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 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 156
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Personally, I put 110% into each of my kids. Why should I make the effort into maintaining a relationship that I hve no control over because a man happened to be there when that child was concieved? It would be nice if every man felt the immediate emotionale bond to their offspring..but it would also be nice if there was world peace .



LOL...what also would be great if all parents were required to at least attempt to be financially responsible for themselves and their children and did not require government social programs to subsidize what they were unwilling or unable to mange themselves.....try putting in 100% effort into self support or self reliance?


A deadbeat dad will show the kids how to be deadbeat parents. In essence; you would be creating your own legacy. (passing the torch)


Now perhaps there may be a large level of truth in this statement....just like the single custodial mother who does not work or works part time and exists or survives off the backs of others or society and government programs...the children see and learn how to milk or use the system?


and my son is now at an age where he is asking why his dad is so nasty to me.


LOL...my ex has lots to say about me....and as I often suggest...she can say all she wants about me...as individuals can look and make their own opinions if the comments are accurate or just the angry words of someone who does not like the way things went?

Children I found...and have seen it with mine and in other situations... simply make allowances for the parents who do less than what we would like to see....they expect less....just like I perhaps should expect less for some single mothers who work part time and live off government social programs instead of earning their own money...we have to expect less because they are less capable or simply see society as owing them something that they are unwilling to earn themselves!

What would be great along side world peace is expecting individuals to earn their own way in life and not expect society to pay or provide for what they are unwilling to do for themselves…wonder which is more politically acceptable?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 157
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History
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/5/2012 7:10:40 PM

LOL...what also would be great if all parents were required to at least attempt to be financially responsible for themselves and their children and did not require government social programs to subsidize what they were unwilling or unable to mange themselves.....try putting in 100% effort into self support or self reliance


Honestly, I have followed this thread & fought the urge to comment as I realize that much of my input has been fed by my prior "runins" with you in particular,but I strongly feel the need to address why it is that you feel the need to assess parenting skills solely on the basis of "earned income". Being fully aware that such asessments are most often based on personal experience, can you at least admit that there are circumstances where it makes more sense to work outside of the home part time, whilst setting an example for one's children that simply being there can be a display of a caring parent who is setting an example that they, the children are a higher priority than a dollar? As an example, childcare can (and in my particular case, actually DID, when including "extras" such as gas, travel time, etc.) exceed the difference in income of a parent who works full time versus part time employment supplemented by any program which part time employment qualifies them for. Example: my childcare cost for one child alone ate up exactly 23% of my adjusted gross income (very nearly matching, btw, the statutory amount of 29% alloted for three children as cs in my state of residence) . Do you really find that I was a better parent, setting a better example for all three of my children by having my 3 yr old in the care of (let's face it) strangers whilst the older two remained alone after school so that I could be employed full time, than I would have been had I worked part time and been home when the older two were out of school & the little one would have had me around to read to her, apply her band aids when she fell off of a swing & play ring around the rosie? Don't children see or learn how much of a priority THEY are? Isn't that ultimately good for a healthy society?

It seems all too apparent to me that bitterness feeds your constant attacks on the specific participant you continue to address and/or direct your commentary toward. Are you able to concede even the least bit that this may be a shortcoming of yours? Do you ever worry that you are emphasizing to your own children that there is nothing more than greenbacks against which they can measure parenting? Honestly, I feel sorry for your children. Self support and/or self reliance has as much to do with standing up for what is truly important, prioritizing other than that which makes you look good to the neighbors & perhaps sacrificing a bit in the way of material goods as does earned income, don't you think? Society pays for the absent parent in many ways, can you not see that? A child left to their own devices is hardly an asset to the community, regardless of their future income earning ability, and the truth is, society pays, in one way or another.

Admittedly, the particular poster you aim your seemingly endless, unwavering diatribe toward is expert at pushing your buttons, but you make it so easy to do (and frankly, impressive, and I appreciate her sarcasm.) You make it far too easy to poke fun at you, as you take the subtle to extreme. Still, there is little doubt in my mind that she specifically struggles just like the rest of us, sacrifices like the rest of us, and cares for her brood no less than you or I. There are extremes on both sides of this argument, lest we forget.
 Flowerdragon31
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 158
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/5/2012 10:16:35 PM
Parenting is not 100%/0 its 50/50. most courts visitions for father and child usually are every other weekend in most cases unless both parents agree on a different plan. twice a week really is not bad come paired to alot of dead beat dads who dont come around at all, it could be possible that he may work or is in school i dont know your situation much so really its hard to give full advice on this.. at least he is trying. if he is ordered to pay child support then thats his part in helping you with the child finanially. if not then take him to court cause thats part of his responsibilty. if you feel he is not being the dad he should be then sit down and talk about it. if he is a new father as well as your a new mom then it just takes time for some parents to come around. everyone is not perfect,
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 159
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/8/2012 5:02:59 PM

Honestly, I have followed this thread & fought the urge to comment as I realize that much of my input has been fed by my prior "runins" with you in particular


Well what does it say of a person’s character when they only solicit opinions of those who agree with them without question?


Do you ever worry that you are emphasizing to your own children that there is nothing more than greenbacks against which they can measure parenting? Honestly, I feel sorry for your children. Self support and/or self reliance has as much to do with standing up for what is truly important, prioritizing other than that which makes you look good to the neighbors & perhaps sacrificing a bit in the way of material goods as does earned income, don't you think? Society pays for the absent parent in many ways, can you not see that? A child left to their own devices is hardly an asset to the community, regardless of their future income earning ability, and the truth is, society pays, in one way or another.


I have no problem understanding the suggestion or questioning the emphasis of self reliance and independence. I also suggest it is also all about balance.

Now anyone who accepts or can make this suggestion if morally honest would equally have to acknowledge the situation of raising children in poverty and the cycle of poverty that is often experienced?.....so why is part time employment deemed acceptable if it causes poverty for the child?

•79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year

•90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
71.7% work full time, year round
18.4% work part-time or part-year

•27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
•12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty

I have no problem questioning an individual parent in respect to their pursuit of the dollar in and taking time away from raising their children......equally that allows the premise of questioning raising children without financial responsibility for yourself and your children....where I would suggest...ohwhynot...you only question the ncp who may or may not be properly paying support. Or another poster other than Lizzie whose first question is always why is the father not paying child support!!

