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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Mail order brides[Closed/Mod Review]      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Politigal
Joined: 8/17/2007
Msg: 1001
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Coconuts, huh? I couldn't possibly imagine why you've had bad luck with "americanized" women. Not even a teensy tiny clue.

As for the mail-order question. It works for some people, but to my mind the relationship is inherently unbalanced from the beginning. If this is acceptable to both parties, then more power to them. Personally I couldn't do it.
 alexandria_gal
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 1002
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:26:53 AM
You are not expected to marry quickly, in fact most sites recommend that a real life relationship be established before any consideration is even given to marriage.( kind of like seeking long term on a date site huh).


The whole mail order bride process isn't amenable to this process.

Pretty much the whole reason men seek mail order brides is because they don't want a "Western" woman. So this means she's going to live pretty far away.

Let's say you live in the United States and you meet someone in Singapore. First of all you need to go to Singapore and meet this person. If you decide not to marry right away that involves very expensive travel back and forth to Singapore -- expense probably being borne by the man.

Unless you have a business that takes you in and out of Singapore, you're going to be racking up some big expenses for air fare. And you're probably not going to see each other more than once or twice a year.

Most people can't do this for two or three years, and even if you do, you're not going to be spending much time together.

If you bring your intended to the US on a fiancee visa you have 90 days to marry her and if you don't it will be hard to get another one.

Long distance within the US, or even between the US and Canada is not as involved, and it's a lot easier to see someone often who's 1,000 or 2,000 miles away than someone who's 10,,000 or 12,000 miles away.

 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 1003
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:41:44 AM

Everytime I see a list of mens wants it depresses me because I can really never live up to what they want. I am independant at this point because MEN don't want ME. Not the other way around. And to hear men speak so highly of women in other countries and completely trash women of western descent is humiliating to us. Just because you haven't found someone in the US that is all you want and more does not mean you have to bash all of us by saying Western women are crude, rude human beings. The men I have met are not exactly what I'm looking for but I don't sit there calling them worthless, self absorbed jerks who could care less how I feel. Men and women are hurtful everyday to the opposite sex and it seems in this forum men are just being flat out rude (shybynature)


Shy, hello again, dear. It's good to see you strokin the keyboard.
I think tdblake sums up my thoughts nicely.

Yeah, I'm jaded when it comes to American women. Either she's in her early 20s and still in "high-school mode" and would rather date and/or have sex with REAL losers who are high-school dropouts without a job and living at home with parents than someone who takes life (and their job) much more seriously. Or she's already had kids with a guy like that and is now looking for a responsible, "financially secure" guy to help her take care of them (tdblake)


What amazes me is how succinctly Tdblake puts this into context. I know precisely how accurate this is, as I have witnessed it innumerable times.

For all the women who are getting their feathers ruffled here, ask the guys who've gone out of their way to find a bride from a country of different origin why . It's because after years of singles life, dating/courting/dazzling women they find attractive here in the western world, they've grown tired of the games these women play. They must feel like they're not willing to continue the charade another 10 years, primarily because they're not in their 20's or even 30's anymore. Time is a commodity, and they've decided to use their time more wisely. How many times have you heard of a girl who accepted a wedding ring, only to deny the marriage, but still kept the ring as a "consolation gift". Womens "independance" has run amuck. We know full well not all western women are this way, but the numbers are so vastly overwhelming that it has now become commonplace for men to seek their love elsewhere.
As Tdblake describes, women make seriously dysfunctional choices. They'd take a loser/derelict/circus clown with an overly**** attitude, over a sensible, secure man. I'm personal witness to this, and with impunity. Why this happens is something only the women can answer. And in truth, women have the keys to turn things around. But men are tired of western womens attitudes and their contempt for western men.
But TDBlake sums it up when he illustrates the ones who drop the secure guy for a loser guy, who knocks her up, and then she looks for another secure guy to come along and take care of her and the loser guys baby.

Man, that's poetry.
 BeeReel
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1004
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:47:59 AM
shybynature I totally understand your point of view. Some of the guys I know are like that. Alot of guys are jerks. You have to hang in there! There are nice guys out there. I have recently had to start opening my mind to girls that I might have not dated when I was younger. Not because I am "lowering my standards". But because now I might not care if someone has different interests than I do. I think I want someone who has things they could teach me about. As you get older I think the key is to keep opening your mind to more and more possibilities (for example foreign women). Because the older you get, the more unique you life gets. Its harder to have so many requirements for someone. I believe that is the biggest pitfall of dating. Having a mold someone has to fit (must be living in my country, must like nascar, must be into inflatable goats etc etc.)
 BeeReel
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1005
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:04:13 AM
AND SHES BACK! For all of you who missed her insulting sour brit humor!!

