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Joined: 11/6/2006
Msg: 37
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?Page 11 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
My dream is to marry someone in the military. I believe that men who give thier all in the military will give all the love and respect to a family as well. I just can't seem to hook one.

Brooke :)
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 38
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/12/2007 6:06:40 AM
Isn't that phrase "settle down with military" rather oxymoronic? If you know the military then you know the military rarely settles down. Some people are fortunate to spend a few years at one post. Maybe as much as 4-6 years. But even that is not the norm. Especially if you are enlisted as most are and especially if you are in an military activity oriented unit such as combat and combat support.

Look at the stats. If I'm not mistaken or the stats have changed significantly, divorces in the military are significantly higher than in the civilian population at large. Part of this higher number is because the spouses do not realize or simply ignore what military life is. If your spouse is in the military, so is the family.

The military does try to accomodate families in the military. But when push comes to shove, the families get short changed. The military mission always, always... ALWAYS comes first!

Perhaps the most difficult thing to understand and the most stressful once it's realized is the grand reality that in the military, when the chips are down, the military man and woman is ultimately expendable. The mission comes first. Whatever it takes. The family, ultimately, is expendable. That is why retention is such a challenge for the military. That is why family life is so difficult in the military.

I spent six years in the military.
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 39
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/12/2007 2:38:53 PM
I have never dated a guy who is in the military, but if I met one and I really liked him, I wouldn't shy away from him. I would do my best to try to make it work the way I would with any other guy in a different profession.
Joined: 3/26/2006
Msg: 40
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/13/2007 4:51:18 PM
It's a challenge for us military guys to meet that special lady that can handle all that is involved with being with a military person.
We can be posted anywhere in the country, so not good for them seeing their family & possible to interfer with them & their career.
We are away, takes an independant lady that wants to be interdependant to handle that.
We go overseas & may return injured physically or mentally ...
Our fellow military ... set a wide assortment of examples both good & bad, ...

My 2 cents

:-) Ken
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 41
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/13/2007 6:32:25 PM
I would Love to Date or Marry a Military man. Most of our Military men are "God Fearing Men" Believers of Jesus Christ.
Any Military men out there that want to date me look me up!!!
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 45
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:27:16 PM
Its not that most women are afraid to settle down with a military man, it facing the unknown that scares the hell out of them. Mostly the young ones, the ones under 25, thats never been out of the same area of their family. I saw it during the first Gulf war, a lot of the young wives wanted their husbands to get out of the military to not have to go, giving them ultimatiums, either get out or I am leaving you. They were afraid to be left for God knows how long on their own, sometimes with babies to take care of.

Me, personally, I rather settle down with a Military man. I was raised in the Air Force and I was married to an enlisted man, at least until he decided he didnt want to be married to me anymore.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 49
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 3/6/2007 8:50:00 AM
My ex is military... he wasn't when we started dating, joined about 9-10 mo after we started dating actually. Spent 10 yrs with him. I wouldn't conciously seek out a military man, but I certainly wouldn't shy away from it. Actually I find I am most attracted to men who are in the services, or have served. It does something to them.. makes them strong of character.

The thing is.. military life sucks for the families. Pay is low (don't you think these people should be paid better??? after all.. look at what they risk..), housing conditions suck, and there can be a real lack of respect for what they do. I did 2 tours with him (gone for 6 1/2-7 mo each time) and it did not once ever cross my mind that I should be anything other then 100% faithful to him. We were married, had children, I took my vows very seriously, as I would with ANY man.

In today's world tho, it's not just the military that risk their lives when they walk out the door. Think about it. We all do. Any one of us could be killed on the way to work during our morning commute. Anyone could be killed because a crazed co-worker who got fired yesterday came back to the office/store to get back at those they perceived did them wrong. Let's not mention the risks we take living in less developed parts of the world where the value of human life is next to nothing. Steve Irwin was killed in a freakish accident doing what he loved to do the most. Sh*t happens to ALL of us at any point, and I'm not going to say no to the possibility of finding a relationship with someone wonderful just 'cause their job is dangerous. Fire fighters, police, EMT/Paramedics, military... thankless jobs that not many are willing to take on.

Thank you to those currently serving, those that have, and those that are considering it in the future. We are who we are, and have what we have thanks to the blood, sweat and tears of these people. They deserve so much more then a simple *thank you*.
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 67
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 7/12/2009 6:28:05 PM
I was married to a former Marine for 3 yrs. He had a severe alcohol problem(it killed him) was very demeaning and abusive.

His brother is a former Marine, same thing minus the alcohol. Watch what you say or he'll yell at you. I don't know what it is about former Marines. They're respectable as they served our country, but the ones I know seem psycho.
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 74
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 2/27/2011 11:00:29 AM
I'm ex Army.

