Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 26
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
No way. Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also. I wanted to take out an ad in the New York Times when my ex did what he did ~ it wouldn't have solved anything and would have opened a can of worms for me. I think it's best to leave it alone. If he is a decent person at all, he already knows he was a jerk. And if he doesn't "get" it ~ he's the one missing something!! I'd just let it go and move on.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 27
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:35:23 PM

Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also.


May not be a jerk? What is it Russian rullet? He lets himself choose to be bad or not? Yesterday I hurt people, today I didn't... I wonder how I want to behave tomorrow? Lets throw a coin! That shows lack of dignity!

If he want to write bad things about a woman - again I WISH he did, because once again - I'm not dating a guy who's had bad experience and thinks badly about his ex! No matter which one is reporting it, it's a goal into his gates!

And only because he hurt me privately, it doesn't make his behavior good and it's not an exuse for covering it up! That's exactly how they get away with it and that has to stop!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 28
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 2:04:39 PM
Ok, ok, I hear you guys! Thanks for getting me!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 29
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:00:42 PM

I wish this site had a rating system. So, we could rate a person after meeting/dating them. Rate things like how honest they were


Oh, I agree. That's what I had in mind too. And not just rating from 1 to 10, but say several ratings of this person's qualities. Like is he reliable, honest, hard working, trust worthy, selfless, sweet, caring, good listener, in good control of his temper, shares finances and house chores, respectful to women, respectful to authority, career oriented, loves kids, has good values, right priorities, faithful and so on and so forth. I mean a guy could be caring and very career oriented, but disrespectful to law, and that's a deal breaker for me, or he could be sharing his financies and doing house chores, but not be in control of his temper with you, and that's a deal breaker too. You know what I'm saying?

Plus I understand that one woman's opinion is not enough statistics, but if three-four-five of his exes leave the similar feedback - you can get an idea who you are dealing with. In fact, it could be an eye opening experience for him too if so many people agree on his "flaws". He can see it as a chance to improve.

I'm not saying the guy shouldn't be allowed to find happiness. But if he is starting from scratch with a new woman and resists change it's not helping anyone to remain silent about it. It's a watse of time for all of us.

She who doesn't want to know - won't search for his name in such a database. But it doesn't mean that it's wrong to have one!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 30
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:14:30 PM

Now I see why you have issues with relationships... you are out to change men.


Where did you get that idea? In case you haven't read on of my replies or my profile, I am a happily married woman with two kids and very proud of it! You see, it's ok for you and I to disagree on this issue. I respect your opinion and mine isn't changing much either.


That is just wrong on so many levels...

Could you be more specific? Could you please give some examples? Just because I don't agree with you on every aspect doesn't mean I don't want to understand your position. That's the whole idea of this thread. Plus it's not just me vs the world. I see about half women agreeing with me and providing some constructive feedback. Any idea could be made better. Only if you critisize constructively, like what exactly would you do differently? See what I'm saying?
 kit56
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 31
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:25:11 PM
you bet i would but its an ex husband not boyfriend. this man beat me had affairs and convienced every friend i had that i was in the wrong...he is the best in the world at making people believe anything he wants too and i would love for the world to read what a jerk he is..not that he could not convence them differently but i would love to throw my two cents in anyway.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 32
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:46:56 PM

One, it may be an otherwise very good person that you pushed into being mean. You didn;t give us both sides, and obviously you can't tell anything but your version, and that will be jaded by your hurt.

A bully is otherwise a good person and he is a bully only because his victims asked for it? What planet are you from? This is what bullies do! And they do it because they CAN, because nobody fights back and holds their feet to the fire! Done with one victim - turn to another. There is plenty of fish in the see who don't value themselves enough to say it wasn't ok to treat them this way!


Two, it is just so childish and cowardly. Like going to their house at night and damaging their car. Very immature.

Not really. By damaging his car you actually hurt him back. Well, somehow at least bring inconvinience to the table. By posting the feedback and yes YOR JUDGEMENT of him you equip others (potential new victims) about the possible outcomes.

If you want to predict what a person's going to do tomorrow - look at what he's done yesterday and the day before and the day before... Likewise if a woman let men treat her this way and hasn't learned the important lesson that it wasn't entirely her fault, she'll let others step over her again and again and again. It's until she learns to stand up for herself and make a point that it's not ok, she'll keep justifying HIS behavior and covering it up.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 33
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 5:21:17 PM
Did this discussion turn you on quite a bit? No need to take it so personal.

Your opinion is heard and point well taken. You disagree that it's a good idea to launch such a website. I get that. Thank you.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 34
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:39:20 AM

I have been played twice already on this site. I am the "stupid" type of lady that is naturally warm and friendly and it seems like I have a tattoo on my forehead that only the liars and jerks can see that says "DOORMAT".


