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 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 124
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Is it still expected that men pay for everythingPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

However, keep in mind that most women take on the role of caregivers and will reward you (once that you are tagged as a keeper) with home-cooked meals that outshine your date dinners.


They do? They will? "Caregivers"? I had a dream once where things evened out like that...
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 125
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 1:24:55 PM

Honestly if they were that worried about the guy paying for everything, its short lived, and they filtered down to the men that wanted one thing... Sex.. Then come on here wondering why all guys are like that... Yawn...

In my experience, which may vary from others, when it comes to those who just want "one thing", they were the ones who also didn't want to pay for dates. In fact, they'd prefer not to go on any actual dates & felt like showing up hard was the only effort they needed to exert.

First couple of dates, I'd prefer the man pays. When things progress I don't care much about going out & I'm happy cooking if he'll bring me flowers or help me fix a few things around the house.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 126
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 1:54:21 PM
If you ask someone out on a date then you should pay the expenses for that date.

I totally agree if you ask to Take someone out on a date you Should pay the expenses. I put the emphasis of to Take (which can be implied) because if one merely throws out the notion that "we should go out sometime" and the other agrees, neither is asking to take one out. If one disagrees with me and thinks that bringing up the notion always equals asking to Take someone out, then fine -- if the woman throws out the notion that "we should go out sometime", then she pays for the whole thing? :)

If your a romantic and decide to hire a Limo to impresss her why should SHE foot half of the bill if you spring it on her?

I don't think any guy in the Forums, or elsewhere, who is against having to pay for every date, is one to do all that. If I asked a buddy if he'd like to go to a hockey game on the weekend, and he agreed, and I decided to get a Limo for fun & excitement, I wouldn't expect him to pay for half. I'm not a fan of paying for anything & everything on every outing with a (financially stable) woman, and I wouldn't think twice about covering the whole Limo and everything else on the date if I was doing that.

If I wanted to go on a 'date' with a man then I would expect to pay for the date because I was the one that asked them out.

Well, merely wanting to go out on a date doesn't mean you asked him out or he asked you out... but I wouldn't say if you said "we should go out sometime", and he agreed, that you should pay. But hey, if you believe that you should IF you did, fine. But don't use it as a loophole for indirectly expecting a guy to pay at all times, by saying that a guy should ask the girl to go out at all times. :)

In fact, they'd prefer not to go on any actual dates & felt like showing up hard was the only effort they needed to exert.

LOL - that's awesome.

In my experience, which may vary from others, when it comes to those who just want "one thing", they were the ones who also didn't want to pay for dates.

I could see a pattern of guys "just wanting one thing" not taking a gal out on a formal date (like to Olive Garden), but to a bar for a couple drinks -- something low-key. Of course, that doesn't mean doing something low-key means they want just one thing, either. But I would assume, from my experience, such guys wanting "just one thing" would be expecting to pay in exchange for the lady taking care of himself "showing up hard". :)

First couple of dates, I'd prefer the man pays.

And I agree, for better or worse in society's expectations, he should expect to as well. If he doesn't want to spend so much cash, in the case in which a mere date is a dime a dozen to him, he should go the low-key route and may strive to be a bit pickier.

I think the real issue is:
- A woman expected to be wined & dined to fancy places, and the guy paying without question and expected to turn down any (fake) offers to contributing to any part of a bill

- An attitude some women may have -- entitlement. It isn't so much a guy paying, but a guy even expecting to, is going to be turned off by a woman who has a princess/entitlement attitude about it. In other words, a guy wants it sincerely appreciated, regardless of her level of interest at the end of the day.

- When you've got an on-going dating situation going with each other, whether the woman is willing to treat a guy to some extent (mileage varies on her financial means of course), cook dinner for him, etc etc. If she doesn't, and expects everything handed to her beyond the initial dating process, then many guys can be turned off -- unless of course, they hunger for a power position of being dominant provider.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 127
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 4:47:47 PM

When you've got an on-going dating situation going with each other, whether the woman is willing to treat a guy to some extent (mileage varies on her financial means of course), cook dinner for him, etc etc. If she doesn't, and expects everything handed to her beyond the initial dating process, then many guys can be turned off -- unless of course, they hunger for a power position of being dominant provider.

