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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 TX9
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 90
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?Page 17 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
No I wouldn't find it a turn off that they are still living at their parent's place just as long as she can do her own laundry, cook and such. Also them having their own bills like for internet, phone and such that they pay for is also nice and doesn't live off their parent(s).
 sovereignrebel
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 91
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 11:47:42 AM
Amen. Living at home is so lame. I don't know how some of you guys deal with that. I moved across the country, so personally I really don't feel like girls who still live with their parents are even accessible for me. Girls who are also independent and working are much more on my frequency.
 Matt_L_91
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 92
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 3:40:09 PM
This isn't a problem when you're 18 going on 19 and are going to college, right?
 TX9
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 93
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 7:51:38 PM

Can't afford it? Too bad. Get a roommate. Won't have the same standard of living? Too bad, struggle like we all had to. I'd throw your ungrateful ass out in a heartbeat if I was being used like this. Despicable!
Oh so you'd like it if you could only find places that are $800 - $1,200+ per month and have your room mate leave or stiff you on the rent and or bills and the job you'd have at that time won't cover the rent and bills so you end up not having food or power and end up living on the streets?

Just because a person is living at their parent(s) house doesn't meen they aren't paying for the share of the power, heating bills and such. When your splitting the cost of the bills and rent and such your pretty much doing the same thing if you had room mates but at least if you couldn't afford x amount of money to a cretin point then they might not mind covering x amount.

Also some people would rather save up enough money to buy their own place and not have to have a $100,000+ loan they have to pay off in $200+ amounts per month
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 94
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 10:59:42 PM
Zikoris: how bad was the collection agency job from the job aspect of it? I had a college roommate who got collected on and it wasn't fun (eg. No, Adam is not here at the moment and I am his roommate. No, we're not that kinda of roomate. I don't know when he'll be back and I am not paying his Visa Bill).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 95
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/10/2010 1:00:50 PM

This isn't a problem when you're 18 going on 19 and are going to college, right?

No, not a big problem, with gals 18-20 going to college, I don't think. Wouldn't be a turn-off for a ton of women, but still a preference that you had your own place. So all other things being close to equal, a gal would choose the guy who has his own place... more notably if they're not relationship-hunting.

Anyone still living with their parents after finishing a post secondary education is a leetch. Your parents deserve a life without children in it. They did their job.

Sounds like you're describing a nanny and not close family members like a mother & father.

How goddamn selfish to think it is your right to impose on what should be a new phase of their lives.

Hmmm, bitter about something? I am all for people needing to leave the nest -- especially the Dark Knight kid there, who thinks the job market is the same for those at 26 as it is for 16 year olds. But at the same time, living at one's parents, just by ITSELF, for a temporary period of time, is not necessarily leeching at all. Some parents LIKE the idea, if they see their son moving in the right direction. Ya can't speak for all parents, man.

Can't afford it? Too bad. Get a roommate. Won't have the same standard of living? Too bad, struggle like we all had to.

Misery loves company, right? ;) I don't believe in living on your own-at-all-costs. If one can't really afford anything and are scraping by the bottom of the barrel, a step up from being a street bum, you're not very datable anyway -- in or out of one's parents'.

Again, some parents don't mind it. People past college age can use it as a launching pad, but not a bachelor pad. It can be an appropriate, temporary means to take better advantage of opportunities. And it's not that they'd be literally taking money out of their purses, but being a temporary roommate. It can be just about privacy for those who desperately want it, but again, not all parents are that way.

If one has pissy, disgruntled parents who would gasp at such a situation even for the logistical betterment of the son/daughter for a period of time, then yeah, they should have no choice but limit their options by scratching that off.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 96
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/10/2010 5:31:39 PM
There are two "extremes". One is the hater who can't stand the fact that other people have a good relationship with their family. The reason is that they were either abused, looked down upon, never appreciated and then kicked out by their own parents WAY too early. They were then forced to "make it on their own". Ever since they just hate the term "family" due to the lack of love in their own childhood. For that reason obviously, they'll bash anybody who happens to live with his/her parents as dark knight.

The other "extreme" is the one who truly IS what most narrow-minded people seem to think - lazy, irresponsible, etc. and for that reason lives at home regardless of age.

There is no "truth" to this question just like there's no truth to most things in life. You simply have to look at each individual case to make any conclusions. Since a lot of people don't do that, and we are living in a shallow world (at least in the western world although it is changing by force), it is a "turn off" to be living with your parents. At least it's not a good thing... Given the fact that people reject each other for a million other reasons, living under the same roof as your parents definitely won't make it easier.

