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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 76
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?Page 4 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
"Very very few women are looking to date a movie star, rock star, or a guy with ambitions to be the next president. The goals we're talking about are more like - completing one's education, moving up the ranks wherever he works, working towards a designation if one exists in his field, maybe starting his own business, buying a home of some sort, whatever it might be."
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You're just 23 years old. Come back in say 10-15 years, if not, think back on your own words. Yes, you'll probably grin today, but you won't some years from now - believe me. :) If you don't learn, life will teach you. There's no better school or teacher by the way...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 77
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2010 5:33:18 PM

It's fascinating how goals, ambition AND of course money often mean more to other people than it does for the person in question (anybody).

It's not about the money. If you have aimed yourself and followed-thru on some BASIC ambition, you will end up with enough money to be self-sufficient. It's not about pimpin'. It's about being self-sufficient. A gold-digger would be someone who wants to be supported by the person. What we're talking about here is the person who can support themselves on their own. If one can't in the time being, fine -- don't expect to date. If one has no aim with actions going with that, to be self-sufficient, then they're a loser.

Has it ever occured to these self-proclaimed "winners" that there might be people out there who are perfectly happy with their lives?

Well, to be fair, we're not talking about "winners" per se, it's more about not being a "loser". With that aside, if someone is upset about potential dating prospects & general respect being on the bottom-end, then no, they're not perfectly happy. If they are -- then great! Honestly I say that -- but they shouldn't complain about not being able to get a date if they WANT to live at the parents home working for $8/hr with no aim of going anything career-oriented, being past 25 for their adult life.

Not everybody can become the next president of a country or major corporation, a doctor, a scientist, a famous moviestar, rockstar, etc. etc.

Be fair -- that's like a BBW saying "I'm not barbie! Everyone wants barbies!", right? We're just talking about having an aim in life followed thru to at least be in the low-middle-class. To be self-sufficient. It's a mechanic, exec. secretary, hair designer, good bartender/manager, graphic designer, a real sales person, factory work, a programmer, etc.

You want your partner to move up so you don't have to tell other people that your partner works as a cashier at a fast food restaurant or some other job that you think is beneath you.

Move up? How about have some freaking aim in life BESIDES being a cashier? WTF?

If you think that someone is loser based on their job then you are the real loser.

Not based on their current job -- but their aim. If his aim is to be a cashier or stocking shelves for $8/hr at the local watering hole as their sufficient LIFE GOAL, and still that way being past college-age, then yes he is a "loser".

Maybe to you these jobs are in between but many people rely on these jobs to have an income because they are not smart enougb or have enough money to do better.

Bullsh!t. Do you know many STUPID people make $35k or more a year? MANY. If someone has a mental disability, that's different. Besides that, it's laziness. They're not smart enough to realize that they need to get off their ass and have some ambition in life. You don't even need a college education to get into something that at least makes you comfortably self-sufficient.

In other words I base my self worth and other peoples self worth on what kind of job they work and if someones jobs is one that below me I will look down on them.

Nope, that's not it. I look down on people who are more than merely 'lazy', but lazy about life, year after year. It's not about being rich. Not about how much money they happen to be making. But how they approach life. No workaholics needed. No dreams of being president of ANYTHING needed... not even close. Just to get off the damn parent's couch past college-age and drawing up plans for the few years ahead to make something of themselves -- beyond being a cashier. Something -feasible- and doable... not the "oh, I'm not too smart". Are we talking about rocket science here? No.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 78
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2010 6:15:40 PM
"It's not about the money. If you have aimed yourself and followed-thru on some BASIC ambition, you will end up with enough money to be self-sufficient. It's not about pimpin'. It's about being self-sufficient. A gold-digger would be someone who wants to be supported by the person. What we're talking about here is the person who can support themselves on their own. If one can't in the time being, fine -- don't expect to date. If one has no aim with actions going with that, to be self-sufficient, then they're a loser."
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That's what YOU are talking, my friend. What I was saying was basically this: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" Your set of priorities don't necessarily have to come down the same way for the people you look down on. Again, there ARE happy and satisfied people out there without the ambition to keep climbing on a career ladder. Your definition of "loser" is also not the same for everybody else. Personally I don't call people loser in the first place.

"Well, to be fair, we're not talking about "winners" per se, it's more about not being a "loser". With that aside, if someone is upset about potential dating prospects & general respect being on the bottom-end, then no, they're not perfectly happy. If they are -- then great! Honestly I say that -- but they shouldn't complain about not being able to get a date if they WANT to live at the parents home working for $8/hr with no aim of going anything career-oriented, being past 25 for their adult life."
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*Laugh* If we're talking about losers we're also talking about winners. Again, you have your definition of loser and I have mine. You're getting close to mine by the minute by the way.

