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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?      Home login  
 Wanderlust Angel
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 26
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
i keep thinking, what am i doing on this site? why am i still trying? i've even redone my profile to say i'm not dating right now, etc.? and, yet, beneath all that, i keep coming to POF, i still look on the forums, I still read a few profiles and occassionally i still send out an email. Cause at the end of the day, i'm always hopeful.

the hope just won't shut off and regardless of how many players, jerks and crushed hopes i've experienced, i still keep thinking of the positive. I know people say you meet someone only when you're not looking but I feel that at the same time, you have to put yourself into a situation that offers an opportunity to meet someone or else you'll never have that chance. staying on POF keeps my foot in the door.

i have a friend who says i'm a modern day pollyanna. i think it is just my stubborn streak--should have been a taurus not a libra I guess :)
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 27
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 1:11:08 PM
Oh yeah, totally given up. I'm bitter, and jaded, and frankly, I suspect a bit of a misogynist now. Sorry.
Joined: 11/6/2005
Msg: 28
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:06:40 PM
,, yes, I have thought of it,, but your still too young to give up trying,,,the day you give up,, might be the day, you would have found her,,,I have been mailing a guy for months,, now he tells me,, he just wants sex,,,, and he said it''s ok, cause everyone dose it now,, thank's and I know you'll find her,,,xxx
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 29
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:09:11 PM
You are not alone.I feel the same way at times,and I`m sure most do.I have pretty much decided to take a break for looking.Not because I dont think it can happen(true love),but because I need a break from all the bs that goes along with looking.Things like wasted,time,energy,money,emotions,dealing with dishonest ladys,gold diggers,drug addicts,head cases,game players,drunks,etc..and sometimes it`s a case of I like her but she don`t like me.
Well sorry to say that`s all part of it.I don`t think sitting back and waiting for something to happen is the answere.I beleive that anything worth haveing is worth looking for,working for,and putting up with some bs for.Maybe,like me you just need to take a break and get things in perspective?It`s true the odds of finding a good woman and fallingg in love are slim,but when it does happen,it`s worth all the bs.Even if the chances are small,there IS a chance.
You might want to think about how hard it will be on you when u old and grey and alone and have to face the fact that it might be that way because you gave up?
Dont give up.Just be more carefull,and take a break from the BS..That`s why I changed my handle yesterday to ITRYED,because I did give it an honest try,but that "good woman" hasn`t shown yet.Maybe some day..Good luck to one and all.
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 30
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:20:28 PM
i have thought many times of giving up but just plug along and see what happens
whether i meet someone on here or everyday life outside the cyberworld
some that have answered my adds are high maintainance
i have a daughter to help support so i cant be spending tons of cash on someone who is probably not going to stick around
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 31
view profile
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:27:52 PM
well my advice is dont give up there is someone out there for evryone sometimes we run in bad ones along the way or if you look to hard you may not see clearly but dont shut it out love is meant for evryone to experience just got to do the best of it but dont never give up makes you a quiter an no one love's quitters right folks?
Joined: 10/21/2004
Msg: 32
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:35:15 PM
Of course. I think any well-meaning person who doesn't find someone in a decent amount of time feels like giving up at some point.

Although I've been on this site for a year now, in real terms (because of "breaks" from the dating scene) I've only been on here a few months. Hope springs eternal...
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 33
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:49:14 PM
I go through waves of hopefulness/wanting to quit. I've been at this online dating thing off and on (and off and on and off and on) for almost 2 years now. I've actually "hidden" my profile at this point but I'm considering giving it another go. Reason? What if my soul mate is out there on POF looking for me NOW, and I've cloaked my profile? Endless coffee dates that go nowhere can be most disheartening, and I'm more selective now as to who I will actually meet (I've learned something in the past 2 years, anyway).

Perhaps you need a break, but I hope you don't give up faith.

p.s. if another person (inevitably in a committed relationship) tells me to just relax and stop looking and I'll find someone when I least expect it, IT WILL NOT BE A PRETTY SIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 34
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:54:44 PM
I'm sorry, but a lot of these replies seem to be based on the idea of fate: "There's someone for everybody", "maybe we're supposed to meet a little later", "you'll find her eventually", "she's probably looking for you right now."