Back in 2005ish....I turned down 2 job offers that would have given me a very good pay increase. Both would have perhaps allowed me to utilize specific experience I have and would have been great for a few years....but since 2009...both companies have been hit severely by the downturn. But the reason I turned the jobs down was the commitment and time away that was re1quired and was something I was not interested in....after all I fought for custody....I stayed in the marriage so I could improve and realize the position of primary parent. Balance...I had a decent job...it enabled me to pay what was required and once the daycare bills were finished...once the bills for braces were finished...I had the revenue or income to assist in their educational costs....where the single parent who does not work or does not work full time...cannot afford the braces...cannot afford the university costs has allowed their children to sink into the same poverty or lack of legitimate options they probably represent themselves.

Balance was holding down a good job and being able to provide what was required...and not lose sight of what is important. Time and involvement with my children.

I did most if not all of the teacher interviews...I was there for graduations...school functions...the teachers knew me by name....

I would suggest my children have no need for someone to feel sorry for them. They are at this point very well adjusted. The eldest was just placed on the Deans List in engineering....where she feels she will be able to find gainful employment and flexibility to do the things that are also important to her outside of a job alone....and her sister is in Europe this week on a high school trip and will arrive home to see if she can keep her 90% average where she also will pursue a career that allows mobility and employment and allow or enable her find her balance of personal life and a career. They both want to have choices and a good lifestyle, something possible by actually earning it themselves.

They grew up with me as a primary parent...where I had a very modest townhouse.....their mother a modest bungalow...and my premise was always....it suited what we require and allows us to enjoy life and having the ability to go on vacations and have the funds to pay for what we want to do.

But equally they also watched those who acted and talked about what they were entitled to....without actually putting in the effort to acquire it on their own and instead waited for it to be given to them.

I care very much for my children but feel they will and have been given a very sound base for understanding that life is a series of opportunities where an individuals willingness to put in a effort and hard work they have opportunities to enjoy what life has to offer....but they will earn it themselves and have the options to choose for themselves...as opposed to some others who will teach their children how to make excuses...how to work the system and in the end...how to fail as they did not learn that everything is for the most part only there for those who make the effort to reach the goals based on effort....and not what you might be able to weasel out of the system.

But who knows…perhaps having ones hand out looking for freebies does allow a good role model for ones children? Or always having to make excuses for not being able to enjoy life with your children because you chose an easier lifestyle of only working part time? Always willing to listen to various views….but I did the parenting…I helped with homework and cooked the dinners….and watched one go to the Canada Games representing Team Ontario….balance….achievement…derived by effort and hard work.

Deadbeat is both sides of custody....the non custodial who does not support his responsibility...and the custodial who hides behind the children as an excuse for why they are unable or unwilling to be self sufficient for themselves and for their children.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 160
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is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/8/2012 8:25:42 PM

Well what does it say of a person’s character when they only solicit opinions of those who agree with them without question?


I don't know, Tealwood ,why don't you tell me what it says, as that seems a nonsensical statement, given the argument I presented? I solicited no opinion at all, I merely asked you a quetion. I don't see any merit in the above, and in fact, find it indicative of what has become the norm with you; a seeming need to put down those who disagree with your endless drone about those who don't work fulltime.


I have no problem understanding the suggestion or questioning the emphasis of self reliance and independence. I also suggest it is also all about balance.

Now anyone who accepts or can make this suggestion if morally honest would equally have to acknowledge the situation of raising children in poverty and the cycle of poverty that is often experienced?.....so why is part time employment deemed acceptable if it causes poverty for the child?


No doubt it is about balance; my point exactly. This offshoot of the discussion did not include poverty. Again, the poster you continually attack doesn't mention living below the poverty level & from what I have read, does not seem to. In her particular case, however, if she does, then indeed I would point toward the ncp's failure to provide as the reason. I made no such assertion, however. There is a huge space on "the line" between working part time so as to take advantage of some tax advantages and/or government programs and living in poverty. Never have I advocated CHOOSING to live in poverty. For the majority who live in poverty I might suggest that both parents do so(at least on paper), and likely did so prior to becoming parents at all, but that is a different topic.


Balance was holding down a good job and being able to provide what was required...and not lose sight of what is important. Time and involvement with my children.


Exactly what I am saying; the only difference being that I allow for the situation where hours needed to earn the amount necessary to provide may prcelude providing for what is most important. In that case it would seem to me that taking advantage of what may be offered, via government assistance and/or advantages of some sort need not teach children that one doesn't have to be self sufficient. You seem to only relate to extremes, that's all I'm saying.


But equally they also watched those who acted and talked about what they were entitled to....without actually putting in the effort to acquire it on their own and instead waited for it to be given to them.


Truth is, my children & I watch those type every single day, and it is hardly the majority of the self entitled who are living off of the system. As a matter of fact, I see it far too often in the child whose absent parents (absent as they choose to spend their time at work rather than with their child, constantly "feeding" them with luxuries) cater to their every whim, all the while neglecting to teach them that they, the children, are the focus of the parent(s) all important time & energy. Not so different than the children of poverty, only with nicer clothing.


But who knows…perhaps having ones hand out looking for freebies does allow a good role model for ones children? Or always having to make excuses for not being able to enjoy life with your children because you chose an easier lifestyle of only working part time? Always willing to listen to various views….but I did the parenting…I helped with homework and cooked the dinners….and watched one go to the Canada Games representing Team Ontario….balance….achievement…derived by effort and hard work.

Deadbeat is both sides of custody....the non custodial who does not support his responsibility...and the custodial who hides behind the children as an excuse for why they are unable or unwilling to be self sufficient for themselves and for their children


Bottom line: you talk a good talk, but always end up with such a statement, indicating that making a choice to sacrifice a bit in the way of income in order to allow oneself to spend more time with one's children until such time as they are READY to be more self reliant equates to "having one's hand out" & expecting others to support your children. Simply stated, I contend that it may well the case, sometimes, that swallowing one's pride & taking help that one might qualify for is not always looking for a freebie. It may well be an intelligent decision & not so far removed from tax shelters and the like. Doing so is not necessarily being unwilling to be or to teach self sufficiency. Perhaps were more children raised with the notion of the banding together of a community, there would be less of a sense of entitlement, all around.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 161
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/15/2012 6:38:22 AM

Honestly, love poking the bear occassionally, but your becoming downright offensive with your far left views and I for one will not be spoonfeed the demoralizing mantra your dishing out.