"Be fair -- that's like a BBW saying "I'm not barbie! Everyone wants barbies!", right? We're just talking about having an aim in life followed thru to at least be in the low-middle-class. To be self-sufficient. It's a mechanic, exec. secretary, hair designer, good bartender/manager, graphic designer, a real sales person, factory work, a programmer, etc."
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YOUR aim is, or was, not the same what COULD be the aim for somebody else - or just somebody who's happy and pleased with what he/she already has. Besides, you could ask any former opportunist who once stepped over bodies to get where he/she is today and find a very bitter person. It would be great if life would be so easy in black and white - it isn't.

And by the way, at this point (if I've actually even cared in any of my posts since my comments have mainly been aimed at the nonsense in general) I don't give a shyte about the dating part. All I can say about that is that everybody has the right to get out there and date whoever he/she pleases without some jackass having an opinion about it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 79
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/23/2010 10:05:25 AM

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

The problem is, you see living at someone's parents and PLANNING on living at someone's parents and setting their life goals to be a cashier as sawdust. I see that as much more than sawdust and it being a REFLECTION on the size of the plank. You see it as meaningless (as saw dust), I and most people do not.

Your set of priorities don't necessarily have to come down the same way for the people you look down on.

I do not look down on people because they make less money or have lesser-nice job or anything like that. It's important that you don't ignore that. It's a post-college age US/Canadian guy living in US/Canada who AIMS for a minimum-wage level job.

Here's the analogy: I don't have less respect for people who are overweight. BUT, if someone who is very overweight thinks that's just fine and tells people that yes, they do aim to sit on their a$$ all day eating twinkies, and at the same time thinks nobody should think that reflects anything about who they are -- I have significantly less respect.

Your definition of "loser" is also not the same for everybody else

I understand. It's a subjective term. However, when one, like DK and 99% of the population, has at least concerns about how the audience of the opposite sex views them, the point is, they will see someone who AIMS for their life goal to sit at their parents for close-to-minimum-wage as what they want in LIFE, as a loser. Not everyone. But the problem is most people's views would put that as a loser. Many others will extend the usage of the word, some won't so much.

If we're talking about losers we're also talking about winners.

If we're talking about a sport, yes. But in a different context, not necessarily at all. "Loser" in the context of being someone who has next to nothing going for them in life. You're acting like I'm some snob about things and one has to be college-educated with at least a solid middle-class income and a nice car. Far from it. I'm calling people (anyone) a "loser" who has their life AIM at about-minimum wage... for their life into their 30s, 40s, etc. Not just when they're "young" and travelling and living off the land here and there... but to live at their parents thinking that being a cashier for their whole life is just fine. That's a "loser" in my eyes and most people's eyes.

Besides, you could ask any former opportunist who once stepped over bodies to get where he/she is today and find a very bitter person

You can find bitter and happy people everywhere. If someone's complaining that the vast majority of the opposite sex isn't into them since they've hit an age where the gals around their age are turned off, they're not going to be so happy. If they are, they wouldn't be on here complaining about it! It bothers them. They may be happy from a financial standpoint in their comfort zone because that's all they know & need... but that doesn't mean they're happy in every other way. If they are one of the rare ones, great! If they can't get a date and are complaining about it -- you'll definitely find the bitter/unhappy people there.

All I can say about that is that everybody has the right to get out there and date whoever he/she pleases without some jackass having an opinion about it.

No, they don't have that right, I'm sorry. :) They don't have the right to date ANYONE they please -- they can't force someone to date them (okay, I was technical on that). Second, one doesn't have the right to date someone without someone voicing their opinion in the forums about it. I'm sorry! :) You don't have that right, and nobody does!

Here's the thing about DK:
His position is not "Hey, I currently am at my parents, times are tough, I'm making ends meet while I'm in transition, but I wouldn't want people judging me just because I'm at my parents for a while". That's not his position. His position is VERY different.

His position is "Hey, I'm over 25, live at my parents and happy and fine about it, and plan to indefinitely. I think it's just fine for a guy to set his life goal to living at his parents making close-to-minimum wage for the rest of his life."

The first -- I would say, "tough luck, keep your mind off dating when you're over 25 and living with your parents, you'll only be frustrated... just ride it out with no expectations for the time being; nobody is obligated to get to know you to know what your situation is, you're just someone they don't know".

