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Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 106
love and weight gainPage 9 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
99% of the time our weight is our choice.

Marriage #1 - 16 years later I had creeped up 20 pounds and I weighed 206 pounds. Since I am 6’2” I look ok anywhere from 175 to 210. I left her and wanted to lose it. 30 days later I went past the mark and hit 173 pounds.

I dropped 32 pounds in 30 days

Marriage #2 - 17 years later I had creeped up 20 pounds and I weighed 210 pounds. She dumped me and 30 days later I weighed 180 pounds

I dropped 30 pounds in 30 days

So - it takes me about 15-17 years of being in a marriage to gain 20 pounds and it takes me 30 days to lose 30 pounds.

99% of the time our weight is our choice.

Age has nothing to do with it - I am so old I fart dust and can still drop 30 pounds in 30 days.

Most of the time we can weigh what we ***WANT*** to weigh.

I ***WANT*** to weigh 183 pounds ... and that is what I weigh.

I want to be as attractive as I can for my gf/wife and for MYSELF.
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 109
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/27/2007 7:44:13 AM
this actually happened to me years ago.

i started dating an attractive man who stayed in shape by farming, bicycling and walking. after 6 months, he moved in with me. almost immediately he started smoking pot 24/7, sitting on the sofa, watching tv and eating everything in sight. repeated pleas for him to get back into shape fell on deaf ears. in an attempt to show solidarity, i started dieting myself and got down to about 83 lbs. i took it almost as an insult that he made the conscious decision to become fat. he used to sit around naked too, which i found stomach-turning. i felt like i had a huge immobile slug on my hands.

needless to say, he didn't last very long.

i think if you enter a serious relationship with someone, you almost owe it to each other to avoid becoming disgusting.

compare it to someone who suddenly started getting drunk all the time.

who needs it?
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 110
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/27/2007 9:53:02 AM
"Marriage is til death do us part"
Hmmm.. so infidelity is not a reason to leave?
Hmmm.. so alcoholism?

You people crack me up. How you actually put these kinds of actions, in the same category as "fat" ... is beyond me. I suspect an abuse surivor would think really highly of you right now.

Seriously though... there are 'reasonable reasons' for divorce in this day and age because 'till death so us part' doesn't mean someone gets to violate you. Use your head.

However, fat... ain't one of em', kids.
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 111
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/27/2007 10:50:19 AM
You know, some of you folks live in your own little, special worlds, and have your own, special little views on things... and that's fine. Trying to talk to you about things you refuse to see from any other viewpoint, than your own, just turns into pointless, worthless back and forth, loaded with mostly a lot of waiting to for a turn to talk and not much listening.

So this is where I depart from this thread. Saying anything else, is only wasting my time... and you know what... other people's too.

I just hope some of you folks NEVER change ... cause most physical changes can be 'fixed' with plastic surgery now. And so, considering your stance on weight, you will probably end up with someone who feels the same, and with luck, they'll get bent out of shape when you go bald and get wrinkles... again, both of which can be 'fixed' ... plastic surgery and hair tranplants have come a long, long way.
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 116
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/28/2007 1:53:27 PM
I ended up on the bad end of this equation. Lets see. Me 10 years ago...

Guitarist in a band
Rock Climber

I wasn't a total fitness nut but I was definately in shape. Met who I thought was the girl of my dreams. 2 kids, no biggie, loved them like they were my own and raised them as though they were my own. Bought everyone snowboards and a seasons pass at the local (world class) ski hill. She tried it twice, didn't like it. Younger boy ended up sticking with it. Went not as much as I would have liked to. Kid went with his friends more.

Kayacking? forget it. Stopped doing it.

Camping? Tried it, didn't like it. Stopped doing it

Hiking? no. Stopped

Rock climbing? Bought harnesses and shoes for everyone, again it didn't pan out. Stopped doing it.

Band? Drummer moved, (owned the PA) Bass player moved, Guitarist ended up moving as well, so that stopped.

So here I am 8 years later, haven't really done much, we would walk our dogs but that was it. She was a great cook and now I am bigger than I would like to be, bigger than I was. Where the hell did this come from? How did I get this big? Now that we are done I'm getting back to being who I was.

