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 bibliophile
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 83
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Wow, that is pretty hostile.

I was married 14 years. Gave up my university degree to follow a military man posting after posting. He wanted kids, pressured for them as he wanted a better family than his home life had been. I couldn't have a career because the military moves families all the time, so I don't have the experience or seniority to make near the money he makes now. And when we were together, all he could talk about was how glad he was that I stayed home to raise the kids and they didn't have to be in daycare.

He screwed around, decided that person was his soulmate and it was just too much work to stay and raise his own kids. He chose to leave, not me.

I'm sorry you are paying so much money for your child and feel the money is being mismanaged. Me, I was in my marriage for the duration to raise the kids, I never banked on him getting bored and deciding to move on. He pays according to the schedule set by our province and to boot he pays the amount for what he was making 8 years ago, a significantly smaller amount. Not everyone is being jacked over. Some guys move on to something better or easier before the first family is out of the nest.

I'd dearly love to not take a cent from him and go my merry way. But my kids don't deserve to starve. It is their money not mine.

You might want a little therapy to help you with that anger.
 Shimmer_2004
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 84
view profile
History
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 7:00:57 PM
I personally don't kids but i can say for sure that alot of the single parents out there don't push hard enough for their children. I think you should be taking him to court, and getting what is right for your child. When you have a child you can't just have a half of a child, so why should parents be able to only put half the effort into it ? you didn't get yourself pregnant, but alot of people need to be responsible for his actions. My sister has had alot of problems with her previous boyfriend and their child they have together. It isn't right and you need to provide the best life for your child possible and when you are a single parent every little bit counts.
 Ohiosweetheart
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 85
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:46:46 PM
Broken Wings, you're right about that. We do need a break once in a while, and some of us never get it. The ONLY time I'm away from my son is when I'm working. When I'm not working, I have my son.

I'd love a break, but can't afford a babysitter. That's just the way it goes
 Ohiosweetheart
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 86
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:55:52 PM

You women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!


you should be ashamed of yourself for lumping all women together like that. We could very easily say that ALL men try to get out of their parental responsibilities, but that would be untrue, just as your statement is untrue.
 InMyOwnSkin
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 87
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:56:36 PM
Well Verissa... you might explain to him that "you get out of it, what you put into it!" (like anything) and that may fall on deaf ears unfortunately... and you know what?...He might think it is "your money" but it is his daughter's and he's taking money at her expense! .... I would advise you go to court... for what that is worth... I've worked in the court system for several years and I've heard/seen so many absent parents... the child is the true victim here, but she'll figure it out as she gets older... As a mother, you are her advocate... good luck...
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 88
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:00:41 PM
Thanks ohiosweetheart i'm glad ONE woman understood what way i was putting my post because we do need a brake and i know not all of us are lucky to get a brake the ONLY time i get a brake is if my mom watches him, while im takeing a nap i NEVER go anywhere and if i do end up going somewhere i WOULD bring my son w/me because, i'm not the type who just PUSHES their baby/kid off on anyone.
 InMyOwnSkin
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 89
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:03:36 PM
Good point about the Dad's involvement... she is an extension of him and any negativity toward him (directly or indirectly) impacts her self image and it will manifest in behaviours, relationships, etc. later on!!! I wish both parents would understand that as that really is my pet peeve (spelling??)... Custody battles can be so damaging to children! Despite the lack of parental support for you, your daughter needs him (unless there are other concerns about her care with him of course....)... Again, good luck...
 misskittee
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 90
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History
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:09:18 AM
Verissa...I don't think this is a self pity thing. I think people are trying to give you advice and are telling you that they feel for you and your situation. A lot of people have expressed anger at your daughter's father, and shared their situations that have (sadly) similar backgrounds. I guess we're all just trying to help you try to figure out what is best for you. Your family is what is really important here. I went through the court system and it didn't mean that my daughter saw any more of her father, or that we actually received any more child support. In the end though I think she is better off without him in her life right now, having him pop in and out is not good for her... If your little girl is happy with the time she spends with her father, great. If it's inconsistent, confusing or distressing her in some way, it's possible that having court ordered dates would help. There is no court in the world that will actually be able to make a person pay their child support if they REALLY don't want to, unless the laws are much much stricter where you are than were I am. Basically what I'm saying is that you're already doing the best thing you can. Loving your children and doing your very best to make sure that they are happy, secure, and stable. Beyond that is up to you. You shouldn't have to deal with bull from a father who isn't as interested in parenthood as would be ideal, nor is he apparently aware of the very real need for him to offer a realistic child support amount. What you choose to do about it is up to you. I just hope that all of these posts have helped a little. There certainly are quite a few :)
 kleinfickle
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 91
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:18:11 AM
all I read was the first post but I think you've been more than generous. My daughter is only a month old but her father, who swore up and down during my pregnancy that he would be there once she was born, has run off with a girl who has a son that's only a month older than our daughter is... and now, not only is he not really around, but the rare occasions he does call, he expects me to bend over backwards to let him see "his daughter" even though he hasn't done a damn thing to help. and last weekend he gave me a 5 dollar bill because I was saying we were having financial problems... and I know for a fact he's been making $500-$600 a week and spending money on his gf's son.
I'm taking him to court. I don't really care all that much about the money even but I want a court order put into place saying that he won't get custody. Not to mention the fact that him being so stingy with his money is forcing me to seek government help and they'll chase after him for child support anyway...

