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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?      Home login  
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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 132
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?Page 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Do they need to learn about it by having to deal with the death of their own parent because the guy selfishly decided to have kids at the age of a zillion rather than a reasonably younger age ?


If one lives to a zillion, won't the child be an adult by in a zillion years?

Which is more selfish, someone that doesn't want to get married, wants to stay single, doesn't want to share his life, is only looking for the newest adventure, or someone willing to sacrfice and share their life?

Young males/females are more concerned about their own careers and future. They are more concerned with shallow pleasures, having the newest adventure in life.

Young people think they will live forever, younger people think their success in life means this success will continue. They don't have to worry about or prepare for the future. Older people know better.

So I believe an older parent is more mature and more aware of the fragility of life. They have seen their own parents get old and die. They know how life will unfold.

So an older parent is going to want to share their child’s life as fully as they can. They are likely to teach the child what is important for their future.

Make connections
Help your child by having him or her help others
Maintain a daily routine
Take a break
Teach your child self-care
Move toward your goals
Nurture a positive self-view
Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Accept that change is part of living

So the children are likely to be more able to handle their own future and whatever happens.

And you ignore the most likely scenario, the child will be an adult by the time a 60 year old male dies.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 133
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 4:21:36 PM

Btw: Take into consideration that having a much older man fathering a child does come with the risk of birth defects/ health risks.


I don't really care if one likes an older, younger or same age partner, but that statement sounds like pure b.s. that you pulled out of your...hat. As a man gets older his sperm may lose motility, but carry defects?

Yeah....I'm going to ask for proof for this one.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 134
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:21:26 PM
sunshinegal, guys get VERY defensive when you bring up that they are not immune to the effects aging has on their fertility. There are numerous studies that show a link between advanced paternal age and autism for example. Huge blow to the male ego I guess. For far too long, men had this idea that when women got older, they were useless and over the hill, while they somehow maintained or increased their "value" and looked "distinguished" and could father healthy kids until they died. It was A OK for an older guy to hook up with women young enough to be their daughter, but the other way around was (and still is) considered almost scandelous. Heck, even my own mother was shocked when I told her I was going out with a guy a few years younger than I - if I had told her I had also dated guys 20 years my junior she would have fainted.

Personally, I don't want any more children and therefore, age is not a factor for me. But I want someone who is at least equally healthy and in shape as I am, and I have found that most available men my age or older that I have met simply are not. Not saying they are not out there, but they are hard to find, and I'm not wasting time looking for them when there are plenty of available younger men out there who are interested in me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 135
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:37:05 PM

No guy wants to hear this but why would you think your fertility didn't decline with age??
Yes older men still replenish sperm, but it's still the sperm of an older man. That's something to consider.

Don't believe it, again ask your doctor. He or she could print off these exact studies for you.


“There is no clear association between adverse health outcome and paternal age but longitudinal studies are needed. A number of studies done in recent years have established "paternal age effect" issues and are discussed below.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect


WikipediA has a pretty good article about Maternal and Paternal age effects. I was well aware of the studies.

IMO there is an increased risk but it's a minor risk overall. Like the risk might double from 1% to 2% in some conditions. There is also a general decrease in desire for sex in men past 45. Despite what many men say about it.

I once posted a thread about that. Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much.

I am not defensive about facts, it's counterproductive to deny facts.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15243436.aspx

IMO the ideal age for a man to father a child is 25-44.


Keep in mind that you're not the spokesperson for younger people :)


I am not the spokesperson for any age or any gender. I was speaking ABOUT age groups, not FOR them. Since I was that age group at one time, I have personal knowledge / experience with the thinking of every age group up to my own age. Young people can only guess. Marketing people use these types of generalizations all the time to target their products, it's real and it works.

All of these discussions involve generalizations, individuals will vary quite a bit.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 136
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:50:16 PM
"Older men are more likely than young ones to father a child who develops autism or schizophrenia, because of random mutations that become more numerous with advancing paternal age, scientists reported on Wednesday, in the first study to quantify the effect as it builds each year. The age of mothers had no bearing on the risk for these disorders, the study found."

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/23/health/fathers-age-is-linked-to-risk-of-autism-and-schizophrenia.html?_r=0

"The influence of paternal age on the occurrence of genetic disorders, including Down syndrome, has long been thought to be secondary. However, the influence of older paternal age at childbearing should not be ignored. New mutations leading to conditions such as neurofibromatosis and achondroplasia (a form of dwarfism) are more frequent in older men and therefore are more common in the children of older fathers.