LOL....really would be better if at least you knew your right from your left ...or at least a better explanation how my posts define left wing philosophies.

Solid foundation for our children is the name of the game. And too often professionals and therapists speak about the children emulating their parents. Addiction groups speak of this all the time.

We often speak of the need for good role models for our children! Two potential role models for review and dissection?

Part time employment and having to rely on government services and government programs to raise ones children does what as a role model. Perhaps not having the financial resources or financial ability to provide all the support to ones children because one chooses the easier less stressful path in life in not working full time….and the reality that once they have seen their children reach an age when supposedly they can return to full time employment to often they then complain they are no longer able as they have wasted too many years raising their children and can no longer find suitable employment. Now of course they are there when the child returns from school….to say hello to before they go out to play….they are there to make dinner early so it is easier for the parent to get cleaned up and do what they want with their children.

Or the other role model;

Full time employed and still fully engaged and involved in the raising of their children. Having the financial resources to pay for the extra curricular activities themselves and not having to go and ask for it from extended family members……not having to live off government social programs and subsidies designed for the disadvantaged. I have long suggested to my children the opportunities are there to you if you work hard and strive to be the very best you can be. And equally suggesting there is a balance to the choices one makes as spending a few years where their needs are perhaps placed before mine is simply part of what one does when they take on the responsibility of parenting. Now a single full time employed parent can be challenging to arrive home after a long day and then have to make dinner after you collected them from the after school provider….but then who said it was to be easy…but it still gets done…and the homework they have will still get done…and the dishes get cleaned up still it is just a little longer day.



By MICHAEL HUGHES, M.D.

http://www.grandlifestyle.com/childrenneed.htm
Children need help in learning who they are and what they can become.
Parents and teachers rely on an old saying regarding children: “Do as I say and not as I do.”
Children learn who they are and what they can become by what they are told, but primarily they emulate their parents and the role models that they see in their families, their schools, their community, and their country. Children also need heroes to idealize and emulate. When none are available, they create them. Superheroes, such as Superman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wonder Woman, and Mia Hamm are examples.

Ladies….No matter what you suggest I will just have difficulties accepting the suggestion you are doing all that is required for your children. Now if you are financially well established then that is different. A few years ago I marveled at a group of players who were pursuing athletic scholarships. What I found worthy of admiration was not the athletic ability but the academic achievement of all the players. Despite time away doing the sports the 20 players…no one was below a 74 average. In fact the number of players over 90 was greater than the number of players below 80. When reviewing the parents they all appeared to be employed and hard working individuals and there were I believe 11 scholarships awarded. The year before another team there were 16 scholarships awarded and again all the players were hard working academic and athletic. And strangely enough so were the parents as there was a fairly high financial cost required for that level of play and exposure. What was interesting that a few players…who perhaps did not have the financial support also seemed to lack the academic drive as well all dropped out the previous year or so.

Now of course this is a very simplistic snapshot as there are many individuals who come from distressed or needy family situations and do very well in school and post secondary institutions. I just find it interesting that many of the athletic scholarships are awarded to individuals who are coming from homes where they already have the resources and have the role models illustrating and assisting them in developing the tools to be successful through hard work and effort…..where I do not see the same drive and ambition in homes where the single parent only did a basic effort of financial self sufficiency. After all the role model most important to them is demonstrating or illustrating that one does not have to do that extra effort as society will pick up the slack if they so choose.

You talk about being home for the children but you never address the financial accountability both parents have and the need for equal effort. I advocate for equal expectation for both parents and not allowing or enabling someone to hide behind the children as an excuse for not doing what is required. Self reliance and independence portrayed by single parents would I suggest go a long way as a suitable role model for our children.
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 162
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/15/2012 7:40:01 AM
OP: Establish child support payments through the court system. Set it for a reasonable amount. Don't try to rip him off or let yourself be ripped off. Even 250 a month will be helpful. Some people won't take financial responsibility unless they are made to. Keep the doors open and take the high road concerning him and his child. It sounds as if he wants to play a role in the child's life. Help facilitate that and take care of fiscal concerns. Good luck.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 163
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History
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/16/2012 8:26:25 PM
Solid foundation for our children is the name of the game. And too often professionals and therapists speak about the children emulating their parents. Addiction groups speak of this all the time.


Addiction groups speak of this AS IT RELATES TO ADDICTION. Nuff said.


Part time employment and having to rely on government services and government programs to raise ones children does what as a role model. Perhaps not having the financial resources or financial ability to provide all the support to ones children because one chooses the easier less stressful path in life in not working full time….and the reality that once they have seen their children reach an age when supposedly they can return to full time employment to often they then complain they are no longer able as they have wasted too many years raising their children and can no longer find suitable employment. Now of course they are there when the child returns from school….to say hello to before they go out to play….they are there to make dinner early so it is easier for the parent to get cleaned up and do what they want with their children.

Or the other role model;Full time employed and still fully engaged and involved in the raising of their children. Having the financial resources to pay for the extra curricular activities themselves and not having to go and ask for it from extended family members……not having to live off government social programs and subsidies designed for the disadvantaged.


Ah, but there are more than two scenarios. Whatever would make one think that a child would think less of a parent who chose to sacrifice in order to be with them? You have to admit, at the very least, that a child's view of any given situation is colored by the "slant" their parent(s) take on that scenario. What makes you think that a choice to forego some amount of income in order to simply be there is any less stressful or necessarily lends itself to less work? I have been both a stay at home mom & a full time working mom & the truth is, the stress level is no higher or lower; the stresses are merely different stresses. I will vehemently disagree that anyone is able to be employed full time & FULLY engaged/involved in raising their children. Simply not possible; one must rely on others, be they family, friends, or strangers, that is the reality for the majority of working parents.

It is up to you as a parent to decide how to portray your reality to your children, and your choices as a positive rather than a negative. It might be helpful to bear in mind that YOUR view, Tealwood, is not fact, merely your view.
A child who sees their parent attending every soccer game, even practice, who is there to talk with them while they partake of their after school snack, who is there when they want them, as opposed to when they can be available,
can be every bit as much a parent to emulate as the one who works long hours & is able to provide more than necessities.