Ok dea, If you arent single WHY ARE YOU ON A DATING WEBSITE!!!!????

Just here to complain?
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 1006
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:21:52 AM
All you have to do is read some of the male profiles & you'll know why the pajority of them are looking overseas...
Read their posts & you have the rest of the story...

However, there was a time when the mail order bride was very popular...
She would move to the wild, wild west/islands/the yukon, etc.
And yes, most of the time marriage was immediate...

I lived what I thought was an old-fashioned marriage for almost 17 years...
Until we had a disagreement:
He had a girlfiend & I disagreed...

Can I give that kind of trust again?
I truly hope so...

Do I abhorr the men seeking a mail order bride?
No

Is it crazy to seek one?
No
Hey my family about had a collective stroke when they found out I'm online!
 swamp thing
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 1007
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:23:44 AM

All you have to do is read some of the male profiles & you'll know why the pajority of them are looking overseas...
Read their posts & you have the rest of the story...
Or read the women's to understand why the men are looking.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 1008
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:35:42 AM


Ok let me be totally honest here:

I'd be a lousy mail order bride because I'd like a relationship full of love, passion, joy, fun & honesty
I'm just a sap by todays standards ok?

If it makes you happy then go for it guys!
Chase your dreams until you find them...
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 1009
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 8:40:36 AM

Or read the women's to understand why the men are looking


Or just try making conversation thru email, and see how much response you get.
(NIL)
Women simply have far far too many choices. A good looking woman can get upwards of 100 emails a day, and easily in a week, yet, a good looking guy still can't get a selection to choose from;
unless he's selecting from grannies with wet panties.
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 1010
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:06:34 AM
Nobody wants to appear vulnerable...
So we all act/post like a bunch of hard asses...

How many of us watch all those "looking for love" shows?
I think they're kinda silly myself...

They wouldn't be on tv unless they got the ratings & let's face it they do get them!

Also, JMO, but isn't THIS a bit like the mail order bride anyway?
 little_mermaid
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 1011
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:52:14 AM
Whatever you focus your mind on..is what your going to get. Even if your suggesting to yourself this is what I don't want. So men if your looking for a woman period mail order or the western woman who lives down the lane...visualize the things and focus on the positive things your looking for. I as a woman am learning this myself. So ladies we also should do this. Fill your head and heart with things that are useful not things that drag you down.
 Schadenfreudian
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1012
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:39:30 AM
^^^^ Maybe you should scan the thread on the "Marriage Strike" [a term I don't particularly like because it implies something and, in so doing, misses the point entirely]. So many of the forum topics have at least tangential relevance.
 MR_MYSTIC
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 1013
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 3:24:32 PM
Can see your point but that is labeling all men the same , we have different reasons and not all bad , i myself would consider a mail order bride and would treat her exactly the same as a wife from anywhere , the reason i would consider one is i am more attracted to foriegn ,darker skin ladies , and people from most other countrys have more respect and are more trustworthy ,this is of my opinion also more are religious this helps with trust....steve
 tjay14u
Joined: 6/27/2007
Msg: 1014
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 3:29:24 PM
OK, I'm sold! Where do I get the catalog and is it in English?

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 BeeReel
Joined: 7/5/2007
Msg: 1015
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:26:55 PM
Gotta agree with manerider. Girls get to choose from hundreds of men everyday. Men get one chance a day maybe. Then girls are going to get mad at us for looking for someone overseas that actually wants a old fashioned simple relationship with us? If its going to be a choice between nothing and a girl overseas... most guys would take the latter. Call men losers all you want. Chances are, you already did when they asked you out!
 Jacque_29
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 1016
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:49:47 PM
I beleive manerider said pretty girls. I get 0 chances a day and I guess that means I should be as jaded as tkdblake when it comes to men.

Looking overseas doesn't exactly bother me. It's the complete down grading of American women. Now I know no man on here means all of us. That's just the way you guys are making it seem. When you stop excepting us for who we are, how are we supposed to except you for who you are? That's basically what every guy is saying is they want to be accepted. So do we, whether we're bbw or scrawny.

Tkdblake, I was understanding you about looks and even respecting you because we have the same problem with people not wanting us for our physical short comings. Then you mentioned that you never fail to get layed by latinas. If that's the only reason you go down there you are truley shallow for blaming it on women for being fat.

Manerider it is also great to see you again typing away. I do hope we get along better this time around.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 1017
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 6:59:34 PM

I'd be a lousy mail order bride because I'd like a relationship full of love, passion, joy, fun & honesty

Why is it so difficult to believe that that's what most women in Eastern Europe and Asia want, too? (Not to mention the men who opt for the global route of Internet match-finding.)