Weight training, better eating, and climbing this hellish tower at work daily (350 steps) I can't believe the lack of shape I'm in but its coming back. She never left me for gaining weight. She put on some extra as well, it didn't matter to me. I loved her for who she was. She was still the same person I married. Ii mean we aren't 22 anymore. So I'm slowly clawing my way back to who I was. Getting back into the sports I used to like. Snowboarding, picking up mountain biking, some hiking. I just can NOT wait to be who I was.

Drummer is back in town, Bass player is back in town. I picked up a sound system for my kid's band. Both boys play in bands, one sings, one drums. It was awesome to see them pick up the torch I somehow misplaced. In supporting them I dropped 15 large on a huge PA, which my band will now use. We are just looking for another guitar player who can sing backup.

We talked about getting up to do something to drop some lbs. Now I'm just doing it without her. Slowly but surely. LOL if I meet someone who accpets me for who I am now, it will just be better and better for them since I'm basically at my "worst case scenario" Ask me why I married someone I had absolutely nothing in common with.
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 118
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/28/2007 2:44:58 PM
GuitarGuy - Yeah I got everyone high dollar bicycles.

I was the only one that stayed with it. I can still out ride most people half my age.
Joined: 3/15/2007
Msg: 121
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/28/2007 5:42:13 PM
Hey Vix, love the pooch! Miss my shepard, (cancer)
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 122
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:07:04 PM
Not all of us big guys are lazy. I know several skinny guys that just play video games all day and watch TV....that is lazy! but they never gain weight lucky!
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 127
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:58:01 AM

I would have a serious problem with it. It would seriously strain the relationship IMO.

agreed. it almost seemed unfair when it happened to me. it felt like the guy had promised one thing and delivered another. he had no health issues. no injuries. no genetic problems. he turrned into a slack-*ss, pot-smoking load overnight. i took it as a personal insult.
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 135
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 2:15:16 PM
"i know from experience, i was as big as a house when he died, lost it in weeks..... its called real life."

It's so sad how few people seem to UNDERSTAND that. I've seen things in this thread that I think need to be moved over to the "Think hard: why are you still single thread" ... cause lots of people have said things here, and have whined in that other thread, and it's no wonder they're single.

I think we need a thread called "Love and Changes" ... cause I'd like to know... would people still love their spouses if they shaved their heads? Decided to get a tattoo? Decided to be more "au natural" (women) and stop wearing make-up? Change their taste in clothing? Develop a mental illness?

And how about years and years later... what if your partner gets... OLD. Then what?

Joined: 7/17/2006
Msg: 141
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:55:25 PM
There is a bit of a weight epidemic . I think there has to more knowledge obtained about why this is happening.
It creates alot of unhappiness and pain.
On the one hand you have to have sympathy for people who struggle with weight ,
but it is undeniable that it really decreases sex appeal .
Hopefully there will be a medical breakthrough !
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 143
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:32:28 PM
to me, just because you meet a man or woman and fall in love with them being at a lessor weight and gaining 10,20, or maybe even 30 pounds more years later that's nothing to hold against someone. when guys gain weight they say that "it's the good cooking" but when a woman gains weight right away the guys think that they let themselves go which is wrong! a woman's metabolism is different than a mans for starters....then you have the thyroid gland. as women get older for some reason or the other the thyroid gland ends up not working properly and slows down causing a weight problem as well as some of the thyroid medications.

just because men and women both tend to gain weight that doesn't make them any less of a person. if you really love a person, you love them for the person that they are, not for what they look like.
Joined: 4/21/2006
Msg: 147
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:54:57 AM
50 pounds is nothing----if it is such a big deal I would workout together
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 149
love and weight gain
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:54:06 PM

Obviously they are not motivated to do so for the mate they love, but they sure as hell will work like an SOB to get in shape for the next vic -er- love of their life. Now that is some f*cked up thinking...

