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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Fishing Again 1
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 15
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Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.Page 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Very nicely put Thomas R.
 cymbal
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 16
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/18/2006 8:31:16 AM
drtwyboy..you just don't get it do you......some of us are constitutionaly incapable of being honest with ourselves
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 17
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/18/2006 12:25:18 PM

I broke up with her because If a person truely loves you they can stop (Binge) drinking to prove how much you mean to them.


Nice idea ~ too bad it's not that way.


I find that a lot of misinformation about 'the disease' comes out of the rooms of AA. This is not surprising, as it is not a regulated treatment centre. It is a social group that deals with supporting addicts. I do believe it is a worthwhile organisation, but I also believe that your recovery can only go so far if you don't get 'outside' help. If you don't deal with the underlying causes of the disease, you will probably drink again. This is why there is such a high relapse rate amongst recovering alcoholics, IMO.


The same applies to addicts. NA, CA, SA, etc. are not the only option. And for some, not the best option.
 buckheadlooker
Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 18
Hiding Their Drinking
Posted: 9/19/2006 6:22:18 AM
I dated a guy that hid his drinking from me. By the time I discovered that he was an alcoholic, I was full blown in love with him. It has been VERY painful getting over him.

Thank you for these posts on alcoholism.
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 19
Hiding Their Drinking
Posted: 9/19/2006 8:23:11 AM
for those who still have a mind of their own and not an aa or alanon cloned one..


THE TWELVE STEPS REVISITED

When you want what you never had, you must do what you have never done.


1. I can and do have power over alcoholism and other addictive or abusive dysfunctional behaviors, and that my life is becoming more manageable when I choose not to cross the line from being a victim to a volunteer in its, or their perversions.

2. Came to believe, and most importantly accept, the God given power of my mind, heart, and soul; not only to restore my sanity, but also to exercise my right to pursue a happy, fulfilling, and rewarding life by making choices that are good for me at the time, regardless of what others may think.

3. Made a decision to seek out the truth of God, not as I may now understand Him, but how I need to learn His care for me by listening to instead of debating my innermost gut feelings, and going with them to care for myself without feeling guilty.

4. Made a list of all my good qualities including the smallest things that I think may be insignificant. I will not practice false humility by pretending not to have what I actually do have. What others may condemn or criticize about me could very well be God's gifts of who I am, and I give thanks back to God for these gifts by recognizing, accepting, and using them.

5. Thanked God for the wisdom to accept His gifts of who and what I am, and to share with other human beings the exact nature of my gifts and goodness even if they are rejected by some.

6. Became open to have God remove my fears and show me through Him, and also through others how to develop all my wonderful gifts and qualities to their fullest potential while working on converting my faults into attributes.

7. Enthusiastically asked God to help raise my standards; to give me the strength to maintain my boundaries of self-respect and integrity; and when needed, the courage to say NO, or no more.

8. Made a list of how I had been violated and/or harmed by the toxic person(s) in my life, and also other areas where I feel the need of healing. Knowing that I have the power to change, I take responsibility for myself, by giving to myself what I need without feeling undeserving or selfish.

9. I will not enable or participate any further in the cover up of lies, deceit, or the truth of the matter because I will no longer carry any imposed burden or guilt of feeling responsible for the consequences of a perpetrator's behavior, words, or actions.

10. I will continue to develop my gifts and talents by being open-minded to admit and learn from my mistakes; also being open to other possibilities and ways to better myself in reaching some of my hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals.

11. For my spirit to be free to flourish, I will stop denying the existence of my deepest feelings that I've buried in the past. I will now and always try my very best to be truthful with myself; to feel my feelings, processing them through accountability, but without excessive self-ridicule or fear of ridicule from others.

12. With the returning of my self-esteem and dignity as a result of these steps, I now strive to be the best that I can be, but never doing so in the ignorance nor arrogance that these steps are the only principles that should be practiced in all my affairs. There will always be room for improvement and; a better way to be found that is available in the world's wealth of wisdom, knowledge, information, and advice. The choice is solely mine...
 soba
Joined: 7/25/2004
Msg: 21
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Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:50:53 PM
I just went through the same thing, only a 4 month relationship but seemed like a lifetime. When my ex drank she got extremly flirty and would drink to the point of blackouts and wouldnt remember what happened.