basically, I'd say go ahead and take him to court. Or if he keeps being nonchalant about seeing her and cutting funds ($40 a month, is he nuts?!), have him sign over his rights. He obviously doesn't care anyway...
 misskittee
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 92
view profile
History
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:21:31 AM

you women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!


Colby guy... as a woman who's been lumped into a group with people who get pregnant to trap men into child support (i'm not saying it doesn't happen) I have to tell you that I AM raising my daughter on my own. I made the decision to keep and raise her and her father OFFERED child support (which I didn't want but the court wouldn't let me decline) (and he hasn't actually paid and she's almost three) and ASKED for visitation (He hasn't seen her in almost a year). I am not for a minute saying that all fathers are like my daughter's. Please don't lump me in with the mother of your child. It's unfortunate that you are going through that, and it is important to see a situation from both sides. However, the purpose of this forum was Verissa asking for advice in HER situation. Wherein the father of her daughter is not contributing anywhere near the funds and more importantly time that you are to yours. Additionally, the question was asked not just of mothers but "Daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?".
 CoRy CaYeN
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 93
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:55:30 PM
Althoug i don't agree with what Colby guy said, there are alot of people taking advantage of the system both men and women..... and i do understand his frustrations.... i am currently trying to get joint custody down the middle but she is fighting it with all her might because i'm finishing school soon and will be coming across alot of money... but when i go get my son she is more then happy to shuffle him off to me... I think his frustrations comes from the bad raps father get... when i was still with my sons mother we were in financial and emotional distress... (i was 16 at the time) there plenty of organizations out there to help the mother and the child while the father is left out to dry... as a father i felt as if the world had pre-judged me... when i broke it off with her everyone kinda gave me the evil eye telling me that i was the typical male... while i tried my hardest to keep thing right and civilized... and for the guy being a dead beat dad thats too bad... forcing him to see her is a bad idea for sure.... but it would be even worse if the child had no father... as long as he is good to her when he does see her... as long as the child doesn't get mixed up in the politics behind the break up and doesn't get hurt from the partner miss treating them... then both parents should be part of the childs life.... well thats my opinion and i hope anything i said can be helpful

CoRy CaYeN
 atomhead
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 94
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:12:10 PM
this guy sounds like a deadbeat.. take him to court, get your money, get full custody, and cut him out of your child's life. your child is better off not having someone in their life who obviously doesn't care about them.
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 96
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:54:22 PM
my situation.......I had assumed custody of my kids because of our job situations.The kids have a great dad and he does spend alot of time with them.He felt ,because he was such an emotional support system for the kids he did not owe me any money.....this would be true if our incomes were close. In order for me to move out of an exhausting situation, I did need his help finacially. I felt guilty everytime I asked for money,it was very random and I needed to "prove" what I needed it for. Eventually we went to court.....we have joint custody with me as the primary caregiver. My long winded point: it was hard to make the dicission to go to court,but now guilty feelings of asking for money are gone..........wondering how much money you will have this month is gone.He has gotten over the "having to pay me" part.And he realises the better I can provide for the kids the better off everyone is.
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 97
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:58:06 PM
refering to sweet colby in # 78 message..............I hope you drown in all that poison.you are rotting from the inside out and I can smell it from here
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 98
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:08:17 PM
sweetgin