The extremely lucky ones of both genders will find it right off the bat; the stupid/desperate/walking wounded will end up with the fakers/scammers/walking wounded and be disappointed. (Um, sort of like all of us here.) Another group will find someone who offers them a nice helping of "passion, joy, fun & honesty," and are willing work on creating a love bond over time.

Don't tell me it can't work that way. In my opinion, that's the best way. It was only after a few years of "passion, joy, fun & honesty" with my partner that it hit me that I loved this man. So I lucked into another 20 or so years with the whole shebang.

It makes me shake my head that so many find this option laughable. Especially when they have a history of failed relationships and complain themselves about the lack of suitable potential partners.
 Starlite78
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 1018
My rebutal
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:00:27 PM
Ok, i hate to sound like i am about to, but i MUST.... you are mistaken.. you my friend just have bad taste/selection in women... i am almost 30.. out of my 20's, have lived out on my own for many, many years........ I was married for 5 years, but unfortunalty that didn't work out.. I do have a 4 year old son.. i have a great job that i take very seriously, don't count on my parents for ANYTHING but love that they have given me since birth. I need NO ONE but myself to support me and my son... You shouldn't be so fast to ASSUME that either all are either imature or looking for support... you should set your standards higher, you will be suprised..
 AlexSB
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 1019
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/17/2007 10:10:43 PM
I want one from Russia. Sexy, blonde and preferably really stupid.
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 1020
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My rebutal
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:21:08 AM
Starlite78, I'd raise the bar for ya, but your age restrictions stopped my making any contact.

Some people here may generalize that all women are either immature or golddiggers, yet we know there are women who don't fit this harsh criticism

You shouldn't be so fast to ASSUME that either all are either imature or looking for support... you should set your standards higher, you will be suprised.. (starlite78)

There are other prerequisites women (or men) insist on that prevent potentially good relationships from starting; +/-age, living children, smoking, geographical proximity, weight/height, etc. For instance, you feel it necessary to date guys only within 6-7 or so years of your age. As we get older, that number becomes much less significant, but sometimes, it is a barrier that is difficult to overcome. My parents are like 2 peas in a pod, they travel all over the world, and they're 16 yrs apart, happy as 2 naked jaybirds. Maybe if you considered broadening your perspective field, you'd find much more. Maybe you'd be surprised, too.
One phenomenon I've witnessed is the vast numbers of "american/westernized" women who are now seeking younger men. Throughout Latin American countries, Russia etc. , there are abundant numbers of women who would GLADLY [I] marry AN older man. But here, that scenario is much different.
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 1021
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/19/2007 8:36:05 AM

do have to wonder, for those men considering the mail order bride concept--isn't there something psychologically harrowing about that? Wouldn't one constantly question whether this woman really and truly cared about the man or whether it was just desperation and opportunity? Is this something the ...well "buyers" for lack of a better word...are willing to settle for? (karikinetic)

I guess western women don't ever marry for financial incentives
The reasons foreign women are/appear more attractive to western men are endless. In other countries, women are raised more subserviantly, especially in Latin American cultures. Women are raised to show much more respect for men. I believe they're also much more simplistic in nature, finding contentment in simpler things. American women have made strident moves at becoming much more assertive, businesslike, and have (in many instances) taken a much more bravado, broad-shouldered approach, almost to the point of complete arrogance. Ever hear that saying "Large and in Charge"? The Rosie O.'s of the world are making american men look elsewhere. They're tired of cowering to overindulgent, outspoken and brazen women. Marrying someone like Rosie would so much more harrowing an ordeal for me, in fact, I'd strongly assert many of those foreign women would be grateful to meet someone foreign also (exotic). It's obviously flourished for a reason and it continues to. IF western women are feeling like life's escaping them because guys are searching foreign countries for brides, maybe they oughta think about how they're acting/treating the men who are sidestepping them.
 Jacque_29
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 1022
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/19/2007 12:45:12 PM
If your reading that tkdblake, I know where you got your attitude from. All your doing is reading about it instead of going out and living in it. I do think your wrong about it's your height that girls see. I know plenty of guys shorter than you and they have no problem getting layed in the US. Of coarse they are quite a bit nicer than you too. They would never tell a woman anywhere she was too fat or call them a gold digger when they did not know them. I believe it's your attitude that makes foreign women attracted to you. I think your only nice to them because it's taught on a website that they are the cream of the crop.

That website was made by a MAN that didn't get their way in the relationships. I know the women he is referring to because there are alot of them were I live. THOSE women give ALL women a bad name? Fine, then I can make the asumption that all the MEN I meet will not work but make me work. They will not clean while I'm at work but will let me do that whenI get home. They will not have supper ready when I get home from work but instead ask ME what's for supper. Thank goodness I have an open mind and know deep down inside that not ALL men are the same. I hope you figure out that not all American women are the same but in the meantime have fun getting layed and not true love.

