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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?      Home login  
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 Frog_Lover
Joined: 9/14/2005
Msg: 51
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Oh, please don't get me wrong, I understand that some people NEED court to get things accomplished, I suppose what I meant was that I don't understand how it can get to that point.
And, ok, saying "we ALWAYS" have is obviously not 100% accurate, but when it came to our son, we have never had problems.
I understand that gymnastics, and such can be extremely important to children, I also understand that those needs are expensive. What I was pointing out, however, was the fact that that seemed to be the sole purpose of taking the ex to court. I think that the more important issue should be visitation.

Also, I don't mean to imply that since my relationship with my ex, in regards to our son, is great, that means that everyone that doesn't have that is stupid, or anything. I know that I am very fortunate that we get along. I guess for me, it's just confusing to see so much hatred, and vicious court battles, etc, after a break up in regards to custody, since I have not had to go through that.
 kermancutie
Joined: 10/9/2005
Msg: 52
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/13/2006 6:34:43 PM
sad case what an ***hole. I feel for your child just like I feel for mine .sometimes I just want to tell my daughters the truth about their deadbeat dad. he hardly ever comes around to see them only like once or twice a year. and now he is taking me to court to get a genetic test. If it wasnt that i still want him to have contact with my children i would say no to the genetic test and not even try to get any child support. but I am afraid to have my girls lose contact with him. they truly love him all they remember is the good in him. once they are a lil older i will be able to tell them the truth. they think they are going to get a genetic test for so the judge could know that he is their dad. well anyway you gave your ex an awesome deal too bad he underestimates your ability to handle him. well once when I went to court for child support I heard the judge order this guy to pay 200.00 a month for child support then he told the judge he did not have a job and the judge told him to get a job. that super dead beat thought he was going to get away with that
 Verissa
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 53
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/13/2006 9:07:26 PM
Frog lover..
If you're going to court, it should be so that they can formalize a visitation schedule, that should be the important part.

My son can get expensive, too, but his father and I haven't gone to court once. We always got along, and we still do, on the most part. When he has a job that pays well, he gives me money. If I am not getting money, I know it's because he doesn't have any. And as for visitation, he takes our son every other weekend, from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. If this interferes with his schedule, then we make alternative days for that week..


Great for the two of you..been there tried that. The only way for me to avoid fighting with him is to give him his own way..which means no child support, spend 5-10hrs per month with her..take her out show her off say look at me what a good daddy I am..then drop her off and ignore her for another 2 weeks. Now if you can live with that good for you. I'm tired of being nice.

You need to read a little closer I said that if he wasn't going to be a father to her and spend time with her she might as well have something to suppliment ( I hate that word now) her time. She needs quality time but he is unwilling to spend it with her. The ballet, gymnastics etc. willl be benificial for her as well as in the future, perhaps keep her busy so she won't notice as much how little, if any, time he spends with her. I have already been through this with one child and I know how it feels. I am also the "sub father" for my ex's daughter and I see how badly it has hurt her over the last couple of years that he spends no time with her. A single Parent can only do so much, the saying it take a village to raise a child is soooooo true. But as is I have me, and me, and oh me...we have a nice little family the four of us but I work a lot and she needs something more than just me and her sisters.
 North Exposed
Joined: 11/11/2003
Msg: 54
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/13/2006 10:09:37 PM
Verrisa .... simular situation here .... mail me

I hear many parents, although mostly mothers ... giving up child support for various reasons. I dont agree in the least. Children cost money .... and if you have enough sense to know what sex is .. then you know what can happen. Women (mainly) who dont collect from the fathers generally fall into a lower income bracket ... and in the end when you look at the big picture ... the child suffers in some form or way.

Fathers ... mothers ... whatever parent ... needs to pay ... and the parents need to fight for it. Help show the courts and everyone else that dead beat parents are NOT accetable.


thats my rant
 blueyes43
Joined: 10/1/2005
Msg: 55
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/13/2006 10:39:34 PM
do you even have children to respond in such a way , while child support is for the "child" while dad or mom are doing there own thing and moaning ABOUT THE $100.00 they have to give there exs think about the single parent paying for the food home clothes and alllll the extras... the fact that she is not slamming his sorry ass through court and taking everything she can from his sorry ass just tells me how easy going and nice she is so give your head a shake for such a stupid response either out of ignorance or upbringing .....