Screw it. I don't believe in fate, or destiny, because the flip side of these things is doom. Maybe I'm fated to be with someone, on the other hand, maybe I'm doomed to be alone. Maybe there is someone out there for everyone, or maybe there's someone out there for everyone, except me.

I just find it ridiculous. There are only so many types of people out there, and none of them are right for me, and I'm not right for any of them. Why would I think there's just one person who is so completely different from everyone else I've ever met?
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 35
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 3:02:10 PM
FlannelAvenger, I have found that I tend to attract what I think. If I think negatively, then negative things come my way. When I think positive, good things happen--or in any case, I'm in a much stronger position to weather the bad. If you decide no-one is going to be right for you, or you for them, then perhaps you will simply make that a reality in your life.

Perhaps this sounds like a lot of crap to you, but I'll send positive thoughts your way anyhow PLEASE SEND FLANNELAVENGER HIS SOUL MATE!
Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 36
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 3:18:00 PM
Wow you're kind of young to be throwing in the towel aren't you?

I would go crazy if I approached this thing as "MY MISSION TO FIND A MAN". I can't imagine going online and chatting with the SOLE purpose of finding a significant other. would start to feel like a JOB, like I was a door-to-door salesperson trying to sell MYSELF. Each rejection would piss me off and discourage me. Nope, i couldn't do it like that.

Why don't you just LIVE YOUR LIFE. Set your goals and priorities and get busy with things that you like to do...LIVE YOUR LIFE. Then, someone interesting will cross your path. Of course chatting online can increase the # of people you talk to, but it's very artificial. It CAN work...but it's like a job interview and a lot of rejections. Then if you do meet someone very interesting, you generally have to deal with long distance. It's jsut not very practical. Just use the online thing as a supplemental way to meet people and have fun chatting with them. Enjoy the Pond for what it is.

Personally I just like meeting people around the world and having lots of fun with our crazy emails! I've got some seriously disturbed and hilarious friends drifting around this pond!!
One of them has a FISH ON HIS HEAD!!! (inside joke)
 Smiling just for you
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 37
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 3:22:20 PM
Been there...done that. I just haven't met someone who accepts me for me...quirks and all. Nothing is wrong with me and don't ask much. I getting to that point...I guess you have to act like it doesn't matter to you. Remember you have a life of your own..even though you keep hoping someone will not give up you. Good luck

Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 38
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/19/2006 8:38:00 PM
Yeah, I finally gave up not long ago when I found out the only decent girlfriend I ever had is getting married. I just had to take stock of the situation and admit that she was the only one for me. I've gotten a surprising amount of mail on POF, but I've changed my profile to reflect that I'm only looking for Talk/E-mail as opposed to anything else. I'm having a little trouble with the "transition," to be honest, but it's necessary and I believe ultimately will be for the best.
 Wanderlust Angel
Joined: 6/7/2006
Msg: 39
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:34:30 AM
the amount of positive responses in this thread got me thinking and i realised, what the heck, might as well keep trying, cause i still have, i got out the rod and put out some new bait and let's see what happens :) thanks everyone.
Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 40
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:40:28 AM

My brother and me both gave up looking, it is a waste
of time, wasste of money, and waste of life.

The only thing I gave up on. Reships

I think if someone chooses to stay single, it is their
choice, peple have no right to push them.

I am widowed, I had my chance, it is though,
it is done, period, and no one is going to
change my mind no matter what they do,
I don't care if they "hold a gun to my head"
I would rather they just shoot me than try
relshpuis again, I did try after Tammy passed
away and it was a complete waste of time.

I have a life to live, playing, colouring, painting,
telly, I don't have time for reships/

If your throwing it in, it is your right and your
choice and no one is allowed to tell you to
"try again" "o you will find someone" bullstool
just blow them a raspberry or flick a booger
on them.
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 41
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:46:44 AM
I have!!!I have really thought about giving it up as well.Because there are so many people out there that dont want what a good woman or a good man has to offer.It seems to be all about games or tricks of the trade and I dont have the time.I dont wanna go through the pain again.I just want to give it up and remain with my two kids and call it aday!
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 42
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:50:54 AM
Yes, i am waving the white flag, maybe i waited to long to start dating again, and am to old to attract, but either case i have failed......Honestly i am beginning to think that the bad guys have won.........
Good luck everyone,
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 43
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:23:07 AM
Good for you, Wanderlust, to give this another shot! YOU GO, GIRL! I read your revamped profile and I congratulate you for your forthrightness about your body size and your comfort with it.