Personally I couldn't care less where somebody's living. I've dated women who didn't have an own apartment and lived with a friend instead. For example, I had a short fling recently with a woman who did just that. However, her friend was hardly ever there so it was practically her place. I didn't have a problem with that at all. Should I have turned her down only because she didn't have her own apartment? Give me a break. But hey, that's just me. :)

Dark knight, just drop it. What you're doing is defending yourself and your lifestyle. Why? If it's a problem then do something about it. If it works for you it makes no sense whatsoever to hang around this forum trying to make people see it your way - they won't - ever. :) So again, just drop it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 97
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/11/2010 1:24:36 AM

One is the hater who can't stand the fact that other people have a good relationship with their family.

I wouldn't say that... I would say that extreme is people who are disgruntled at their teens and want them out when the law allows. The reason I say it that way, is because just because someone's living at home does not mean they're close to their family. Moving out in mid-20s doesn't ruin a -family- relationship whatsoever; not even an inch, nor should it.

The other "extreme" is the one who truly IS what most narrow-minded people seem to think - lazy, irresponsible, etc. and for that reason lives at home regardless of age.

True. However, DarkKnight making his words known out here, is unfortunately an example of that. There's a difference between saying "No, women should have no obligation to desire guys they don't know, past-college-age who live at their parents" vs "If you live at home you're a lazy a$$ with no goals in life". I say the first part, but in DK's case, he -does- fit that stereotypical path unfortunately.

Given the fact that people reject each other for a million other reasons, living under the same roof as your parents definitely won't make it easier.

Very true. If one's concerned about their dating marketability, they need to understand that people have no obligation to get to know them from head-to-toe beforehand. Hence, you can't complain if particular things fit a common mold that would have a high % chance of not being dateable. In the dating world with people you DON'T know, you have to up your value if you value your options.

I've dated women who didn't have an own apartment and lived with a friend instead.

Well, to be fair, there's a gender difference between guys & girls. Yeah, yeah, it's a gender bias of sorts, sure.... on a cultural/biological/expectations level. But really it boils down to dating value in the market. Someone, guy or girl, has to bring in enough bacon to make it thru comfortably. But I will say, guy or girl, if they're living at their parents', over 25, and just lazy with no ambition, neither will be a great commodity.... with the exception of the gal being hot as hell (would she even last that long at her parents', tho? lol). However, a gal can still be a dateable commodity by working near-min-wage jobs and looking decently nice, while the guy, can't in the same situation, and that will pretty much never change when it comes to the level of ultra-low-income. And girls living at their parents in their 20s -- more acceptable, because more guys are on their own anyway, and are a 'provider' role anyway that appeals to gals.

What you're doing is defending yourself and your lifestyle. Why? If it's a problem then do something about it. If it works for you it makes no sense whatsoever to hang around this forum trying to make people see it your way - they won't - ever.

Totally agree. The argument "well, what if them not wanting more than min-wage their whole life makes them happy?" falls flat on its face when said person is unhappy because they're virtually undateable. IF they are fine that way, great -- they'd have very few complaints if any in regards to the subject.

But DK's not making sense, though. He's convinced he can't do more with his life when, basically, anyone can. It's almost like hearing a guy saying "There's nothing I can do about myself that's going to let me get anything better than a 300lb woman. It's hard these days." Hey, if you like uber-heavy women, go for it. But don't complain that slender gals don't like ya, if you don't want to do anything to make yourself a better commodity w/ confidence, is what I say.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 98
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:44:38 PM

I will say it again. How dare you impose on the next, natural phase of your parents life. They deserve to be a couple again without the obligation of children. They may not tell you that, but believe me they feel it.


I don't think all parents feel like this. When your children are older it's a totally
different phase. Honestly, I don't get the problem with kids staying at home for a
bit instead of having to leave right out of college. I can seriously see the difference
between paying rent to parents that might actually need it and throwing it out the
window to landlords.

I have no problem with kids struggling and living within their budgets, but I also
have no problem with everyone living under the same roof. Seems like its a personal
decision to be made among the people involved. It hardly makes people who
choose this course lazy or unmotivated. If you don't want to date someone that
lives at home...then simply don't.

My kids don't live at home because I'm a renter myself. If I had a house still? I
could totally see us living there sharing expenses. I have no obligation to support
my kids, but I guess my relationship with them has enabled them to not only become
independent and self supporting, but comfortable enough to know I'll always be
there for them if they need me...that's what family is supposed to be about.

