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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...      Home login  
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 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 16
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I'm curious as to how people gently tell another that they are not interested to pursue friendship, dating, etc. with others that are interested or persistent.


silence speaks volumes.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/12/2010 3:30:43 PM
^^^ bravo. i'm not insulted by polite directness - i regard it as a token of respect and grace.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 18
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/12/2010 8:23:22 PM

Thanks for the email but I'm not interested. Hope you find your special lady soon. All the best.


no, I don't like this response from women.


silence is the best policy...

Just do not respond....
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 19
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/13/2010 5:50:44 AM
just politely say no with a good reason and if the other person gets all crazy and stuff, run away.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 20
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/17/2010 5:23:00 PM
Msg.1 : I am very diplomatic on people, and if they are persistent that they don't get my alibi/ and the silent message, I ignore them and delete their email unread. Most people that I encountered got the message whether in real world or dating on line,with out my hurting their egos, who knows that one of these days we encounter again, at least I am not worried that they have a grudge with me . I believe on good rapport.
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 21
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/18/2010 6:14:46 AM

BTW simply ignoring someone doesn't necessarily prevent rude emails. Some people may get mad that you ignored them and send you a rude email because of that.


i am one of those person. just because you do not know a particular individual does not mean you can be rude or impolite to him/her.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 22
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 11/18/2010 7:58:59 AM
I was surprised at the number of people who PREFER to be ignored over being politely told of someone's lack of interest ...

I TRY to always respond when someone contacts me ... unless their initial contact was just crude ...

I've never gotten a "thank you for declining me!" letter ... so I must not do it well!!

I've only rarely gotten the angry response! but those angry responses can be shockingly rude! it's the fear of getting those responses that sometimes makes it justifiable to just ignore someone ...
 ubuibme54
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 23
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no Interest Response
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:37:15 AM
This is exactly what I was looking for. No response to who someone messages you seems just plain rude. To me it is a compliment coming from anyone to get a message. So in the middle of being flattered for the attention, yet not interested in persuing the person any further, this is the perfect response.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 24
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:15:01 AM

How to gently and respectfully decline a date...


I would say , I can not meet you for a date due to all my clothes are dirty, I have not paid my water bills,and my water was cut off, it is not that I don't like you because you don't look like George Clooney, and you look poor like me.


Respectfully Yours,
Vannili
 becca0203
Joined: 1/21/2012
Msg: 25
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/11/2012 7:50:10 AM
I have one to top the "Why" question. I told the guy some of my reasons for not wanting to continue dating him.

We had good conversation, but he did not initiate any physical contact (no arm around me, hand holding, no hugs, and not even a kiss on the cheek) in our 10 dates. My early thoughts were that he was being respectful and taking it slow. I initiated a hug with him to see if that would break down a wall; it didn't. The final straw was witnessing the lack of affection to family members that he had not seen for quite some time. I couldn't be involved in a family that did not show any affection!

I originally believed he had some potential and part of his problem was that he had not been out of his marriage as long as I had. I was patient to a point and did not made a hasty decision (10 dates). I felt as though he deserved and needed an explanation, so I chose to tell him reasons that would be most helpful in his family and dating relationships. I also suggested he may want to seek professional counseling.

He tried to get me to change my mind by keeping me on the phone for 2 1/2 hours. I kept emphasizing that he was not respecting me and my wishes. He even requested that I make a written list for him; I told him he could do that for himself. Within a week he called me again to go over 'those reasons' again!

At least he thanked me for spending the time talking with him about the issues, most women he had dated would never inform him of their reasons nor speak with him again.
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 26
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:55:35 PM
He sounded very unbalanced, may he RIP. How awful that u had to experience this!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 27
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:22:41 AM
It is very uncomfortable having to turn down people. I hate it. However, when someone is extremely persistent it is a little bit easier for me to be blunt because I can detach myself from them more promptly. In those situations I simply say kindly, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” and leave it at that. Sometimes they want to know why. Then I say something like, “I have to be honest with you, I just don’t see it happening.”
 HotTub42
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 28
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/13/2012 10:30:31 AM
I believe that it is best to be honest but not hurtful. The problem comes from people not wanting to hear the truth. Some people get angry when told that you are not interested in going out with them. However, that is not enough of an issue to not be honest. Stick with honesty, don't be hurtful, and remember that what the other person does with that is their issue.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 29
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 7/13/2012 11:25:38 AM
"Oh well thank you but I'm actually already seeing someone (even if I'm not....and yes, I realize it's a little white lie)"

You have to be extremely careful with those, less you get trapped in them. Many years ago one of my co-workers (and at the time a friend) rejected me with the excuse that she didn't date co-workers, then a few weeks later she became involved with one of our other co-workers and they went through great lengths to keep their relationship secretive so I wouldn't find out. After a while it became obvious, not to mention too much for them to handle, so she finally "exploded" the truth at me so they could date openly. Although she admittted she didn't want to date me because she wasn't attracted to me, she also added that it was her "perogative" to change her mind about dating co-workers so it hadn't necessarily been a "lie." One of the most uncomfortable rejection situations I've ever been in (until, you know, a couple weeks later when I was in a rejection so bad I found myself apologizing to the girl for asking her out). But what I think I ultimately learned from that college-era rejection is that almost any rejection excuse other than "not attracted" is exactly that: an excuse. Because strong enough attraction will cause pretty much all of us to break our rules, no matter how wise they are.