Hang on there, girl! There are good guys out there, but a guy has to be tested before you can relax in his company and fall in love with him. It's not enough to say "Oh, he's so cute!" or "Oh, he makes so much money!" to get married. You got to know what kind of person he is, what his values are (and not what he SAYS his values are), how he treats other people, and what his attitude toward a woman is etc.

There is a good book by Dr, Phil, called "Love Smart". I recommend. It'll give you the insight of what you want in a man for a relationship to be meaningful, successful, and last till death. Take this from me, a happily married woman. We've been married for 8 years and it just keeps getting better!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 35
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 11:48:01 AM

I guess I'm thinking he may not be a jerk to his new love of his life....maybe...


He has a history of a badly failed relationship and your best prediction of his next relationship is to be SUCCESSFUL? Has he changed his insights? Has he regreted his mistakes? Has altered his attitude to a woman?

The only way I'd predict success if there's been success in the past. In my opinion a man who thinks his ex was a wonderful lady and they separated because, for example they had life dreams they forced them to live in different parts of the world, but he wishes her happiness and is glad she found a man with similar life goals - this kind of man would be excused for a relationship that didn't last. But a man who's left a lot of unfinished emotional business and bitterness in a family - doesn't look so good for me. As you said, he doesn't seem to "get it". Then WHY IN THE WORLD do you think he'll all of a sudden get positive result?
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 36
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:02:05 PM

Perhaps "Jerks" just aren't self-aware?


Agree with you 100%. I see them as confused people who are like kids don't know where the boundaries are, what's right and what's wrong, and they lack the skills of self-control and self-discipline. It's my understanding that they grew up in an unstructured enviroment and were not prepared for the adult world properly. Blame their parents? Maybe. In turn they too may have not been ready for creating a family and raising kids. The sequense goes on and on and on until someone says "wait a minute! I don't want to rediscover thru my own observations and experience how to comunicate with my partner and how to raise kids, because if I do the price will be too high! I'll learn how it's done in a smart way from the successful families and professionals and books and educational programs... I'll go and educate myself first and then I'll give it a shot!"

I wish there were more people with this kind of attitude instead of a passive-aggressive. Meanwhile sorting the bad boys out into a "trouble" group is nothing but raising the awareness that this problem exists and that those boys proved that they need extra cautious attention. It MUST be made HARDER for them to gain the trust of women if we want them to succeed.


If your not a serial "Jerk" then, why protest the existence of this website designed to warn other women about men's bad behavior?

I couldn't have said it better myself! I agree. I know that I'm not dating guys who left the jerk-defensive responses here Not that I was planning it... Just hypothetically!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 37
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:10:39 PM

venting your story online in my opinion is a way to work things out in your own mind the same as talking about a traumatic experience with friends and counselors.

Good point! That's whay this website is about MEN, because women deal with their issues and emotions thru venting. Men deal with those things in silence. Just the nature of things. I learned that from another hreat book "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" by John Gray.


as long as you dont cross a boundry such as real names

Wait a minute here! So it's OK to report to the police that you know who rubbed the bank and how it happened, but it's not OK to name his name? What do you think he is going to do next, when he's out of money again? Become nice and and get a job? You can't be THAT naive!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 38
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:32:42 PM

My feeling is it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it

Let me help you with the math here. It does take 2 to make it which means that if 1 is not making it then it breaks. And therefore it doesn't take 2 to break it - 1 is enough to break it. And those who didn't know how to make it with one girl will not magically know how to make it with another. That's just plain logic.


If he is indeed a jerk women will find out soon enough.

That is the core of the problem. They USUALLY find out weeks, months, years later, and they are left to figure that out on their own. I want them to find it out SOONER with the help of OTHER women's experience. The problem is not going to disappear until we solve it. Is website and a database with names and flaws a solution? I don't know yet. That was my suggestion.
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 39
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 12:50:57 PM

its just a he said she said thing


I may be just me, but I'd sincerely like to know what OTHERS had to say about a guy I'm about to date seriously. If he left just one woman unhappy - even without details - it'd be a red flag for me. If there are three or more that had something to say about him - also without dirty details - I'd keep looking. I just want to know how they describe him as a person, not necessarily what he did. Is he responsible? Is he reliable? Is he kind AFTER he had sex? How did he react when she got pregnant? I don't know about you, but I want to know.
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 40
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 3:10:35 PM
OP

And the rest of you, why not first judge yourselves and see the character flaws withing you before judging someone else.!! "Judge not lest you be judged."