You talk about being home for the children but you never address the financial accountability both parents have and the need for equal effort. I advocate for equal expectation for both parents and not allowing or enabling someone to hide behind the children as an excuse for not doing what is required. Self reliance and independence portrayed by single parents would I suggest go a long way as a suitable role model for our children.


The problem is, you never address anything OTHER THAN financial accountability. In any case, the truth is that financial accountability lies with two parents for every child. For those children who have only one parent who accepts that responsibility, there is something to be said for that role model as well, even if they seek assistance in meeting their financial needs. There is indeed a long distance between the lazy individual living off of the tax payer's dollar, and the parent who recognizes that taking a bit of help in order to take time for their chilren, who have no one else. Love and guidance are no better provided by a paycheck than is self reliance taught solely by earning income. This balance of which you speak,all the while spouting your disapproval of the parent who finds a means of "balance" other than that which you suggest, is what is taught by a good parent. It's about perception & making a child feel important, special, loved & capable, income level aside.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 164
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/16/2012 8:31:10 PM
that is your decision..no one elses.. My son's father told himself to beat it and my son is better off for it.. however he did pop in twice after my son was old enough to remember, broke my sons heart and now my son wants nothing to do with him. so it's up to you.. just whatever decision you make.. stick by your guns and if you choose to tell him to beat it be prepared for an angry teenager if she finds that out, and be prepared to stick by your guns. Don't trash talk him, don't make excuses for yourself and if he just shows up out of the blue without your consent like mine did, just let him break her heart and then be there for her.. She will heal. Whatever decision you make.. just make sure to stick by it and be prepared for the consequences, both decisions will have them.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 165
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History
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/18/2012 7:12:13 PM

No matter what you suggest I will just have difficulties accepting the suggestion you are doing all that is required for your children. Now if you are financially well established then that is different


Exactly my point, no matter the realities of the individual circumstances, you will continue to harp on finances as the tell all and end all measure of a parent. Thanks Tealwood!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 167
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/19/2012 4:55:24 PM
I give her income support through the CSA and solicitors are financially crippling but I'm not doing it for anyone else but the little one. I myself have been accused of everything under the sun, assault because I took photos of him to show my family and alcohol abuse


Hopefully; she doesnt keep going mate.

There's about 12229768000 other ones she could claim.

Some do; but they dont get that far in before they lose it all, and their jig is up. (As you probably know)

Best of luck brother
 eminemguy
Joined: 4/10/2012
Msg: 168
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/19/2012 7:13:27 PM
hey am a dad of two boy and girl i take them every week end and may not contrubite to support i do love them and this just bash on dads but u may have a good reason thou
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 169
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/21/2012 8:26:53 AM



Ladies….No matter what you suggest I will just have difficulties accepting the suggestion you are doing all that is required for your children. Now if you are financially well established then that is different. ~Tealwood~



^^^And yet in all your rants...you still fail to acknowledge a deadbeat father and his obligations....typical...nice to see things haven't changed in 7 years Tealwood...ya still sore about that date I stood you up for all those years ago?
FYI the years I have spent on my kids are not wasted...they are cherished and the time and money I spend on them will be well spent. I am educating MY kids about people such as yourself.
There are always different circimstances...and you are not the authority on making those judgements...nice try though.Get a grip dude. Chillax..take a chill...it's all good!
You take care of yours...and I'll take care of mine...just keep paying those full time salary taxes ;)


Exactly my point, no matter the realities of the individual circumstances, you will continue to harp on finances as the tell all and end all measure of a parent. Thanks Tealwood!


Lizzie…I always suggest or advocate that both parents…equally be required to be financially responsible. And have the same disdain for the non custodial who is avoiding working and not being financially responsible…as I do for the custodial parent who is not being financially responsible as they rely on payments from the ex partner or government payments to subsidize what they are unwilling to earn themselves. Both are deadbeats looking for others to uphold their responsibilities.

And I do not remember it being a date but a coffee …. I really was curious to see if you really did have the sense of entitlement you portray. Pleased to hear you are educating your children about individuals who actually earn their own way in life and perhaps they might not follow the path of what some might interpret as users or those who under employ themselves and expect society to subsidize their choices or lack of initiative?

As to ohwhynot….what said the responsibilities end with financial responsibilities. Perhaps this is where we differ? You made a choice as to financial responsibilities versus parenting. I insured my financial requirements and still did the required parenting to insure homework was done. I was there for the school meetings with the teachers….It was because of financial responsibility I was able to provide the dental and extra ordinary expenses that is a requirement of raising ones children. So unlike yourself…rather than making a choice of one or the other…I upheld my financial responsibilities myself….I also maintained the responsibilities required for fully supporting the needs and responsibilities of my children. Perhaps the effort of doing both is something that some feel they are not capable of upholding…or they feel entitled to having others pay for their choices?
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 170
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/25/2012 3:44:59 PM
•79.5% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
49.8% work full time, year round
29.7% work part-time or part-year

•90% of custodial single fathers are gainfully employed
71.7% work full time, year round
18.4% work part-time or part-year

•27% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
•12.9% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are meaningless...
Guess what? My last job? I made what most would consider upper middle class income... HOWEVER I qualified for low income housing (not that it was available for me), state medical ins for my son and some other income based programs out there.. I also worked 60-80 hours a week, missed everything my son was involved in and still had trouble getting food on the table. I do not have extras nor did I then, and I do not have debt and at that time even my student loans were deferred. I was considered hovering at poverty level, but I was working full time for more money then I make now.. So where does that put me?

Do these stats take into account mothers who were stay at home moms before the divorce?

Men STILL on average make more then women..although it the gap is closing..does it take that into consideration?

Truth is I should have QUIT that job, long before I lost it.. moved and made sure I was home more. Which I finally did and guess what.. Once again I qualify for just about everything based on income. HOWEVER my son is happier, I am happier and life is easier.

My point? You can't base everything on income, financial status or custodial arrangement.

Oh and the best part? Whenever my son's father would send money.. I was able make ends meet.. and trust me. .it's very little he is supposed to send.. less then a 1/4 of what it actually costs to raise him...which I guess by your standards is good enough? (actually if i sat down and did the math it's probably less then that..) oh and he never visited him, and actually moved farther away from us to avoid the CS court.

