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 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 99
Is it still expected that men pay for everythingPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Exactly what 1763 said. All of it.

I was paying my own way decades ago, mostly because I didn't like the "loan-shark" attitude I encountered from some men. I don't like being indebted, or having anyone believe I'm indebted to them.
 GreenIdm1
Joined: 8/17/2010
Msg: 100
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 12:51:48 PM
In a word, yes. I have a lot of experience handling this rather tricky subject. Here is my recommendation, based on what will be most beneficial to you with most 20-something women: Expect to pay, since you are the guy. If she is rude about this, saying something about "making you pay" because you are the guy, then that is a separate issue; the expectation that you will pay (even if she asked you out) is perfectly justified. Also, if she counter-offers to pay for her half, expect this to be a rather insincere gesture of politeness. She may be able and willing to pay, but the strong chances are, she wants you to say no. In response, say, "No, really, I've got this!" or something along those lines. Afterwards, I've never seen a woman really, really insist. I've even had one woman inform me I had "passed the test." I've only said, "OK, that's fine. You can pay for yours," with one woman who I was 100% positive was into me (I was being coy), and with a couple of other women who I wasn't that into. Accepting her counter-offer to pay is on of the strongest ways you can signal to her "Let's just be friends," so use it accordingly. Keep in mind this advice pertains to first dates only.
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 101
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 2:15:56 PM
Sadly it is seems to be true. But I think it has more to do with the fact that in the last 20 years the middle income of our society has stayed flat, while the wealthier people's income since Reagan has surpassed double.
Young women see young men not getting ahead as they once did and see their role as more it takes two to afford things these days.
Older Men still have the power, they are the huge majority in our Government, Congress and Senate, Judges and CEO's etc etc. They still make the laws. But sadly the distance is growing of the rich and poor.
So I see younger women see this differently as of who pays.
But, with men older, they need to be paying because they have had the benefits of a different social and economic enviroment. Thank you Republicans for this! It started with Reagan, and continues on. If we don't stand up for the middle class and demand those that made fortunes off us, first by Wall Street, and mortgage companies then by bail outs, we will remain stagnant in our incomes or worse.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 102
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 5:12:13 PM
Pay what you want, and deal with it.
If you paid when you didn't want to, your assertiveness skills need work.
Deal with the fallout of "not paying".
Men throw money at a woman to expedite
a physical relationship, rarely from the milk of human kindness.
Either it pans out, or doesn't, and/or he gets "buyer's remorse", then wants a rebate.
Hey- you set up the sugardadish situation, now you're mad.
If you think people like you only for money or sex--withhold money or sex, see if they show up still.
If they don't... there it is.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 103
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 8:03:09 PM
women over 40 seem to expect the guy to pay where younger women I have dated always seem to offer to pay


Women over 40 expect the relationship to fail; so they dont put much into it, as to not waste resources. (Avoid sunk costs) Younger girls dont think about this stuff; because they still see positivity. Interestingly enough; the 40 year olds you speak of are usually right about their relationships not continuing; because they dont put much in. (Self fulfilling prophecy)

Sad hu?

And guys, if you initiate, and then after a few dates a girl/woman is not offering to pay, initiating plans, etc., she is not that into you!


So sell her; and recoup costs.

Msg 118 and 119 are my kind of girls; "truly" self sustaining, or
"independant" women.
<--They're real hard to sell, and why would ya?
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 104
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History
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 9:52:06 PM
don't buy expensive meals, especially at first.

there are of course also them fair weather feminists, you know.
 earthboundangel67
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 105
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:09:38 PM
is it expected....heck no! dutch to begin with , then give & take... balance & courtesy is important. Have to say that the comment the OP made about women over 40, dosent apply to all....not too sure about the ones he was meeting....but most of us look after our own...and dont expect too much....actions speak for themselves. Although I know there are lots of takers out there, men & women. Not all of us are though. Live within ones means, and date equally so....
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 106
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:36:07 PM
I would never expect...I do find it an old fashion status and find it very gentlemanly.
I always offer 50/50 and find most don't except.
I find in doing the special little things in return seem to make the balance.
Giving and taking all in balance.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 107
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/29/2011 10:52:05 PM
If you invited the person according to Dear Abby, you pay unless you would tell the person it is dutch treat. so don't date over 40, they may expect you to pay. date younger women who offer to pay...
 Incognito555
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 108
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 12:46:25 AM
I have been told I am too generous. What I have learned, is that some people, both men and women are cheap. They are freeloaders. Also, by the same token some men and women are generous. Simply put, in life, there is givers, and there is takers. Take your pick,
everyone:).......
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 109
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:00:37 AM
Another "going dutch" and "when is she going to pay for her share of dates" thread revived. Must be that time of the year.
 Woman045
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 110
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:24:13 AM
Girl, I know what you're saying. Just because they buy a beer and burger they wanna plant their seed. HA! Sex is easy, it's the relationship that takes work and understanding.