In addition, Fisch and colleagues[6] studied the influence of paternal age on Down syndrome and showed that "advanced paternal age combined with maternal age significantly influences the incidence of Down syndrome."

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/496962
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 137
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 4:29:19 AM

Welcome to my world :) I need a guy that can keep up!


Your profile lists your age at 28 years old. How much younger does a man need to be to keep up with you?


{there are plenty of available younger men out there}


This applies to all of us. There are are plenty of available men and women for whatever motivates one. No need for anyone to get all defensive / aggressive about it.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 138
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 4:51:54 AM
Plenty of men have thought for the longest time that their fertility went on forever but that was only because there weren't proper studies done. They always thought it all fell on the mother. Well it's simply not true.

That's all :-)


Well, so be it then. If it's true, it's true. I just have a difficult time believing that base DNA in sperm would degrade to that point is all. Obviously I knew that amount of viable sperm and motility goes down as we age - but not the information contained therein.

But honestly, the knowledge does not bother me one bit. I think that rearing children is a young person's game and I got cut a long time ago....


sunshinegal, guys get VERY defensive when you bring up that they are not immune to the effects aging has on their fertility. There are numerous studies that show a link between advanced paternal age and autism for example. Huge blow to the male ego I guess. For far too long, men had this idea that when women got older, they were useless and over the hill, while they somehow maintained or increased their "value" and looked "distinguished" and could father healthy kids until they died. It was A OK for an older guy to hook up with women young enough to be their daughter, but the other way around was (and still is) considered almost scandelous.


*straightface*
Yeah. That must be it. Older men consider older women useless and we all want women the age of our daughters now that we are older.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 139
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 7:17:31 AM
One won't find me agonizing over the "pregnancy capability" of my little swimmers. :-)
Heck, it would be fine by me to learn I'm shooting blanks. It would further reduce pregnancy concern.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 140
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 10:42:42 AM
^^^^^^^^

There ARE things you can do for that, you know.......

Vasectomy anyone?

LOL
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 141
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 10:55:36 AM
dpwesu...I was clearly joking, too.
The talk on the previous page was of how guys *wanted* to think they could create kids late into their lives.
My counterpoint here was not all guys are of that particular mindset. Happy Foruming!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 142
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/20/2014 3:55:02 AM

because they can get it up and often with artificial aids


Ain't modern medicine great? Now my guy can take a lickin and keep on tickin.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 143
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/20/2014 6:40:57 AM

"Older men are more likely than young ones to father a child who develops autism or schizophrenia, because of random mutations that become more numerous with advancing paternal age, scientists reported on Wednesday, in the first study to quantify the effect as it builds each year. The age of mothers had no bearing on the risk for these disorders, the study found.


Yes, I read that article too...... & the good news is u can also have your partner check his DNA, or any other thing down the road if caring a bad gene, or with past family health patterns,etc....

And naturally you can also purchase sperm from a bank, and will be be from a younger & desirable age for conception.

As imo a loving older partner should not let his ego interfere, with a healthy & practical approach when having children.

Good luck OP.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 144
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/20/2014 4:02:54 PM
PS.... and for younger men, the same goes for if they are involved with a older woman or even near the same age.....
To first check out her past family tree, abnormalities etc or not... so if they also carrying the past genes that is not a possibly passing on in their next offspring in the new relationship.
Then a man who is wanting children, should be able to find a healthy segregate female, to bore him healthy children.
Without the fear or lesser one if thats the case.

Or naturally, adoption would be a good choice if all fails, and after you check out the mother's pass mo & back round check.....good luck OP.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/21/2014 1:44:12 AM
^ Unfortunately - talking about genetic mutations with age - while getting non-mutated genes from a younger man, a good way to know (rather, increase that probability) that the genes are good in the first place, mutated from age or not, is getting them from an older man who is healthy at an older age (because of his genes): doesn't get sick much, no allergies, healthy teeth, or whatever other disorders or bullet-points that you'd care about. (Looking at someone's family line and history will tell you only so much about that particular individual.) In other words, I see this as a hard-choice if you're trying to do things according to facts like this...not getting all of the pluses from the same side of the equation.