I can make it with or without his money.. but when a ncp help in the support, it only benefits the child.

Also you contradict yourself a lot. It's not ok to not be there for your kids, but you should be able to support them completely financially by yourself if need be. It's not always possible to do both! Being on a social service program does not mean you are a deadbeat. And perhaps if the ncp would simply do their that wouldn't be the case.

Just because women are the ones to carry the baby before it's born, doesn't give the other parent free reign to walk away and leave her stranded. Even the most well off person struggles to balance parenthood with everything else. it's s struggle and when you do it on your own, you don't always get it right the first time. But what matters is the child is loved and cared for. period.

Oh yes and my son is better provided for now, better cared for, he is happier and has more respect for me as his parent. So I see the lowering of my income as a blessing and so does my son (although he doesn't really know about the monetary situation)
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 171
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/25/2012 8:00:25 PM
These are meaningless...


So are all statistics meaningless or just the ones you do not like hearing about?

What percentage of marriages end in divorce? Forty-three percent of first marriages end in divorce, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

Now is this also meaningless? Just wondering what determines what is relevant and what is not relevant in your acceptance of government published statistics.




Men STILL on average make more then women..although it the gap is closing..does it take that into consideration?


Go back and look at the numbers of full time employment and part time employment and perhaps some part of why men earn more might also be understood….then can we look at the numbers of post secondary education and despite more woman than men graduating high school and entering university….they still seem to pursue degree’s in traditional roles that also pay less?

So why not go read “An Analysis of Reasons for Disparity in wages Between Men and Woman”
Prepared by the US Government of Labor Standards

PREPARED BY:
CONSAD Research Corporation
211 North Whitfield Street
Pittsburgh, PA 15206
Under Contract Number GS-23F-02598
Task Order 2, Subtask 2B
January 12, 2009

A greater percentage of women than men tend to work part-time. Part-time work tends to pay less than full-time work.

Women, especially working mothers, tend to value “family friendly” workplace policies more than men. Some of the wage gap is explained by industry and occupation, particularly, the percentage of women who work in the industry and occupation.

Research indicates that women may value non-wage benefits more than men do, and as a result prefer to take a greater portion of their compensation in the form of health insurance and other fringe benefits.

2.1.1 Occupation
Historically, men and women have worked in notably different occupations. As a result, the percentage of workers who are female varies greatly among occupations. Researchers have used several terms to characterize this phenomenon, including occupational selection, occupational sorting, occupational segregation, and occupational crowding. Because women have disproportionately worked in occupations with relatively low wages (e.g., teachers, nurses, secretaries, retail sales clerks) and men have disproportionately worked in occupations with comparatively high wages (e.g., executives, managers, doctors, lawyers, engineers, scientists), the average and median earnings of women in general has been much lower than the average and median earnings of men in general.

In a recently published study, Mulligan and Rubinstein (2008) report that their research has found that most of the observed narrowing of the gender wage gap between the 1970s and the 1990s is attributable to change in the occupational composition of the female labor force over that period. The results from their statistical analyses suggest that the wages of women have increased relative to the wages of men because women have behaved differently than they had previously in terms of the skills of the women who have entered the labor force, their attachment to the labor force, and their investment in forms of human capital that are valued highly in the labor market. They note that women have increased the market orientation of their courses of study in high school and college by increasing their emphasis on courses in mathematics and business. Thus, the median wages of women have risen more rapidly than the median wages of men because the behavior of women in relation to the labor market has become increasingly similar to the behavior of men.
This conclusion in reinforced by evidence reported by Joy (2006) Based on results from her statistical analysis, she concludes that the sorting of men and women among occupations begins with their choice of major academic discipline for some occupations, but not for others. Where there are strong practical links between specific academic disciplines and specific occupations, the differential enrollment of males and females in those disciplines serves as the foundation for the prevalence of men or women in the linked occupations. For other occupations, differences in personal characteristics such as preference for working in high paying jobs after graduation are more important in determining the prevalence of men or women in the occupations. Thus, changes over time in the major academic disciplines chosen by women and in the weight given to the level of compensation in the choice of occupations by women have been key factors in the observed narrowing of the raw gender wage gap over time.


Now why not go watch 20/20….Warren Farrel- Wage Gap.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtjaBQMog0Q

Interesting point on choices of work and how it reflects income.

I am employed full time….so I make more money than someone who is working part time…

I make up extra working hours doing work at home after the children went to bed….or now they are older while they watch TV or do their own homework.

Now I did not miss everything…in fact I was able to catch most things but I also turned down job promotions as they did not allow the lifestyle I made a choice to assume…but that choice did not mean living off the avails of others.

I would also never suggest being involved and self supporting parent is easy. In my case being single and doing it alone was far easier and less stressful than doing it and having to support my wife.

But then some have always been able to stand on their own two feet and survive without living off society and or social programs and others use the pretext of the children as a tool to not have to be held accountable for their own insufficiencies. I know a number of single mothers who do without child support…earn their own income and are still there for their children every evening….but some part time mothers still need to be at home…when their children are at school.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 172
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/26/2012 12:46:27 PM
So.. which is it.. hmm?

Do we give up the "great job with the high pay" to be with our kids?

Or do we pursue the high paying career that will stop us from being with our children?

You're advocating both, which you can't really have..

when a woman has a baby.. married or not.. most will sacrifice working hours for mommy and me classes, which men, generally speaking, won't do. It's great that you could work from home to make extra income, I didn't have the opportunity (although I was looking for it) and many don't.

You turned down promotion.. so by your own definition, you gave up income that would benefit your children's, doesn't that make you a bad parent??? Or is it's ok because you did it?

But you are suggesting it is easy.. You've got the I did, so you can do it too mentality. It's not true.

A woman gets pregnant young.. say 19.. didn't finish college.. marital status makes no difference.. the man bails.. now she has a choice.. work and put her child in the arms of strangers, go to college and live off others, or do both and no only fall into both scenarios, but also not be with their child.

A woman gets pregnant after getting married and the couple decide she will stay home to raise the child. After 5 years of not working they get divorced.. What kind of job do you think she will be able to get? A gap of employment for 5 years looks terrible on a resume regardless of the reason. whatever she ends up with almost guaranteed will be a lot less then what she's used to.. by what you said her asking him for support is bad parenting..

