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 AUTHOR
 bibliophile
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 76
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I say ditto to this. One of the reasons maint enforcement is there is to take away the onus on parents to be the bad guy in collecting support. If you haven't registered your payments you should call them and get it registered and then list off back payments as well.

The child support is not YOUR money. It belongs to your daughter. Essentially he is stealing it from her. The mentality of some people is such that if they think you will take care of the child without the money then they will spend it or withhold it thinking it isn't a valid debt. If he doesn't pay, they will take any tax returns money or garnish wages for it.

I do understand the idea that more time with him is less money you spend on her so it might even out, but time does not equal money to a child. And I hear you on the potty thing, my daughter needed braces and we live on a very tight income without a vehicle in a pretty dumpy house. I asked her dad about getting braces and he balked and said sheesh that is like a car payment, and what if the boys need braces? Nope. So he went out and got his wife and himself twin Honda Goldwings....oh and build a new garage for them to go in the winter.

Only you can decide if court is worth it. One of the problems with court is that you often end up having to deal with other issues that you might not want to and also that the results often aren't great. The stress, the tension... You don't need to if the order is already made. Just get the debt registered with maintenance enforcement and then it is a non-issue. Let yoru ex know you are doing this and it is his daughter's money.

Stick with the visitation time he has. Leave it open that he can have her more often if he wishes but the fact is that once out of sight, then out of mind. He won't have any impetus to pay if he forgets who she is and how wonderful she is. Also, I really think a kid with no dad is left with a big hole in their lives. It is a hole they will fill later with poor choices in friends or addictions or whatever. A crappy dad who is there at least gives her someone. So long as he isn't abusive and really hurting her, whe will get over whatever issues later...but she won't be left with a hole that she tries to fill. Just my 2 cents....YMMV
 honeybunnies93
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 77
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 7:00:24 AM
No don't take it I am getting $200 a month for my son and that just doesn't cut it. Think you have to feed and cloth your daughter on that $40. I can't do that on $200 so how are you suppose to do that on $40 a month? My ex pays the child support people and then they pay me but if he doesn't pay me he will loose in the end. One time theyhad to send him a letter as he didn't pay for 3 months and if he didn't pay by the forth he would loose his drivers license and his would automatically get deducted from pay until it was paid off in complete. So yes take it to court they will let you know how much he can pay and if he gets a better job you will get more.
 colby_guy25
Joined: 6/2/2006
Msg: 78
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:38:25 AM
You women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 79
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:25:52 AM
colby_guy25

I know i will get my ass chewed out for this but i am glad SOMEBODY had the balls to say what you just said i didn't want to start anybody else ****ing but i tottaly agree with you'r post i'm sorry, i didnt say it sooner but you said it hell of alot better than i could have.


And i dont care if any of the single women/moms on this title gets pissed off because i'm seeing it from your view it's just what you said was the TRUTH! and its about time women"us" notice you and "single fathers" from, a different side of view.


"You women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL! "

But Your wrong about ONE thing none of us women all alike because i nothing like SOME these manbeaters on this site.
 myboys
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 80
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 10:22:25 AM
You women are all alike




iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own.



most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!


I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through to be so hositle towards women.
I am very sad that someone could make such generalizations and actually believe them.

How about my situation? I am 31, was married for 8 years. Both kids were born while we were married. The first one came along two years after we were married. The second one was planned, but it took us 2 years to conceive. My ex cheated on me and then left the country. I still didn't ask for the whole Child Support amount I was allowed....but his lawyer insisted he pay it anyway. (CS is 880 + 400 for daycare! I requested 500 + 400 for daycare.)

Are you going to try and tell me that I fit into this mold that you have described?


TO THE PEOPLE HERE FROM THE STATES:
I live in Canada. Here was have a guideline (child support guidelines) and non-custodial parents are required to pay by these guidelines. Does this exist in the states?

