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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?      Home login  
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 UnixGrand
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 76
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Just love the one your with. Make love, not war.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 77
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 7/4/2011 10:23:21 AM
~OT~ My SO was married in his late 20s to a women who was 14 years older. When he was describing that marriage to me, I wasn't surprised in the least that the break-apart happened when he wanted to be late-20s and she wanted to Mother him into his 40s just like she was. Different places in life, for sure. I can NOT fathom (and the thought really does creep me out) being with someone 69 years old. And that's what it would be if I were with someone 22 years older than I am. **shudder** This is another "to each their own" but I seriously wonder about HUGE age differences and how much fore-thought was put into such relationships. My guess? No one is thinking in terms of 20 years from now, it's much more "what works today" scenarios. JMO
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 78
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 7/4/2011 10:57:18 AM
Its pretty clear to me that those who have negative things to say about "large" age differences are simply expressing their own preferences about relationships. Historically, it was completely common for "older" men to marry younger women for many reasons, economic ones being one of the most significant ones. Its still pretty common in many places in the world today. The fact that your 45+ American woman finds the idea repugnant is hardly surprising.

Myself, I think it is nice to connect with someone my own age, but in the end, you connect with those who you meet and connect with you. There are all kinds of relationships going on which involve significant age gaps in both directions, and to label them as not well thought out, shallow, based on sex, looking for a trophy, etc, is pointless. If you are not part of a relationship, you don't actually know, and can not know, the basis for the relationship. Its always true that as time goes on relationships have to adapt to the physical, emotional and intellectual changes that happen to both of the people involved, and lots of relationships don't make it because one or the other or both of the parties decide to go their own way. As far as I can see, it does not really matter what the age gap happens to be when the split happens. The spectators will offer some reasons in their view for the split, but again, they typically know nothing of the actual situation, and their reasons reflect themselves more than the couple.

If you want to restrict your life to those people who you can meet who are near your age, go right ahead. You cut yourself out of many other potentially spectacular relationships by doing so, but if you are happy, as in if it works for you, then party on! As for those who take a more liberal view of their relationship lives, let them be who they want to be as well. You don't know what your preaching about, and since you would never accept a relationship with their characteristics, you never will know what its all about either.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 79
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 7/4/2011 12:29:25 PM
Well, you don't have to go back that far to see situations where a young man went off to make his fortune in the colonies, then returned in his 40s with the purpose of having a family, marrying a 16 year old and living more or less happily ever after.

So, what is the "line of disgust"? A 60 with a 40? a 70 with a 50? a 90 with a 60? I personally know a 76 with a 55 who have been happy for a decade. Is she just plain stupid? Is he revolting?

The more you really look at it, the whole idea is, to my mind, rather arbitrary and baseless. Nobody is forcing these couples to be together or to stay together in our society. Why should others have any opinion on the matter at all?

The only practical consideration that I see is related to having children. You need a fertile woman to have babies. Is it the general position that men over 45 should have no possibility of having children because you think that a 55 year old and a 20 something woman are disgusting, stupid, exploitative, ill advised, short sighted or whatever?

I know a good few intelligent, educated women who would be quite thrilled to take up with me. I stay clear of them because I have raised all the children that I want, and younger women want children, usually. But that is something to do with me and my choices.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 80
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 7/5/2011 4:04:45 AM
I just wished I was the lucky guy !! lol
 islandwoman101
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 81
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/12/2011 3:13:40 PM
i am also dating someone 22 year older than I am . He is 58 and I am 36. I think it does make a difference our ages and also the stage of our lifes. We have both been divorced. If I would be 20 and and dating a 42 year old....that would be a different story!! So I am lucky to have met him now that I am more mature. BTW, he is healthier and more energetic than I am!! :)
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 82
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/12/2011 3:33:08 PM
^^^^ There's your half age plus seven formula!
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 83
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/12/2011 8:13:54 PM
i think there are a lot of potential issues. first of all, you may want kids and he may already have kids and not want more. the two of you will not have the same point of reference when it comes to cultural things, i.e. music, memories, perspectives, etc.. while this might sound unimportant, i once had a male friend that got tired of dating his much younger girlfriend because she was ignorant of many things, e.g., when george harrison died she said, "who is that?", and she had never seen Citizen Kane, nor even knew who Orson Wells was. these are only a couple of examples, but after a while, such ignorance began to grate on him. He even became embarrassed by her when they were out with some of his friends. Other issues...friends and family may feel uncomfortable with your relationship, and end up regarding you with suspicion, especially if the guy is well off financially. I could go on and on. Personally, I think it may sound like fun at this point, but sooner or later you will probably find that dating someone this much older is a struggle.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 84
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/12/2011 8:20:56 PM
mike j.w.~

"Could it be his money that she's attracted to though?"

catherine zeta jones is successful in her own right. she is a multi millionaire, so it's not like mike's money was reason she married him.

of course, your comment illustrates how people view younger women who date older men. it is always assumed that the woman is after the guy's money, when this very well might not be the case. but if a woman is uneducated and isn't established in her own career then people could easily jump to conclusions, which will end up placing a lot of stress on the relationship.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 85
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/13/2011 12:12:30 PM
I'd have No Problem if a 34-yr-old wanted to date me...!!
It's not as if she didn't have an idea how to b e a Lady...or have good taste in men, or something..!!
Besides....she'd likely prefer a man that treated her with respect, affection and admiration..!!!
(I'd just be concerned that she might find my Son more Attractive, though..!!)
 JAD2011
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 86
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:42:10 PM
I have to say that I have dated (and was very much in love with) a man who was 22 years my senior.