You wanna argue that she made her own bed? Ok. that's true also.. but the man helped her make it.. and then he bailed.. so now she's a "drain on society and it's all her fault" (so you didn't say those words exactly.. it's the same thing), and the man get to go play with his buddies and live the way he wants.

So a woman's career choice is bad if she chooses a career that doesn't pay a ton of money? This also makes her a bad mother? It's a bad choice to accept a lower paying position that has better benefits? Well if the man bailed perhaps she needs the better medical ins or the on site daycare or the extra vacation time or flex schedule? Ah but this makes her a bad mother right? Forget that she SHOULD have another person involved who bailed.

basically.. i can't be a lawyer simply because I can't keep the schedule, I can however work in an office where my son is welcome and I don't have to work weekends or holidays.

I'm up for a much better position now.. want to know my only road block?? I'm not a man. They are afraid a woman will crumble under the pressure of the position. I won't, but that's what I'm facing right now. So don't tell me this doesn't still exist.

I personally do have a support order, but usually don't receive it. So I do it on my own, but I am not blind or dumb to the difference that support makes in my son's life. Denying him the support of the other parent is wrong. A child is meant to have 2 parents for a reason. I can't make him be here physically, but I can make him contribute financially. My son deserves it and so does every other child out there being raised by a single parent. Anything less is robbing the child. If I have to be viewed in such a way as you probably view me, then so be it. i know what is best for my child and I will pursue it, and I think everyone else should as well.

By your own arguments you are saying that a parent is only good if they make a large salary and have enough time left over to be there for the kids. I love how it all falls on the shoulders of the single parent and love how the other parent get away scott free of responsibility. I don't think you've ever had to struggle a day in your life, not really. Ever lived in your car? Didn't eat so your kids could? Ever sold your most prized possession just to cloth your child? That's the reality of some single parents, even some who are working full time. In my view a parents is only bad if they neglect their children or don't put them first. That woman who starved her baby, but was rather large herself? She was a bad parent! I'd love to see if she was working full time or not.

I worked 3 jobs when my son was a baby to make ends meet, since i had no help.. I think that was a terrible choice and if i could redo it, i'd be home more. But I guess by your standards I was a good parent because I made a decent amount of money.. I don't agree.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 173
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/26/2012 3:03:57 PM

You turned down promotion.. so by your own definition, you gave up income that would benefit your children's, doesn't that make you a bad parent??? Or is it's ok because you did it?


I turned down a job promotion that would have paid me 6 figure, but would have required long hours away from home or overnight trips monthly. I have in my existing full time job the financial capability of earning what we need to have to live comfortably without having to go without which is what is needed for insuring the needs of my children are met. I have never chased the golden ring of being the highest paid. And once they are both out of the house or finished with high school I have opportunities that are not available for those who did not work or who hid behind their children.


A woman gets pregnant after getting married and the couple decide she will stay home to raise the child. After 5 years of not working they get divorced.. What kind of job do you think she will be able to get? A gap of employment for 5 years looks terrible on a resume regardless of the reason. whatever she ends up with almost guaranteed will be a lot less then what she's used to.. by what you said her asking him for support is bad parenting..


I agree a woman who is out of the work force is at a disadvantage….and the statistics where 43% of first marriages end in divorce would suggest that a responsible capable individual would insure they did not put themselves in the position of not being capable and responsible in terms of self sufficiency. But then I might suggest many who “stay at home” probably were not that capable or career set in the first place but simply looked at this as an excuse. To reinforce this look at choices for graduating high school students and compare to gender choices. But anyone who was responsible and careful would make choices in life that minimized threats to their personal safety….so why with 43% failure would a woman with a good career potential stop working…because she did not have one or she did not like working and required an excuse.


A woman gets pregnant young.. say 19.. didn't finish college..


They get a free ride because they were stupid enough to get in this position? Strange but despite an active lifestyle in my teens and 20’s I never seemed to fall into the position of having mistakes to clean up or assume. But I was always deathly afraid of the noose or the harness or would that be the yoke? I figured to wait until I was ready to be responsible. Didn’t you see this as responsible?


So a woman's career choice is bad if she chooses a career that doesn't pay a ton of money? This also makes her a bad mother? It's a bad choice to accept a lower paying position that has better benefits?


I would suggest you have to stop complaining that men earn more money if you made a career choice that earns less money. I would suggest you have to stop complaining about a lack of financial resources when you are not working or working part time. I would suggest you cannot expect child support from a non custodial parent based on full time employment when you are unwilling to do the same.


basically.. i can't be a lawyer simply because I can't keep the schedule, I can however work in an office where my son is welcome and I don't have to work weekends or holidays.


You work as a lawyer you can make your own hours. The best lawyers earn very good money because they work long and hard hours…the lawyers who work less earn less. Again the effort you put into it has some bearing on the remuneration that comes out?


I personally do have a support order, but usually don't receive it. So I do it on my own, but I am not blind or dumb to the difference that support makes in my son's life. Denying him the support of the other parent is wrong. A child is meant to have 2 parents for a reason. I can't make him be here physically, but I can make him contribute financially.


I have no support order. I was told simply she would not contest custody if I never asked for cs….I always looked at that as a financial bonus for me. But then I have never had a problem being self sufficient either!

My children have 2 parents…both have a home that is a safe haven for them if needed…both homes have mortgage payments and both homes have costs associated with it. The costs do not change if they are living there or not. There is no denying of the parent…any time they want they can go and visit their mother…and she has the resources and ability to spend time with them…as she like many other woman seemingly made a choice not to work hard or work full time. So my house I pay my own bills and do not expect financial compensation because they are sleeping there.


You wanna argue that she made her own bed? Ok. that's true also.. but the man helped her make it.. and then he bailed.. so now she's a "drain on society and it's all her fault" (so you didn't say those words exactly.. it's the same thing), and the man get to go play with his buddies and live the way he wants.


I cannot abide any parent be it male or female that is not there emotionally or financially for their children. But I expect equal standards of expectation and accountability for both genders. You let one work part time or not at all then equally both are allowed that situation. As to her being a drain on society…I suggest she is a drain on society because she is who she is and would be one regardless and having the children enables her to hide and or use the children to hide what she is….a deadbeat just like the guy who is not there to financially support the children as well.

