Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 3
This may be venting but....Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
...aww Kat,
Don't give up because you have had some bad experiences. Their not all like that. Just hang in there and don't worry about it. Coffee is much like an interview, meet somewhere public, go for a walk. It makes for better conversation too.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
This may be venting but....
Posted: 6/25/2006 8:06:09 PM
I understand why you would find your experiences confusing. I am sure most of us have had similiar experiences. 12 yrs. ago, when I joined my first online dating system, I thought it was going to be a lot of fun. Silly me. Yes, I have meet some nice people, but I have met some not so nice people too. Only advise is try to get to know a bit about the people via message first. If they just want to pressure you into instantly meeting, expect that it may not work out. Good luck.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 7
This may be venting but....
Posted: 6/25/2006 8:46:26 PM
Guys all want to do the coffee thing to make sure you're not fat before they actually take you out in public for a meal.
now that's funny and to think I never knew that

Hang in there Katheryn - some actually do call back and even if they weren't "the one", you get to have a few more friends. Jerks are to be found anywhere - they are not exclusive to the internet.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 8
This may be venting but....
Posted: 6/25/2006 9:45:51 PM
...eldermint


Are you venting?


...maeflowers
 harryv05
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 12
This may be venting but....
Posted: 6/26/2006 12:56:53 PM
THIS IS SO TRUE. MOST OF THE WOMEN ON THE WEB ARE SO DAMN NEGATIVE, I WONDER WHY WE WASTE OUR TIME. I HAVE ACTUALY MET SOME WHO WERE GREAT. BUT IN GENERAL IT IS EASY TO SEE WHY THEY ARE ALONE. WHY NOT A GOOD GLASS OF WINE IN A DECENT PLACE, AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. IF NOTHING HAPPENS (AND YOU CAN TELL IN A SHORT TIME IF THERE IS ANY CHEMISTRY---I CAN) THAT'S OK. JUST SAY THANK YOU AND MOVE ON. NOTHING VENTURED, NOTHING GAINED. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS LADIES.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 19
view profile
History
This may be venting but....
Posted: 6/27/2006 10:11:20 AM
I have to agree with the statment "Any man or woman who says it doesn't really matter what you like, in my opinion, are basically saying I have condoms!!!

If that is all they want fine, but for people who want more, selective is the way to go.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 25
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/18/2008 11:28:26 PM
Well, this would be *my* list (YMMV)

Sexual fulfillment
Recreational companionship
Admiration
Affection
Conversation
Honesty and openness

Most important I think is knowing yourself. Then, patience. Perhaps because I live so far from a Tim Horton's (or any coffee shop for that matter, lol!), I'm more than willing to talk for a good long time. What can I say? It's worked for me.

Only had five meets in 10 months -- one is still a very good friend, one's a kind of friend, one was a major stinker, one a minor stinker, and the last I'm with, with luck, till I die.

 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 33
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:21:55 AM
Kat,
Most profiles say they want a short first meeting such as coffee..That way neither are bound for long if no connection is there.
I'd add a few more to your list.
1.Why do some women answer their cell phone from another guy while on a first or any date?
2.Why do some and I say some women think all men want is their sex?
3.Why do some women let you make the 2nd date and all the while they know they will not date you again?
4.Why do some women expect a huge lavish expensive first date?

So I think the discourteous behavior is on both genders in some cases.
Some people are genuine and courteous..some are not ..such is life..
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 36
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/29/2008 2:15:31 PM
Hi OP;

It appears you have experienced a lot of negativity and rejection on first encounters. Although my answers to your questions are blunt. They are truthful.

1) Some rude and insensitive men do this when they find they have no interest in a woman. Maybe one of the neighbors appeals to them; maybe not. If this happens to you, simply excuse yourself and leave.

2)Men are visual. The first cut is how a woman looks to them. Sometimes it takes a man only 2-3 nanoseconds to realize he is not interested in dating a woman based upon her appearance. Other times he may not be sure for two or three dates so she is a possible. The situation varies.

3. Most men do not enjoy confrontation and this is an easy way out. They view it as a way to not patently reject a woman. From my experience, women react badly to rejection even if it is delicately and sensitively communicated.

4) Although I personally rarely do this on a first meet it is possible. I have done it by invitation only, so to speak. We may be trying to see if the proper pheromones are there, to see if our little head is really interested.

5) I normally respond but if a woman so far outside my stated dating parameters pesters me, why should I have to respond? She clearly did not bother to read my profile in any detail or is out to waste my time.

6) Any first meeting is to get a good look at each other and to talk and get to know one another. If I show up and want to run when I see her for the first time, I do not want to be obligated to any more than a brief coffee. This usually happens since close to 90% of the women I have met over the internet have lied about their age and/or their weight, frequently both! Once we both know we are interested in actually dating one another we can do lots of different things together.
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 41
view profile
History
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/31/2008 7:11:44 PM
Groan.....I am a woman of few words....
 selfsong
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
This may be venting but....
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:15:28 PM
Off topic for a sec.


<div class="quote">Oh for Pete's sake. You vote to delete but you won't reply?


As the human torch would say..Flame on

Exactly, these people that vote to delete are whiners that are too whimpy to actually reply to a post/thread....get a life or better yet participate in the one you have.

OK flame off

My suggestion is take more time to know any potential partner before actually going out with them and TRUST what you feel instead of what they say.

Back in the day a caveman reacted to what he felt not if ..oh look at the lovely flowers growing, listen to the birds chirping, life is good. NO, when he felt that "OH CHIT" feeling he reacted accordingly. Yes all that is nice (lovely happenings) but sheesh one has to trust one's self first and foremost not words or flowers from another.

 selfsong
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 50
view profile
History
This may be venting but....
Posted: 11/7/2008 1:29:31 PM
I have to agree, I have heard they have great coffee (Time Hortons) but with the added smooch sections that gives me more incentive to go to Canada and order a cup
 mejacqui
Joined: 10/19/2008
Msg: 57
This may be venting but....
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:46:04 AM
I understand your frustration and agree that doing something more fun would be a better way to get to know someone, however until you have met for a short while you don't know if you want to spend a lot of time with someone. You are interviewing him also. The part that is confusing to me is when you seem to like each other, agree that you want to get together again, and then never hear back. Now I try to remind myself that I have no idea what is going on with this person's life, or maybe he just met someone that he felt had potential, whatever it might be it would be nice to email and let you know but ........ most of us would rather not respond if we are not interested, seems kinder than saying it........ but is it? I'm not sure.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 60
This may be venting but....
Posted: 11/9/2008 4:32:10 PM
...At least with meeting at Tim Horten's...if the date doesn't work out you've enjoyed a great cup of coffee


...maeflowers
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 61
This may be venting but....
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:43:59 AM
I rarely do coffee dates..seems so many people have been burnt by internet dates that they want to chat for a month, exchange life histories, do credit checks, call your ex and then ask to bring a girlfriend with them to the meetings..
I now just meet at lunch..it's an hour..I have to eat anyway so If no attraction..I don't lose anything..and it's only an hour..
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  >