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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???      Home login  
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 Nicky2Tone
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 76
What does a man mean by taking things slow???Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Let's take things slow = I want to have as much sex with you as possible before you come to your senses and figure out that I don't actually want a relationship with you.
 barry708
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 77
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:42:12 PM
My thinking on this is guys are slow to get into a relationship and commitment and slow to get out.

Women are quick to want to get into a relationship and just as quick to get out.

Men know this and don't want to get hurt. They know as quick as women want to get in they will jump out just as quick.

We just want to save a lot of heartache.
 ~Joy~
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 78
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:11:44 PM
If there isn't going to be a future in it, then I wouldn't be having sex with him...that's slow enough for me.
 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 79
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:58:58 PM
Hey, all:

Gee, Renda, I am so sorry you think life is speeding by you so blindingly fast--well, if you can use the term "real slow" I can resort to hyperbole, too.

I personally have every reason to expect to live into my 90s--I have the genes and the health--so I have the time to find the love of my life and get it right--and, no, it need not happen in no more than a month--another faulty conclusion.


But I guess if one is never hurt or misled or abused in a relationship, they would be willing to dive into anything--to each his/her own!

The simple matter is that speed and urgency is a very personal, individual decision when approaching the pace of a developing relationship. Two people need to find a mutually satisfying progression in their growing love. Two people carrying a large fragile load--neither one can carry it alone--need communication and coordination in their actions or the load might fall and break--not a good outcome. Then what you have is two people staring at each other wondering what went wrong. Re-does are often not advisable.

David


Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun!
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 80
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 4:14:34 AM
Well, after reading this thread it appears I will never utter the words "I want to take it slow." again.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 81
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:20:43 AM

(Msg 111) I really get a chuckle when men who are in their late 50's or 60's want to take things real slow. How many years do they think they have left? I am not a spring chicken, and I do not want to get married after a month, but at my age, I have to speed things up a bit or bite the dust.


I see it the same way when I hear mature people give the "going slow" speech. It's strange that people can find decent jobs, buy homes, make friends, basically thrive in life but when it comes to choosing a partner they act like they're so naive. As others have said when someone talks about going slow what they're actually saying is they are still looking around.

When I was dating and someone would talk about going slow I would ask them what they wanted to know. When someone wants to go slow they have either made up their mind and are just hanging around, have something to hide, or there is something they are not sure about. The latter problem is easy to solve. I would tell them if there was something they were unsure about all they had to do was ask. If that didn't satisfy them I invited them to come and stay with me.

Keep your apartment/house and move in with me. Get up in the morning with me. Cook dinner with me. Go see a movie. Clean the house. Go for dinner. Do all the things a normal couple do and see how it sits with you. Simple!

I believe, in many cases, people have an ulterior motive for going slow. If they wanted to be with the other person then they would. This idea of being trapped or being taken advantage of is not realistic. If someone keeps their home and stays with the other it soon becomes apparent what the people are like. It doesn't take long. If they don't get along they simply return to their home. The bottom line is if they want to go slow they are not interested. They have nothing to lose except perhaps being found out they are a fraud.
 stone429
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 82
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:37:43 AM
[Most of the guys that have told me they want to take it slow in reference to sex...have problems getting mini me up. So they need time to work on that. Generally they like to get to know you over a long period (over two weeks) and have you so enamoured by them, that you will be patient with the problem.]

oooh as the turkey is starting and i am a browsing methinks someone is a little jaded. While i have no problems with mini me (cute phrase i'll use since mine has never had a name) i have had problems with getting into deep and finding out that the other person was certifiable (2 dates and your tires get slashed for seeing another woman ((which happens to be your daughter-in-law bringing over some tamales)) LOL. Yeah take it slow for the older crowd usually means "TAKE IT SLOW" don't know what it means to other men but to me it means that i really would like to get to know you before we do the horizontal bop because I think in this day and age if all I wanted was sex - there's quicker ways to get it and if i am not interested block your phone calls, emails, etc.,. Sometimes things are what they seem.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 83
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:46:20 AM
I am not a spring chicken, and I do not want to get married after a month, but at my age, I have to speed things up a bit or bite the dust.


I find that quite interesting Renda, since looking at your last 5 posts, the 3rd on down is on "Ready to quit dating yet?" you say you've "finally quit". Quitting dating, good way to meet someone!

One might wonder that if you are so insistent on having to "speed things up a bit", that you have run into all the guys who want to "get some and get out", and the good guys that just want to take a little time and get to know you before jumping headlong into something get blown off because you need to "speed things up or bite the dust".