I was 19 at the time. We were together for several years and had a child together. He ended up listening to a few "so called friends" who convinced him that it wasn't "fair" to me because of the age difference. UGH!!!

So if it works for you ... and you both are happy and the age difference doesn't bother you ... I see no problems with it myself.

JAD
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 87
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:37:10 AM
Island woman who is dating a man 22 years older ... perhaps you should change your profile to being not available as unless that relationship has changed since you posted a few days ago, there's nothing in it that says you are not available. Plus, you put your age preferences as waaaay younger than older. I'm confused.
 WHOAMIKIDDING
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 88
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:54:59 PM
My grandparents were 26 years apart. They had five kids when he was in his fifties. They lived happily ever after.
 stogee
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 89
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/19/2011 7:32:12 PM
when i was around 25 yrs. old i met a couple that had a pretty large gap in age,
the guy dated a woman in h.s. it didn't work out, she had a daughter
he ended up getting married to the daughter of the woman he dated in h.s.
they stayed happily married until his death, i know he lived to be in his mid
eighties, long way of saying whatever works between two people is ok with me,
good luck
 SoBayNative
Joined: 10/30/2011
Msg: 90
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/20/2011 9:26:10 AM
Well looks like "cutie yang" is still on here 6 years later so I suppose it didn't work out. She also tells men in her profile to "f off" hmmm...
 palmer f
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 91
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/20/2011 9:57:53 AM
What I find funny is that she's in China. I'm surprised that the Chinese govt. allow them to use POF especially with it's political forums. That could spread some harmful influences in her young and fertile mind.

Well if she is/was a student, she's most likely working for the Chinese govt. now. Who knows, but that age gap probably wouldn't work out for anything long term unless it was truly love. I highly doubt most of those in their 20's who are dating 42 year olds will feel happy about that decision when their in their 30's with a couple of kids and their husband is in 50's and entering a new phase of life.
 Shay-Ley
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 92
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:06:59 AM
It won't last
I guess you are trying to get out of the country
Good for you! Go for it, he deserves it
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 93
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/20/2011 1:16:48 PM
I don't date men of any age.

I have , however, dated a woman as much as 18 years older than me in the past.

I have no age restrictions, except for being legal.

I take each person as an individual, not a number.
Although at my age now (55), I will be hard pressed to find a woman 22 years older than me who is as healthy and active as me.
 Shay-Ley
Joined: 8/23/2011
Msg: 94
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/20/2011 5:04:39 PM
^^^ I got shoes older than that, goes to show that SOME MEN NOT ALL mature much slower than women, dating women in your case ^^^^between the ages 18 and 22 would be just about right for you
Hope you have a lots of money
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 95
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/21/2011 5:35:34 PM
cutieyang- I've been avoiding addressing the age difference threads because I'm a "to each their own/whatever works for you" kind of person.
I will admit, I don't think it would work for me.
22 years apart means you are in a completely different stage of life from one another.
I'm 43 and I can't imagine having much in common with someone young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father, jmo.
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 96
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/22/2011 6:44:44 PM
A Lovely 32-yr-old just contacted me, tonight....
Said she admired my writing style, manners and respect for a Lady
..and my cute use of moties to accentuate my emotions.
I was Floored...!!
If she's not a classic Fake Profile Member...I may just get involved..!!
~Fingers Crossed~
 sensualsandie
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 97
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:51:29 PM
Okay you may have daddy issues and he perhaps spoils his little girl with gifts etc... But if you have things in common and he is kind to you and you are attracted to him, why not. He may have you as a trophy woman and he gets off thinking other men are jealous of him and ego is always very strong with men. It may or may not last but you have had the experience.

The trick is when the woman is 22 years older and I have been in that situation. It doesnt work ultimately... Society still looks askance at that... The cougar syndrome etc.. Little in common basically and feeling older ironically in comparison..

Would you want to have children with a man so much older with weaker genes etc.
Think of the kids having such an old father as they grow up......
 sensualsandie
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 98
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:55:49 PM
natgoat
Watch out. She may be scamming or not real. However interested to see how it pans out if you ever meet.....Could you keep up with her and she may have daddy issues and want you to be her sugar daddie... Age plus money = youth and beauty..
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 99
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/22/2011 9:01:37 PM
Maybe the older person could just dye their hair and change their age..it seems to work for some people, women anyway.

That large an age difference has trouble written all over it and it doesn't matter if it's an older woman with a younger guy or a older guy with a younger woman. 22 years is a big gap.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 100
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 11/23/2011 7:51:54 AM
I'm a 53-year-old-man, and an older woman who's 75, or a younger one who's 31, both seem like too big an age difference for me.
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