S
 l84f8
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 81
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 10:54:11 AM
www.fmep.gov.bc.ca
 hojash
Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 82
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 5:53:41 PM
It does suck. But if he doesn't want to see his daughter then he's the one missing out. My daughter is almost two and the best thing that has ever happened to me. Her "sperm donor" has never seen her and he's never paid one penny on his child support. But the funny thing is when she was 6 months old he was sentenced to prison for 16 years. So the great court system that we have here in WI, dropped the child support order. Which honestly doesn't make any difference to me because like I said I haven't received a dime. But I did talk to the court system about having him sign off on his parental rights and they said that here anyway the mother has to be married and her husband has to be willing to adopt the child (ren) for the father to sign off. Which honestly is a load of crap. But that's besides the point. I am doing it by myself and I don't even care if he see's her or not. I drive two hours to take my daughter to go and see his mother every two to three months and she is very greatful. I guess it just depends on what type of person you are. If you want to be there for your child and you want to help them have a better life you will try your damndest. And I will not take my daugther to go and see him either. But that's another story. Good luck to you and I hope that it all works out for the best you seem like a wonderful woman and mother. Hugs to you!!!
ashley
 bibliophile
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 83
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:44:28 PM
Wow, that is pretty hostile.

I was married 14 years. Gave up my university degree to follow a military man posting after posting. He wanted kids, pressured for them as he wanted a better family than his home life had been. I couldn't have a career because the military moves families all the time, so I don't have the experience or seniority to make near the money he makes now. And when we were together, all he could talk about was how glad he was that I stayed home to raise the kids and they didn't have to be in daycare.

He screwed around, decided that person was his soulmate and it was just too much work to stay and raise his own kids. He chose to leave, not me.

I'm sorry you are paying so much money for your child and feel the money is being mismanaged. Me, I was in my marriage for the duration to raise the kids, I never banked on him getting bored and deciding to move on. He pays according to the schedule set by our province and to boot he pays the amount for what he was making 8 years ago, a significantly smaller amount. Not everyone is being jacked over. Some guys move on to something better or easier before the first family is out of the nest.

I'd dearly love to not take a cent from him and go my merry way. But my kids don't deserve to starve. It is their money not mine.

You might want a little therapy to help you with that anger.
 Shimmer_2004
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 84
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 7:00:57 PM
I personally don't kids but i can say for sure that alot of the single parents out there don't push hard enough for their children. I think you should be taking him to court, and getting what is right for your child. When you have a child you can't just have a half of a child, so why should parents be able to only put half the effort into it ? you didn't get yourself pregnant, but alot of people need to be responsible for his actions. My sister has had alot of problems with her previous boyfriend and their child they have together. It isn't right and you need to provide the best life for your child possible and when you are a single parent every little bit counts.
 Ohiosweetheart
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 85
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:46:46 PM
Broken Wings, you're right about that. We do need a break once in a while, and some of us never get it. The ONLY time I'm away from my son is when I'm working. When I'm not working, I have my son.

I'd love a break, but can't afford a babysitter. That's just the way it goes
 Ohiosweetheart
Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 86
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/18/2006 9:55:52 PM

You women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!


you should be ashamed of yourself for lumping all women together like that. We could very easily say that ALL men try to get out of their parental responsibilities, but that would be untrue, just as your statement is untrue.
 InMyOwnSkin
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 87
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:56:36 PM
Well Verissa... you might explain to him that "you get out of it, what you put into it!" (like anything) and that may fall on deaf ears unfortunately... and you know what?...He might think it is "your money" but it is his daughter's and he's taking money at her expense! .... I would advise you go to court... for what that is worth... I've worked in the court system for several years and I've heard/seen so many absent parents... the child is the true victim here, but she'll figure it out as she gets older... As a mother, you are her advocate... good luck...
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 88
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:00:41 PM
Thanks ohiosweetheart i'm glad ONE woman understood what way i was putting my post because we do need a brake and i know not all of us are lucky to get a brake the ONLY time i get a brake is if my mom watches him, while im takeing a nap i NEVER go anywhere and if i do end up going somewhere i WOULD bring my son w/me because, i'm not the type who just PUSHES their baby/kid off on anyone.
 InMyOwnSkin
Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 89
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:03:36 PM
Good point about the Dad's involvement... she is an extension of him and any negativity toward him (directly or indirectly) impacts her self image and it will manifest in behaviours, relationships, etc. later on!!! I wish both parents would understand that as that really is my pet peeve (spelling??)... Custody battles can be so damaging to children! Despite the lack of parental support for you, your daughter needs him (unless there are other concerns about her care with him of course....)... Again, good luck...
 misskittee
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 90
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daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:09:18 AM
Verissa...I don't think this is a self pity thing. I think people are trying to give you advice and are telling you that they feel for you and your situation. A lot of people have expressed anger at your daughter's father, and shared their situations that have (sadly) similar backgrounds. I guess we're all just trying to help you try to figure out what is best for you. Your family is what is really important here. I went through the court system and it didn't mean that my daughter saw any more of her father, or that we actually received any more child support. In the end though I think she is better off without him in her life right now, having him pop in and out is not good for her... If your little girl is happy with the time she spends with her father, great. If it's inconsistent, confusing or distressing her in some way, it's possible that having court ordered dates would help. There is no court in the world that will actually be able to make a person pay their child support if they REALLY don't want to, unless the laws are much much stricter where you are than were I am. Basically what I'm saying is that you're already doing the best thing you can. Loving your children and doing your very best to make sure that they are happy, secure, and stable. Beyond that is up to you. You shouldn't have to deal with bull from a father who isn't as interested in parenthood as would be ideal, nor is he apparently aware of the very real need for him to offer a realistic child support amount. What you choose to do about it is up to you. I just hope that all of these posts have helped a little. There certainly are quite a few :)
 kleinfickle
Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 91
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:18:11 AM
all I read was the first post but I think you've been more than generous. My daughter is only a month old but her father, who swore up and down during my pregnancy that he would be there once she was born, has run off with a girl who has a son that's only a month older than our daughter is... and now, not only is he not really around, but the rare occasions he does call, he expects me to bend over backwards to let him see "his daughter" even though he hasn't done a damn thing to help. and last weekend he gave me a 5 dollar bill because I was saying we were having financial problems... and I know for a fact he's been making $500-$600 a week and spending money on his gf's son.
I'm taking him to court. I don't really care all that much about the money even but I want a court order put into place saying that he won't get custody. Not to mention the fact that him being so stingy with his money is forcing me to seek government help and they'll chase after him for child support anyway...

