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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 SEENREAD
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 26
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Just say you're not interested and have no contact with him. Nice and clean.
 aims1225
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 27
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 12:46:32 AM
I have to say I am really glad I posted this thread. It was my first time in a forum and I was getting a little disappointed when no one was responding to the topic. But, once people started sharing on this 'taboo' sorta uncomfortable topic, the flood gates opened and there were so many great responses. While there is no one in particular that I am referring to, the situation has come up, and I see it has come up for men and women, both. I have been on both the giving and the receiving end and its never easy, i guess. As for this being a dating site and it being an oxymoron to refuse dates, its silly to think that a person is going to go on a date every single time they are asked, there is so much more involved, and jeez! that would be one hell of a social life! Thanks all!
 will_nevergiveup
Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 28
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:16:51 AM
I believe in the "oreo" method for most of my social dealings. There's no reason to be hurtful and it's easy to graciously decline. Everyone has great characteristics--but not what I'm looking for--those wonderful characteristics need to be pointed out when gently declining a date.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 29
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 6:42:05 AM
wow...Am I going after friendship the wrong way? Just because I like male friends doesn't mean I'm going to bed with them. In any case, it's friends first, and relationship later. I can say I've met one that I totally had to say "I see no connection" because he never wanted to do anything or go anywheres together. All he talked about was his past girlfriends, said he could dance and absolutely couldn't. Up North, I'd say I knew several guys that weren't sex partners. Why do people just look at pictures and even if you have stuff in common decide they would rather be alone than share the experience???
 JasmineKai
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 30
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:30:11 AM
I always think I'm doing it in a nice way. But invariably there is the "why." Do you really want to know? And then if I go and tell them the why, they ARGUE with me. For instance someone came up to me while I was waiting for the metro train the other day. Talked it up with me a bit. Which was cool...just waiting anway. Then asked me out. But they were about 50? Guessing. And I just wasn't interested. And I told them so. And they tried to present an argument. Like we're in a debate and maybe if they explain enough I'll change my mind. Sorry no. I was polite, respectful and by the time the train pulled up they were exasperated. "Why not???" "Give me one good reason?" I just did, and in a minute I'm going to stomp on your foot and leave you hobbled. I wear heels for a reason.
 killerdogsmooch
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 31
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 7:37:59 AM
You say, "I am sorry, but I am not interested to pursue friendship, dating, etc., thank you though.".
 unanicegirl
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 32
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:14:31 AM
I think that honesty is the best policy. If not, someone wil get hurt. The longer you wait, the more hope you give that person. Just have the balls to be honest, but tactful. I had to do it. It's not easy, but it would have been tacky to run out of the church in my white dress.

I went out on (1) one date with this guy, he called me 3x times the next day, generally I wouldn't have thought anything wrong about it. Except that he asked me every single time; if I like him and how I felt about him. This freaked me out. Honestly, it was an ok time...I had to gather my thoughts and feelings about this guy. I don't judge people by first impression it takes at least 3 dates to know if I want to continue or pursue a relationship. But, he really made me feel uneasy. So, I continued to talk to him for about a week...you knowgiving him the benefit of my doubt. But, my feelings did not change so I did it when he asked me out for the second date. He was indignant and said he would find someone better on the dating site. I agreed with him and said, "I am sure that you will". And that was it.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 33
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 8:24:43 AM
what does it mean if they say.. at this moment, i'm not interested

then they say it again. at this moment... i'm not interested!!

then a few months later, they want to hang out, and say they miss you? after being well aware that you were head over heals for them!!! and probably killed it with flowers after the first date oops

if someone could answer would be a big help

to elaborate on this thread though i'd say yep, just say look i'm sorry, but i'm not interested

nice and easy.

to the girl who says you should say 'pull my finger' and then block them. you suck.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 34
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/27/2006 1:56:20 PM
i'm hoping thats it !! this girls amazing
 Mattster
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 35
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/28/2006 12:17:33 AM
duh....how about honesty?
 aims1225
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 36
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 6/30/2006 7:29:01 PM
Well, Mattster, honesty is the obvious answer. The purpose of my posting this thread was not so much to get an answer to this question but to allow some discussion of various sorts of individuals to see , in general, how people feel about it. Unfortunately, if you've read most of the replies, honesty does not get through to some people, and different degrees of honesty can be hurtful and unsettling. I agree in honesty, as well, but poor JasmineKai was being honest and the guy hitting on her was an obnoxious jerk...and Dru, that seems like pretty much on target why I've known people, myself included, to say, "not interested at this exact moment...", so Markontario, Good Luck in geting the girl! Sounds hopeful, I hope it works out great for you! But, Dru, do you think your politeness is giving them the idea that you're interested, and then they never get the hint? They might just think they met this polite, nice guy who, for no reason, started being rude and acting like a jerk, making them cry. Or do you actually TELL them you don't want to take it further? ...Why not just tell them, then you don't have to be rude enough to make them cry to get the hint...
 cincinnati1974m
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 37
no Interest Response
Posted: 8/17/2007 6:46:09 PM
I got the response from a woman when asking her out "Thanks for the offer but I am going to have to decline" and I though that was kind of cold.
 TexRaceMan
Joined: 10/18/2006
Msg: 38
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no Interest Response
Posted: 8/19/2007 5:10:57 PM

"Thanks for the offer but I am going to have to decline" and I though that was kind of cold.