The second one VERIFIES a stranger's assumption about someone living at their parents. That they ARE one of those types who sees life as being "just fine" by making near-poverty-money with an unsubstantial job. People err on the side of negative assumptions when it comes to someone living at their parents. But saying the second thing would VERIFY that negative assumption as being true. Most people are not attracted to folks who think in that way.

You don't like that? Fine -- the world has a view on a guy making more of himself in life than living at his parents' house, playing video games at 37, after coming home from the local market being a cashier for $8.00/hr. You can think one's a "jackass" for shaking their head at such a guy, and others can think such a guy himself would be a "jackass".
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 80
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/26/2010 10:21:40 AM

Confident Realist who cares if the job is minimum or not?

Self-sufficiency. That means having the resources to live on their own, -comfortably-, if need be. Hey, there's a good amount of post-college guys who ill go thru a period of time where they'll be dependent on other people -- like always needing a roommate if they don't wish to live in the 'projects'. But if one's life goal is a minimum wage job -- they're aiming to be dependent in that way (in the very least) for the rest of their lives. And to be dateable by any close-to-decent catches? Forgettaboutit.

That is a lot better then people who don't want to work or people who live off their parents money.

Not a big difference, tho. Again, neither party is adequately self-sufficient. A vast majority of guys, post-college, whose goal is just minimum wageish job doesn't exactly want to work. Heck, a LOT of people no matter who they are don't WANT to work. Virtually all that you point out would at least be forced to get some sort of job.

Maybe they make enough on minimum wage and are happy to live their lives like that

Like living at their parents, post-college as a guy, and having the opposite sex, as far as decent catches go, continually step aside from him? Sure, one could be happy. But if they were happy, they wouldn't be here adamantly defending themselves or thinking their was a problem about judgments, right?

What if the guy who doesn't work and lives off his parents money in EVERY way is happy doing that?

That does mean that you are better then them or the way you live your life is the right way.

It's not that it's the "right way", but the right direction, while a guy post-college-age whose aim to work minimum-wageish at his parents is definitely in the -wrong- direction. And the guy who refuses to work and aims to live -entirely- off his parents is (even a bit more) in the wrong direction.

Judging people on what jobs they do is just pathetic

It's not about that. Your failure to understand bolsters your argument about "what if they're not that intelligent". However, you're not that stupid, so I don't buy that. Read what I write. READ. It's what they AIM for. You'll lose respect in everyone's eyes if you're a guy, post-college with no ambitions above living at your parents making around minimum-wage.

I did say I was happy living with my parents so what? Is not that is what family is for to enjoy each other?

Living at your parents post-college is not about enjoying each other. It means you're not self-sufficient. And you're not. Quit making excuses for yourself -- seriously -- it will only land you in situations where....

Where did I say that I wnated to live with my parents forever?

... you'll be at your parents for a long long time! I never said you said you wanted to be there forever, but your argument is that there's NOTHING wrong with that, right?

I even said on a post I made on one of these threads that I wanted to move you eventually.

Why? You're happy. You're an adult making minimum wage that you enjoy, living at your parents enjoying each other. Moving out? If you're not going to live off your parents' money, you'd have to AIM higher than minimum-wage type jobs! Which is what I'm talking about! It's B-E-T-T-E-R.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/27/2010 12:22:34 PM

if a person is living at home and working toward being on their own they are moving in the right direction

Absolutely, generally speaking. Again, it's the aim... the direction. But part of the direction/aim is a game-plan... so the game-plan in doing so has to be pretty sound & feasible.

Being self sufficient and being barely above water is not any better then living at home.

Oh, I totally agree. In fact, I argued with others here earlier that living at one's parents is BETTER than barely scraping by on one's own with basically nothing to their name and limited opportunities because of it.

How do you propose I get more then a minimum wage job since I have no money to to college?

One can get a student loan. And a college degree isn't required to make notably above minimum wage. You can learn a trade, too. Going to a community college on student loan or learning a trade directly will cost you time, energy, and some money. THAT's when living at your parents is a wiser decision (even though you won't be that datable, since you're post-college age and a guy).

It's not the easiest path, but honestly, a guy staying at a min-wage-level environment his whole life isn't the easiest lifestyle. There are a lot of things you can do over a period of time to put yourself in position for a "normal"-level job (ie ~$13-15/hr at least). Problem is, when you're post-college age as a guy, you have to 'eat crow' for some time while you do that, because the opposite sex expects the guy to have done that from 18-24. Not to say you can't date younger gals... but if you have a feasible game-plan that IS being executed and in the works, some will respect you more. Again, not a great dating commodity while you're building things up, but at least a better one, because you at least have something feasible in the works.