im a single full time dad and i dont take support from the mother because of the stress is causes is not worth the end result but it bothers me to no end that she gets away with it with no parental responsibility . so do whats best for you , not what anyone else tells you .
 misskittee
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 56
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/14/2006 1:35:18 AM
I have to say that court sucks, but it sounds like you're backed into a corner and he's really left you no choice. As for his visits with your daughter...did you ask him what else he was doing with his weekends that he can't commit to more than two afternoons a month? Who or what on earth could be more important to him than his child? Word of warning though. I went through family court. As of right now, my ex is about $9000.00 in arrears on his support AND my little girl hasn't seen her father in over a year (his choice. I can't force him to see his child, his new girlfriend doesn't like that he has a child that isn't hers). Sometimes, court isn't a perfect answer, but if it's the only solution left to you, I say follow your heart and do what YOU think is best for your daughter. You've been very accomodating so far from the sounds of things...maybe he needs to see that he can't always get what he wants, and maybe (just maybe) that will help him to see the seriousness of the situation. It didn't work with my daughter's father, but I hope it does with yours. Best of luck :)
 BadWolf71
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 57
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 1:44:01 AM
I don't get it myself. I have an 11yr old that lives with his mom that I have to fight every step of the way to access him, with little or no success. And I have a 7yr old that lives with me (different mother) that I have to initiate the contact with his mother and her family. She works full time, pays no support, yet she owns her own home with no mortgage. She doesn't even call. I have spent thousands trying to see my oldest, yet the mother of the youngest has free unlimited access and couldn't be bothered. Go figure. GET THE MONEY! Forget trying to be nice. Being nice has got you this far.($40 ? He should be ashamed of himself) This is about insuring the quality of life for your child. It's hard not to be resentful at times, but it's not worth having the negativity in your life. Your child will draw his/her own conclusions about life when they get older. Tell your ex that you can't feed a dog on $100/month..
Then tell him to get off his ass and get a job and take care of his responsibilities. So his child can be proud of him.
 counsellorTroi
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 58
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 8:21:48 AM
I think you should get as much money as you can out of him. Firstly, because it's for your child. And secondly, the healthier and happier you are as a parent, the better for your daugther. A nice vacation, ballet lessons, t-ball lessons, everything is extra money. And if you need a break, a sitter isn't cheap, either.

You need to put your needs and your daughter's needs first. fvck that stupid b@stard who doesn't appreciate her. But take him for every dime, because he's just going to piss it away on nothing, anyway.
 North Exposed
Joined: 11/11/2003
Msg: 59
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 9:39:16 AM
blueyes.

Being nice doesnt buy food, put a roof over ones head, buy school clothes or any of the other things that it takes to have a child. I the parent hats to whine about the extra child support they have to pay the ex, then they really arent looking at whats best for the child are they... they are looking at it as paying the ex... and before you get going out ex's hat just blow the mony at bino, theres ways around that as well. Buy the childs clothes and pay for the childs costs directly.

Would you default on a mortgage? A car payment ? live with no power ause you dont wanna pay the electric company? Of course not, but too many parents feel that they dont NEED to pay child support... that its an extra burden.

A child should be #1 priority to a parent .. someplace down the list after that pack of smokes and bottle of vodka...

I dont belive in "raping" the other parent for money, I do belive that it take monetary amounts to do that and if your adult enough to have sex ... your adult enough to take care at least financialy for your child.
 Verissa
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 60
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 2:44:43 PM
Thank you all... I'm still figuring out what to do. I have better things to worry about than what he does right now..so very soon I'll deal with him, not just for my baby but for my own peace of mind. I'm not lower income persay..but I'm a single parent with kids, a mortgage, and other bills. I've worked hard to give them the life that we have, and have done so all by myself from day one with both. It would be nice to have that little security for her..to know that if my income is tapped out she will have that there for whatever she may need. Insurance so to speak. So I guess once I get all my ducks in a row..less the butt kicking commence, even if I don't want to..lmao.
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 61
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 3:30:03 PM
Verissa


No matter what any of us women/men have said in responece to you'r fourm i think it is up to you and you ONLY because none of us can make thing's go the way we wan't to esp if it's for another person's life and you have to do what's best in YOUR eyes for your little one's and yours and their happyness, because nobody else can live your life or any one else's and i hope you and your kids are doing okay.


Best of luck to you (your family) all.


~Davids Mom~
 satxlb
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 62
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 3:50:09 PM
Sadly, it will not change. He has no interest in his daughter and thinks nothing of anyone except himself. I applaud your devotion to your daughters well being but you should do what is neccessary to raise your daughter the best way that you can. Take him to court and get what is rightfully HERS. I am a single father and going through the same kind of situation. I understand. You are doing just fine. Good luck to the both of you.
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 63
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 3:57:12 PM
Just a question but i was wondering...........