So long as there is hope and openness, there is possibility. Good luck!
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 44
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:04:06 AM
sneakybeauty, I think you're a very beautiful woman and you deserve someone who gives out so much love and can make you happy. Just wish it were so much easier for us. At least you do have 2 kids to look after whom you love and keep you occupied.

Yesterday at work, I asked my boss how being home alone for the first time was since her husband had to go out of town this week. She said it was hard at first, but when she went home the other night and went into her bedroom, she saw that her husband had left her a note on the bed. She said it was one of the nicest and sweetest notes he has ever written her and said behind all the joking, teasing, and sarcassam he does at times, he is such a sweet and nice guy. I just kept thinking to myself, "When will I ever get to do something like that for a girlfriend/wife? Why won't anyone ever give me the chance to show that I'm such a sweet and good guy, that I would do anything for them?". I just felt sad the rest of the day, but know that life goes on so I didn't let it keep me down.

Alot of you here have said that I should be confident of being myself and single and live my life, but what if being with someone GIVES you that confidence? For example, a girl I had fallen in love with 12 years ago while on vacation. When it was time to leave and go back home, I became SEVERELY depressed especially for the next 2 years. I hated where I lived and all I thought about was her. My grades were horrible, I was picked on at school and I was just plain miserable. I even nearly attempted suicide. Then, 2 years after I had first met her and had fallen in love with her and pleading with my parents so hard to go to the city she lived in, it finally was going to happen! I will never forget the day before we left to go there and seeing her. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly happy and was pretty much on cloud 9. I have never experienced that particular level of happiness since then, but after seeing her again my confidence went WAY up. My grades improved, I was talking to people at school, people noticed I seemed so much happier and I felt like I could do anything! I did get to see her again 1 year later, but that would turn out to be the last time I would ever get to see her. My confidence however, was still going so strong and it carried over into my first semester of college. After that semester, however, my confidence began to slip and it was mainly due to events that happened that I wasn't prepared for. I never let myself get back into that deep depression I had gone through years earlier, but I have never regained that level of confidence I had after I finally got to see that girl again. I have enough confidence to just barely get by, but that's it. My confidence these days is shakey, and I just wish I could find someone who would make me happy and vice versa so I could get that confidence boost that I had felt at one time.
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 45
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:51:50 AM
Sweetguy, I've had the opportunity of living 2 extra decades than you, and I'll share something I've learned in that time: It is really, really dangerous to place all of your confidence and self-esteem in the hands of another human being. When we do so, our mental health leaves our control, and we end out in the precarious position of allowing someone else to yank the rug out from underneath us.

I have no magic answer in how to draw that confidence from within yourself, but this is where you need to build. I can understand the want/need to feel the security of having a steady partner in your life. I feel the same need. But I am much happier with my own self these days, and it places me in a better position to choose the right partner for me. You seem like a very sweet young man. If you learn to like your own self more, for all of your good qualities, then you will be more likely to draw someone who will recognize what you have to offer, and stay with you.
Joined: 3/2/2006
Msg: 46
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 1:21:27 PM
I know what you mean, I did start to like a guy very much on here recently, and when we met, things seemed to be alright some of the time, but I didn't get as much as a thanks for cooking meal and taking part in buying drinks etc, I made a mistake with that I know, he went back home and he ignored my phone text, calls, im's and e-mails, read them but never replied, and this broke my heart, but ive learnt to get on with things, as I do know not all guys are the same, so I just keep searching, no point crying over spilt milk.
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 47
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 2:33:51 PM
there were times I wondered how many more kicks to the heart and ego I could stand.......
I have learned a lot along the way, but its tough out there. Especially these days with all the
low-morals and skeleton-thin being the in thing. The thought of dating scares me sometimes, and other times I look forward to it. I guess you just keep looking until you get lucky.
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 48
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 2:42:48 PM
Well forsythia I do understand what you are saying, but I still feel the right person can give that confidence boost even though there is a serious risk to that as well. That girl whom I said I fell in love with was the type of gal I was looking for. She had the type of personality and qualities that I looked for in a woman and I had such a blast being around her. The problem though was the distance factor and only being able to see her once a year and because of that she never truly developed the same feelings towards me as I did towards her, but she did enjoy my company and had lots of fun whenever I was able to visit her.