I do not have a child of my own not sure where you got that from

Your profile is where she got that from. People who say "Prefer Not to Say" whether they HAVE children basically means they do. Your selection there is basically saying "I plead the 5th". Why not answer whether you have kids or not, right? So everyone IS going to assume you have a child. Also, your Profession is empty, so people will think you have no job. At least there you can put something generic like "I work" -- just a tip for ya. :)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 82
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/27/2010 8:25:03 PM

if it's not out of laziness or some REAL fault, I can't see a compelling reason for your declaration that an unambitious person is a loser

For a post-college-age guy, lacking the ambition to set his sights on ending up having a job for his life/career beyond minimum wage is being lazy and it is a fault. With girls, ambition is pretty soft in comparison, in terms of expectations (by most folks anyway). Just to have any job (if single or without kids) is sufficient ambition in enough guys' eyes that she's marketable to them. Maybe relatively speaking, the same as a guy whose aim it is to have a career/life job for $15/hr (I'm speaking on a rough inexact scale).

- shit pay: if they're paying what they can afford why should it matter?

If they're more or less dependent on living with their parents, they're not making enough that they can afford on their own (adequately speaking).

- mind-numbing: if they're not born to be boring accountants why should it matter?

It doesn't. He doesn't have to aim to be an accountant. He can scan the market to see actual, reasonably employable type of jobs, and out of -those-, choose which best works with him in terms of learning/training/preparation.

- ambitionless: if that's how they are why should it matter?

It matters because if a post-college-age guy has no ambition, as far as described in the beginning of this post here (ie lazy), he's not going to be much of a commodity by post-college-age girls. Couple that with living at his parents, and whamo - good luck finding a date of a gal who's a decent catch.

You essentially blame people for being different to you.

No. Say someone was lazy and had some faults as was clear to you, k? Or even referring to a different topic, say a guy was a jerk. You criticize him. Is being critical or explanatory of one's situation mean it's about them JUST being "different"? No.

You might regard them as poor dating propects but applying the loser tag is pretty judgemental and not altogether accurate.

Any particular guy who's lazy and has no ambition in life is not deserving of a "loser" tag? I'm using that in terms of the audience, and not defending said guys from that tag as I agree with the wide majority of the audience on that... even though part of that audience can also be too judgmental beyond that, but that's a whole different story.

To you it's impossible for anyone not to shoot higher.

ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Read my last post. It's about aiming higher (than living at parents over 25 and making min-wage for life) -- and I'm glad Dark Knight responded that he wants to aim higher. He can. I told him he needs to set up a game plan, but yeah, that's great. Virtually anyone can aim higher. *HE* has seemed to think it's virtually impossible to get higher and I am telling him it's not that hard! :)

some are stalled by not knowing what their life's purpose is, perhap deciding anything less isn't worth pursuing

That's why when someone's over 25 (post-college-age), they Drop in the dating market, because they had that time from 18-24/25 to get the ball rolling. Hey, that's fine if you're a guy who's a late bloomer. As long as you've got some AMBITION to get things -actually- rolling, and begin to get it rolling, then it'd be unfair to be labeled a loser. Not much datable at all at that age range when living at the parents -- but not a loser.

but know they don't want to be stuck in a desk job like some loser (back at ya) trying to figure it out so they stick with the menial job to pay the bills, presumably.

Not all jobs above min-wage are desk jobs. Many people end up getting a career in the later part of their early 20s, find out it's not for them, but then switch jobs to something else after an education. Or while working there, take a night class or training class in something else and migrate into something else they like more. For some people that can be difficult, for some people it can be relatively easy. Point is, living at your parents being a cashier all thru mid-to-later 20s and into your 30s as a guy is not going to be as good if they haven't built anything for themselves in that time and haven't been adequately datable.

I guess for some people there's more to life than the job they do or the amount of money they make

Yup, there is -- I personally believe there is. We're not talking about "beating out the Jonses" -- we're talking about guys when they get older to have some ambition and be comfortably self-sufficient where they are at LEAST datable.

You're free to make choices according to your beliefs. I won't stop you from passing sweeping judgements either.