Like you I broke up with her when I realized how bad her drinking was and told her I couldnt live this kind of life...though she guilt tripped me by talking about going down the tubes after this and even hinting at suicide. She cried about how alcohol was ruining her life and she loses things she loves...so on an agreement to get back I said I would only if she quits drinking and drugging and gets some serious treatment and i'd help her everystep of the way and both go to counceling.


Things were fine for a good while till she went to visit her family ( who are all heavy drinkers ). The first night she drank and phoned me at 3 am crying about how she wished she didnt go and begged me to come get her and apologizing. At the time however I couldnt get her. She ended up staying there for 4 nights drinking away. To make a long story short she ended up cheating on me, first lying about it then confessed later. I ended up sticking with her thinking now she really needs help and because i felt sorry for her for such a rough upbringing.

Anyhow time passed and eventually she started going out more with her friend, spending more time with her visiting other friends than home with me...the last night she said shed be home at 8pm and told me that after work at 3...she ended up not even coming home and i phoned work and she did make it in. I ended it that day and got her to pack her stuff...while packing she said you didnt even give me time to explain....she figured i broke up cause i thought she was drinking but it was the fact that she was going back to her old ways, and not calling and not even coming home....I realized that trying to help her beat alcohol was a losing battle because although she said she was quiting for both of us, i realized then it was just to stay with me....so when she gave up and lost the respect to even call me to say she was ok I gave up...though it hurts it's better for both in the longrun. For her she gets another dose of reality of why she needs to quit and for me I learned to stop getting into relationships trying to save people.

Anyone that falls in love with an alcoholic and your not one, I wish you good luck, your going to need it.
 Fishing Again 1
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 23
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Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/5/2007 6:44:41 PM
I CAN'T, HE CAN AND I THINK I"LL LET HIM.

Alcohol is always fun in the beginning but if your letting it control anything you say think or do then I think that person has a problem. On May 15, 1987 I picked up the phone and I made a call that saved my life. By the grace of a Creator that I understand today and the fellowship of alcoholics I haven't had to pick you a drink since. I have not had the need, the desire or the necessity to do it. The man that answered the phone that night almost twenty years ago I will be for ever eternally grateful to. I wanted to get into the ward of a hospital that night because you see I knew all about this things. This man man had never meet me but I think someone was telling him my story. When I told him what I want his reply to me was, all you need is Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a meeting to night at highway 5 & 10, be there I won't. I was at that meeting on time and he wasn't there like he said but I have never had to look back. Three month's later he turned up and presented me with my a big book at my first convention. In 2005 I got to attend the Totonto World Convention and One day at a time I will get to attend to 2010 Wold Convention In Texas. This Summer one day at a time I'll get to travel across Canada and the USA with eight other drunks in our RV's. Alcoholics Anonymous does not promise to give a person anything but if you take the twelve steps and apply them to you life to the best of yor abiility the rewards can get unbelieveable. The same thing can happen with any other twelve step program. I'm going to say a couple of other things here and then I will shut up.
When I came into alcoholics anonymous, I didn't look to good, I sure didn't smell to go and I didn't feel to good but those people took me and loved me until I could love myself.
The family came back and you would think that everything would be great but not so. After five year's we both realized we could not live together in soberity. At the time of getting sober I had two daughters who would not walk on the same side of the street as I was on. Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to walk my thirty five year old baby down the isle and give her hand to a very wonderful man. It was the proudest day of my life. I have had this and so many wonderful things happen to me that a diary wouldn't even be able to handle it all. When I drank there were no wonderful things that happened. All these unbelievable things happened because I didn't pick up a drinkfor one day and stopped being in control. I'm sorry this has been so long but if it helped one person it was worth it. I wish everybody another great 24
 fieryangel132
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 24
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 2/12/2007 5:17:49 AM
My first husband was a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic. I was married to him for 25 yrs. We had a wonderful girl, now 25. He never would admit he had a problem, only got worse. One morning he almost broke my nose. That was it for me, I moved out that very day 10 1/2 yr ago. I have never looked back or wished I stayed. They have to first admit to having a problem and seek help or it will go on. Mine wouldnt do either. So I moved out and moved on.
 ÐÎLLÏGÃF™
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 25
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 5/7/2007 9:41:06 PM
yup been there.. with my Ex husband... over 20+ years...though.. I grew up in a no alcohol enviroment... far happier with little or no alcohol in the relationship..
my 2 cent's on this...
 crazygeorgie
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 26
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/6/2007 10:02:57 PM
Yes, I have definitely experienced it and still am and he doesnt see that he has a habit nor does he agree to stop drinking and it totally ruined our relationship because he was starting to get really mean and extremely controlling. He is not getting any younger and when I have a house in 2 years he will be at the same level that is at now and while im improving my life he will be in the same apartment doing the same thing not with me by his side. He is not happy but it had to end because he wanted me to be just like his mother and sister and I wasnt. I was trying to make moneyand he just wasted mine andhis and almost put me in a whole. Thank god I was smart enough to get out and now hes suffering oh well not my fault. His credit is shot and thank god mine isnt. It still emotional for me because he still loves me but I have to move on andfind better. It wont be an easy road but I am doing better and god is taking care of me.
 Twilo
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 27
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:03:39 AM
For me, personally, after seven years his being sober, the return to alcohol led to the death of our relationship...
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 28
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 10/7/2007 9:19:32 AM
be drug free....no LSD....Life Sucking Dysfunctionals!


