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 Gecko644778
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 3
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i need closure and my x refuses to give itPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
What sort of explaination or type of closure are you looking for?? I dont think any explaination will help you. I think explainations will only make you feel worse. I understand parts of bi-polar as i have a family member who is. it is complicated and means they dont always know how they are behaving or remember what they have done.
Hope you start to feel better soon.
Tina xx
 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 5
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 9:21:54 AM

YOU are going to have to seek the closure from YOURSELF...not her.


Exactly Harley!!! But I think you must always get the closure from yourself. You need to admit to yourself it is over no matter what the other person is doing or saying. I really don't think you ever get closure from someone else. You only accept it from someone else if YOU are ready to.

But, hey, what do I know????

JJ

 Jeopardy_Junkie
Joined: 11/23/2004
Msg: 9
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 10:07:59 AM
Well, keep your chin up....it DOES get better!!!!

JJ

 kimmie38
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 11
i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 4:38:56 PM
Why hasn't this self pity thread been deleted???I feel ur pain,hun.I have someone not letting me forget him even though he doesn't truly want me.Beleive me that hurts just as much! deserve better!!Did u really want to have a baby with a coke head anYway?r better off without this one.Move on!Drug users will cause u nothing but misery n u could end up in jail.Good luck!!!
 kimmie38
Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 12
i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 4:49:52 PM
Whatever!!Just stay away from my threads if u have nothing positive to say nby the way the man I was talking about isn't married!!
 iseekunique
Joined: 1/11/2006
Msg: 14
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 5:09:16 PM
Don't bother, unfortunately if you did get what you are looking for.. it will be a lie anyways. Look at the reasons that you are better off now then being with her. Unanswered prayers are sometimes the best.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 18
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 5:53:01 PM
You don't get closure given to you, you take it.

By taking control of your life, you no longer need your ex to give you anything.

I got to that point with mine, and I walked away without a second glance being necessary. There's no hatred, or wish of anything negative towards her.

She's just history, and like anyone else I would pass on the street today.

That's how it's done. If someone puts themselves in that place, due to their actions towards you, that's the best thing for the both of you.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 20
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 7:47:16 PM
I must say...shame on those of you who toss off this guys feelings like they were mud on his shoes!

Its ok if you don't aggree with him. But, whether you think his feelings are nutty or whatever.... to him they are very real at this juncture in his life. Certainly as real as any of OUR feelings.

Now..... To the Originator: I understand your pain and confusion. And, I understand your overwhelming need for what you are calling closure. But you must understand, you are full of expectations which are absolutely unrealistic. Your ex is an addict... and it sounds like she is prob. some kind of serious personality disorder too! Your rational mind, understandabley, wants an explaination for the behavior and what seems to be choices. But you are dealing with a disease, not a person. The disease is not rational, it has not Heart.... and it has no Empathy!!! No matter how hard you try... you will NOT get what you want from your ex.

I would suggest attending six alanon meetings in a row. I think you may find the relief and commradery you so much seek there. You will learn how to turn your focus back on yourself, and in so doing, stop defining who you are by the way she treated you.

Even if she was indeed, the worlds worst evil ****.... you have a period of grief to go thru, not for her.... but for what you had hoped for with her. Embrace this grief... it is for you, not for her. Good luck. Bill
 classyexoticlady
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 27
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/1/2006 11:27:29 PM
Hi there,

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I seperated back in january of 06. My ex left me for another woman, younger and dumber I guess. It took me at least four months to heal, and realize that I was better off. He still bothers me and says he wants me back even though he has gotten his new girlfriend pregnant, (and they are supposedly seriouse,and planning to get married.) I sincerely wish he would put closure on our previouse relationship of five years and just let me be.. You just have to realize that your ex's negative actions, disrespect for your feelings, and obvious betrayal is enough closure..


Sincerely,

mary
 radiojim
Joined: 6/3/2005
Msg: 31
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/2/2006 2:22:17 PM
your looking for closure. (a logical need) but you are seeking a logical need from an illogical person who is not well balanced and definitely not playing with a full deck....time to take the initiative and reach out to close the door on your own...... sorry for the pain my friend....Jim
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 32
i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/2/2006 2:24:30 PM
I think that when you say closure, you mean a.. sorry, and its cool lets just put it behind us view on both parts? without any hostility. Thats what I feel I need after a while anyway, well unless she was a right ****, even then I get pretty soft! can't be bothered with the worthless fighting!!

So maybe just help her out a little if it's possible, remember her birthday send her a card etc, send her an xmas card wishing her the best to show there's no hard feelings.

Then if she somehow manages to warm up a little - tell her listen, it didn't work - I'm sorry for that - hope we can still be decent to each other, I feel much better when that happens anyway.
 Bigger Guy
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 34
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/2/2006 3:24:28 PM
CLOSURE???????????????? You could not get any more closure than you got! >>>>>>>>THINK ABOUT IT! You got "right in your face" closure. I feel bad for the rough time you had, but I feel even better that you are not still involved with that .. and I do not qualify her as anything more than "THAT".
Things can only get better from here ... you have been given a reprieve from the devil and afforded the chance to move on with a fresh and great start. There are lots of realy GREAT ladies out there, and right on here,who would appreciate a devoted man ...... you ARE that man. Have Fun! (and thank God and/or your lucky stars for the reprieve!)
 1_smart_cookie
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 35
i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/2/2006 3:38:02 PM
Wow...exactly what I was thinking......in your own words are all the closure that you'll ever need.

If you need to keep rereading your original post a hundred times until you've got it memorized, then do it!

In one fell swoop you've effectively unloaded everything bad and troublesome in your life. Stop looking back on all the drama and turn around and look at your future.....it should be easy to spot....the darkness is behind you...just start heading to the bright spot on the horizon.
 MarkCK
Joined: 9/24/2005
Msg: 38
i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/3/2006 8:41:37 AM
sorry about that vinny some people arn't worth our time and emotion !!

if it doesn't feel better now it will in a little while usually does :)
 spencer66
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 43
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 7/4/2006 3:53:34 PM
My ex and i where married for 10 years we have now been divored for 3.5 she is now remarried and about to have a child with her new husband she's where she needs to be away from me but to this day i still dont know why every time i've asked i get a differant answer i guess the point is that sometimes the answer's dont come in a hurry, or at all but the need for them does lesson.
 LadyL1962
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 46
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 5/19/2009 3:39:16 PM
I understand what you mean by closure. I was married 14 years. I do not have closure either. Not only that, my youngest daughter, 19 decided to stay with me ex. (her step-father). I haven't seen her is 10 months and she doesn't want anything to do with me. I never cheated on my husband and never would. I did however make another mistake and I guess it was just too much for them to forgive. You never really know someone until something happens..
 silentjudge
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 49
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 5/21/2009 7:33:00 PM
hey i just finally got closure from my ex today we were together for 2 1/2 years she has been with this guy for 4 months we broke up 5months ago i was a horrible boyfriend to her im bi polar so i have my issues i still loved her with this closure im able to move on i see she is really happy with this new guy she told me there going to get married it hurt but i needed the closure all those feelings i had for her are gone within a hour i lingered on this for almost 6months. dont let it affect you like me if you didnt get an answer she is not worth it. i had to get the courage to finaly talk to my ex. if you need closure it is up to you. i hope the best to you
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 50
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i need closure and my x refuses to give it
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:56:43 PM
You're never going to get "closure" out of that whack-job. The truth is she's too whacked out to KNOW the truth. She doesn't know herself, man...how can YOU know her? Count your blessings she's moved on and do the same. She must be a great piece of ass for you to obsess about her like this.
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