And so are you. But I'm not making sweeping judgments. If you actually read what I write, you can say that my tone isn't the sweetest -- I'm guilty of that. However, they aren't sweeping across the board as far as a 'loser' is concerned. I can't stop you from making sweeping judgments about myself, so continue on! :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 83
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/29/2010 6:08:05 AM

Why can't they go to her place? Is she hiding illegal immigrants?

That should be one of many options, not a default because there's nowhere else to be alone. In a situation where one lives at home and one doesn't the one who doesn't ends up hosting all the get togethers (unless the one who lives at home springs for hotel rooms or waits until the parents go away for a week). How's that fair?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 84
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/29/2010 10:13:27 AM

Not many people starting out can afford an apartment with out roomates unless you have a high paying job

Assuming you wouldn't be living in a HORRIBLE place, you wouldn't need a high-paying job, as far as jobs go. In an earlier post, $10/hr would do it, if you watch your budget (which Americans should do more of anyway, like their diet). Now, I suggest not doing that until you've got a little nest egg built up for in-case-sh!t, which can be done while living at the parents for a temporary time right after getting said job. That, plus a few bucks saved every month would keep you from barely scraping by and having a bit of a comfort zone. Then always being on the look-out for a better job -- over the years, you'd be able to get a better job for a couple bucks more an hour. That's not high-paying. Maybe by high-school standards, but we're talking post-college-age -- even without a college degree.

You seem to equate living on own as better but just because they live on their own does not mean they are good people they could do drugs or be crimminals.

That's a really really bad argument, though. You could make the same argument for people who are homeless living in a cardboard box. You could say, "there are people who do drugs & criminals who are not homeless and live in expensive houses they own, so being homeless does not necessarily mean you're worse off than someone who has their own place."

Telling me I need a better argument just proves you have run out of things to say and are gasping for straws.

No, her telling you that you need a better argument is that your argument isn't at all logically convincing. It isn't. If your argument was, then yeah, she'd be grasping for straws. But I don't think she's trying to bicker with you -- she like other people are trying to make it clear to you and do whatever they can to sow seeds of doubt within you that what you believe about your situation is out in left field.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 85
view profile
History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/1/2010 4:43:53 AM

You've already beaten yourself with that thinking before you're even out of the gate, yet you don't realize that.
Exactly... though I do have to give you kudos Sweetness... for trying to reason with him. Your patience is awe inspiring...

Last time I dated someone that lived with his mommy it ended up that he couldn't be self-sufficient in a relationship. Mommy was always bailing him out when he'd come up short for his share of the rent or whatever.

So yeah, I'll say it again... it is a huge turn off when someone is living at home. You can scream that you're independent all you want, the proof is in the putting... so either prove you are or resign yourself to not being desirable to many women.

Oh... and DK... don't bother responding to my post either... I don't have the time or patience to discuss this with you. Like Sweetness, I find no pleasure in picking on the sick and wounded.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 86
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/1/2010 4:27:58 PM

Maybe some people can t do better then minimum wage. Nothing wrong with that.

If someone can't EVER do better than minimum wage, they are -severely- physically disabled, or have a -major- mental disability. Are you? It'd be a longer road for people who were disabled in some ways, but we're talking about EVER. Are you disabled in a severe way? Are you even disabled even at all? If not, there is PLENTY wrong with that. A guy past college age saying he can't EVER do better than minimum wage and not majorly disabled is just severely depressed and/or severely lazy, man. You won't convince anyone but yourself. In all honesty, do your parents say, not out of angst, but out of genuineness? That you can't do any better ever in life than minimum wage?

It's not that you don't have the potential to do any better -- it's that you don't WANT to do better and think that there's nothing wrong with that, and that's it's 'superficial' to judge someone by not wanting to apply themselves to more than that.

I guess you have given up making sense or just have nothign else to say. why are you still posting on this thread then?

Dude, she just indicated she's not still posting. And as far as making sense, she was. You just block out what you don't like to hear. You can disagree or assume something superficial (when it's not), but she was making sense. That statement right there, was not.

I think it's ridiculous to generalise and say that everyone should go out and get a well paying job or training placement or they are a loser simple as that.

Well paying job? Who said anything about a high paying job, tho? How about a guy, past college age, who sets his sights on not being self-sufficient and thinking there's nothing wrong with making minimum wage his whole life and in position to live at his parents'? "Loser" can come in different flavors, and yes, it can certainly be hastily used. But we're talking about any guy, over 25, who lives at his parents, who doesn't WANT to EVER apply himself to anything past a minimum wage job. That does constitute at least one "flavor" or "loser" -- and not in a high-falutent-socialitte sense, either.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 87
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/2/2010 3:18:00 PM

So where are all these higher paying job oppurtunies gonna come from?

