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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 101
What does a man mean by taking things slow???Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Although people are going to hate me for saying this, you speak words of truth 9 Yards. ^
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 102
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 10:44:29 AM
Im not getting any younger and the years are flying by and to hear that phrase "wanting to take it slow" from someone who is around the same age really surprises me. We dont have forever to be on this earth and if the two people are compatible in every way even after a few dates or talks then why not go for it? Stop being cowards and take that chance because you could be letting go of the perfect woman for yourself and not even know it.


Hey, I'm not one to jump in the sack on the first date, thats something thats always been off-limits to me (although some passionate kissing might not be ), but to me "taking it slow" isn't neccesarily about sex. I've been asked "when are we getting married" after 2-3 months, uh, ok, thats where I say "slow down a bit". Y'know, I don't mind talking about our *views* on marriage, committment, etc, early on, thats part of getting to know each other.... but when she's planning the damn marriage at 2 months... "slow the heck down!! whats the damn rush?" God, we're still learning who each other are at that point.

No, we don't have forever on this earth, thats a given. And I don't mind the sex part, if we're both comfortable enough after a few dates that we both see a potential future for the realtionship, sex to me is part of that relationship. And that could be 3 dates, or 3 months, depending on how comfortable both parties are with it. But if she wants to rush into sex, living together, marriage, etc, and I'm not comfortable with that, I'm going to come out and say "slow down". And honestly, if she does that and is willing to *talk* about it, rather than rush into some prejudicial idea of what "she thinks it means", she'll get an honest answer. I'm not against living together or getting married, and we can talk about whether I see that in our future (I probably wouldn't be there if I didn't), but I'm not rushing off and selling my house and making *major* life decisions based on knowing someone for 8 weeks! You're still in the "passion/lust phase" of a realtionship at that point.

And arguably, if she ends the relationship because of any of that, then she's not the "perfect woman" for me, because the perfect woman would be interested in my feelings and willing to discuss her feelings and my feelings openly and honestly, and not make it all about *her* desire to have a man in her house/life 24/7 - because there's a word for that, "selfishness".

The most interesting thing I cold say about the topic, "What does a man mean when he says he wants to 'take it slow'??" is... DID YOU ASK HIM??? God, relationships are about *communication*, if you want to know what he means, *talk* to him, *ask* him, *communicate* with him, tell him you want to understand *his* feelings!

Geez, instead you're here posting on POF asking a bunch of people who are *not him*, what they think it means!!! What the heck does that say about *your* communication skills??? If you really are interested in someone, and not just looking for sex or to fulfill some need of *yours*, you are going to *care* about what that person feels, and want to understand their point of view, rather than running off to post on POF he's a "coward".
 sexyfunguy
Joined: 4/9/2005
Msg: 103
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:13:25 PM
i think people are over analyzing the question - for me, taking it slow means that I want to keep an emotional distance from you, just go on dates, and just take some time to really get to know you as a person.
 Driven51
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 104
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 12:34:26 PM
It all depends on your experience level and what you gotten away with in past relationships, more times than not it us who deal out the pain in a relationship for whatever reason we come up with......we do it anyway............you get hurt, HOWEVER when you hurt us then were dumn founded and when our nest opportunity comes along we still feel the sting and "say" let's take it slow all the while guarding the heart to see once again ...........what we can get way with........at the end of the day we're still men................however some don't always act like it do they?
 dangereyes
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 105
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:36:16 PM
Take It Slow.....

Well that just means that "YES" this relationship could go further...But don't get to attached to soon
 Winebuddy
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 106
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:41:26 PM
said in the bedroom means.....gourmet sex
said outside the bedroom.....means your ok to hang with right now, but I'm still looking and don't give me any grief
 dangereyes
Joined: 10/18/2005
Msg: 107
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:44:44 PM
hahaha... That so true Winebuddy
 Amielle
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 108
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:16:57 PM
It means he wants the goodies with no responsibility or comittment.Wants to be able to "walk away" with no strings. Red flag goes up for me on this one.
 Amielle
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 109
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:21:42 PM
I so want to cut and paste what you wrote to the guy who walked away from me.However,I know I am not supposed to contact him. We had something unbelievable,and he has thrown it away. What a waste.
 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 110
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:24:24 PM
Hey, all:

Wow, I can't believe all the negative, trite, stereotyped, bitter, chicken sh it BS on this topic.

It can just as easily an honorable attempt for two people to learn about each other, and allow both to become comfortable with the progress and direction of a relationship.

It might simply mean a matter of caution so that one or the other person does not get hurt by unrealistic, unmet desires or expectations.

It might also mean two people are greatly attracted to each other, but time, distance, responsibilities, or their past problems may make it unwise or impractical to get together quickly.

