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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?      Home login  
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 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 176
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
ew.........................................
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 177
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 9/6/2012 4:57:06 PM

H8MasculinityH8BeingAMan:
i still wouldn't even date a woman who is 10 years younger than me, thats gross still


That's just a stupid comparison. 10 years younger than you would be what, 12 years old? I think you just don't like the competition from guys who are older and have more to offer than you do. Well some women your age don't like immature little boys and would rather dater date a mature man instead.
 mitchozie
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 178
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 9/6/2012 9:07:22 PM
An immature young man who can't handle the competition from an older man. LOL.
The fact is that mature women (of any age) are turned off by men who act like little boys, and prefer the company of real men.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 179
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 9/7/2012 3:28:55 AM

H8MasculinityH8BeingAMan:
most men don't give a rat's ass about a woman's maturity


Young Man, you don't have a Fvckin' clue what most Men think, so stop trying and speak for them. the most you know is what your small group of friends think.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 180
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/13/2014 3:00:59 PM

When I was in my 40's and newly divorced I went through a succession of women in their 20's early 30's. Now that I'm in my 60's I find myself bored silly to even be around the young. Then again I have two friends my age who both married young women and they're both very happy. Whatever works for you, love is so rare in this world if it happens at all regardless of age you better latch onto it and hold it very dear. Most people never get a second chance.


I've been seeing around my neighborhood is dads that are in their mid 50s going around with 3 year-old kids and the moms are in their mid 30s to early 40s. Is this a new trend?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 181
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:04:53 PM
cutieyang- I am a completely different person at 45 than I was at 23.
Maturity and life choices would be an issue.
It's not impossible for it to work, to each their own, I guess.
If both people are on the same page and they really care for one another, it would probably be ok.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 182
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:49:42 PM


most men don't give a rat's ass about a woman's maturity
Young Man, you don't have a Fvckin' clue what most Men think, so stop trying and speak for them. the most you know is what your small group of friends think.

Yes, this right here is a real indication of what's at play here...if you don't give a rat's ass about a woman's maturity, that just means that you're a boy, not a man. If a female lives in that world, mostly responding to and encouraging the boys who don't give a rat's ass about a woman's maturity, or if she's the type to exploit and manipulate according to this type of male personality, that just means that she's a girl, not a woman.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 183
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/14/2014 8:23:48 AM
Hell no. I'm a nurse by profession and sure as heck wouldn't want to be one at home. Same age or younger is the way to go for me personally. Not at all interested in older men.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 184
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/16/2014 5:51:24 PM

TrustinKarma:
Hell no. I'm a nurse by profession and sure as heck wouldn't want to be one at home. Same age or younger is the way to go for me personally. Not at all interested in older men.


Keep thinking that's any type of guarantee. I was older than my late wife and by all rights should have died first. Yet she's dead at 52 and now I'm 60 and still kicking around.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 185
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/16/2014 6:04:22 PM
^^^^^`^ isn't that the truth! No guarentees in life! Would be nice if there was though......(just a little sigh!)


I say date whoever interests you regardless of age....
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 186
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Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/17/2014 3:28:46 AM
Two people with a major age difference doing any kind of dating, having some kind of relationship, or just being together despite what you call it...like so many other things that we talk about, is so very dependent upon who you are and what you care about or look for in dating in the first place, despite age -

A couple of the reasons why someone would be very hesitant getting with someone much younger than them is because they might not want to take away the younger person's opportunity to find that good person closer to their age, instead of being together when the older one gets old and frail and dies though the other still has a good bit of life ahead of them...so if there're some real feelings involved, they might get suppressed. Or because they don't want the younger one to get emotionally attached too easily, something that the older might not care about so much but know that the younger is prone to. But then, some pe0ple don't really care about these things, and so wouldn't be concerned with the former, and would be concerned with the latter either because they don't care about real feelings or attachment and don't want to be burdened with it, or they do care but know that the younger might get that way too easy for wrong reasons.

Or, it can not really matter. Not be a big deal. As long as it's understood that it's not meant to last too long...the two persons intending to share a little life together, but for a limited length of time, after which there are no issues with hurt feelings - when much younger, would I have been interested in, and capable of emotionally, a not-for-life relationship with a much older woman? Perhaps. In my case, probably. But that couldn't apply to many (even though they'd like to think so). Yet I probably wouldn't have been automatically interested, though capable of.

So, about the maturity question...for the most part, if the two persons involved don't think that there is a maturity gap, as in the younger one is "mature for their age"...it's usually because 1) In fact the older one is not as mature for their age, being therefore closer to the younger, or 2) Maturity is simply irrelevant to what each is after, or some elements of maturity just have no bearing on the dynamics of what's between them, or 3) For one or both, it's a case of "maturity" being a charade, a pretense one lets the other maintain or both humor each other in, just like it is with many adults anyway.