basically, I'd say go ahead and take him to court. Or if he keeps being nonchalant about seeing her and cutting funds ($40 a month, is he nuts?!), have him sign over his rights. He obviously doesn't care anyway...
 misskittee
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 92
view profile
History
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:21:31 AM

you women are all alike, i take could care of my child and see her all the time. It doesent matter how much we do as father's you guys will still **** and complain that its not enough. Some of you say its not about the money, iam saying alot of you got pregnant just for the money. I think you guys are messed and greedy as hell. If you are mature enough to make the desicion on your own to keep and raise a child, you should be mature enough to raise it on your own. I pay 700 a month for my girl whos six and in school, according to the law we split the costs 50/50 the last time i checked it does not cost 1400 dollars to raise a six year old in school a month. Shes married and lives a way better life style then i can ever imagine, she vacations all the time thanks to my child support, the law is set up so women get rewared for having children, and men are punished.
You women want to be indepentant and take care of yourselfs, get jobs goto school be lawyers and doctors and thats all great, but you want your cake and eat it too, Not all of you are greedy i truely believe men and fathers if in the childs life should contribute with money and time but i think most women take advantage of the system and destroy peoples lifes like myself to better themselfs not the child.
To all women like this you know who you are
GO TO HELL!


Colby guy... as a woman who's been lumped into a group with people who get pregnant to trap men into child support (i'm not saying it doesn't happen) I have to tell you that I AM raising my daughter on my own. I made the decision to keep and raise her and her father OFFERED child support (which I didn't want but the court wouldn't let me decline) (and he hasn't actually paid and she's almost three) and ASKED for visitation (He hasn't seen her in almost a year). I am not for a minute saying that all fathers are like my daughter's. Please don't lump me in with the mother of your child. It's unfortunate that you are going through that, and it is important to see a situation from both sides. However, the purpose of this forum was Verissa asking for advice in HER situation. Wherein the father of her daughter is not contributing anywhere near the funds and more importantly time that you are to yours. Additionally, the question was asked not just of mothers but "Daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?".
 CoRy CaYeN
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 93
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:55:30 PM
Althoug i don't agree with what Colby guy said, there are alot of people taking advantage of the system both men and women..... and i do understand his frustrations.... i am currently trying to get joint custody down the middle but she is fighting it with all her might because i'm finishing school soon and will be coming across alot of money... but when i go get my son she is more then happy to shuffle him off to me... I think his frustrations comes from the bad raps father get... when i was still with my sons mother we were in financial and emotional distress... (i was 16 at the time) there plenty of organizations out there to help the mother and the child while the father is left out to dry... as a father i felt as if the world had pre-judged me... when i broke it off with her everyone kinda gave me the evil eye telling me that i was the typical male... while i tried my hardest to keep thing right and civilized... and for the guy being a dead beat dad thats too bad... forcing him to see her is a bad idea for sure.... but it would be even worse if the child had no father... as long as he is good to her when he does see her... as long as the child doesn't get mixed up in the politics behind the break up and doesn't get hurt from the partner miss treating them... then both parents should be part of the childs life.... well thats my opinion and i hope anything i said can be helpful

