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 refusnik
Joined: 10/24/2004
Msg: 38
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

i ve had alot of terrible pick up lines but the ones that actually work are the ones that arent vulgar but make u laugh..


See, that's the thread I want to see. "Lines that shouldn't work but do."

I only use lines when I'm looking for a laugh. It works, too.

One of my favorites is:

"Hey, qutethrunthru, has anyone ever told you that you look like [famous person's name]?"

If they say yes, "Oh, that wasn't very nice of them to lie to you like that." And something similar if they say no, ie, "Well, good, they would have been lying."

It gets a good laugh every time. By all rights, it shouldn't, but it does.
 affection+kisses
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 51
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:51:50 AM
when this woman i knew briefly from a single's group said after our first date "I LOVE YOU!! LETS MAKE BABIES
 Alana2
Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 55
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/10/2006 5:38:51 PM
The one liner that always killed it for me was when some man from my own state would say I woud like to meet you but you live so far away.

After spending my entire career working with world travellers who travel regularly to Europe and the Far East on business, any guy who seems overwhelmed by a one hour flight or two hour drive seems incredibly helpless and wimpy to me.

I am involved with someone now who travels one thousand miles to see me regularly.
 BrentR1
Joined: 8/15/2006
Msg: 60
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/10/2006 7:26:57 PM
I met a lady online a few years ago & she seemed quite normal. We talked on the phone pretty much every day for 2 weeks before we met for lunch & shopping date. The first store we went to, she went right for the jewelry department & wanted to pick out an engagement ring, saying, "Jesus told me we'd be married within the month!" I took her right back home & took off like a bat out of hell as soon as she was far enough away from the car!
 Ldygmr
Joined: 12/19/2005
Msg: 61
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/10/2006 9:07:09 PM
Recently... while at a bar on my one night a year off from being The Responsible One...A man with whom I had been chatting asked me "Are you a lesbian?"

Didn't even lower his voice. The whole bar shushed instantly. His buddies groaned and slapped their foreheads.
Once my shock had abated a bit I said "Only with you, dear."


The conversation moved on...with him on the outside.
 Stargazer46
Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 64
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:12:28 AM
Receiving a "read deleted" reply to a polite introductory e-mail expressing interest. Especially from a self-proclaimed "courteous considerate man".
 na1957
Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 67
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/11/2006 3:01:30 PM
I met with a man the other night....things were going good until he looked at me seriously and said " I hate kids, never want them, don't like them and will vote any school tax levy down because I hate them so bad"...........Well to me, a woman who wasn't blessed with a child because of mechanical problems but always wanted one, this was a big turn off!!! And too boot,,,,,he works with kids!!!! Sorry, he doesn't get a second chance!
 Ratero-park-man
Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 71
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/11/2006 7:58:19 PM
"Hey I'm Bill, Lets go to my place, it's all white and .....Hillary is away for the weekend"


He was 36! .....freaked me out, I was glad I had to go back to work... haven't talked to him since. Sometimes I listen to that lil nagging voice!!!


yeah that nagging voice that told you to go back and give him a chance.....we all hear that lol.....unfortunately alot of us don't listen to it.

 Thatguy67
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 76
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:33:41 AM
I remember getting this line from a woman:

"You're what I look for in a man but unfortunately you're not my type......"

WTF?
 lilmslefty
Joined: 9/21/2006
Msg: 77
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/12/2006 9:51:14 AM
You're a great gal, but I prefer blondes.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 79
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:03:10 AM
I am busy right now.
 Ms Chevious
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 80
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 11/12/2006 11:06:07 AM
him: "blahblahblah..BUT NOW THAT I HAVE A RICH GIRLFRIEND...blahblahblah..."

me: note to self....haul ass
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 86
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 12/4/2006 7:51:27 PM
(from a 50 yr. old man i had a date with..mind you this was over Dinner:) " i wake up like a teenage boy"..for a sec, i thought he was just talking about 'energy' duh...
 subtle_savage
Joined: 11/13/2006
Msg: 88
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 12/5/2006 2:41:31 AM
'That's my cell-phone again, dam--just remember what I was saying k? K? Oh...hi...'