With all of that said, because of what some people are looking for, their attitudes about relationships/love, and how they feel about such things...age differences might genuinely not be a factor, and letting a major age difference be a barrier might be a bit difficult - it might be seen as a choice between possibly never finding someone (around your younger age), and not passing up something real or good with someone even though they are much older (or younger). The attitude might be that how long you have doesn't matter, if you get to share some life with someone when it's real. And, though I think that it's got to be much rarer than many would claim, I'm sure that there are occasions when the two people involved really are both "mature" (versus a pretense of) enough as is relevant to a real relationship, do have something real and meaningful between them, and not caring where the younger person is in life in light of the opportunity to have this might in fact be as legitimate of a way to go as any other way to choose or try for.
 Archiver
Joined: 3/10/2013
Msg: 187
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/17/2014 7:43:32 PM
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me? Been there, done that. Several times. Reality is that women live longer than men. Now I'm the elder and prefer a younger man. I want to keep him around as long as possible. (But I do know some very attractive 80-year olds. Sure, I'd go on a date, but probably would not be interested in a relationship.)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 188
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/17/2014 11:08:28 PM

Dating a man who is 22 years older than me? Been there, done that. Several times. Reality is that women live longer than men. Now I'm the elder and prefer a younger man. I want to keep him around as long as possible. (But I do know some very attractive 80-year olds. Sure, I'd go on a date, but probably would not be interested in a relationship.)


True on average women live longer than men, but men have been catching up very quickly. Life expectancy for U.S. males grew by 4.6 years while predicted lifespans for American women rose by 2.7 years.

So now women are expected to outlive men on average by 5 years.

BTW. women outliving men is consistent in every country in the world regardless of the expected life expectancy. By about 5 years.

So logically it does make sense for women to date men 5 years younger than them.

But this is a generalization, individuals vary considerably, and I expect that the older one gets the more individual variation there is. Some 60 year olds can hike 20 miles, some can't get off the sofa without losing their breath. You don't see such a large variation in physical ability in those in their 20s.
I don't think much about age when dating or relationships. Relationships are mostly just longer term dating. Only when thinking about getting married do I factor age in as important, the larger the age gap the more I think about what effect that might have.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 189
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 9:35:21 AM

My neighbour has a two year old and he is 60. Married a much younger Asian. He will be lucky to see that child grow up.


You are misinformed. A 60 year old male is likely to live to beyond 80, so the child would be 22 and an adult.

But as long as he leaves his wife with sufficient financial resources, what will be the problem if he does die an early death?

Many won't see their grandchildren grow up, or won't see their great grandchildren grow up. What is the significance of this? Dying is a part of life.
 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 190
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 9:42:15 AM

But as long as he leaves his wife with sufficient financial resources, what will be the problem if he does die an early death?



Ask the child what the problem is at the funeral .





Westernguy
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 191
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 9:50:54 AM

Ask the child what the problem is at the funeral .


Odds are the child will be 22.

But won't you grieve if your parent(s) die.

What about divorce, which is worse for children?

Does the age of the child (12 or 40) make a difference in how they feel? Don't children need to learn about life and death?

IMO it will all work out about the same way regardless of the age of the parents. Depends more on how the children were raised and their genetic makeup.
 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 192
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 10:11:52 AM

Does the age of the child (12 or 40) make a difference in how they feel?



Is this a serious q ????

You don't think a 40 year old can handle death easier than a child ????



Don't children need to learn about life and death?


Do they need to learn about it by having to deal with the death of their own parent because the guy selfishly decided to have kids at the age of a zillion rather than a reasonably younger age ?

Come on, sure a parent could die anyway , anyhow no matter what the age but STATISTICS/ODDS say the older a person is the more likely they will die of some sort of cancer .

And who wants to tell their classmates " No that's not my grandpa... that's my dad " ?





Westernguy
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 193
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 10:40:06 AM

Do they need to learn about it by having to deal with the death of their own parent because the guy selfishly decided to have kids at the age of a zillion rather than a reasonably younger age ?


If one lives to a zillion, won't the child be an adult by in a zillion years?

Which is more selfish, someone that doesn't want to get married, wants to stay single, doesn't want to share his life, is only looking for the newest adventure, or someone willing to sacrfice and share their life?

Young males/females are more concerned about their own careers and future. They are more concerned with shallow pleasures, having the newest adventure in life.

Young people think they will live forever, younger people think their success in life means this success will continue. They don't have to worry about or prepare for the future. Older people know better.

So I believe an older parent is more mature and more aware of the fragility of life. They have seen their own parents get old and die. They know how life will unfold.

So an older parent is going to want to share their child’s life as fully as they can. They are likely to teach the child what is important for their future.

Make connections
Help your child by having him or her help others
Maintain a daily routine
Take a break
Teach your child self-care
Move toward your goals
Nurture a positive self-view
Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Accept that change is part of living

So the children are likely to be more able to handle their own future and whatever happens.

And you ignore the most likely scenario, the child will be an adult by the time a 60 year old male dies.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 194
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 4:21:36 PM

Btw: Take into consideration that having a much older man fathering a child does come with the risk of birth defects/ health risks.


I don't really care if one likes an older, younger or same age partner, but that statement sounds like pure b.s. that you pulled out of your...hat. As a man gets older his sperm may lose motility, but carry defects?