How can you tell how "colby" is just by his WORDS on the net i mean its so funny ALL of us can say how ONE is when were NOT even around us/them there is already to much hate going around on the fourms/ R E A L life as it is.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 99
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:48:47 PM
The kids have a GREAT DAD ,but I had to take him to court..
Hmmmmmm. That's either a oxymoron or a greedy Bytche !!!

You make the call..




B
D
J
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 100
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:54:02 PM
very well put BDJ i think that was great how you worded it.
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 101
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:17:04 PM
I was just stating my opinion....I was not asking for your garbage treeman. And you can be a great dad without being a great husband. Read clearly if you want to comment....I said WE went to court...... If I had to give him some financial assistance to provide a better living situation for the kids I would.He just happens to be the one to be able to help me give the kids what they deserve.

and broken wings.....you are a young uneducated little twit who gets into the middle of every single topic.....learn to speak,spell and write or go back to the playground
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 102
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:36:09 PM
^^^^^Huummmmmmmmmmm^^^^^

Very interesting. How do **"WE"** Go (file as you imply) in court. So you both filled the name under PLAINTIFF and both filled your name under DEFENDANT. There is a judical court that entertains family issues where there are no ""sides""??? How interesting????

Don't piss in my face and tell me it's raining. One person takes another to court. period.

All that said, I stick to my FACT. A " GREAT" Dad does not need to be taken to court. A GREAT Dad does his job and pays his X no mind if she is a _______ !!! (fill in the blank).

Glad you cleared us up who you are.

That said usally Greedy people are miserable.. You can tell the "miserable" ones, by the way they RE-Post to bash !!!

****""and broken wings.....you are a young uneducated little twit who gets into the middle of every single topic.....learn to speak,spell and write or go back to the playground ""***



Don't remember soliciting your opinion as to my post or mentioning your name.

B
D
J
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 103
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 7:40:19 PM
oh sweet tree.....again I said WE went....not WE filed.....I know you are a huge fan of bashing me but you are not as smart as you think you are.....just mean
 Licorice007
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 105
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:30:39 PM
I just want to comment and say that this situation does not work...I have done the same with my x...for ten years...silly me...do not think of getting the support you need as soaking him....look at it is what it is....extra help for you child. I am one to talk about this...cause I do not get any support either...for now that is...it is coming...cause with my x...he can't even pick up the darn phone and call her...just sees her when he is not busy with his own life...and with him...his lifestyle is much better then ours...it is not fair to my daughter one bit.
 cowgirlspurs
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 106
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/30/2006 4:53:49 AM
I tried this with my youngest sons father-don't worry about the support-just spend time with him. That was ok for the first year-then nothing-then out of the blue-threatening to take him away from me.
So off to court we went and he was told over $400/month child support and removed visitation unless supervised. I guess now he's wishing he had taken me up on my first offer.
 hojash
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 107
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/30/2006 2:37:18 PM
didn't you already do this post????
 kap10cavy1963
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 108
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/30/2006 6:40:08 PM
I have yet to recieve a dime in child support. Yet I let my ex spend as much time as she wants with the kids.
I don't hassle her about the money, I am just happy that she will take the time with the kids.
 spunkygirlie
Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 109
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/30/2006 7:14:09 PM
Hey, I am also a single mom and I know how ya feel. I know it hurts because we never wanna see our lil ones hurt, but in the long run it's his loss, he is going to miss out on so much and probably down the road have a ton of regret. I've done the court thing, and it so happens I work in law, so that was easy.......lol Funny how many men can only commit to a little time to their kids but have plenty of time for everything else. I figure that at least for my kids I am stable and I do the best I can on my own, since I do raise them full time, they see dad every second weekend. Try not to stress about him, he's probably not worth it, all you can do is be the best mommy you can be, and I'm sure you already are! Take care :)
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