(No, I'm not touting myself or older men, let alone advertising. That isn't why I posted this.)
 JDADDI
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 146
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/19/2014 3:39:32 AM
That is real,so many have lost contact with what is real.life is but a cycle,when it is over it is over.it is not about what you got out it but what did you bring to it.it is better yo give than recv.but it means to Life.from that since all is inner conected All benifit.
When you learn to truily love Life,joy,fun peace,anf mates come naturally.people will ask you for your attention and time.
Remember This little light of mine lol thats real.let a light shine on you in your darkness see how glad you will be. Is your Light on? More than a mate i hope each of you find yourself and your light.
I promise you your search will be brightened.
The beauty of it now days if you shine just a little you will Glow in here lol and life..
Heres a thought,enjoy what you Have while you strive for what you Want...
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 147
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 1:28:05 PM
Well TrustinKarma those articles aren't 100% correct since there are risk with older women getting pregnant and producing offspring with complications.


If you are 35 or older, you and your baby may be at an increased risk for problems. Most women of advanced maternal age who are in good health will not have problems during pregnancy, but they have an increased risk of complications. A pregnancy can initiate or worsen high blood pressure, heart disease, or kidney disease. Older women also have a higher risk of miscarriage and stillbirth.

Mothers who have complicated pregnancies may have to deliver their babies early, or have infants that are small. The biggest risk for women who are 35 or older is genetic abnormalities in the baby, such as Down syndrome. If 1000 33-year-old women are tested, five of them will have a baby with abnormal chromosomes. If 1000 40-year-old women are tested, 25 will have a baby with a chromosome problem. The risk continues to rise as women get older.

This increased risk is found in all women of advanced maternal age regardless of race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status. If you will be older than 35 when your baby is born, you should be offered genetic counseling and, if desired, prenatal diagnosis by first trimester (nuchal translucency and maternal serum) and/or sequential screening tests, chorionic villus sampling or amniocentesis. Nowadays, many women younger than 35 years will also choose to have genetic testing in pregnancy.

It’s also more difficult to get pregnant when you are older. The chance of getting pregnant in a given month decreases as you get older, and your risk of miscarriage rises after age 35. If you are older than 35 and have been trying to get pregnant for more than six months, you should talk to your health care provider about fertility treatments.

The bottom line: if you are older than 35 and want to have a baby, you should go for it – but recognize you’re facing a bumpier road than you might have 10 years earlier.


http://umm.edu/health/medical/pregnancy/before-you-get-pregnant/getting-pregnant-in-later-years




A Review of Pregnancy in Women Over 35 Years of Age

Some researchers found that women recognized there to be a higher likelihood of an older mother giving birth to a baby with Down’s syndrome [13, 14] and of there being a greater risk of miscarriage, and having high blood pressure [13]. However, the probabilities of needing to deliver by Caesarean section [13, 14], having a premature or low-birth-weight baby, stillbirth [14] or of multiple births, were not as well identified [13, 14]. It has been suggested that neither women nor men fully recognize the link between increased maternal age and the developmental and health related risks of low birth weight or pre-term infants [14]. Moreover, both men and women lack knowledge concerning conception, pregnancy complications, and infant outcomes as related to delayed childbearing [14]. In general, both men and women should be much better informed about the complications and declining fertility associated with a first pregnancy at an AMA [15].

Few studies discussed the timing of childbearing. Maheswhari et al. (2008) found that sub-fertile women thought 40 and 45 years more acceptable as an age at which to become a first-time mother, than pregnant women did. Another study revealed that, while most women were satisfied with their decisions of postponing childbearing, women of 35 years of age and older would, in retrospect, have started having children earlier in life [12]. A stable relationship, education and developing a career before having a family, influenced women’s decisions concerning the timing of childbearing [12]. Financial security and their partner’s suitability to be a parent were also important factors [12, 14]. In addition, women described having a feeling of “a biological clock ticking away”, which affected their decisions concerning the timing of motherhood [12].


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2729989/
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 148
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 1:36:57 PM
Personally, I don't want any more children and therefore, age is not a factor for me. But I want someone who is at least equally healthy and in shape as I am, and I have found that most available men my age or older that I have met simply are not. Not saying they are not out there, but they are hard to find, and I'm not wasting time looking for them when there are plenty of available younger men out there who are interested in me.


Apparently you failed at math? Your email age restriction is younger than 48. Last time I checked 47 is higher than 44. Just saying. :P
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 149
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 1:58:50 PM

^^^TrustInKarma is actually correct as those studies have been proven that the father's age does play a roll. Prime fertility for men is also 20's and 30's.