It's sometimes a little hard to know what kind of guy you have after 1-2 dates so I think women (right or wrong) sometimes sit back to see how they should progres. Is this going to be an on-going situation? Does he like me enough for me to start inviting him over? In the case of single moms, is it time to invite him over since the kids will be home or do I need to figure out some way to get an evening at home without them?


I could see a pattern of guys "just wanting one thing" not taking a gal out on a formal date (like to Olive Garden), but to a bar for a couple drinks -- something low-key.

Meh...this person...did offer to pick me up an iced tea at McDonald's on his way over so I guess that was his version of going out for drinks. When I told him he should hire a prostitute with all the $$ he saved on dates he blocked me. Then he e-mailed me incessantly telling me how much he "missed" me. Whatever...I was blocked so I couldn't reply. Funny thing...we did have 1 real date & it was fun. After that he was done with the wooing & was all business.

People...you can't make these things up!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 128
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 5:12:07 PM
^^^^^ I feel for you with the bad dating experiences. You would be a great date.

I definitely agree with paying for the first few dates. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Invest in the emotional connection process and you're on your way past date one.

From my profile for first date/meet: How about coffee? My treat!

We'll discuss that cruise later...much later...much much later...like when we can travel warp 10 to other galaxies!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 129
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 12/31/2011 5:32:46 PM

Meh...this person...did offer to pick me up an iced tea at McDonald's on his way over so I guess that was his version of going out for drinks. When I told him he should hire a prostitute with all the $$ he saved on dates he blocked me. Then he e-mailed me incessantly telling me how much he "missed" me. Whatever...I was blocked so I couldn't reply. Funny thing...we did have 1 real date & it was fun. After that he was done with the wooing & was all business.People...you can't make these things up!




It seems like you and I make alot of the same kinds of movies in our dating lives.

I'd whine and laugh about my experiences in public, but most normal people just wouldnt believe me!

 Julietsdestiny
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 130
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 1/1/2012 7:23:19 AM
Confident Realist.....I wasn't implying a "We should go out on a date" cause that's a whole new ball game. I was implying "Would you like to go on a date with me?". You ask then you pay.
Any decent woman with morals would of course offer to contribute however the 'Askee' should not expect a contribution.
How many 'love affairs' never eventuated because a person could not afford to go out and things were taken the wrong way? ie: She said no because of whatever reason (Not admitting they were not financially able to go out)?
 Just_Got_Back
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 131
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 2:21:07 PM
Sorry to revive an older thread but this topic recently came up for me. I was dating a woman who very early on asked me if I had an issue if she paid for things. At first I was a little taken aback but the relationship settled into a groove where we switched off picking up the tab for whatever the date was and that arrangement allowed for us to see and do things that we may not have if she had been expecting me to cover everything. A perfect example...we went to London together and had an outrageous time but I can say with a fair amount of certainty that had I been expected to pay for the whole trip I would have been traveling solo. I do think it is perfectly acceptable for the guy to pay for the first couple of dates but if things go beyond that and the two of you decide to keep dating, why should the guy have to keep covering everything?
 LedZeppelin2014
Joined: 2/27/2012
Msg: 132
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 3:34:02 PM
Yes over 40 always want you to pay. LOL I don't mind but don't string me along for free drinks or concert tickets.
 phillyrose2
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 133
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:37:29 PM
willingness of a woman to pay in a relationship early on is directly proportional to her willingness to "have you" pretty early on. If you are old-fashioned, you don't really want that if you want a relationship and not a fling. If you want a fling, there's tthe clue.

This applies to early on, of course. A woman pays in other ways, remember. Dinner that she cooked that costs more than a restaurant meal, tickets to a show. An expensive imported cigar, and yeah, actually pulling out dollars or her card after you have dated a bit.