How come somebody's fourm starts off kind of nicely and then you get selfish people that think the worst of you or somebody else who post's their OPION on the question?

I mean not all of us want the same things and not all of us are the same some of us acturly LOVE being around their kids and some of us acturly NEED a brake from their kid's and that does not make you a bad, parent now if you abused your kids or sexual abused your kids (mom/dad) and ONLY cared about drugs and alcohol than yeah i would see somebody's point in saying your a bad parent.

But just because some parents need/want a brake from their kids that lables them as a bad parent?.

And i know NOBODY said this and im NOT blameing any one for this i an just simply stateing my thought on it.



(gone check on my little boy)
 angelwatching
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 64
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/15/2006 5:26:54 PM
Yes i know where your coming from ,i thought i would not be a ***** to ,he is now up north 5 hours away and never sees them !!!!!!!!!!! I still think i have the better part of the deal ,,,no money but i wont miss whats more important ,,,my kids growing up...
 ratski1
Joined: 6/11/2006
Msg: 65
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:41:24 AM
hi sometimes, something better than nothing again i dont know the laws were you live but a court order is a good thing, thay try to get from his ck before he does my ex she is court orderd to pay 325.00 a week i am lucky to get 120.00 hover the differance goes to the rears and ill get down the line as it will all ways attached to her ss number so get a court order is the best as he can go n say i ve been giving something and he looks good as gold and with out it he could just stop ratski
 SxyAttitude
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 66
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/16/2006 1:54:44 PM
Honestly, honey, if he can't be around, then don't waste your time. And as for court, well, I'm on my second round with that (the first round took almost three years), and if you can avoid going to court, do it. Another court order isn't gonna make him a better dad (and yes, your lil one does deserve better, but she probably won't get it from him, so its up to you, Mom)
 Grounded One
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 67
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/16/2006 4:44:50 PM
Verissa, Verissa, Verissa

Consider yourself and your child lucky. My son is 17 years old and has not seen his father since my son was 8 months old. The father chooses not to see his son and does not pay any child support. I'm not bitter about it, but do wish that they knew each other.

Your daughter sees her dad twice a month. Besides that, it's not the amount of time they spend together, it's how they spend their time. She comes home happy, right?

A friend of mine is in the same situation. He wishes to spend more time with his boys, but can't because of his work schedule. They make due with what they have. The appreciate all the time they have together.

Enjoy life.
 onlylivewunce
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 68
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/16/2006 7:01:27 PM
Hi Verissa

It's a shame that child support is not a thing of the past. It takes two to bring the children into this world and it should take two bringing them up...that means 50/50. Thats what I do...50/50 one week on, one week off, he provides for the kids on his time and provide when they are on my time. Anything that the kids need...say clothes, shoes, sports etc...we split down the middle...that way he and I can have a life and a home and our children are brought up by both of us. Maybe not in your situation as you have offered him more time without child support....but really the court system has turned parenting after divorce into a moral joke. Its bitter sweet for a father to have to live in a hole in the ground, shell out child support and for what...every other weekend and perhaps a day in between...it is morally just WRONGGGGG. If i had it my way, every person that went to court to seek our divorce and had children would be ordered to take parenting courses for "after the fact" ...lol...back to you though...keep doing what you are doing..believe me, when old enough and your child understands...this will turn out to be his worst nightmare. I dont believe in child support myself but darn straight I believe a child needs to be supported by both parents, which you arent. This boy needs a wakeup call...there's an exception to every rule...and I honestly think you are one of them...and without any guilt attached. You go girl!
 HONEYBEAR577
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 69
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:45:21 AM
I THINK YOU WERE MORE THAN FAIR.. 100 A MONTH MOST GET 100 A WEEK I THINK YOU SHOULD GET CHILD SUPPORT AGENCY INVOLVED MAYBE HE WOULD WANT TO SEE HIS CHILD MORE IF ITS SOME THING HE HAS TO PAY FOR PLUS IF HE REFUSES STILL TO PAY YOU MOST STATES WILL COLLECT FROM HIS TAXES EVERY YEAR YOUR CHILD NEEDS THE MONEY THATS DIAPERS TOYS FOOD EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS EVEN IF YOU DONT FEEL YOU NEED THE MONEY RIGHT NOW PUT IT IN A COLLEGE FUND FOR YOUR CHILD HE NEEDS TO TAKE RESPONSABILITY THERES ALOT OF YEARS TO COME GOOD LUCK
 GriZlyAdaMs
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 70
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:18:29 AM
He's not intrested. Sorry to say but its either all or nothing. And it's not easy.
I have a son whom i love dearly, I live 6hr's away, had to move here for work so I can continue to pay and help support my son. federal guidelines outline based on income what a non custodal parent has to pay. I also pay 50% of childcare and provide medial benefits to both he and his mother(same cost--so y not?). During the summer, with the cost of space/science camps child care is 500-600 per month my share, add 330 base support 123$ monthly medical=bout 1000$ per month. After the divorse, I gave her the house. Had to sell my truck to balance things out. I got laid off as my company downsize. Lived on saveing for 8mo. then moved up here to obtaina job I'm far over quailfied and get paid a lower wage. The most expensive thing I now own is my computer. Obviously the most important thing for me is to continue to support my child. We speak everyday I he visists as often as I can afford.
This is just me ..but its what should be provided by a parent.

