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 jennifer_well
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 4
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex'sPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Why do you think we are single mom's? We just can't seem to find anyone but those deadbeats!! That's why we are out there trying to find Mr. Right.
 catch n release
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 9
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 6/28/2006 1:36:06 AM
Well, start dating guys then; I'm sure you'll find the same thing...

A single, full time dad; owed 15K in back support.
 catch n release
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 13
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 6/28/2006 10:28:15 AM
Thank you; simbad....
 campgurl
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 19
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 6/29/2006 6:23:38 PM
I think the deadbeat anything has been beaten to death in the forums. Enough already cherish your deadbeats atleast they truly aren't dead. Count your blessings and move on peoples. This is a crazy subject to even argue about since 100 yrs from now no one will likely care either way.
 MrGordonGecko
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 25
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 7/1/2006 12:01:08 AM
I think you have see this issue at two levels.

Yes there are men who are deadbeat dads out there.

But there are also women who are prone to attracting deadbeat after deadbeat after deadbeat.

You can't change the way other people will behave, man or woman.

You can however change certain aspects of behavior so you don't repeat the same destructive pattern over and over. Or be around people who encourage the same destructive pattern over and over.
 chrissyfit
Joined: 4/7/2004
Msg: 29
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 3/24/2007 1:41:11 PM
see the thread started two rows up...by yo-you. it gives a glimpse into the deadbeat thought process, although there are likely many variations on the circumstances. the words, "it takes two to tango" come to mind, or "you've got to pay to play."...unfort, lots of men just want to play and bear no responsiblity for the consequences. it really seems to be...sadly...that simple.
 wslazyii
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 30
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 11/20/2007 2:18:15 PM
No one cares now?!
 NnaEibbed
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 37
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Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:14:49 AM
"This is my point, were the couple to have remained together both would have to tighten their belts in order to keep the family afloat equally sharing in the family having less income."

if the couple remained together there would not be two households. which would have eliminated the second amount for housing, utilities, taxes...etc.that goes with having another home. There would not be the potential for more adults and kids trying to live off of the income that one family would have been sharing. ( such as my ex whining because his gf wont work since she had gotten pregnant with their child nor after the birth of their baby and he has to pay so much for rent and food and everything even though they are in canada and receive the child tax credit for her child and theirs).

As for using stats to make an informed decision... well when the stats are incomplete and skewed its not an informed decision. Deadbeat means a parent who does not pay support or supply anything substantial towards the care of the child. The reasons do not matter because its an excuse. If a parent was ill or lost their job not for just cause, The court takes it into consideration. The problem arises when the court doesnt recognize laziness or the fact the male or female does not stop producing children as a valid reason to not pay to support the children they already have. I would not think that the women who did not go to court for support would refer to the ex as a deadbeat unless they did not go to court because of a domestic violence situation. Which is not even addressed in the stats.

Most child support is calculated based upon the income after basic personal living expenses is removed from the income. Any time the amount calculated using the standard is requested to be altered there has to be a valid reason for it. The amount the custodial parent and the other parent pays is based upon their % of the total income for both parties after adjustments are made ( other children amount removed, daycare,healthcare and other expenses added to the support).

If the non-custodial parent can not live on what is left after paying support, how do you expect the custodial parent to live without the support while supporting themselves and the dependent(s)? Because base upon what you state above about getting a second job adding to the income, it goes both ways.. if the custodial parent gets a second job, they not only have the added income but any daycare expenses, travel etc... and it raises the amount they are responsible for and reduces the amount the other parent is responsible for. Just to cover for the other parent being unwilling to do what they need to to support their children.

As for why there are so many "deadbeat" ex's. Well just take a look at society and the changes. Divorce is more common and children out of wedlock are no longer the stigma it used to be. Penalties for non-payment of support are a joke. They may take the drivers license but will give a waiver so the person can drive to work and back. Only one garnishment can be put on the income at a time and only a small % is allowed. they cant get or will lose their passport which doesnt effect that many people.
 MGM71
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 44
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 11/29/2007 6:23:45 PM
because most men are EX's for a reason and too few keep the feeling of responsibilty after a split....they take the easy road to freedom! Being divorced twice by the way with 3 kids I am a single Mom....however I don't expect anyone to take care of MY kids---I take pride in that myself,,,,however if you love someone you would also accept the baggage she brings with her....if not then you aren't much of a man yourself....and by the way---don't single out the deadbeat dads----there are plenty of women out there that "dump" the commitment to their kids on some wonderful single fathers.
 singlemaninMD
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 45
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Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:52:16 PM
I think there are tons or upstanding guys out there they just can't get past the "iron profile screeners" LOL! I truly think a lot of people miss some very good matches by being so stringent on their wishes. I wasted a lot of time that way wanting "everything" when I realized I had never met anyone with everything I was asking for!
 itsacreek
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 46
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 11/30/2007 12:05:38 AM
I am glad that you put the point it can be either parent. I am glad that you stated that.
 singlemaninMD
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 49
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Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 12/1/2007 4:58:57 PM
It is simple, when the girls are younger and even when they age they seem to like the "bad boys". I was one in High School and college. I fortunately grew up although many of those former "bad boys" I knew are many of the dead beats you all speak of. They do have their Harleys but the kids don't have sheeeeeit!

I saw a post about the 40 yr old "nerdy" guy, I know alot of those guys through work and consulting and they all are more of a man than most of the "bad boys". Geeky they may be, but they do live up to their responsibilities. The funny thing is most of those who are dovorced have the same story, their women end up cheating with a "bad boy". Moved the kids from a stable, healthy environment to a loserville! I may be wrong but it seems many folks today are always looking for the next best thing, never satisfied.

If you want to grow old and be happy and have a decent life you may want to consider a guy you have not considered in the past. People don't change often, so if they deadbeat their present kids imagine they will generally do the same with yours! I do find the talk of us old dudes enlightening and encoraging!
 bser011
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 52
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 12/2/2007 3:57:14 PM
I blame friend of the court and the whole system for many of the deadbeat dads. I have a friend whos currently going through a divorce. He has a nice house, nice cars, no criminal record, doesn't do drugs, drinks little and is a great father. Mom on the other hand lives with parents, no car, and no job. My friend wanted joint custody of their son. However the courts are so sexist they gave her full custody. The courts reasoning was she should get it because she has NO job and can be there full time. Hes was willing to change his work habits so he could have the kid 50% of the time and that didn't matter. He has legal rights for a whole 42 days out of the 365 in a year instead. Her parents buy everything for the kid and she has no financial responsibilities so every penny she'll get from him will be put in her go out and have fun fund. He will pay his child support, but I can see how he feels he should't. Paying it is not helping out the child one bit though.
 love21
Joined: 9/2/2005
Msg: 55
Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:01:00 PM
well the father of my son i considered him to be a dead beat dad at first, but then he started buying our son things and paying child support, then he's not fully dead beat, he is selfish thinks of hiself but he also now thinks of our son, i consider a complete dead beat dad when he wants nothing to do with his child, does not help support them financially or want to, doesn't care about them at all, and gets into trouble all the time, and disrespects the mother of thheir child
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 66
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Why do most of the women I meet have dead beat Ex's
Posted: 3/10/2008 5:08:38 PM
Yeah it is sad. But deadbeat ex or not, when you accept a relationship with someone, you accept their kids as well, and understand that both you and they would be part of the same family if you continued the relationship. And yes it does go two ways, her with his kids etc. When you join up with someone who has kids, you are making your family larger and everyone is included. My dad supports, helps, advises, and makes decisions for my step sisters too, in the same ways their mom does.
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