aaaand...sorry....that alcoholism is a disease is just another lie brought to you
the hiccup heads from aa..
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 29
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 1/21/2008 7:02:22 PM
REUPTAKE... Thank your lucky stars this "event" in your life... called a marriage... lasted less than a year!

On our journey through life, we meet many souls with whom we interact, exchange energy, and learn from. You are lucky this fellow enchanced your growth.. and very smart to get out of it as soon as possible, before pregnancy and children and repopulating the Earth with potential alcohol addicts.

SAying good-bye to this fellow can be done with an open heart, saing thank you for all you've learned. You could not have learned more at a four-year University.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 30
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:31:21 AM
You did right by breaking it off with her, but for the wrong reason.

No one can stop binge drinking to prove their love. What you asked of her was impossible. If you don't want her, binges and all, then you don't want her. The
binges are part of the package.

People typically stop addictive behavior only when the consequences become unbearable, and even then it's a tremendous struggle for them that requires them
to seek outside help. Even when they get through the transition, which can be very
rough on everyone, the experience changes them in ways that cannot be predicted.
 sarasotagal76
Joined: 6/24/2007
Msg: 31
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:40:44 PM
What are your thoughts on this one?

I am originally from Russia but did part of my school in Finland. I always liked Finns and made a freind from Finland here in the US. Quite a while ago she applied for her Green Card and was suppose to get it in approximately 6 months. She couldn't leave the country while her case was pending. IN about 9 months or so her twin sister was marrying in Finland and she couldn't attend her wedding.

That was the day when she broke dawn (and I believe her attorney couldn't push the process) and started to drink pretty much every day and heavily.

Her BF was by her side and bagging her to quit. She didn't listen, she wanted to become an American and be able to fly to Rovaniemi and see her family. She missed them badly. She was trying to drink her pain away and no one could stop her. SHE WAS DOING IT VERY HEAVILY.

Guess what?????? Her Green Card showed up in like 2,3 years. Drinking immediately went beyond her interest. She traveled to Finland shortly. Got engaged in a couple of months to that guy. Got married to him. Everyone is happy. She may have a glass of wine socially but no any interest in any heavy drinking what-so-ever. She is the same person as she was before and I never would say looking at her that she ever had that issue.
 rexnemo1
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 32
Alcoholism, the rise and fall of a relationship.
Posted: 3/30/2011 6:37:19 AM
until a person is ready to face their INNER DEMONS (or go on med's=not the real solution)no amount of will power or logic will stop that person from drinking. The real problem here is u r not looking at your inner demons + that is y u r attracted to such a dysfunctional relationship. Been there done that too many times!
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