'I like guys with large c*ks' To which I SHOULD have responded--and thought of hours later but all yee men will now reap the benifits of my afterthought: 'Glad we cleared that up; I don't like loose women. Waiter, cheque.'

'Cut your hair and you'd be so sexy I'd date you' To which I SHOULD have said: 'Date me long enough and it won't be an issue.'

'What are your writing about?' I asked. 'Field notes on being harrassed in public by jerks like you.' (We later bonked like rabbid bunnies, but that opening salvo was priceless).

'Wow...you're the man I've been looking for'...'I'm sorry...I'm not drunk enough yet'. True story...and that happened about 2 weeks ago--I couldn't believe I said it.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 93
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/6/2009 1:43:02 PM
a story of one of my brother's girlfriends -- a 10.

They had been going out and partying alot for a few weeks and he always picked up the bar tab.

One evening she calls him at home and says "Hey Brad, do you want to meet somewhere to party with me?"

He says. " Naah, I'm dead tired from work -- maybe another time."

She says," Ah, come on, I'm over at _____bar and its very fun here -come have a drink and we'll play later."

He says. "No, sweetie, you can come over here, but I'm real tired."

So she says, "But, Brad, I've started a tab..."
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 95
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:42:12 PM
He said,"You have such a luschious mouth..." He paused long enough for me to say thank you, before adding, "I'd love to see it wrapped around my c**k."

I responded calmly, "Too bad you'll never see that, as I have very sharp teeth."
Showed him a chomp of my teeth and left in the middle of dinner.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 96
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:52:04 PM
My ex-wife lives upstairs. I've actually heard that one twice from two differn't men....
 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 97
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/7/2009 12:19:51 AM

he starts complaining about " gold diggers" and how some woman asked him for money that he was in a relationship with, to help pay a bill. Its like he is saying that it was ok for him to be sleeping (ie: sex) with them, but he felt he was being used if she needed any help from him financial wise.

So, what you're saying here is, you get nothing at all from a man sleeping with you, and he has to be prepared to give you financial assistance to compensate you for your time? It certainly sounds like that.

When I ask a lady out I will pay for the evening, dinner, lunch, whatever. As the relationship progresses the incidentals get sorted by the two parties and I certainly don't expect sex for any of this stuff, sex is what two people give EACH OTHER.

Your definition of a 'cheapie' is a man who doesn't give you money when you ask, my definition of a woman who expected financial compensation in exchange for sex is... I think you get my drift?
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 100
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/7/2009 12:46:24 PM
"Just give me the chicken"

He was a vegetarian, we were seated at our table for dinner, He is asking the waitress all these questions about how different dishes were prepared, was there butter, milk, eggs, etc in the dishes? She got the manager out to answer, because she didnt know, and was flustered and embarrassed. After a while, the manager got the cook out there, to answer. Everyone was looking at us by then. After 20-25 minutes of him drilling them about every item on the menu, he said, "Just give me the chicken". When I questioned him on his choice, he said, "sometimes I eat meat".
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 102
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/7/2009 2:08:19 PM
Fleur:
I was supportive of his vegetarian diet, at first, you know, to each his own. But he put that little waitress through hell. I gave her a 15 buck tip and bragged about her on the way out, to help counteract.
Really though, i should have just canceled the date in the middle of it, just got up and said "when you decide on what you will eat, give someone else a call"
 onemooncircles
Joined: 9/26/2006
Msg: 103
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/7/2009 6:59:07 PM
My friend's wife thinks that breasts are ONLY for breast feeding...........you're not like that, are you??


 p_jonesy
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 105
The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/8/2009 3:00:42 PM
I can't take credit for this but found it hilarious. It was on another dating site.