50/50 arrangements would suggest no child support being required as both parents are capable and able to work. But statistics and studies indicate woman prefer to work less than full time and guess who then has to make up the lack of financial responsibility?


I'm up for a much better position now.. want to know my only road block?? I'm not a man. They are afraid a woman will crumble under the pressure of the position. I won't, but that's what I'm facing right now. So don't tell me this doesn't still exist.


LOL….guys do not back down from a challenge. Your road block is your self defeatist attitude that you suggest you are unable to succeed because you are a woman. I have long advocated to my daughters…there is nothing you are not able to accomplish if you desire and put in the effort to earn it yourself. Unlike your defeatist attitude I told them to not ask if you could achieve something but simply go out and prove it through your actions.

http://www.quintcareers.com/leveraging_womens_work.html

Women Are the New Men: Reviewing and Leveraging Women's Bold New World of Work
by Katharine Hansen, Ph.D.

Recent research suggests that companies helmed by women outperform other companies.

Several experts have asserted that too much testosterone-driven risk-taking behavior may have been behind the financial meltdown of 2008.

For the first time, women outnumber men in the U.S. workforce.
Many experts point to the recession as the reason behind women's ascendancy into the majority of the workforce. Men have been laid off in greater numbers than women -- three-quarters of the 8 million jobs lost were lost by men, Rosin reports -- and industry sectors that have lost the most jobs tend to be those that are historically male-dominated -- such as construction, manufacturing, and finance. So brutally has the recession affected men that Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell, Ph.D., in The Huffington Post, joined others who have called it a "mancession."

Future job growth looks brighter for women, too, with Rosin noting that "of the 15 job categories projected to grow the most in the next decade in the U.S., all but two are occupied primarily by women." Citing economists, Catherine Rampell notes in the New York Times, "The longer-term trend of stronger [female] representation on the nation's payrolls will most likely continue."

Women, now in a majority in middle-management positions, demonstrate leadership qualities that may make them especially well-suited to management.
Citing the Bureau of Labor Statistics, Rosin notes that "women now hold 51.4 percent of managerial and professional jobs -- up from 26.1 percent in 1980. They make up 54 percent of all accountants and hold about half of all banking and insurance jobs. About a third of America's physicians are now women, as are 45 percent of associates in law firms -- and both those percentages are rising fast."

Since the feminist movement began in the 1970s, much research has been conducted on women in management. Early advice suggested that women behave more like men to be good managers and get ahead. Research in the 1990s began to distinguish between men's and women's leadership styles and assert that women possessed certain characteristics particularly well suited to management. In the first decade of the 2000s, research has tended to continue focusing on differences between male and female management traits. :


LOL…My daughter was also asking how she goes about a prenuptial agreement that insures her hard work and effort does not have to go and be split with some guy who wants to live of her hard work….welcome to the guys world was my retort. Both plan on self reliance and independence and appear to be making choices in life that will enable them not to have to live off someone else. I was stupid in it took me to age 30…to settle down and start my career.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 174
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/26/2012 3:32:07 PM
Oh.. so the FACT that the owner of the company who interviewed me SAID that she is really looking for a man for that reason. .means that I have a self defeatist attitude? I don't see it as a road block, it's what my potential employer SAID to me, during my interview. To which I told her I am used to high pressure positions and will do just fine with it. You can quote all the sources you want.. the fact remains that's what the owner of the company SAID to me. Oh and before you say I did anything. They said they really liked me and I'll probably get the second interview.. they just need to be comfortable hiring a WOMAN.

You expect equality between parents.. but it's ok that a single parent raises a child alone? You contradict yourself. I wonder how those statistics would change if BOTH parents supported the child in EVERY case, as is should be! Costs of bills DO go up with the addition of children, you need additional bedrooms, which means a bigger space and higher rent/mortgage, your utilities go up since you now have 2 or more people living in your home and using those utilities, plus your expenses go up since you have to buy everything the child needs. So you DO need to make MUCH more when you raise a child. I'd have a 1 bedroom apartment for hundreds less if I didn't have a child. I'd have much smaller utility bills if there was only 1 person using them, I'd have more time to work and make money and not be a "drain on society"

So if one parent "bails out" of the equation, you expect them to be able to just shirk all their responsibilities, they should just be able to go on as if they didn't create life with another person? That's typical.

Oh and I'm not complaining about a man making more money in the regard that you put it up there. You are the one harping over it. I am upset when one person makes more then another in the same position in the same company esp when those people have similar qualifications for the position and the only difference is gender. but again, I didn't harp about this, you did. I simply think that I financially support my child and so should his father. He won't do it on his own, so I got a child support order. You don't like it? you think that makes me a bad parent or a "drain on society" then so be it.

I really hope you never fall on hard times and have to depend on others to eat. Of course if you did, it might open your eyes to reality.

EDIT: So.. you advocate entering a marriage with the expectation that you will get divorced? I don't think like that and most people don't, if i thought I would end up divorced I wouldn't get married, which is actually what I did do.
 LaValenciano
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 175
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 4/26/2012 6:13:54 PM
Dam that boils my blood. Tell him that if he want to be a REAL dad hes got to BE a real DAD. LOSER and a DUMB ASS
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 177
view profile
History
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/25/2012 8:48:02 PM

what said the responsibilities end with financial responsibilities. Perhaps this is where we differ? You made a choice as to financial responsibilities versus parenting. I insured my financial requirements and still did the required parenting to insure homework was done. I was there for the school meetings with the teachers….It was because of financial responsibility I was able to provide the dental and extra ordinary expenses that is a requirement of raising ones children. So unlike yourself…rather than making a choice of one or the other…I upheld my financial responsibilities myself….I also maintained the responsibilities required for fully supporting the needs and responsibilities of my children. Perhaps the effort of doing both is something that some feel they are not capable of upholding…or they feel entitled to having others pay for their choices?


Tealwood, you say that you advocate both parents being financially responsible but you continue to hammer a point about one's ability to be SOLELY financially responsible for one's offspring, thus giving the impression that finances alone are the measure of one's parenting skills, and that every individual who has children need be able to support them alone. We differ in many places, but your constant need to twist not only the words of others but even your own words belies more than a hint of a bitterness. I may be mistaken, but if I remember correctly, your children spent some years in the care of their other parent, who was far less than a good role model. True? Perhaps you took time away from parenting to "insure" that you were able to support them financially. Perhaps you were simply lucky.