CoRy CaYeN
 atomhead
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 94
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:12:10 PM
this guy sounds like a deadbeat.. take him to court, get your money, get full custody, and cut him out of your child's life. your child is better off not having someone in their life who obviously doesn't care about them.
 ronscons
Joined: 5/22/2006
Msg: 95
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History
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:27:58 PM
I was a single parent and my wife was a single parent -two kids-one with her and one with me- Busy Girl seems to think the socialist welfare system is wonderful-she has totally forgotten about all the visitations withheld by mothers who know they will never spend a day in jail for violating a court order- she freely calls men names etc but I betcha she doesn't say word one of all the women on welfare who got themselves pregnant so they can collect it Because of this attitude, I believe that welfare etc. needs to be cut off - what welfare does is replace the fathers role as provider and protector with money ripped off the taxpayer-it allows mommie to sit at home after daddy has been removed- the single mommies do not even have to get a man to provide for them-big government does that- what needs to happen is mommy and daddy [ or single mommy and her sperm donor-what the hell, he knows her intimately anyway]stay together in a court monitored setting till kids are 18 period, no and ifs, buts or ors]- if there is alcohol or drug abuse, immediate and mandatory councelling 24/7- dayly testing if need be-parents and children stay under one roof- daddy goes to work even if to a court ordered job, mommy looks after the house- if there is so much as raised voice, mommy or daddy whoever caused the rukus gets to spend the night in a jail cell on a foam mat- this in addition to regular duties- no anger tantrums from daddy and"now get this"- no provocation and sharp tongue from mommy- this carries on until youngest children are 18- if mommy and daddy have no education, they are enrolled in compulsory educational programs- if mommy and daddy have few social skills, then compulsory life skills programs- everything monitored, money, social, gender problems, compulsive/obsessive disorders-the whole ball of wax- yep sounds extreme but can't cost any more than the bloody mess this society is in right now and the benefits would be humungous- if a the end of the venture, mommy and daddy decide to split at least both are educated and they will have had up to 18 years to settle their hash- when all kids are 16 there needs to be about a three month mandatory course in marriage, sexuality and cohabitating gender to gender so these kids have a real good grounding in sexual and gender roles and a really good knowledge of marriage and mating and what real men and real women are capable and not capable of- not this convoluted chaotic perverted mess we have today! Food for thought- won't happen anyway because the voting public in this country is too stupid to understand it!!!!!! and busygirl will scream to high heaven!!!
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 96
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:54:22 PM
my situation.......I had assumed custody of my kids because of our job situations.The kids have a great dad and he does spend alot of time with them.He felt ,because he was such an emotional support system for the kids he did not owe me any money.....this would be true if our incomes were close. In order for me to move out of an exhausting situation, I did need his help finacially. I felt guilty everytime I asked for money,it was very random and I needed to "prove" what I needed it for. Eventually we went to court.....we have joint custody with me as the primary caregiver. My long winded point: it was hard to make the dicission to go to court,but now guilty feelings of asking for money are gone..........wondering how much money you will have this month is gone.He has gotten over the "having to pay me" part.And he realises the better I can provide for the kids the better off everyone is.
 sweetgin
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 97
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 12:58:06 PM
refering to sweet colby in # 78 message..............I hope you drown in all that poison.you are rotting from the inside out and I can smell it from here
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 98
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 1:08:17 PM
sweetgin

How can you tell how "colby" is just by his WORDS on the net i mean its so funny ALL of us can say how ONE is when were NOT even around us/them there is already to much hate going around on the fourms/ R E A L life as it is.
 treemanbdj
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 99
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:48:47 PM
The kids have a GREAT DAD ,but I had to take him to court..
Hmmmmmm. That's either a oxymoron or a greedy Bytche !!!

You make the call..




B
D
J
 Broken_Wings
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 100
daddy's and mommies if you were offered this?
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:54:02 PM
very well put BDJ i think that was great how you worded it.
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