've noticed, she has to actively work on herself to keep from using.

I've attended the "self help" sessions, know about the "disease" which I truly believe it is. But in agreement with a lot of posters, that it is a "secondary" illness resulting from an inability to deal with the "core" issues. Low self esteem, and the refusal to take responsibility for their own lives are some. Excuses and blame, lies and broken promises. It's a roller coaster of emotions for support systems. To remain close to an addict, one must know what their personal boundary's are. Tough to do when it involves someone you love.

Even with my own "enlightenment" on the subject, I am embarrassed to say, no, I wouldn't date an ex addict. I have dated active users and ex addicts and am honest with myself enough to know I have "saviour syndrome". I make myself "sick" and ultimatly am no help to them. Chances for a successful relationship are slim.

Joined: 11/23/2005
Msg: 143
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:51:57 AM
DFox and OP:

I agree with you on many points. I too have had a sever injury and was on pain killers for way to long, just like you said docs give them out like candy. I realized I was dependant on them without ever knowing it. I just stopped taking them on my own, cold turkey. The docs still kept trying to give them to me. I refused. I now learn to live with pain.

What I have a problem with is when people choose to take drugs without having injuries, illness. Crack, heroin, cocaine, etc are drugs of choice. Not perscribed by docs. I can understand about having life issues, and that maybe why some people choose this.

I have had a few friends that choose crack, heroin, cocaine, etc. They are no longer friends. After trying to help them for years, I had to turn and walk away. They just couldn't stop using. They would clean up for a year or two then back into to it.

So my answer based on MY experiences is no, I would not ever get involved with someone that used drugs, crack, heroin etc. JMO
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 144
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:33:04 PM
no i never would. any association with an ex druggie is a complete no no for me.
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 145
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 2/18/2007 6:38:10 PM
If they were truly an ex-junkie.
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 147
Would you date an ex-junkie who's cleaned up his act?
Posted: 2/19/2007 12:51:19 AM
I have many friends who are ex-junkies (ex? ) and they are beautiful, wonderful, and sometimes extremely intelligent people. Friendship is as far as it could ever go. The drugs are replaced by SOMETHING most of the time (I say MOST because I am not willing to place a blanket judgement here but I have never met one who hadn't replaced them). Many times it is a combination of religion and soft drugs. Having a conversation with any ex junkie I have known felt much like going for a run in quicksand. Nothing happens quickly and what should have been a 5 minute discussion turns into an hour or 20. So, it is not a matter of judging someone for their past, it is matter of being unable to tolerate the crutches that are a daily part of their life.
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