Paul

We Have Great Sex
posted 4/26/2009 1013 AM |

I hear complaints from men saying that women pass over perfectly nice, decent men for “bad boys.”

There is a flip side to this; you guys appear to fall for beautiful but emotionally unstable women, putting inordinate amounts of time into them, becoming their White Knight, thinking you can save them.

A little secret: you can't save them. But damn, I'd sure like to have one of you eligible, handsome men putting all that time into trying to make me happy, so here's what I'm going to do.

First of all, I'll develop an eating disorder. Very slender women appear to bring out the protective side of you guys. I'm a bit plump, but if I puke frequently I should shed 20 pounds in about a month. 50 pounds would be ideal; since I'm only 5' 1” that type of weight loss would make me look bony, gawky, vulnerable and child-like, bringing out the daddy in you.

We'll meet and there will be sizzling energy. I'll declare my love to you and we'll have sex immediately! I'll tell you I've never had sex with a guy I've just met and that you're the best lover I've ever had and maybe break your heart just a little as I throw heavy hints of how men have mistreated me in the past. I'll fall asleep in your arms and, as you lie in the dark listening to my breathing, you'll wonder how you got so lucky and will vow to take care of me forever, to never let me down like the other men in my past. When I wake up, we have great sex.

Your heart will tear just a little more when you catch me with a razor-blade, making straight, slender cuts in my arms. For the first time you'll notice the silvery spiderweb of scars on the insides of my arms and will be horrified, asking what's wrong. I'll cry and tell you that I'm so scared that you'll leave me. You'll gather me up, holding and rocking me as I sob. You promise to always be there for me. You know I'm broken, but believe with enough love you can heal me. We have great sex.

Soon you're getting phone calls from me at work. I'm upset because social services is screwing with the visitation with my kids, or because I saw my mean-old ex-boyfriend on the street and am frightened, or my totally messed-up mother called, saying terrible things to me. You drop everything and run to my side, holding and soothing me. We have great sex.

I have some major financial problems, mostly because I trust people too much and have been taken advantage of. Also, the world conspires against me and for various, totally legitimate reasons--ranging from physical injuries from previous relationships to unfair treatment—I can't hold a job. You, of course, have a steady job and a bit of savings and you offer to pay the courts—who are threatening me with jail—that back child support. You also pay off those old drunk-driving fines so I can get my license back. You buy me a car so I can find a job. I'm utterly grateful and we have great sex.

You notice the vicodin from last year's Frisbee golf injury is gone from the bathroom medicine cabinet, but won't think much of it. We have great sex.

We start having these weird misunderstandings leading to confusing and emotional fights. I yell and slam out of the house, you are worried about what I might do and follow me, begging me to get in the car and come home with you. I finally do and we have great sex.

Sometimes I don't, instead taking off across the cornfield where you can't follow and I stay out all night. You pace the floor, waiting and worrying about me. You're incredibly stressed and call in sick to work. I come home smelling of beer, sex and cigarette smoke. I break down, you hold me. We have great sex.

The box on the dresser where you've been emptying your change for the past two years is empty and money starts disappearing from your wallet. You confront me, we fight and I threaten to kill myself if you leave. We make up. We have great sex.

I start disappearing more and more often. When I come home I'm bedraggled and bleary-eyed. You're hurt and bewildered. I admit I have a little problem with drugs (a plus for both of us because it keeps me thin for you and I've stopped eating and don't have to puke anymore) and you're relieved because you think this is something you can fix. You check me into L.E. Phillips for treatment, but first we have great sex.

Things are good for a while after I get out and you are proud of me, thinking we beat this, that we can now settle in to a stable relationship with great sex. One day you walk into the bathroom and you catch me with a razor-blade, making straight, slender cuts in my arms....

Sounds like fun, eh? Let's go for it!
 cucany
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 107
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The one-liner that killed all hope for a second chance.
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:28:55 PM

You remind me of my brother...


Yeah, most women would get offended if you said something like that.
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