In a 1997 interview with Cornell University Nutrition Newsletter, Sobal said some studies have found that weight loss of a spouse can lead to divorce, while other studies have discovered sabotage attempts on the part of the spouse who wants to maintain the status quo.
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 173
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love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:22:29 PM
Nope I wouldn't leave him but he would never get laid again. (at least not by me)Fat is not attractive on anyone for any reason.
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 179
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love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:11:59 PM
If I fell in love with a person, and he gain weight (or loss weight) I will not break up with him because of his body change, maybe due to medical reason or what ever. It is the mindset of the person that enhance my life with our bonding not his
gained weight...
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 192
love and weight gain
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:37:15 PM
The problem with all these hypothetical questions is that we answer them with the left side of our brain - the logical/reasoning one.

But love is very right brained. emotion based. So, we can all kinds of things now - doesn't mean that we really act that way in real life.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 200
love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:53:05 PM
It's not a hypothetical question when you have actually gone through it.

I've been on both sides of that issue.

I topped out at 200 at 5'9" and didn't like myself. I did the things you are suppose to do and now I'm 168 lbs and back to a healthy weight.

When I was married she gained weight. I didn't think much of it. She did have my child so it was common. Her weight was never monumental, but it was enough to make her not happy with herself. That bred insecurities, depression and many other undesirable feelings for her.

The weight was not directly responsible for the end of the relationship. In the long run it may have indirectly led to the demise. In hindsight maybe I should have made a bigger deal about it.
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 204
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love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 7:32:44 PM
I think there are very shallow people who have no true morals when it comes to being a human being. My boss had mentioned his wife of thirty years had put on weight, that she had been very thin when they met but after giving birth to thier three children and life changes her body has changed. He still loves her and couldnt think of being with anyone else regardless. Thats what life is about.
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 206
love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 10:28:48 PM

If you love someone, I don't think it matters what they look like. Don't get me wrong you still have to be attracted to them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Ditto( Simple & Short)
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 208
love and weight gain
Posted: 10/17/2009 1:48:23 AM
RE: Msg 276 from goattogo

being overweight is grounds for divorce in some states.
Really?? And just what states are these that allow the fact that your spouse is overweight as grounds for divorce? I would love to know where you got your information.

i weigh 170 lbs, 5' 9", yes i am overweight, i should weigh 145. when i place a dating ad i request that the woman responding weigh less than me, they are few and far between!
And yet on your profile you don't state that you are 'a few extra pounds'. You state that you are 'athletic'. My goodness, isn't that false advertising? Especially since you don't even have a photo available.

I don't think that the infrequency of responses to your ad are due to to the rarity of women who weigh less than you. I think it would more than likely be due to the fact that there are few women who would want to be with someone with your mindset. An over-inflated ego is more unattractive than an over-inflated body for many of us.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 230
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 1/19/2010 7:34:24 PM
When I met my ex he was probably about 50 lbs lighter than he is now. I would of still been attracted to him with the weight gain but his personality over the years was what made the attraction disappear. Then again I prefer a man who isn't afraid to eat over a stick thin one anyway. The only time I gained a lot of weight was during my pregnancies and the ex wouldn't even touch me plus called me fat. My SO said he used to be fat, 12lbs heavier but if he was to gain that weight again or even more it wouldn't change my feelings for him. I would hope I mean more than that to him also.

If your relationship is going to break up over just physical appearance it wasn't a strong healthy relationship to begin with. There could be reasons for a sudden weight gain such as medical conditions or depression.
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 242
view profile
love and weight gain
Posted: 1/31/2010 9:13:50 AM
Hamster dance,why would i want to change the way i perceive others ? if i were to tell you that if it were important to you you could loose weight would you accept that ? and if by choice you decide that it's not important to you i suspect you would be offended if i suggested that it should be....seems to me that no matter how you look at it you are passing judgement on others who are not like you.

I agree that looks fade but so does life itself...why do anything if we are all going to die anyway,why have any standards,preferences....why not just jump off a bridge.

I also understand that looks are not everything but it has been my experience that fat or otherwise unattractive people by no means have the market cornered on integrity,honesty or any other desirable trait...alot of the time they are bitter,angry and envious people who think they are owed the affections and attention of others...and react in very nasty ways when they don't get it.
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