Nothing like running headlong off a cliff time and time and time and time and time AGAIN, thinking like a dumab a s s, "Oh, it'll be different THIS time--I just know it!"

It might be that slow and easy may be better in the long run.

Or are some people simply incapable of understanding a goddam thing, let alone learning a single goddam thing?

Carry on with your bull s h i t.

David


Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun!
 Renda
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 111
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 6:27:57 PM
I really get a chuckle when men who are in their late 50's or 60's want to take things real slow. How many years do they think they have left? I am not a spring chicken, and I do not want to get married after a month, but at my age, I have to speed things up a bit or bite the dust.
 My canoe leaks
Joined: 11/12/2006
Msg: 112
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:30:35 PM
It's means; I need to see your STD test results before we have a sleep over.
 Nicky2Tone
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 113
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:31:41 PM
Let's take things slow = I want to have as much sex with you as possible before you come to your senses and figure out that I don't actually want a relationship with you.
 barry708
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 114
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 7:42:12 PM
My thinking on this is guys are slow to get into a relationship and commitment and slow to get out.

Women are quick to want to get into a relationship and just as quick to get out.

Men know this and don't want to get hurt. They know as quick as women want to get in they will jump out just as quick.

We just want to save a lot of heartache.
 ~Joy~
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 115
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:11:44 PM
If there isn't going to be a future in it, then I wouldn't be having sex with him...that's slow enough for me.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 116
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History
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:20:31 PM
Most of the guys that have told me they want to take it slow in reference to sex...have problems getting mini me up. So they need time to work on that. Generally they like to get to know you over a long period (over two weeks) and have you so enamoured by them, that you will be patient with the problem.

Others it means they want to wait for at least the second or third date.
 SoTexMan
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 117
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:58:58 PM
Hey, all:

Gee, Renda, I am so sorry you think life is speeding by you so blindingly fast--well, if you can use the term "real slow" I can resort to hyperbole, too.

I personally have every reason to expect to live into my 90s--I have the genes and the health--so I have the time to find the love of my life and get it right--and, no, it need not happen in no more than a month--another faulty conclusion.


But I guess if one is never hurt or misled or abused in a relationship, they would be willing to dive into anything--to each his/her own!

The simple matter is that speed and urgency is a very personal, individual decision when approaching the pace of a developing relationship. Two people need to find a mutually satisfying progression in their growing love. Two people carrying a large fragile load--neither one can carry it alone--need communication and coordination in their actions or the load might fall and break--not a good outcome. Then what you have is two people staring at each other wondering what went wrong. Re-does are often not advisable.

David


Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun!
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 118
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 4:14:34 AM
Well, after reading this thread it appears I will never utter the words "I want to take it slow." again.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 119
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:20:43 AM

(Msg 111) I really get a chuckle when men who are in their late 50's or 60's want to take things real slow. How many years do they think they have left? I am not a spring chicken, and I do not want to get married after a month, but at my age, I have to speed things up a bit or bite the dust.


I see it the same way when I hear mature people give the "going slow" speech. It's strange that people can find decent jobs, buy homes, make friends, basically thrive in life but when it comes to choosing a partner they act like they're so naive. As others have said when someone talks about going slow what they're actually saying is they are still looking around.

When I was dating and someone would talk about going slow I would ask them what they wanted to know. When someone wants to go slow they have either made up their mind and are just hanging around, have something to hide, or there is something they are not sure about. The latter problem is easy to solve. I would tell them if there was something they were unsure about all they had to do was ask. If that didn't satisfy them I invited them to come and stay with me.

Keep your apartment/house and move in with me. Get up in the morning with me. Cook dinner with me. Go see a movie. Clean the house. Go for dinner. Do all the things a normal couple do and see how it sits with you. Simple!

I believe, in many cases, people have an ulterior motive for going slow. If they wanted to be with the other person then they would. This idea of being trapped or being taken advantage of is not realistic. If someone keeps their home and stays with the other it soon becomes apparent what the people are like. It doesn't take long. If they don't get along they simply return to their home. The bottom line is if they want to go slow they are not interested. They have nothing to lose except perhaps being found out they are a fraud.
 stone429
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 120
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:37:43 AM
[Most of the guys that have told me they want to take it slow in reference to sex...have problems getting mini me up. So they need time to work on that. Generally they like to get to know you over a long period (over two weeks) and have you so enamoured by them, that you will be patient with the problem.]

oooh as the turkey is starting and i am a browsing methinks someone is a little jaded. While i have no problems with mini me (cute phrase i'll use since mine has never had a name) i have had problems with getting into deep and finding out that the other person was certifiable (2 dates and your tires get slashed for seeing another woman ((which happens to be your daughter-in-law bringing over some tamales)) LOL. Yeah take it slow for the older crowd usually means "TAKE IT SLOW" don't know what it means to other men but to me it means that i really would like to get to know you before we do the horizontal bop because I think in this day and age if all I wanted was sex - there's quicker ways to get it and if i am not interested block your phone calls, emails, etc.,. Sometimes things are what they seem.
 terrie42
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 121
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:34:18 AM
doesnt it mean no comittment just as bad as see how it goes
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 122
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:46:20 AM
I am not a spring chicken, and I do not want to get married after a month, but at my age, I have to speed things up a bit or bite the dust.