No offence as ussual.
 purplestardust101
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 3:19:14 PM
Absolutly not! Maybe what happened between both of you was both of your faults...not just his...holding grudges only causes problems...NOT worth it at all...let him go on to other intrests as you should...there are always two sides to every story...and even if he was at fault...it doesn't do any good to broadcast it to other's...maybe he was just like that to you...some people just clash...
~Micheline~
 Wild Heart
Joined: 4/3/2006
Msg: 42
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/25/2006 3:25:01 PM
Nope, telling my close friends was enough at the time. I have dated men who did jerk things, but in the end result were not really jerks - just had to grow up a bit.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 43
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/26/2006 12:06:11 AM
ROTFLMAO !!! Unbelievable. I'd like to hear "his" side of this story because I'm feeling a jerk-attack coming on simply by encountering this OP via this thread.

~OP~ You previously stated that this is a "debate," yet in your first post you clearly want OPINIONS. Opinions are not debatable. There are viable opinions here and you reply argumentatively and at times disrespectfully ~ it's quite clear to me what "his" problem is (or should I say was????)
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 44
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/30/2006 8:31:26 PM

Many years ago I dated a woman...She tells me she is married, still with her husband. So I tell her I am not into married women and she should have told me before any of this went on. I showed her the door...


How dare you treat her this way?! You are such a jerk! How dare you kick her out?! She is a woman for God sakes. A vulnerable lost confused lonely woman, whose husband is obviously is blind to her feelings and is not fulfilling her emotional needs, which he should. There is no one woman who'd cheat or do nasty thing to a man if he was a stong character, didn't let her hurt herself, listened well, provided for her and romanced her.

It goes to ALL you "nice guys" and "winers" out there. Oh, I was so nice and she was so bad to me. Are you kidding me? So YOU are the victims?! You? The MAN? Are you kidding me?

I would never EVER date a guy who's COMPLAINING about his ex. You hear me, girls? NEVER! Is you pussies were not JERK jerks then you are just weak pussies incapable of making tough choices and getting your women out of critical and dangerous situations, that's all. You must be cowards too for letting a WOMAN mistreat you, a MAN. Are you kidding me? I'm not dating ANY guy who posted feedbacks hear.

Ok, I take the JERK label back. But I do want to know about PUSSIES too, cause they are no true Men either!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 45
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/30/2006 9:20:46 PM


Are you saying that all women are weak and pathetic and cannot look after themselves unless a man is there not to let her hurt herself?????

Nope, that's incorrect interpretation. I expect Men to be strong (generally stronger than women) physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. etc. I expect a REAL MAN to be a leader, not a winer. All men who do not qualify to be called Mature and Great character - not good enough for a relationship with a woman. I'm very proud to say that I found a Man fits to my standard - my dear husband. I wish more girls held their standards as high as I do. I'm sorry - you don't measure up to them yet.


You really need help, your posts are nothing more than pathetic dribble.

I'm flattered. Thank you for your input
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 46
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/30/2006 10:40:58 PM

Again you are saying women are weak, not equal.


Not weak. But yes, generally weaker, especially physically and emotionally. Not equal for sure. It's a fact. They need to be cared for and protected, because we are the ones producing people and taking care of them when they are little. We are also the ones who are dealing with hormons jumping up and down every month and real physical pain associated with it that Men tend to ignore. And boy did I forget to mention HOW MUCH and HOW LONG it hurts to give birth and breastfeed!

It's sad that it's a surprise for many people that women and men are different. The difference begins when we are still embios. Different hormont affect our development and our brain are wired differently. We are made for different jobs and therefore we are different by nature. Only those people who understand the difference and accept it get along well. I hope you learn more about it and become one of those people soon. Good books: "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" by John Gray, "Bringing up boys" by James Dobson, and "Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw. Good luck!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 47
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:22:25 PM
You got it right this time! Good job!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 48
FORUM STATICTICS SUMMARY
Posted: 7/1/2006 3:56:07 PM
Hey, what a great forum! Thanks to all of you for posting your opinion.

To summary the statistics on women's replies only

Like the idea, would do something like that, support: 35
Find it wrong, wouldn't do it, don't see the point in it: 37

So it's kind of 50x50. So with 72 total the error would be about 8. With 35-8 it means that at least 27 of 72 women, or about 38%, would definitely expose those who mistreated them and lack character. Wow! A third of women would do it.

I didn't count those who didn't see a point, but didn't protest the idea either. There is a chance they make up their mind and join those who'll do it later if it does show positive results.

I'm very happy about the result here. Even a third is a big force if women unite in their efforts. All we need now is the website... Hold on, JERKS, here we come!

So long!
 bazooza
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 49
websites to all
Posted: 7/3/2006 5:13:08 AM
I just found out that there are already websites that do what many planned to:

www.dontdatehimgirl.com - www.manhaters.com -www.datingpsychos.com - www.screwedcentral.com - www.ripoffreport.com - and www.youareatarget.com
 Headbanger Prince
Joined: 12/9/2005
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 9/8/2006 11:14:03 AM
I would just like to say that mean people are icky.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?