As much as I so desperately want to be with someone, I also don't want to just settle for anyone with whom I'd be miserable with. Even though I've never truly had a girlfriend or been in a relationship before, I've certainly been observant of other people and friends around me and the relationships they've been in and some of those relationships have been just darn right aweful. One of my closest friends moved last year and found himself a girlfriend. I was so envious of him because I wanted a girlfriend as well, but as a few months went by I noticed that there was some strain between them and sure enough they broke up. My friend is very loyal and loves his family dearly and told her from the get go that his family does come first and she was trying to change him of that and get him to do things that he normally does not do especially drinking and sex. He said he would have none of that and told her to hit the road. His parents thought that breaking up might hit him hard, but he took it in stride and said she wasn't the one for me and moved on. Gosh I could learn such a valuable lesson from him, lol!

Anyways, when I've observed people who are meant for each other and genuinely love each other then I realize that is what I truly want! Their life may have been good before, but it so much better with each other and that is what I so desparately want. I know my life could be better with someone else, but at the sametime I also want it to be the right someone and not just settle. There are times I hate being alone so much and other times I am perfectly content with it, but deep down inside I know I want to be with someone and I always keep thinking I'm chasing my tail. I also do get though that women are attracted to confident people so I've got to figure out how in the world to show I have a lot of confidence in myself so that I can hopefully and miraculously attract the type of gal I want to be with and vise versa.
Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 49
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 2:55:39 PM
Everyday the thought crosses my mind. But I feel I am over that hump now where I know if I quit, then the hope goes with it. I know in my heart it will happen (something good). Put every day and every bad experience behind you and think forward. Most of the reasons things happen or don't happen in relationships have NOTHING to do with us anyhow. We as people (our nature) always assume the worst. I used to blame myself every single time for anything. I get down and want to quit, trust me. You can usually tell where my attitude is by reading my recent posts. When it comes to rejection, have a shoooooort memory. Who the h*ll knows why things happen.

I find myself more depressed when I think about the inevitable failure quitting will bring. I will then have given myself a bigger NO than any other person ever has. Why short change myself? Besides that, if I quit I will be stuck with myself, dating myself, for the rest of my life!!! Now that is reason enough to keep going! Gotta go guys, gotta find my replacement!

Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 50
Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 4:18:22 PM
Please forgive my awkward and unsettling attempts to flirt with you.... That's what my next e-mail to the few guys I've been talking to is going to say. Well, maybe not - that's as gauche as my attempts to flirt in the first place!

Short answer, YES. I have given up. I don't want to look fior a mate. I *want* to look into the eyes of a friend at some point (whether it's the first time I meet him in person, or not), and realize that he *is* my mate.

I've felt less and less myself in the last two weeks, and finally, miserably out of sorts today, the revelation lodged in the "But I WANT It" section of my brain finally broke free. This business of looking for someone is too contrived, too emotionally charged with the constant stimulus of 'is that him?' 'is that him?' running through my mind every time I check my e-mail.

And quite frankly, my attempts at flirting are outrageously disturbing to me, and I'm sure, for the recipient of my dubious attentions, as well. Until this past Saturday, I thought I'd never miss the day that a girlfriend got mad at me for unintentionally flirting with her boyfriend. For me, it's those things that happen when i don't mean them to, laughing throatily, leaning in, checking to see where he is in the room... Then the quick realization that so-and-so's mad at me, followed be a mental review of my behaviour and a reigning in and letting go of my attraction to new boyfriend x, y or z.

*That's* real for me. I am grateful for POF because it's given me a chance to come to put down a struggle I was starting to pick up again - a struggle that was making me unhappy - the struggle to find a mate. I don't want to struggle. I want to cruise the forums and enjoy the intellectual offerings, and do what I do best with other humans: Love, laugh, learn, teach and care, regardless of what they have to offer me.

I was thoroughly enjoying my single life and POF until I decided that I would, in fact use it as a vehicle to force the Universe to let me have my mate on my terms, at my timing. I'm going back there, to where my faith in the inevitable was free. Already I can feel myself surfacing. I'm surfacing back into that loving place where I had no expectations but to share love with my fellow humans.

See you in the forums!!

Love and Light, Guys!
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?