Quite bold of you to compare us; truth is you know nothing of my "choice". Furthermore, it is not up to YOU to decide that your choice is a better one for anyone. Perhaps your idea of the requirements of parenting differ from mine, perhaps my requirements entail far more than making sure homework is done & attending school conferences. Perhaps it is simply that you weren't raising children under the age of 5 alone, and you have no point of reference. Guess what? Perhaps you are not the end all of every argument. Perhaps you know jack sh&t about the lives of all other single parents. Perhaps the efforts of others are far greater than your own and perhaps those whom you deem as having a sense of entitlement are simply smarter than you are. Get off your high horse & realize that not everyone who thinks differently than you is lazy and irresponsible.
 judgeliz
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 178
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:29:14 AM
^^^^^^^^Love the post and perspective ohwhynot46, nice try...:)...it isn't the popular opinion!
I am not thinking it will garner any response from Teal or his bandwagon bum buddies! Yeah I am being immature, but hey, I can only be this petty online because I am making the hard choices that I never thought I would have been faced with. I can tell you I am looking forward to the rewards in a few years!

The time with my kids is being spent everyday, whether I like it or not. I personally want to make sure I am spending my time making sure my kids have the memories and support they deserve and need..right now and in the present !!!
I cannot save up this time for my kids to recoup later... it is what it is...and I wouldn't have it any other way because their memories of childhood will be my most cherished ones, and that alone make me a great parent!
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 179
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:24:23 PM

I may be mistaken, but if I remember correctly, your children spent some years in the care of their other parent, who was far less than a good role model. True? Perhaps you took time away from parenting to "insure" that you were able to support them financially. Perhaps you were simply lucky.


I was very lucky….as an active and involved parent with my children prior to the separation I was able to stay involved in their lives post separation and not be reduced to part time every other weekend status. I was also the one who was picking them up from daycare on my way home from work. I even had my picture in the local newspaper for Thanksgiving feeding my daughter dinner….LOL…and I was a new client….but the newspaper lady reporter liked a guy in a suit doing the daycare bit.

I would and still do work or do reports after they have gone to bed so my work is spread over the day and into the evening so I make up sometimes the hours that do not get done in normal working hours.

No I do not suggest parenting skills are financial stability alone. I have always done the teacher interviews and the doctor visits for both….and also post and prior separation. The assisting in homework and insuring they get their work done.


Furthermore, it is not up to YOU to decide that your choice is a better one for anyone.


Yet you have no problem or issue of advocating the financial responsibility of the non custodial parent…and calling them out when they are not doing the full effort required…..which I have never disagreed on…only suggesting the requirements of full employment or full effort be equally held for both custodial and non custodial parents….something you fail to address or accept as you give and have advocated custodial mothers should have that choice or their choice is acceptable if they are their for their children…something working parents either single or happy married are as well…just a little more hard working.


Perhaps you know jack sh&t about the lives of all other single parents. Perhaps the efforts of others are far greater than your own and perhaps those whom you deem as having a sense of entitlement are simply smarter than you are. Get off your high horse & realize that not everyone who thinks differently than you is lazy and irresponsible.


LOL…I am perfectly aware there are many far brighter individuals than I….a few who are retired at early 50 as they were careful and worked hard while they were younger and now have the choice in not working…and not hooking up with a single father with custody and who pays all the bills and does not receive any child support…she did not see it as prudent hooking up with someone who was not as financially capable as she was….but then…when she was early 20’s with children and diapers I was single and care free….different strokes….but she and many other single woman are and have a financial self reliance….something to admired…as opposed to the single mother who is unable to pay her own way and still whines about what she does not collect from her ex.

And then you got poor saps like Cappy….shared 50/50 custody and he is still paying cs….because his ex is not required and does not feel it is her responsibility to also hold down gainful employment…….Yes I was very lucky….I had to pay spousal support in one large lump sum and never had to pay for her again….some other guy is now paying her bills…..
 judgeliz
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 180
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:14:08 PM
I would and still do work or do reports after they have gone to bed so my work is spread over the day and into the evening so I make up sometimes the hours that do not get done in normal working hours. ~Tealwood~

^^^Well then...It certainly sounds like you had the luxury of having an already established career when you became a single parent Teal..I mean really...how many employers will let you take your work home to spread accross your bed so you can work on it...later? I wonder if the country club I work at a few nights a week will let me bring home the days reciepts so I can spread them on my bed and get to them later?..lol
Gimme a break..can you say attention whore?...good lawrd...I swear these forums make me feel better about myself after reading the crap in these threads ;)
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 181
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:51:22 AM
~~~~~
I was very lucky
~~~
Exactly.. You were lucky. You had a decent job before the separation, you had the the parent still around after you got custody and the other parent was there before you got custody. You had a job where you could work from home (I would have LOVED that when my son was a baby). the woman you refer to.. who had a baby when she was in her 20s.. did she struggle then? I bet she did.. and now she's a good productive member of society with a good job. So she's a good person but a women who is starting where she did is not? Why? It takes TIME to get raises at a job, it takes EXPERIENCE to get promotions. Of which a 20 something of either gender hasn't had yet. I wasn't lucky enough to have all of this under my belt prior to becoming a mommy. Most of us aren't. Doesn't mean I don't love my child and take care of him properly.

~~~~~~~
the financial responsibility of the non custodial parent
~~~~~~~
that's right.. because when a non custodial parent ISN'T THERE physically and doesn't help raise the child, it is MUCH harder to work. As daycare costs are very high and salaries are very low and even school age kids aren't at school for 9 hours a day and you HAVE to be at the bus stop up until I think 4th grade or they don't drop your child off. .I know people with Master's degree working for 12 bucks an hour because there is no work, that will not cover daycare and living expenses if they were a single parent. Especially when their support payments would MAKE that daycare possible. When you have to defer 500-1000 a month to daycare it is MUCH harder to pay all the other bills in your household. When the non custodial parent doesn't contribute in anyway, it may not be a do able expense for the single parent. Now.. if non custodial parent was involved and stuck around, then some kind of deal could be struck to where either a work schedule is worked out so they don/t need the daycare, or they both pay for half, which might make it affordable. That's the REALITY of it. Not the "luck" of some versus everyone else.
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