(That said, I currently have a job with an official rule against dating co-workers and I've seen multiple people get fired/forced to quit over it, so they are pretty serious about the rule, therefore if a miracle happens and another co-worker takes an interest in me [I previously dated two women that worked with me there, but before that rule was put in place], I will have to heavily internally debate my intense need for companionship vs. my intense need not to declare bankruptcy.)

That suicide situation of yours sucks... though strangely enough, at the very job I just spoke of, not one, but TWO of my former co-workers killed themselves within the past 5 years in similar circumstances. And I think there's a pool about who is going to be next (if that was actually true, I know where my money would be). So as a person quite familar with that situation for multiple reasons, let me just say that no one kills themselves over one rejection. There has to be serious psychological trauma piling up from a lifetime of bad luck (or, just chemical imbalance, which explains one of those two guys). Should you re-evaluate the way you handle rejections because of it? I doubt it. My opinion at this point, after piling up many thousands of rejections in my life, is that a rejection is a rejection and no amount of sugarcoating it is going to make any difference.

But you definitely don't want to get yourself trapped in a lie about it, because especially on the more immature rejectee, that'll make it a lot worse -- like in my situation mentioned here, I was always thinking in the back of my head, as soon as one of us quits working here, I've got a chance! Usually it's not necessary to be outright cruel in a rejection in order to make it effective, but if there is no hope, you shouldn't leave any room for it. (Ironically, the first woman I dated at the afore-mentioned job rejected me with the "don't date co-workers" excuse. Turned out it was actually a *reason*, when on the day she quit, she gave me her number and told me to call her! So, yeah, that's definitely gone both ways. But much more often than not, the bad way.)
 venusenvy777
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 30
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/14/2013 5:29:09 PM
Honestly, kindly and firmly. I just tell them I dont think we are a match.
 ArtDeVivre777
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 31
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/14/2013 7:41:44 PM
Well, it's very easy for guys,if they are no longer interested in seeing someonethey usually just fade away lol and it's great actully as I personally have 90 day heart back warranty for myself,I don't take anything too seriously before a 3 month mark of exclusive dating :) I just try to enjoy dating him and doing great things together and see where it goes...and see how he treats me ,how he acts,how much effort he puts into the relationship.

When I want to stop seeing someone afer 1-3 dates I usually email them something like:



Dear X,
I had a nice time last night and really appreciate you treating me to Applebees, followed by the Disney On Ice; it was extremely generous of you.
However, I don’t feel the necessary “click” to continue to move things forward with our relationship. You’re a great guy and I’m glad I had the chance to get to know you. I’m sure you’re going to make some girl really happy one day. Best of luck and warmest wishes,
O.
Tada!
Men always respected that, and noone was rude. Some tried to contact we later on to check whether I changed my mind .This is the best way to do it. When I try to fade away from dating someone as guys do, some guys become very rude and mean, others call me a player. I think writing a nice email like that is a great way to thank him for his time n effort and show your appreciation.
 forthewinwinwin
Joined: 5/21/2011
Msg: 32
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 33
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/14/2013 9:27:27 PM
Was nice meeting but I don't feel a connection or any chemistry. I've been questioned that I seemed to be enjoying the date & I'd follow that up with "I was being polite or I'm sorry you misinterpret my politeness." If they offer friendship my line is "I have enough friends & am pursuing a relationship, but thanks for the offer & good luck in finding what your looking for."
 funnygirl2no
Joined: 1/11/2009
Msg: 34
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How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/15/2013 2:41:58 AM
my friend told me he was busy and just doesn't address it getting together. i feel this is lame excuse to discontinue dating. BUsy is the brush off? or is it true perhaps?
 msright78
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 35
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/15/2013 3:02:58 AM
If I have to tell u repeatedly that I'm not interested than I would block u.

But if ur talking about in person, I would simply tell them straight up to their face or via email or text.

And if they are still persistent, I would just start ignoring all communications with that person altogether hoping that would give the hint enough.
 liftnw8z2
Joined: 11/12/2012
Msg: 36
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/15/2013 5:06:12 AM
I guess you have to actually get an offer to have the chance to decline lol.

If I'm not feeling it I am polite but straight about it. There isn't much reason to lie or sugar coat it, we're all adults.
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 37
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:13:44 AM
put on your grownup panties and just tell the truth..sometimes the truth hurts but its better that than to be wishy-washy like most women or worse, string us along for free meals and such only to say..geez, i'm interested in someone else.
 Albvs
Joined: 2/14/2013
Msg: 38
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/15/2013 7:44:53 PM
1st time: "Awe... let me take a raincheck on that one."
2nd time: "Sorry, I'm going to be busy for the next several weeks."
3rd time: "Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out."

What I OFTEN see is that someone will prematurely send you their phone number and email (before you've met in person), combined with them claiming that they're going to delete their profile on here. It's an attempt to force you to then hand over your private information (phone/email) by fiat. I never fall for that.
 happygolucky123456
Joined: 3/6/2013
Msg: 39
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/17/2013 11:16:24 AM
Just ignore their texts or calls...if they don't get the hint, then you can say: "hey there, sorry for not responding earlier. Though I think you have some great qualities, I don't feel there is the foundation necessary for us to develop something more meaningful. But best of luck to you, and I hope you don't think ill of me for being honest
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 40
How to gently and respectfullly decline a date...
Posted: 3/17/2013 11:19:15 AM

Just ignore their texts or calls...if they don't get the hint, then you can say: "hey there, sorry for not responding earlier. Though I think you have some great qualities, I don't feel there is the foundation necessary for us to develop something more meaningful. But best of luck to you, and I hope you don't think ill of me for being honest


Or you can be upfront with the other person tell them this right away. So that the other person can move on sooner.
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