From places hiring.

Just because people make themselves more attractive to get higher jobs does not mean they are there.

They are there. You have to have ambition to find them... and to qualify yourself for them. Of course, looking your best doesn't hurt either.

To get higher paying jobs you need training and that usually costs money people don't have.

No, with ambition you can at least get a job above minimum wage with the right attitude and desire put forth. Many jobs want someone who WANTS to work... really contribute... not someone who'd see a job as doing chores around the house... a lot can be done with the right attitude & ambition put forth for companies to see.

So what if they live their whole life in a minimum wage job? Maybe they enjoy their job and makes them happy.

A *guy*, past college age and into his 40s, 50s, and then 60s... his whole life working, say, as a cashier at a locally owned slow-going mini-mart making minimum wage. If that makes him happy, then that means he's happy not ever being a realistic dating choice with many many women that he finds attractive.... and happy not having the money to support himself beyond scraping by every 2 weeks.

You are just one person and you do not represent society as a whole

You're complaining about society seeing people living at their parents wanting to live their life on min-wage forever. I'm explaining to you WHY people, not just me, but WHY the people you complain about have an issue against laziness & lack of ambition to be adequately self-sufficient. You obviously don't like it, and I don't blame ya. But you want to believe that you have no other opportunities -- you DO. It's not going to be knocking at your door -- you have to go out there and get it.

Why are so full of hate towards this people?

Hate? I feel sorry for lazy & unambitious guys over 25, but at the same time roll my eyes at such folks. Not hate. I'm not even talking about guys who happen to be living at their parents in a period of transition or something. I'm talking the lazy, unambitious guys over 25 who want to be happy being lazy & unambitious, but complain when most women they find attractive won't date them because they're lazy & unambitious! And ambition to a very very BASIC degree -- to really do something with ones life. Not grandioso. Not a high-paying job. Just solidly above poverty. To AIM for that.

Why are you putting down others and calling them losers?

I'm calling a demographic losers. Why? I pointed it out. They're losers, and they need help. Maybe if people who WANT to live their lives sitting at mommy & daddy's, working min-wage if & when they actually DO have any job, aren't going to be happy if they get called out for being lazy & unambitious. Someone AIMING to be lazy & unambitious IS one flavor of "loser".

After college-age, ya gotta grow up. If you think that's impossible -- if you think people tell you that you can't -- they're full of BS. You can. You don't have to aim to be a rocket scientist. Aim to make something of yourself. You can do it. You will like it. You will like the results. Be a man. You're not 21 anymore, dude.
 drvenom
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 88
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/5/2010 9:27:51 AM
Back to the question at hand. I'm sure that living at home will be a turn off to some people. However, this will not be the case for everyone. I'm 29, live at home, and I'm broke for the most part; I can afford dinners and the like but nothing big. However, I have never had any problems dating. Women do give me a weird face when I tell them that I am living at home, but then that face goes away when I tell them that I am working on my second masters and that I am on my way to getting a PhD. So do not worry, living at home is not the end of the world given that you are doing something productive.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 89
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/5/2010 10:35:46 AM

I'm 29, live at home, and I'm broke for the most part .... However, I have never had any problems dating ... I am working on my second masters and that I am on my way to getting a PhD

It gets in the way significantly, but yeah, given that, you are in a better boat than most guys living at their parents'. However, ONLINE, it's always going to hit you worse than in real life. They're more in checklist mode. Again, a high-education situation takes away from the negatives some, but honestly -- it holds you back.

It also depends on how permanent it's going to be. If say, you're finishing your masters, then during your PhD creation it's all going to take 5 years being at your parents -- that ain't going to fly with a lot of women over 25 who don't know you otherwise.
 TX9
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 90
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:26:50 AM
No I wouldn't find it a turn off that they are still living at their parent's place just as long as she can do her own laundry, cook and such. Also them having their own bills like for internet, phone and such that they pay for is also nice and doesn't live off their parent(s).
 sovereignrebel
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 91
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 11:47:42 AM
Amen. Living at home is so lame. I don't know how some of you guys deal with that. I moved across the country, so personally I really don't feel like girls who still live with their parents are even accessible for me. Girls who are also independent and working are much more on my frequency.
 Matt_L_91
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 92
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History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 3:40:09 PM
This isn't a problem when you're 18 going on 19 and are going to college, right?
 TX9
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 93
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 7:51:38 PM

Can't afford it? Too bad. Get a roommate. Won't have the same standard of living? Too bad, struggle like we all had to. I'd throw your ungrateful ass out in a heartbeat if I was being used like this. Despicable!
Oh so you'd like it if you could only find places that are $800 - $1,200+ per month and have your room mate leave or stiff you on the rent and or bills and the job you'd have at that time won't cover the rent and bills so you end up not having food or power and end up living on the streets?