I think it would be hilarious should some of these people find themselves needing
a place to live in their golden years and having their children tell them to fark off...
they don't "owe" them anything.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 100
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History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/26/2010 9:55:00 AM

I can't wait to be gone from my house!!!
Then what are you waiting for... you're 25 with a full time job. No reason for you to still be at home in your circumstances. Especially since you profess to despise it so much there...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 101
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/19/2010 4:55:58 PM
"If you can't make enough money with one job, get another one, work two or three if needed imo."
-----------
*Laugh* Would there be any time LEFT for women in that case?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 102
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/19/2010 7:57:07 PM

*Laugh* Would there be any time LEFT for women in that case?

That's true. A hidden bonus - you'd make money and not have to spend it on someone else, because you'd have no time to. Sweet.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 103
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/29/2010 2:26:17 AM
By the third date he got more comfortable and decided to be honest ... He had moved into his parents' basement, years before, because he decided that earning a living was not that important. He explained how he was on a "higher plane" in his spiritual life...and money wasn't important to him ... He met another lady from here....moved in with her, they got engaged .... She recently punted him to the curb....and he moved back into that basement with his parents.

This is the reason why it's pathetic for a past-college-age guy to stammer his feet and whine that he should be dateable while living at his parents'. I mean, seriously -- if you can't move out of your parent's house with relative ease, why are you even out on the dating market?

One can play the "well, I'm helping my folks out" card, which may be true. But if he's out on the dating prowl, don't buy it. It's more believable if by happenstance you run into him and his story isn't to impress, but even then -- take a rain check on actually dating.

The ones who whine and cry about it need to understand something -- the world doesn't revolve around you. Analogy: You COULD be someone who's in Nigeria with an actual great deal to make someone money -- but don't expect people to believe you if for some crazy reason it was the truth. Look around you! 99 out of 100 people who say the same thing are full of (bleep) or just loserin' it. Are there exceptions? Yes. But what even remote obligation does anyone have to believe you, IF .... IF you happen to be in that spot? If it's temporary, fine -- then temporarily don't expect anything and think you should be seen by strangers who don't know you from Adam as "so different"! :)

In other words, you can't be active out on the dating market with any expectations when you're in a situation that is not dateable. No, you're not going to get your pony. Get yourself straightened out before expecting anything when you're significantly past college age and dealing with gals past college age. Good economy, bad economy, you can still make it out on your own with enough time. And until then, don't expect -strangers- to assume you're the exception. That's as sad as the classic story about someone pining over their ex and how they can get them back "... but this is different ...". No... no it's not. :)
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 104
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/29/2010 8:22:40 AM
Well, seen from a more humanistic perspective it is my opinion that if a guy (or woman) is living with his/her parents and there's a wish to actually have a sexlife for instance, that one's living and financial situation shouldn't come in between and ruin all prospects for that to happen, AND to find true love. Since there obviously ARE a lot of people out there trying to change their lives and for one reason or another it simply isn't happening over night, I wouldn't condemn them all to life in celibacy and loneliness. However, understanding comes into the picture anyway no matter who or what you are. A gold digger for example, couldn't care less about personality and chooses to live off an a$$hole rather than to be loved by him (if he's even capable of it). The flipside of the coin is obviously the opposite who values personality over everything else. It's not WRONG to expect things from either side, be it the guy who's living with his parents or the woman who becomes interested in him.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 105
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/31/2010 7:30:03 AM
And besides, who would want to live with his/her parents without a good reason? To call everyone lazy, immature, irresponsible, etc. etc., is indeed ridiculous. It takes some thinking outside of the box here and a lot people fail to do that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 106
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/31/2010 10:00:20 AM
One of my exes (when I was much younger)'s "good reason" was: why should he? He didn't have to do laundry, cook, pay rent, or do much else. His mother worshipped him as the youngest boy. Granted he made good money, but just felt it was better spent partying. He and a few friends of his had a bragfest about how they were going to live at home as long as they could. lol
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 107
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/31/2010 1:43:51 PM
"One of my exes (when I was much younger)'s "good reason" was: why should he? He didn't have to do laundry, cook, pay rent, or do much else. His mother worshipped him as the youngest boy. Granted he made good money, but just felt it was better spent partying. He and a few friends of his had a bragfest about how they were going to live at home as long as they could. lol"
---------------
Does this "he" represent everybody else? :) All I'm saying is that people who can't think outside of the box will always see what they want to see. I couldn't care less under which roof somebody sleeps during the nights if I'm interested.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 108
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/31/2010 8:58:52 PM

I'm saying is that people who can't think outside of the box will always see what they want to see. I couldn't care less under which roof somebody sleeps during the nights if I'm interested.