Like I said it's not 100% correct since they stated older women don't have the issues. But there's studies that I have posted in fact does prove there's risk involved with older women getting pregnant.

Older men want younger women because sex drive is high in younger women. As a woman get older sex drive starts going lower for most women. Some women may have a high sex drive before menopause. With health issues that a woman in her 40+ plus and complications with the baby and high chance of her having a lower sex drive it only makes sense a man 40+ to have children with a younger woman, preferably 20's.

I don't want children so I don't feel the need to date a woman in her 20's. Just plain and simple.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 150
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 6:38:33 PM

^^^I agree that nothing is 100% accurate. Women's sex drives do intend to increase with age while men's tend to decline, which is why many women prefer younger men as they, too, have high libidos ;)
Many men over 50 likely have a decline in sex drive (or need help!), yes I realize not all men are the same, but women could look for younger men because of this. It goes both ways :)

Many 20-something (and 30-something) women don't even want a 40+ man when there are plenty of 20 and 30-something men with high sex drives that will gladly give them what they need ;)
Most 20-something women, myself included, do not want children until we are in our 30's and we don't need an older man to support us. This isn't the 1950's & 1960's anymore, lol.



LOL You're in your 20's is obvious. Women sexual drive is higher younger age, then it can increase in 40's but after menpoause it's pretty non existiant. Also not too many women want children in their 40's let alone 50's. Decline is better than almost non sex drive, still a large difference. Considering more and more women are wanting to get marry and men don't, the women who can't find a partner their age will have to marry someone much older, if they want children. No big surprises.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 151
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 6:39:59 PM
"Apparently you failed at math? Your email age restriction is younger than 48. Last time I checked 47 is higher than 44. Just saying. :P"

No, I left the age limit to a few years older than me because I realize that there are exceptions to the rule that most men my age or older are in worse shape than I. So for, very very few men who have messaged me and are older than me have sparked my interest. Admittedly, it is also very hard to go back to be attracted to the average middle-aged guy after having dated several very, very handsome/hot younger guys with ripped bodies and raging libidos. They ruined it for the older guys, lol. I find it almost insulting to get messages from out-of-shape, grey-haired, balding men. What on earth would I want with them? My dad is 70 and still does 10K bike rides and goes for extended hikes. He would put those guys to shame physically. No thanks.

Also, it does not make sense for a young woman to date a much older man, unless she wants to be a widow for twenty years, as men still die sooner than women.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 152
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/23/2014 8:02:10 PM

what do you think about dating a man who is 22 years older than you?


Whatever floats your boat....
Personally, I could not do it. I could not date a man older than my father. Eeeeewwwwww......
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 153
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/24/2014 7:29:34 AM

Hell no. I'm a nurse by profession and sure as heck wouldn't want to be one at home. Same age or younger is the way to go for me personally. Not at all interested in older men.



No, I left the age limit to a few years older than me because I realize that there are exceptions to the rule that most men my age or older are in worse shape than I.


Sounds like you're confused. LOL
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 154
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/24/2014 7:45:13 AM
Less men want marriage obviously you haven't read Men on Strike. Or the Men Go their Own Way.

http://www.amazon.com/Men-Strike-Boycotting-Marriage-Fatherhood/dp/1594036756

http://rexpatriarch.blogspot.ca/2014/03/there-is-reason-why-men-are-going-their.html
 ALansing
Joined: 2/5/2014
Msg: 155
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/24/2014 2:30:47 PM

Men's sexual peak is in their 20's, for women it's around 40+. Around 45 most men's sex drive takes a plummeting nose dive (from what I've heard) and this is coming from women 40+ that date younger men. Likely a significant decline. Yes I realize not all men are the same.


Don't have sons. I feel sorry for your father, uncles, brothers, or any other male relative too. I can just imagine you telling them how worthless men are once they get out of their 20's. That's all you, or your previous sunshinegal alt, have to say.

Doesn't matter if you're male, or female, if you're age-bashing members of your cohort, the real problems lie with you.
 MikeTO12345
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 156
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 4/25/2014 1:28:45 PM
Men can have sex twice a week and still be healthy and many men do. I knew plenty of guys only wanted sex once a week in their early 20's. Not too many men want to have sex daily it's too much and unhealthy.
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