Just because a person is living at their parent(s) house doesn't meen they aren't paying for the share of the power, heating bills and such. When your splitting the cost of the bills and rent and such your pretty much doing the same thing if you had room mates but at least if you couldn't afford x amount of money to a cretin point then they might not mind covering x amount.

Also some people would rather save up enough money to buy their own place and not have to have a $100,000+ loan they have to pay off in $200+ amounts per month
 UltraFarkistan
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 94
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History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/8/2010 10:59:42 PM
Zikoris: how bad was the collection agency job from the job aspect of it? I had a college roommate who got collected on and it wasn't fun (eg. No, Adam is not here at the moment and I am his roommate. No, we're not that kinda of roomate. I don't know when he'll be back and I am not paying his Visa Bill).
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 95
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/10/2010 1:00:50 PM

This isn't a problem when you're 18 going on 19 and are going to college, right?

No, not a big problem, with gals 18-20 going to college, I don't think. Wouldn't be a turn-off for a ton of women, but still a preference that you had your own place. So all other things being close to equal, a gal would choose the guy who has his own place... more notably if they're not relationship-hunting.

Anyone still living with their parents after finishing a post secondary education is a leetch. Your parents deserve a life without children in it. They did their job.

Sounds like you're describing a nanny and not close family members like a mother & father.

How goddamn selfish to think it is your right to impose on what should be a new phase of their lives.

Hmmm, bitter about something? I am all for people needing to leave the nest -- especially the Dark Knight kid there, who thinks the job market is the same for those at 26 as it is for 16 year olds. But at the same time, living at one's parents, just by ITSELF, for a temporary period of time, is not necessarily leeching at all. Some parents LIKE the idea, if they see their son moving in the right direction. Ya can't speak for all parents, man.

Can't afford it? Too bad. Get a roommate. Won't have the same standard of living? Too bad, struggle like we all had to.

Misery loves company, right? ;) I don't believe in living on your own-at-all-costs. If one can't really afford anything and are scraping by the bottom of the barrel, a step up from being a street bum, you're not very datable anyway -- in or out of one's parents'.

Again, some parents don't mind it. People past college age can use it as a launching pad, but not a bachelor pad. It can be an appropriate, temporary means to take better advantage of opportunities. And it's not that they'd be literally taking money out of their purses, but being a temporary roommate. It can be just about privacy for those who desperately want it, but again, not all parents are that way.

If one has pissy, disgruntled parents who would gasp at such a situation even for the logistical betterment of the son/daughter for a period of time, then yeah, they should have no choice but limit their options by scratching that off.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 96
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/10/2010 5:31:39 PM
There are two "extremes". One is the hater who can't stand the fact that other people have a good relationship with their family. The reason is that they were either abused, looked down upon, never appreciated and then kicked out by their own parents WAY too early. They were then forced to "make it on their own". Ever since they just hate the term "family" due to the lack of love in their own childhood. For that reason obviously, they'll bash anybody who happens to live with his/her parents as dark knight.

The other "extreme" is the one who truly IS what most narrow-minded people seem to think - lazy, irresponsible, etc. and for that reason lives at home regardless of age.

There is no "truth" to this question just like there's no truth to most things in life. You simply have to look at each individual case to make any conclusions. Since a lot of people don't do that, and we are living in a shallow world (at least in the western world although it is changing by force), it is a "turn off" to be living with your parents. At least it's not a good thing... Given the fact that people reject each other for a million other reasons, living under the same roof as your parents definitely won't make it easier.

Personally I couldn't care less where somebody's living. I've dated women who didn't have an own apartment and lived with a friend instead. For example, I had a short fling recently with a woman who did just that. However, her friend was hardly ever there so it was practically her place. I didn't have a problem with that at all. Should I have turned her down only because she didn't have her own apartment? Give me a break. But hey, that's just me. :)

Dark knight, just drop it. What you're doing is defending yourself and your lifestyle. Why? If it's a problem then do something about it. If it works for you it makes no sense whatsoever to hang around this forum trying to make people see it your way - they won't - ever. :) So again, just drop it.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 97
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/11/2010 1:24:36 AM

One is the hater who can't stand the fact that other people have a good relationship with their family.