Women LOVE military guys.

I got married when I was a soldier.

Prior to her, I was engaged to another woman while I was a soldier.

I turned down more women when I was a soldier than I could shake a stick at.

You only need to be careful for women who are looking to marry ""UP"" to a soldier...
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 82
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 7/14/2011 6:33:25 PM
I think some women live in a fantasy when it comes
To military men.

Granted not all of them are alcoholics or sluts.

The majority are probably real good guys.

Then there are "us". The ones who lived with some
Of them or married them.

Their problems are real. Just like joe ordinary.

But sometime these problems are severly magnified.
These guys live and act a very very different life
Than the accountant or the doctor.

Ummm. Yeah good luck with that.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 87
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:44:40 PM
I know the right man for me is out there. And when I meet him, if he's in the military, it wouldn't bother me at all. I would travel to see him when I could, travel with him when possible, & be there for him no matter what. I would be faithful to him while he was away, & would expect the same from him. In my opinon they are honorable, brave & courageous men, Every relationship has it's own problems and challenges. If you are willing to make the commitment & follow it through, & you truely love someone, you can make things work.
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 88
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:24:32 AM
I totally agree...
But knowing the military life i would marry a military man in a heartbeat....
Even though my husband and i were married ...( like a lot of women)... before "we" joined the service... and it last for 16 years....
There are many sides to living a military life....and i've been on both sides of the i think i can make an honest assessments of it....

Once the spouse... (being male or female) ... join... they become military property... and a lot of women and men are not emotionally prepare for...
long deployments... being a one parent family... mainly family separation... because the children also go thru separation withdrawl just like the parents... packing ... and unpacking alone... at a moments notice.... not to mention changing schools...and being separated from their friends that have become their family away from family.....
Military people are taught that are comrads are our family.... and anything outside of the military are civilians... and their world is different from our world... and it is....
Being a military spouse....
I've met a lot of spouses.... mostly women... stating that the pay, travel, and health benefits were great... And most had forgotten about the man or woman that were married to... they had set themselves up to be more like..." military housewives of the rich and famous"....

A lot of my ex's male friends were small town boys who had never been away from home..... and had been "out there" for the first time and married strippers and tried to make them into wives.....
I once babysat a child for the wife of a friend of ours .. her husband was out on a ship with my husband.... and she brought the sweet little kid over ...supposely for a few hours... and said she was going to work and the child wasn't picked up until his father came back from the ship to retrieve him... 10 days later!....
And like most military people... we just protected our friend and never told a soul.... that's what we do...

Most forget that their spouses are more than a paycheck... and treated their overseas detatchment as a time to play cat and mouse with other service members or civillians...
I was a military wife/mother /friend for 16 years....
I've seen a LOT of things.... and i know for a fact that the stress these service members recieve causes them to drink and make poor decisions... during basic training....they're taught to be perfect.... they have to be perfect.... there's no room for error... too many lives are depending on them to "get it right the first time... because their are no second chances"... because second chances can cause u ur life...
Military life is not for sissies..... or momma's boys.... it's for a real man... a spiritual man.....
It's for the boy that went hunting with his dad every year.... boys that loved to camp... men that believe in The United States Of America... and live by " The Pledge of Allegiance" ..... as a real creed...And a way of life....
Joined: 12/31/2010
Msg: 89
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:30:21 AM
I meant to say that i totally agree with ladyimage views on the military life.... not the comments above me...
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 90
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:20:00 AM

What's the difference between a murderer who goes to prison and military person? The excuse as to why they could pull the trigger. Our government says murderers go to prison because we did not authorize that murder, but if you go kill for the reasons we (the gov) think is a good cause (protecting and securing our interests, referring to the gov not the people) then you're honorable. That's nonsense. Our government financially enslaves us and threatens jail for all those who refuse to pay taxes. Where's the freedom you speak of. In fact, soldiers help with economic terrorism and help the super wealthy with their war machine business interests. And that's only for starters of all the horrors that the military helps with. To the rest of the world American soldiers are terrorists for all that they do.

700 years ago soldiers were brainwashed to believe that they serving the will of god. Soldier need a reason to be a soldier and they need a darn good excuse to kill people. Today it is 'fighting for freedom' and you bought it hook, line, and sinker!

Women who like military or men in uniform typically have fears and they are turned on by the idea of a big strong man who can protect them.

Honestly, what ethically minded person would ever want to date someone who can find any excuse whatsoever to pull a trigger and end another human being's life.