P.S. Some guys love BBW's because there is more of them to love and a heart of gold to match
 swamp thing
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 1023
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/19/2007 12:54:31 PM
I am totally bummed out to learn it costs money to import a mail order bride. I was prepared to pay postage, and that is it. Like one aeroplane ride or boat ride ticket. But it sounds like there are trips to there and other fees, and then she would want to be off spending money at the mall when she got here. It's not looking like a bargain anymore. Furthermore, from what some of you have said, she wouldn't really be looking for a cozy family, nice man, and happy home after all. In other words, just like you can find McDonald's around the globe, women from everywhere have become the same, and there is no hope of happiness.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 1024
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Mail order brides
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:01:24 PM
In response to
If men are looking for someone who truley wants them too, look wherever you want. Do not blame western women for your problems. Certain women in your lives caused you to think like this, not western women.
Tkdblake93 writes in msg 1041,
I beg to differ. http://www.nomarriage.com/


I checked that site and came across a link to the book "Okay, So I Don't Have a Headache" by Cristina Ferrare. It mentions that hormones and diet play a big part in ones desire for sex.

While people become upset when others reject an overweight person for a potential partner it is not necessarily simply due to their physical appearance. Being overweight is due to poor food choices contributing to a nutrient imbalance and that results in a decreased desire for sex, in many cases. (Before I get flooded with mail from BBWs please realize I'm saying, "Many, not all!"

The book also mentions hormones. While I realize the book is directed towards more mature women the reviewer writes, "The taboo-busting part of "Okay, So I Don't Have a Headache" is Ferrare's frank discussion of something that most perimenopausal women have long kept secret: Loss of libido -- and in some cases, complete lack of sexual desire. (Perimenopausal: pertaining to the time leading up to menopause when estrogen levels begin to drop.)

I believe our culture also plays a big part in people's subconscious disdain for sex. Can anyone think of any other subject where the ridiculing and deriding of it is socially acceptable while acknowledging the beauty and enjoyment of it borders on the unlawful?

Pick up a magazine at the local supermarket while waiting in the checkout line. Make a negative comment about some celebrity's sexual behavior and it's quite acceptable. Say something nice about sex and you're branded a pervert.

I believe this bizarre, twisted view society has with sex is at the root of many relationship problems. For example, it's not unusual for someone to decline an invitation by a friend to, say, play golf or have a drink after work citing they promised t0 take their spouse to a movie or out to dinner, however, has anyone ever heard a, "My husband/wife has sex planned so I have to decline" reason offered?

I'm not an expert on Mail Order Brides but I have dated a few Eastern European women. The main difference I noted between them and North American women is that a man's "come-on" or showing an interest in sex is not considered out of place. I believe that difference is responsible for how people view the dating situation here and, specifically, how men feel they are being spurned.

There is no lack of threads dealing with sex. If a man mentions sex too soon it's regarded as that's all he wants and if a women mentions sex she's branded "loose". Either one wants sex as soon a possible or they believe a relationship culminates in sex but, in both cases, the importance of sex is obvious. The strange thing is some people continually discount the importance of sex.

It smacks of cognitive dissonance; "the psychological term describing the uncomfortable tension that may result from having two conflicting thoughts at the same time..."(Wikipedia)

Romantic relationships usually start when we're young. Chemistry/sexual attraction is the impetus. As we age we tend to seek other "qualifiers" and that's where the problems arise. The chemistry isn't strong and the other things never tend to measure up because, let's face it, what can measure up to chemistry?

When we think back to our late teens/early 20's the chemistry overrode most differences and as the relationship progressed we grew towards our partner. That period of initial atraction enabled us to partner up. IMO, that's what's missing today, in our society. We've replaced chemistry for shared activities and similar views on things that make absolutely no difference to a relationship. Somwehere along the way we've screwed up. I think that's why people seek partners from different cultures, cultures where chemistry and sexual attraction is considered natural and welcomed and valued.
 Grizraz
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 1025
Mail order brides
Posted: 9/19/2007 6:10:30 PM
Mail-order brides are for men who have grown weary of the dream-chasing. As long as there are cultures out there that treat women as second-class citizens, or outright chattel, there will always be a supply of women willing to go this route, gambling on catching a nice guy. The immigration debate here in the states will make things interesting in this area over the coming years, as restrictions get tighter due to popular political pressure.

To sum it up, I would say that yes, on one level a MOB is interesting, but I would not be able to live with myself if I had one, since she would likely be too clingy and dependent, and I like having my own space. Sure, the sex might be incredible, but it's something that I am willing to sacrifice, since it is not the be-all-end-all of a relationship.
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