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the women here are majorly jaded, they've dated a few men that say "take it slow" and were really players, therefore *all* men who say that are the same. Thats just like saying you've been cheated on 2 or 3 times, so all men (or women from my standpoint, I've been cheated on) are cheaters. Or, lets see, even though I've dated some wonderful women, the last one left me for the classic "bad boy" (drug user, physically abusive).. therefore all women must run to abusive jerks (Not!).

Lets get real here, as soon as you start taking people as anything other than individuals, you limit yourself. Soon you'll get to "the 5 blonde's I dated were abusive, therefore I won't date any more blondes", and eventually "they all suck, I quit, not bothering anymore". All you've succeeded in doing is stereotyping/generalizing your way out of dating anyone, because maybe you've been hurt or unsuccessful for so long.

And the reality is, if you keep doing the same thing, and you keep getting the same result, and expected different results (the definition of insanity), and now have "quit" because you haven't gotten the result you've expected, maybe rather than quitting, you should be changing the "same thing over and over" you are doing and try something different!?!?!

When I was dating and someone would talk about going slow I would ask them what they wanted to know. When someone wants to go slow they have either made up their mind and are just hanging around, have something to hide, or there is something they are not sure about. The latter problem is easy to solve. I would tell them if there was something they were unsure about all they had to do was ask.


Exactly Dave.

I actually find this whole topic quite humorous! On the one side, I've read over and over on POF threads where the women complain about men who push them for sex "too soon" in the relationship, when they aren't comfortable/ready for that yet, and getting blown off by the guys because of it "because all men want it sex". And then here they all are saying "but when I want sex, and he's not ready, its over! Because I want what I want and I want it NOW!". Yeah, there's a good start to a mutually caring relationship... "I don't care how he feels!".

And as you point out, the solution to that is *communication* (gee, go figure!), talking to them about how they are feeling, asking them "what they need to know" - face it, it could just be that the last 5 relationships they were in things got hot and heavy quick and ended nasty a month later, and they arent neccesarily questioning *you*, they're questioning *themselves* (ie, "my last 5 choices ended really badly, how do I know this choice is right?"). Usually thats a point where 2 people communicating openly/honestly can "solve the issue". If you're so damn impatient that you aren't willing to actually talk about that (and yes, I'll admit, some men aren't the greatest communicators and it might take some effort), then in reality you both *are* better off without a relationship, because you don't have the most basic things a relationship needs, trust and communication (and a *willingness* to communicate).
 wwwwwhatever
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 84
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 11:44:12 AM

So guys: What does "taking it slow" mean to you?


It means we give you a few momments to adjust; then, put on your seatbelt, spanky; cause it's gonna be one hellofa ride,
 ascuteasabug
Joined: 8/8/2003
Msg: 85
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 12:17:33 PM
For the men who have said that they wanted to get to know a person before taking a relationship to the sexual level - yee-haw!! Sincerely, YOU are the ones most of us are looking for. I think the reason for the question is that women tend to experience more men wanting sex while saying they want to take it slow, which several men on here have acknowledged. That has been my experience at least.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 86
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 1:49:42 PM

(Msg 124) Nope, not jaded at all...but that is my experience. If a guy is not in a hurry to have me on the first date within the first hour, he usually has trouble in that department.


Your profile states you're 26. I just have to ask, "Are you dating senior citizens?"
 Shorter
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 87
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 3:10:01 PM
It means he's screwing with your head, and wants you to be addicted to him.
 Elfenlass
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 88
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 4:06:13 PM
When a guy wants to 'go slow', it can be anything from "I've been hurt in the past and not up for that again straight off" to "I'm still not sure if I like you".
But yeah, it usually means "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 89
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:27:43 PM
Elfanlass said

"When a guy wants to 'go slow', it can be anything"

Wise words - it depends on the person and circumstances or where they are at with relationships

"But yeah, it usually means "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".

This sounds hurty- things didn't work out- but then there's the guys that go- "i was a perfect gentleman, we got along great, I didn't push her for sex-cause she was "the one" and she dumped him and ended up dating an alcoholic biker.

So - I guess everyone's time frame is different- and it's another thing that makes dating difficult.

Maybe it just means "I'm concerned because you want to move things along at faster than I intended and I feel vulnerable right now and don't want to get burned."

Or it means"I don't get married after one date"

or it means "I want to get to know you better before our lifes become too entangled"

or it means " "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".