Ridicule it all you want. Those guys are pulling the trigger so that someone from some other nation doesn't get to pull the trigger of a gun aimed at YOUR face. Moreover, the mass majority of military personnel aren't in the direct line of combat. A man may be military, but chances are, more likely that he's never killed anyone. I
Joined: 9/8/2010
Msg: 91
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 10/14/2011 4:55:00 PM
well i wasent aafriad to settle down actually i was engaged to my ex while he was stationed in iraq he decided that he couldnt be faithful...the military life was going to be my dream come true i was so proud of who he was and what he stood for and one day after mission he just did messege or call i had put my life on hold every day sleepin w 2 phones and a computer ..i was totally devoted and he no im not afraid to settle down w a military man ....:)
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 93
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 10/22/2011 5:10:43 PM
I wouldn't shy away from a man in the military. If you fall in love w/him, you work it out. I would have no problem at all staying celebiate for long periods of time while he is away, & I would expect him to also remain faithful to me. Every relationship has things to work out, his traveling for his job wouldn't be a problem for me. He's going to come home eventually, & when he does, it going to be a happy, loving homecoming.
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 96
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:15:49 PM
OP -- having since left the building...I don't get it...

I'm ex military - me and every soldier I knew had 'em stacked 5 deep waiting in line...taking numbers...
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 99
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 10/22/2011 9:23:10 PM
My mom married a retired one and it ruined 9 years of my childhood and the rest of her life. He is a first class jerk and the abuse was horrible, at least I had 9 good years of childhood but the last nine blurred my entire memory of childhood. I have quit a few friends that grew up in military families as well and they all have bad memories of living with a dad who was a jerk. My childhood was so bad that I sabotaged a few great relationships because I was afraid of being like him and ruining a woman's life. If you have children DO NOT DO IT.
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 107
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/13/2011 2:11:08 PM
I had a LDR with a guy in NG for almost a yr. We lost contact upon his return to the US . Don't think I passed family approval so goes life. I would do it again if he is wonderful.-there are women who can handle it. Just got to find a woman who can handle the alone time and fill her time productively
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 118
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:51:53 AM
well rustysurfer10
being ex miltary ,
and now a successful owner operator in the transport industry yes a working one over the road i feel the answer to this question is a big yes the ladys out there does shy away from guys who cannot be home 24/7 .

why is this so i am still trying to work it out been on POF now 7 months one date this lady told me very nicely that my career would get in our way that she needed a man to be home so they can go out on dates dinners etc etc .

not be out on the road or anything like that i am sure with time on my side i will find miss right and be there for her as she will be for me
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 119
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 11/15/2011 11:12:43 AM
I just started dating a military man and I have to admit that it's a bit scary at times. He's in the logistics side of things and is at a stationary base but when I hear him talking about being gone for months at a time for courses and being transfered to bases that are deployable it worries me.

My friend's husband just got shipped off to Japan for 2 years after coming home recently from Afghanistan. She and the kids aren't allowed to live with him in Japan, so they have to be apart for 2 years. Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. I can see seperating a family in time of war, but last I checked we weren't at war with Japan. He wasn't even home a year from Iraq/Afghjanistan and now his wife is left alone with 5 kids to raise.

This scenario does not give me the warm and fuzzies nor all the stories I'm reading about in this thread about cheating and such. He's a really great guy and completely worth the risk but I'm hoping there won't be too many anxiety attacks in my future!!
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 124
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 1/28/2012 2:41:43 PM
I'm a military brat myself. Most of my brothers and sisters were in the military or married military spouses. It's just how I grew up tho never joined the service. Oddly enuf, I have a hard time relating to anything BUT military significant others. One guy told me he likes to play RPG games and I had to stop and realize he wasn't talking about rocket propelled grenades.
Joined: 8/19/2010
Msg: 128
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WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 5/1/2012 5:34:25 PM
Years ago I dated a guy in the navy. I really enjoyed dating the military guy. The only problem that I had was he was fast on his way to becoming an alcoholic and I wasn't about to be living that life. He moved back to Michigan and within a couple of months he had impregnated someone and they are still married and have 3 children today and as far as I know are happy.

I also work with a true military guy who was in for 25 years and the military way of life was his life. His wife left him after 17 years. She couldn't take being married to a soldier anymore. He is an unbelivable guy. I have such respect for what he does. He works part time where I do, is retired from the military and is comander of a VFW post and is so active and does so many good things with it. It's his life. He is really into the military way of life.
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 130
WOMEN....Are you afraid to settle down with a Military Man?
Posted: 5/3/2012 11:51:00 PM
When I was young, I try my hardest to avoid any romantic connection with military man since I grew up in the family whom serving in the military. My reasons were: 1. I don't want to be a young widow( lost a cousin during a Vietnam War), 2. Don't want to be a wife of disable veteran (if he made it), 3. Hate of anticipation with bad news while he is on duty to somewhere else ( meeting a new girl, in combat,......). But I love the structure life of military way.
Then again, if I in love with one of them, I probable will endure anything that come with him being in Military even my own insecurity.
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