Yeah....I'm going to ask for proof for this one.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 195
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:21:26 PM
sunshinegal, guys get VERY defensive when you bring up that they are not immune to the effects aging has on their fertility. There are numerous studies that show a link between advanced paternal age and autism for example. Huge blow to the male ego I guess. For far too long, men had this idea that when women got older, they were useless and over the hill, while they somehow maintained or increased their "value" and looked "distinguished" and could father healthy kids until they died. It was A OK for an older guy to hook up with women young enough to be their daughter, but the other way around was (and still is) considered almost scandelous. Heck, even my own mother was shocked when I told her I was going out with a guy a few years younger than I - if I had told her I had also dated guys 20 years my junior she would have fainted.

Personally, I don't want any more children and therefore, age is not a factor for me. But I want someone who is at least equally healthy and in shape as I am, and I have found that most available men my age or older that I have met simply are not. Not saying they are not out there, but they are hard to find, and I'm not wasting time looking for them when there are plenty of available younger men out there who are interested in me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 196
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:37:05 PM

No guy wants to hear this but why would you think your fertility didn't decline with age??
Yes older men still replenish sperm, but it's still the sperm of an older man. That's something to consider.

Don't believe it, again ask your doctor. He or she could print off these exact studies for you.


“There is no clear association between adverse health outcome and paternal age but longitudinal studies are needed. A number of studies done in recent years have established "paternal age effect" issues and are discussed below.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect


WikipediA has a pretty good article about Maternal and Paternal age effects. I was well aware of the studies.

IMO there is an increased risk but it's a minor risk overall. Like the risk might double from 1% to 2% in some conditions. There is also a general decrease in desire for sex in men past 45. Despite what many men say about it.

I once posted a thread about that. Do men over 40 REALLY want sex all that much.

I am not defensive about facts, it's counterproductive to deny facts.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts15243436.aspx

IMO the ideal age for a man to father a child is 25-44.


Keep in mind that you're not the spokesperson for younger people :)


I am not the spokesperson for any age or any gender. I was speaking ABOUT age groups, not FOR them. Since I was that age group at one time, I have personal knowledge / experience with the thinking of every age group up to my own age. Young people can only guess. Marketing people use these types of generalizations all the time to target their products, it's real and it works.

All of these discussions involve generalizations, individuals will vary quite a bit.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 197
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:50:16 PM
"Older men are more likely than young ones to father a child who develops autism or schizophrenia, because of random mutations that become more numerous with advancing paternal age, scientists reported on Wednesday, in the first study to quantify the effect as it builds each year. The age of mothers had no bearing on the risk for these disorders, the study found."

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/23/health/fathers-age-is-linked-to-risk-of-autism-and-schizophrenia.html?_r=0

"The influence of paternal age on the occurrence of genetic disorders, including Down syndrome, has long been thought to be secondary. However, the influence of older paternal age at childbearing should not be ignored. New mutations leading to conditions such as neurofibromatosis and achondroplasia (a form of dwarfism) are more frequent in older men and therefore are more common in the children of older fathers.

In addition, Fisch and colleagues[6] studied the influence of paternal age on Down syndrome and showed that "advanced paternal age combined with maternal age significantly influences the incidence of Down syndrome."

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/496962
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 198
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 4:29:19 AM

Welcome to my world :) I need a guy that can keep up!


Your profile lists your age at 28 years old. How much younger does a man need to be to keep up with you?


{there are plenty of available younger men out there}


This applies to all of us. There are are plenty of available men and women for whatever motivates one. No need for anyone to get all defensive / aggressive about it.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 199
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 4:51:54 AM
Plenty of men have thought for the longest time that their fertility went on forever but that was only because there weren't proper studies done. They always thought it all fell on the mother. Well it's simply not true.

That's all :-)


Well, so be it then. If it's true, it's true. I just have a difficult time believing that base DNA in sperm would degrade to that point is all. Obviously I knew that amount of viable sperm and motility goes down as we age - but not the information contained therein.

But honestly, the knowledge does not bother me one bit. I think that rearing children is a young person's game and I got cut a long time ago....


sunshinegal, guys get VERY defensive when you bring up that they are not immune to the effects aging has on their fertility. There are numerous studies that show a link between advanced paternal age and autism for example. Huge blow to the male ego I guess. For far too long, men had this idea that when women got older, they were useless and over the hill, while they somehow maintained or increased their "value" and looked "distinguished" and could father healthy kids until they died. It was A OK for an older guy to hook up with women young enough to be their daughter, but the other way around was (and still is) considered almost scandelous.


*straightface*
Yeah. That must be it. Older men consider older women useless and we all want women the age of our daughters now that we are older.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 200
Dating a man who is 22 years older than me?
Posted: 3/19/2014 7:17:31 AM
One won't find me agonizing over the "pregnancy capability" of my little swimmers. :-)
Heck, it would be fine by me to learn I'm shooting blanks. It would further reduce pregnancy concern.
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