cymbri
 Ohiosweetheart
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 71
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/17/2006 3:09:42 PM
You said somewhere in one of these posts that the $100 per month is court ordered? Then there's really no decision to make here. The court ORDERED him to pay $100 per month. You don't have the right to tell him you'll take less. Tell him if he wants to pay less, take it to court.
As far as him spending time with her... seems to me that if he really doesn't want to, I wouldn't push it. How much fun can it be for her to be spending time with a daddy who doesn't really want to be there in the first place?

Take the $100 per month and tell him to go *******
 venusianmule
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 72
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/17/2006 6:43:22 PM
Check with your local Department of Human Services, there may be some sort of Child Support Enforcment dept. that can help you out....No emotional drain needed, just give them the info and they do the work. He OWES his kid at the very LEAST financial support. Good luck to you, I have no tolerence or respect for loser, deadbeat parents.
 fae_cetious
Joined: 2/8/2005
Msg: 73
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/17/2006 7:39:09 PM
You don't have to do anything but file a claim with maintenance enforcement and you should.
There is a basic amount he is supposed to pay and he should. Trust me you won't get rich over it. I made a "deal" with my children's father. Even with this "deal" the visitation got less and less with the children. I eventually had to take this action. I didn't want to fight about money. I didn't want to fight ever. But children grow, and both of mine needed braces on their teeth. Yes NEEDED...smiles are important for self esteem especially for a girl.
Get the maintenance order, they will collect it on your behalf.
You can not make an agreement outside the law. $40 is well outside and below what even a minimum wage earner would have to pay. FILE THE ORDER
 Verissa
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 74
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 1:24:15 AM
After the divorse, I gave her the house. Had to sell my truck to balance things out. I got laid off as my company downsize. Lived on saveing for 8mo. then moved up here to obtaina job I'm far over quailfied and get paid a lower wage. The most expensive thing I now own is my computer. Obviously the most important thing for me is to continue to support my child. We speak everyday I he visists as often as I can afford.


Oh my cymbri..thats terrible..I can't believe that someone could let that happen to the father of their child.

I don't want to see him lose everything, or be destitude..I've stood by him thorugh all of his decisions even if it was affecting his role as a father...he wanted to be in acting/producing..tv,commercials, movies... I said follow your dream and do it..now realestate and I supported him in his decisions...but she was so young and didn't realize he wasn't there..she's getting older and it seems that he tried harder when she was smaller, and is pulling further away and blaming me for his anger and indifference towards parenthood. I don't want it to seem I'm robbing him blind, I need help now..not so much financially but for him to be there for her. I know, I know, I've read everyones posts..perhaps this has turned into a little bit of a self pitty thing here.

I figured that if I was supportive as a friend, and he got where he wanted to be, that he would then in turn be a better man for having had the support and encouragement..I was sadly mistaken. We use to get along so well, I don't know where things got so messed up? We were never married just to clear that up..and he is not my ex, meerly the father of my daughter. And I suppose more or less a sperm doner the way that things have turned out, it's sad though because she's an amazing child.
 westvanchick
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 75
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 1:42:45 AM
I am going through a situation simular.

My ex left me for a religious cult, he is brainwashed. He hasn't come at all to see Shawn. He hasn't given much child support for a while either.
I feel really bad becase its not that my ex is a bad guy, in fact hes a really nice guy, but brainwashed. However, I am thinking maybe its best that he doesn't come at all. I only want people around Shawn that WANT to be with him......and yeah the money fight, its useless, not for a lousy 100 dollars a month.

BEST BET: Don't even have him around, if he doesn't want to spend time, then hes not worth being around your child....your child is worth way more than that. Take care
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