Not aiming at you but would you rather have a "Thanks for the offer but I'll have to decline for now. But if you ever become the last man on this planet I'll reconsider."

And btw op, if gently and respectfully won't cut it -- Try the Archie Bunker approach. Salesman at the door. "Good afternoon Sir. May I have a minute of your time?" Archie, "No." and slams the door.
 JoeGood
Joined: 10/10/2006
Msg: 39
no Interest Response
Posted: 8/19/2007 7:08:39 PM
Along the same line, the one that kills me is
after talking a few times online to someone that doesn't have a pic posted....
finally they mail you a pic and you know you are not interested.
It's a double-bummer...first, you are disappointed....next you somehow
have to tell them politely of course!
Joe
 63rabbit
Joined: 12/11/2006
Msg: 40
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 9:58:19 PM
You didn't say if this was strictly through email or after a phone call or face to face meet. So I'll answer both ways.

Email: I'm flattered that you asked me out. I've checked out your profile and just don't have a feeling that we'd be right for each other. Good luck with Plenty of Fish.

Phone / face to face: It was really great getting the chance to meet you. Unfortunately I didn't feel that we had any real spark or connection there so I don't want to pursue this beyond just friends. Good luck with Plenty of Fish.

Short, sweat and to the point. You may get follow up emails or calls. if they are polite and you are so inclined, answer them, but don't feel bad about simply ignoring them either after you've stated where you stand in a straight forward diplomatic way.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:10:38 PM
Follow the golden rule folks, and treat people the way you want to be treated.

What works best for me is very simple..."Thanks for writing, but I don't think we're a good match. Best of luck in your search". No fuss, no muss, end of story. Hell, thats so short you can copy it to your desktop and paste it as needed, so even the ones who complain they don't have the time to write back to a nice email can manage it. If they write back after that and are rude and ignorant, feel free to delete and/or block.
 lawgeek74
Joined: 3/7/2005
Msg: 42
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:14:20 PM
There are certain things that come inherent in adult relationships. Relating that you are not interested in someone in a clear manner that allows for no misinterpretation is one of them. I dislike ambiguity. It is self-serving. You are not sparing the other person you are sparing yourself the guilt. Women especially need to be more truthful here.


Example
"I enjoyed our date, but its obvious to me that we are not a match. Amongst other things I don't like how you slurp your soup. I hope you find somebody you are compatible with."


Women ,if you cannot do this basic thing you have no business is adult relationships. Hints and avoidance are cowardly and disrespectful.
 Michey63
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 43
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:15:25 PM
I agree with Michelle....you have to be honest and upfront about it otherwise it will get harder and harder to do. I know you will hurt him but that is the chance everyone takes. Upfront and Honest is best...I have used it...it was hard but I did feel better and I know that they will get over it soon enough.
 Lluvia Suave
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 44
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:21:57 PM
I think it's important to set your boundaries clearly. You could say something like: "We are not a match but.. (a few kind words if you have any..) and I wish you the best in your search." After setting your boundary, it's no longer your responsibility to discuss it further. If you are challenged you could either ignore it, or repeat the same words again. It's not pleasant to be rejected but, it's better for both of you to not waste time and move on.
 Irreverent Lass
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 45
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:45:16 PM
I just had the best laugh of the night.



Tried and proven to be successful...

Send him a message saying, "Pull my finger" then block him.


Hahaha! Even pasting that up there made me laugh again.

Edit: Still giggling like a lunatic.

I love potty humor.
 AllyCat74
Joined: 4/1/2007
Msg: 46
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:57:57 PM
I think old fashioned honesty does the trick. If you're not into him or don't feel a connection, just tell him. It's not easy because we don't want to hurt the other person, but I think it's better to hurt his feelings now than to lead him on and let him hope for something that's not going to happen. However, keep in mind that there is a big difference between being honest and being mean, which often, is not necessary.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 47
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:28:54 AM
Not replying at all is rude. I think that letting someone know that you are not interested at least shows the courtesy of a reply.
 funluvngrl64
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 48
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:05:29 PM
I believe in honesty. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Wouldn't you prefer honesty?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 49
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:17:15 PM
Just gently say f•vck off.
 cincinnati1974m
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 50
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:52:24 AM
Is it cold when a woman responds to you with "Thanks for the offer, but I am going to have to decline"? Does that mean that she flat out does not want to go out with you or maybe at a later date?
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