I'm 46 and yes, I expect them to pay for dinner and the movie. But, I will buy the popcorn and maybe give a goodnight kiss. Always leave them wanting more.
 Stev23245
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 111
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:33:03 AM
there is no such thing as a free lunch. women demand equal respect and power.
women should also pay their own way and pay half of the cost of the date.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 112
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:40:50 AM
Whoever asked for the date, pays. But as a man insist on paying if she asked you, not because it's expected but because it's the polite/chivalrous thing to do.

I went out with a woman once and she asked if I wanted to join her for dinner. I accepted, and met her at the restaurant. When I got there she stood up and as serious as a heart attack looked at me and said " I expect you to pay." I smiled and politely said, "Then I expect you to put out."

The date ended there. She later sent me a text saying she never really was into me and just wanted to keep around because I was just kinda there.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 113
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:46:32 AM
But, I will buy the popcorn and maybe give a goodnight kiss.


how do you feel about sheiks and harems....


 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 114
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:46:08 PM



Posted By: Cynderella on 12/29/2011 1007 PM
Subject: Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Message: ....
I always offer 50/50 and find most don't except.



Why only 50/50? Why don't you invite him out and pay 100%? HELLO - it's 2012 in a few days. The "dependent helpless little woman who needs man" is sooooo old.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 115
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 1:51:41 PM
Woman045 says:
and yes, I expect them to pay for dinner and the movie.

If he invited you for dinner and movie, then sure, no problem.

Why didn't you invite HIM for dinner and movie?

The idea that men initiate things and women go along with them passively is soooooooo last century.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 116
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:00:07 PM

The idea that men initiate things and women go along with them passively is soooooooo last century.


I sooooooooo agree! :) I love the change!

Strangely, when I offer to pay for both or pay my way, I've encountered male resistance some of the time. THAT really makes me wonder about how last-century the guy's thinking is and what he's trying to hold onto. At minimum, take turns.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 117
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:13:27 PM

Why only 50/50? Why don't you invite him out and pay 100%?

'cause I would feel like I was emasculating him & I don't date girly men. Sorry...you can love it or hate it or feel indifferent about it...you can't really control your attraction (or not) to someone.

Flame away! As cooldog said...another going dutch thread...oh how I love it...
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 118
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:25:23 PM
Personally , I have found that not asking a woman out on a date , avoids that situation completely . but on the numerous dates I have been on , a small handful of women , asked to pay or split the bill , all would have been shocked though if I had agreed to let them ...in short .....Yes , men are expected to pay
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 119
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History
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:19:53 PM
" But, I will buy the popcorn and maybe give a goodnight kiss."



Will you reach into the popcorn bucket/bag after he has put a hole in the bottom?...
 MaddisonCounty
Joined: 1/29/2011
Msg: 120
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:34:35 PM
Speaking for some woman over 40 - without question it should be a mutal expense.
Old fashioned is very charming but in this day and age there are many professional woman who prefer pay their way. What I will say is that it is very charming when a man wants to pay - chilvary seems to be all but dead. Some woman are very flattered by this gesture.
However - don't offer to pay unless you truly mean it. "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

Suggestion - qualify it upfront with the person - then there is no awkwardness.

happy dating!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 121
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History
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:09:30 PM
^^^^^ Vasectomy may be on my bucket list...
 curious1707
Joined: 11/10/2010
Msg: 122
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:51:57 PM
Nope, not at all. Well I am under 40 though:) I always offer to split the bill, but no one has ever said yes to that. In all honesty I do not mind paying, and if I offer to split the bill then i dont feel obilgated to anything afterwards.
 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 123
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 9:30:36 AM
The way I see it is.....If you ask someone out on a date then you should pay the expenses for that date.
If your a romantic and decide to hire a Limo to impresss her why should SHE foot half of the bill if you spring it on her?
If I wanted to go on a 'date' with a man then I would expect to pay for the date because I was the one that asked them out.
If you want to take a lady out for dinner then suggest that you pay for the meal and she can bring the wine.
Feedback from my 24 year old son tells me that the women he has dated expect him to pay for all expenses.
I don't think it's insulting.....A woman can go to the front desk and pay all or some of the bill without the 'date' knowing. I have done this and it seemed to work out fine.
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