I wouldn't say that... I would say that extreme is people who are disgruntled at their teens and want them out when the law allows. The reason I say it that way, is because just because someone's living at home does not mean they're close to their family. Moving out in mid-20s doesn't ruin a -family- relationship whatsoever; not even an inch, nor should it.

The other "extreme" is the one who truly IS what most narrow-minded people seem to think - lazy, irresponsible, etc. and for that reason lives at home regardless of age.

True. However, DarkKnight making his words known out here, is unfortunately an example of that. There's a difference between saying "No, women should have no obligation to desire guys they don't know, past-college-age who live at their parents" vs "If you live at home you're a lazy a$$ with no goals in life". I say the first part, but in DK's case, he -does- fit that stereotypical path unfortunately.

Given the fact that people reject each other for a million other reasons, living under the same roof as your parents definitely won't make it easier.

Very true. If one's concerned about their dating marketability, they need to understand that people have no obligation to get to know them from head-to-toe beforehand. Hence, you can't complain if particular things fit a common mold that would have a high % chance of not being dateable. In the dating world with people you DON'T know, you have to up your value if you value your options.

I've dated women who didn't have an own apartment and lived with a friend instead.

Well, to be fair, there's a gender difference between guys & girls. Yeah, yeah, it's a gender bias of sorts, sure.... on a cultural/biological/expectations level. But really it boils down to dating value in the market. Someone, guy or girl, has to bring in enough bacon to make it thru comfortably. But I will say, guy or girl, if they're living at their parents', over 25, and just lazy with no ambition, neither will be a great commodity.... with the exception of the gal being hot as hell (would she even last that long at her parents', tho? lol). However, a gal can still be a dateable commodity by working near-min-wage jobs and looking decently nice, while the guy, can't in the same situation, and that will pretty much never change when it comes to the level of ultra-low-income. And girls living at their parents in their 20s -- more acceptable, because more guys are on their own anyway, and are a 'provider' role anyway that appeals to gals.

What you're doing is defending yourself and your lifestyle. Why? If it's a problem then do something about it. If it works for you it makes no sense whatsoever to hang around this forum trying to make people see it your way - they won't - ever.

Totally agree. The argument "well, what if them not wanting more than min-wage their whole life makes them happy?" falls flat on its face when said person is unhappy because they're virtually undateable. IF they are fine that way, great -- they'd have very few complaints if any in regards to the subject.

But DK's not making sense, though. He's convinced he can't do more with his life when, basically, anyone can. It's almost like hearing a guy saying "There's nothing I can do about myself that's going to let me get anything better than a 300lb woman. It's hard these days." Hey, if you like uber-heavy women, go for it. But don't complain that slender gals don't like ya, if you don't want to do anything to make yourself a better commodity w/ confidence, is what I say.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 98
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/14/2010 1:44:38 PM

I will say it again. How dare you impose on the next, natural phase of your parents life. They deserve to be a couple again without the obligation of children. They may not tell you that, but believe me they feel it.


I don't think all parents feel like this. When your children are older it's a totally
different phase. Honestly, I don't get the problem with kids staying at home for a
bit instead of having to leave right out of college. I can seriously see the difference
between paying rent to parents that might actually need it and throwing it out the
window to landlords.

I have no problem with kids struggling and living within their budgets, but I also
have no problem with everyone living under the same roof. Seems like its a personal
decision to be made among the people involved. It hardly makes people who
choose this course lazy or unmotivated. If you don't want to date someone that
lives at home...then simply don't.

My kids don't live at home because I'm a renter myself. If I had a house still? I
could totally see us living there sharing expenses. I have no obligation to support
my kids, but I guess my relationship with them has enabled them to not only become
independent and self supporting, but comfortable enough to know I'll always be
there for them if they need me...that's what family is supposed to be about.

I think it would be hilarious should some of these people find themselves needing
a place to live in their golden years and having their children tell them to fark off...
they don't "owe" them anything.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 99
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History
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 7/26/2010 9:55:00 AM

I can't wait to be gone from my house!!!
Then what are you waiting for... you're 25 with a full time job. No reason for you to still be at home in your circumstances. Especially since you profess to despise it so much there...
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 100
Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/19/2010 4:55:58 PM
"If you can't make enough money with one job, get another one, work two or three if needed imo."
-----------
*Laugh* Would there be any time LEFT for women in that case?
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