Well, you would care that it's their "ex"'s, or a guy they're breaking up with... or with 4 dope-heads, etc. But with that aside...

... there's a difference between saying that everyone who lives at their parents' house is a loser vs I don't want to date someone who's living at their parents house (over 25).

Someone can say "someone currently living with their ex is in love with them and there's zero possibility of anything ever working out, and they're lying to you or themselves" ... or "There's a BIG chance there's something going on and it can't work out. They can be really cool, but just bad timing. I just don't go in that direction for dating..."
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 109
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/1/2010 6:55:23 AM
"Well, you would care that it's their "ex"'s, or a guy they're breaking up with... or with 4 dope-heads, etc. But with that aside..."
--------------
Yes, in that case I WOULD care. But like I said - "if I'm interested."

"... there's a difference between saying that everyone who lives at their parents' house is a loser vs I don't want to date someone who's living at their parents house (over 25)."
---------------
I agree. Where somebody chooses to draw the line is up to him/her. Personally I don't see a magical age limit though - depending on the circumstances perhaps. However, that goes with all the other "lines" as well, e.g., how much money one has to make, etc. etc. If somebody would bring that up to my face I'd kick her out.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 110
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/1/2010 1:27:59 PM
Does this "he" represent everybody else? :) All I'm saying is that people who can't think outside of the box will always see what they want to see. I couldn't care less under which roof somebody sleeps during the nights if I'm interested.

Did I SAY he represented everyone else? Cause if I did - then YEAH I meant that. Since I have no problem saying what I mean - if you don't see it, it's not my point. I said he was an ex, so I dated him. What's your issue?

I've said plenty of times I would date a guy who lived at home under certain conditions - I don't want to have to deal with his family to see him, he's not hanging out at my place to get his space, and he doesn't think by default my place is where we're going to spend most of our time.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 111
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History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/2/2010 7:59:35 AM
Most of the requirements we set are meaningless in the grand scheme of things; nothing more than roadblocks we've created, and yet we question why we're not getting to where we want to be...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 112
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/2/2010 12:18:35 PM

Personally I don't see a magical age limit though - depending on the circumstances perhaps.

Well, I think age does have something to do with it, in terms of the higher chances of it pointing to someone who doesn't "have things going for themselves". Someone who's 19 vs someone who's 29.

However, that goes with all the other "lines" as well, e.g., how much money one has to make, etc. etc. If somebody would bring that up to my face I'd kick her out.

Well, yeah, how much money one has to make is a very reasonable issue. Without enough money, one can hardly sustain themselves, much less a relationship. So at least SOME amount of money would be a "bar". Some people can be uppity or even gold-diggerish about it, sure.

But wanting someone financially independent? That's not asking a whole lot, as far as dating's concerned. And someone COULD be that way, despite living at their parents', but nobody has any obligation whatsoever to someone to find out if they are or not, for real.

It's a lot like someone who's separated, but still living with their ex. COULD it be okay? Yeah, technically, I guess. Am I going to even consider going down genuine-dating alley with that gal and end up finding out which way or another? No. Should I be obligated to if she likes me? No.

Same thing for a guy living at his parents at 29. He COULD be alright -- but there's enough risks of mismatch that's under the radar, why get involved in something that has a high risk in radar, if one's looking for someone with some ambition to be financially independent on their own?
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 113
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/2/2010 1:27:21 PM
CR: this discussion is going in circles and there's just no end. No one has the final word or truth anyway. What matters to you doesn't necessarily matter to someone else. It's as simple as that. There's no logic whatsoever to speak of in topics like this one. If you go to another country where families are closer to each other it's a completely different world. What would make you more right than them... Exactly - nothing. People are brainwashed and it's become normal almost to kick your kid out at 18 only because he/she has reached legal age. It's ridiculous. And that's also part of the reason why I said that there's no "magical" age limit. Again, it depends on the circumstances. The funny thing is, I'm not in that situation myself and yet I have full understanding that the world's not in black and white.