Its just a muddy statement and it means different things to different people.

maybe guys are more complex than I give them credit for-

way a minute- I'm a guy-

Guess we just want sex- women told me so

Back to the drawing board-


 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 90
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:10:07 PM
It means to forget about any consistancy there was during the first three months of the relationship because things are going to be different now. Haha. I personally believe if you take it slow and easy to begin with, it will last a lot longer. But if it happens the other way then it will change.
 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 91
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:17:26 PM
not sure what it means??

any thoughts on this one.....after meeting 1 year before and running into each other all the time and having him stop you in traffic. For about 3 months you talk on the phone every week or two. Then the guy shows up on your doorstep in the middle of the night. he is distraught about his dog and parents....you help him through this. Then you have sex.....you continue to talk on the phone and text message (as distance is an issue) and see each other about every 3 weeks and hang out and end up having sex. After 3 months of hanging out, dinners and sex. After an awesome evening.....he text messages saying - he doesn't think he can call anymore, i don't have feeings that you deserve

i think he is running scared...any thoughts guys? gals?
how long do i wait before i contact him?
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 92
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:28:40 PM
My thought is wait till he contacts you and pray that he doesn't.

 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 93
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:35:32 PM
actually i would like him to call...he has been hurt in the past - he is a great guy!!
i think he is scared because he is so comfortable with me.
hope i am right that he will call....saturday is 1 week. other than my reply to the text message, i haven't contacted him at all.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 94
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:43:06 PM
Yeah, he'll need some time to figure things out on his own. In the meantime, you may wanna think about how distraught he really is, while keeping your own heart in tact. Let him take the lead and decide if it's something you are willing to deal with.
 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 95
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:57:04 PM
Thanks
well, i am patient and have nothing to lose if i wait. I am not upset by this whole thing, I am sure he will return - when is the only question. he is worth the wait, but until he believes that there is noting i can do.....
 johnglc
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 96
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:54:46 PM
It could mean that he's not sure whether he likes you or not and needs time...........
 tallest169
Joined: 7/4/2004
Msg: 97
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 11:15:32 PM
Perhaps he wants you to "take things" such as his independance, self esteem, bank balance and favourite pet slowly, as opposed to quickly and all at once.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 98
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 5:37:22 AM

It means he's screwing with your head, and wants you to be addicted to him.

ahhh ... such a 'willpower' I would gladly put under my 'microscope' ... just to see who loses the grip of the rope first.

Seriously, "stopwatch" for timing? If you don't choose , watch this space ... and smile.
 MEGA_CHULO2007
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 99
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 7:22:48 AM
When I've told women that, I meant that I didn't want sex right away. I have always experienced when getting sexually involved with women, they tend to catch feeling very early on. Unless it's someone that I'm REALLY feeling, then I wouldn't mind doing it on the first or second date.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 100
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:45:46 AM
It means to forget about any consistancy there was during the first three months of the relationship because things are going to be different now. Haha. I personally believe if you take it slow and easy to begin with, it will last a lot longer. But if it happens the other way then it will change.


that I agree with Sadie. I usually start off saying I want to take it slow, because I'm *not* looking for sex in the first 3 dates (although, yes, I wouldn't be dating her if there wasn't that attraction, and I do expect that at some point if it actually develops into a relationship, sex will be involved - its a *part* of a good relationship, but its not *the* relationship), I'm looking to get to know the person, and the rest will follow if & when the relationship gets to that point. Different for everyone, its not a damn "timeline" (ie, "sex in the first 3 dates or its over"... nah, how about "sex when you're both ready/comfortable, be it 2 dates or 20"?).

But, on the flip side, someone who suddenly changes that in mid-relationship, thats a bad sign. Thats someone who wants to back off the relationship, for whatever reason (fear, insecurity, wanting to cheat,... who knows...).

About the only time I'm gonna say "slow down" in an established relationship is if she suddenly pops up with marriage/living-together, and impatiently/demandingly wants it "now"... and not that I'm against either idea, but "ok, slow down, lets talk", and hey, maybe I will do it now, but it won't be me "giving in" (or "backing off"), it'll be us talking, both of us knowing how we feel about it, and what "we" want. But that just boils down to my belief that a good relationship has honesty and compromise, and those usually don't happen w/o communication. If any of those seem to dissappear in the relationship, if compromise gives way to demands, or communication stops, its not going to be "slow down", its going to be "this isn't working, its over".

Life is too damn short to be playing guessing games. If you can't talk to each other and have open & honest communication, if you're making assumptions of "this is what I 'think' he means when he says that", not matter which way that falls, you're setting yourself up to continually fail. If you are guessing how they feel, *ask them*, and "I don't know" isn't really an answer (and you can usually get past someone who "doesn't know" with some patience and real desire to want to help them understand their own feelings).
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