I find that quite interesting Renda, since looking at your last 5 posts, the 3rd on down is on "Ready to quit dating yet?" you say you've "finally quit". Quitting dating, good way to meet someone!

One might wonder that if you are so insistent on having to "speed things up a bit", that you have run into all the guys who want to "get some and get out", and the good guys that just want to take a little time and get to know you before jumping headlong into something get blown off because you need to "speed things up or bite the dust".

Unfortunately, I think a lot of the women here are majorly jaded, they've dated a few men that say "take it slow" and were really players, therefore *all* men who say that are the same. Thats just like saying you've been cheated on 2 or 3 times, so all men (or women from my standpoint, I've been cheated on) are cheaters. Or, lets see, even though I've dated some wonderful women, the last one left me for the classic "bad boy" (drug user, physically abusive).. therefore all women must run to abusive jerks (Not!).

Lets get real here, as soon as you start taking people as anything other than individuals, you limit yourself. Soon you'll get to "the 5 blonde's I dated were abusive, therefore I won't date any more blondes", and eventually "they all suck, I quit, not bothering anymore". All you've succeeded in doing is stereotyping/generalizing your way out of dating anyone, because maybe you've been hurt or unsuccessful for so long.

And the reality is, if you keep doing the same thing, and you keep getting the same result, and expected different results (the definition of insanity), and now have "quit" because you haven't gotten the result you've expected, maybe rather than quitting, you should be changing the "same thing over and over" you are doing and try something different!?!?!

When I was dating and someone would talk about going slow I would ask them what they wanted to know. When someone wants to go slow they have either made up their mind and are just hanging around, have something to hide, or there is something they are not sure about. The latter problem is easy to solve. I would tell them if there was something they were unsure about all they had to do was ask.


Exactly Dave.

I actually find this whole topic quite humorous! On the one side, I've read over and over on POF threads where the women complain about men who push them for sex "too soon" in the relationship, when they aren't comfortable/ready for that yet, and getting blown off by the guys because of it "because all men want it sex". And then here they all are saying "but when I want sex, and he's not ready, its over! Because I want what I want and I want it NOW!". Yeah, there's a good start to a mutually caring relationship... "I don't care how he feels!".

And as you point out, the solution to that is *communication* (gee, go figure!), talking to them about how they are feeling, asking them "what they need to know" - face it, it could just be that the last 5 relationships they were in things got hot and heavy quick and ended nasty a month later, and they arent neccesarily questioning *you*, they're questioning *themselves* (ie, "my last 5 choices ended really badly, how do I know this choice is right?"). Usually thats a point where 2 people communicating openly/honestly can "solve the issue". If you're so damn impatient that you aren't willing to actually talk about that (and yes, I'll admit, some men aren't the greatest communicators and it might take some effort), then in reality you both *are* better off without a relationship, because you don't have the most basic things a relationship needs, trust and communication (and a *willingness* to communicate).
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 123
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:47:28 AM
Nope, not jaded at all...but that is my experience. If a guy is not in a hurry to have me on the first date within the first hour, he usually has trouble in that department.

But I sure would love to meet a guy that was genuine about getting to know me, and at the same time was so damned attracted to me he could barely keep his hands off me. Would make for a very sexy relationship.
 blondnclassy
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 124
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:26:47 AM
Taking things slow depends on you both.. I would have thought...
I'm happy to take things slow. you chat get to know each other.you meet and take it from there.. if a guy is in a hurry for sex. or wants to marry you.. he's panicking that he'll loose you...Or just wants to use you..which is not a good idea all round anyway..If he takes the time to get to know you as a person.. not just for sex.. but dose want you.. thats a good move.. for a good relationship.
having sex. and then getting to know each other later .. will not build a good foundation. for something solid .. IF thats what you both want..Its ok to really want each other. and go with the flow.. but there is more to being together than sex..sex is great dont get me wronge.. but will not keep a good couple together..If thats all you have..kisses and cuddles..fun and laughter..is the best medicine.. for building that speacial foundation.. on something good.. classy.........
 wwwwwhatever
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 125
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 11:44:12 AM

So guys: What does "taking it slow" mean to you?


It means we give you a few momments to adjust; then, put on your seatbelt, spanky; cause it's gonna be one hellofa ride,
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