Few people can honestly stand up and say that they, only they, made it on their own without any help from their parents, relatives or friends. How many have gone back and begged for money, help with the car, the bills or whatever? Let's see some "hands". I'll take a guess... I know several people including women who I've dated, had a relationship with, etc., and MANY of them had received SOME sort of help from their parents. And why not? Isn't that quite normal? Would it be better if they'd got no help at all only because they're too old or don't seem independent enough? Some receive so much help that they might just as well live under their parent's roof. But hey, it doesn't look good, does it? *laugh*

As I said before - a lot of people cannot, or will not, think outside of the box the minute it becomes a little bit more complicated and not "crystal clear," fancy, sweet and shiny - where someone's life shines on the surface and he, or she, fulfills all "requirements" and is still single and complains about why no one wants them.

Live and let live.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 114
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/2/2010 2:31:08 PM
What matters to you doesn't necessarily matter to someone else. It's as simple as that.

Actually, I disagree, it's not like that. I'm talking outside of myself and observing how people are, and in consideration of things that break relationships or prevent them in a feasible way and how the natural/common human condition is. It's about what tends to matter to people in generally, normally. That's actually the issue.

It isn't pure opinion (although everyone will inject their own in it), but the logic behind it is whether there's validity behind the % chance of someone "not having much for themselves" at the time of living with their parents, and also considering the % chance that they're lying/exaggerating about how they're doing.

It is a taste issue as to what one desires, sure. But we all know that most gals do not desire a guy who relies or nearly relies on their parents for a place to live, well past initial adulthood. That's what I'm pointing out. You can not like that natural thing... but yes, there are a few gals out there I'm sure who are middle-aged who don't care if a guy has little money and relying on his parents... and even fewer who would go so far as to date a hobo, too.

The question is -- is it a turn-off? Yes. Should it be a turn-off? Well, if someone is turned off by someone who very potentially can't make it on their own -- yes. Okay... should we then -expect- most of the female population be turned off by that notion, just as (not to the same degree) we should -expect- most females to be turned off by guys with missing teeth and the worst haircut in the world? Yes.

Most gals don't like a guy who can't make it on his own.

How many have gone back and begged for money, help with the car, the bills or whatever?

Getting a bit of help is different than it being the Way Of Life. If they need a -stream- of money from their parents because they can't on their own -- that's different than once in a while needing help. Just because one has a car that has broken down before (show of hands), doesn't mean they don't have a functional car. If someone is living at their parents' out of need -- they aren't just asking for help, they're being SUPPORTED at least to a notable degree. They're not making it on their own. But being supported by one's folks to some degree can be a good option as opposed to living out of a dumpster out of pride, of course.

But don't expect in EITHER situation to be a sufficient commodity in the dating market -- that is a fact -- a fact that some are upset about. And others are upset because they expect gals to be obligated to get to know them for a while to find out if they can support themselves just fine, but just happen to be at their parents'.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 115
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/2/2010 3:02:19 PM
CR: of course you disagree because again, this discussion goes in circles. If I wanted to I could disagree with every post you make and there's nothing you could do about it, right? It is extremely rare that someone talks outside of himself without there being quite a lot of opinion and value. And what people are you talking about and for? All those in Japan, South America, India, Italy to just name a few countries where families are closer than in USA? Or are you talking about a few cases in the neighbourhood? So yeah, what matters to A doesn't necessarily matter to B and thank God for that.

Also notice that I'm not talking about a situation where somebody's living from trashcans, showers once every month (or Christmas) and has absolutely zero going for him both in brains, money and life in general. This thread is about a guy, or chick, who's living under the parent's roof for a reason - and that REASON is what I'm trying to get across here, i.e., to actually bother to find out - to see outside of the box instead of through a straw. I don't care about the percentage, i.e., how big his or her chances are to find a date in the first place. Quite frankly I couldn't care less. However, what I DO care about is prejudice and I say that without being in those "shoes" myself.

I'd bet anything that you're one of those people who have INDEED gone back and asked for help, maybe even lived with your parents AFTER moving out. That automatically changes everything. It means that (since we don't care about exceptions here, right?) you've not been independent every day since you first moved out. As for those people who are right now, as I'm typing these lines, living at home, what's the difference? Age? Does it matter that much? There's nothing wrong to move back in if there's a reason.

The only thing I can agree with is that yes, if we're talking about a worthless chick who's looking $ signs in people's eyes and one who doesn't give shyte about reasons, etc., then a guy wouldn't stand a chance even if he'd hold his head under his arm as to prove why he's living with his parents. But if you take somebody who can see the forest and not only the trees, then he (or she) WOULD stand a chance.
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