The men who paid for everything in the beginning proposed. Yeah, they did. Depends upon what you want.
 goldtree5
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 134
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 5:40:39 PM
fellas, if she likes you for you, then you dont need to spend money. Your time and attention should be enough.
never try to buy a woman's affection.
 Just_Got_Back
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 135
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:08:24 PM
I have to agree with goldtree5. I looked up the definition of chivalry today and the word "money" wasn't in the definition.
 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 136
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:46:52 PM
Love is unconditional.

If the woman feels he expect's favours - then she should pay for herself - or contribute something - and say good night politely and leave.

Remember Love is unconditional.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 137
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 6:51:43 PM
Am I being unreasonable ?
Posted: 11/25/2012 249 PM
I never had an issue with women using me for money. Most the women I have been with share costs and even treat me sometimes...


For those of you who said I never stick up for women today, here is a post from yesterday, and its on topic :)
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 138
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:04:53 PM
I don't expect a man to pay for everything, unless he is buying my*favor* wink!!! in the form of materials and food.
If he invited me to dine out he pays, if I invited him ,I'll pay... Or we split the check.. yah know he has bills to pay too...

In the olden times ,the man always pays for the lady and her chaperone /families to movies/restaurant ,picnic if he is courting, when payback time he is treated like a King ,all his favorite food presented on the table dining with the lady's family. That was in the past, th not, and people don't roll that way anymore..

when a man pays for me, next time it is on me ,or I'll gave him a thank you gift.. I don't really want a man to own me ,for buying food or whatever for me. I want to be a partner , what he put on the table , I can match it...
 worthit2012
Joined: 11/11/2012
Msg: 139
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:16:04 PM
I certainly don't expect a man to always pay for everything. If we are "dating" and that means several dates I would hope he would let me treat from time to time, I will at least offer. If I'm on a first date and I absolutely insist on paying for my own it's probably because that first date is going to be a last!
 AJ2517
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 140
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:32:16 PM
For any woman to say that a guy should pay is a woman I never will meet, plain and simple....speaks volumes
 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 141
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:32:49 PM
If I like a man I treat him like a KING!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 142
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 7:42:56 PM

If I like a man I treat him like a KING!



I wish I can grow a penis and be a man not a PEASANT WENCH ....
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 143
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:09:34 PM
Another thread on this subject??? Sheesh..

I will give you all the answer.. you don't even have to thank me..

It doesn't matter! If you like her and she likes you then does it really matter who pays? Do you really even think about it?? Seriously.. the only reason anyone complains about who pays and who doesn't is the one who paid and didn't get what they expected from it. (whatever that happened to be).

The incessant battle back and forth of she's shallow, he's cheap. BAH! You find your match and that trait won't come through.. for either of you. You'll just be happy to be spending time together. Seriously..

Plus.. if you don't *want* to spend the money.. you're a grown adult who can make that choice. That goes for either of you. If they are insulted or put off by your decision, they are probably not right for you anyway eh??

You're welcome.. :~p
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 144
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:44:13 PM
Though I often offer to pay my share even if a guy asks me, I've realized that my respect for the man is much higher if he doesn't accept my offer. It makes them seem sexier and more alpha. However after a few dates I usually provide all the cooking, drinks of all types, I love to bake special things for people, (friends, work, my ex husbands entire weekly gaming group, and especially guys I date) if I had a lot of money maybe I'd feel differently.

In my marriage I paid for probably 70% of our dates-partially cause I was the financial advisor, made a little more than him and cause my credit card got better rewards . In a relationship it's different but in dating it is hot for a man to be chivalrous. I think age is related though, my mom and aunt can't believe a man would ever let me-but they almost always do.
 dashenka4
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 145
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 8:59:17 PM
If I am not interested in you, I will pay my share. If I want you to court me, I will give you a chance. you see, it's not a money game. I could feed myself since an early age. And buy my own drinks too.
 cashleys
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 146
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 10:32:45 PM
I believe the man pays for a date. The reasons I have for this are: Women still do not make the same money even for the same job and still a man's business world. 2. A woman spends a great deal more than is recognized. Women must have all the womanly things done, hair, nails, pedicures and so forth. Along with that they spend more on makup (quite expensive) clothing (must be new and up to date) often sitters for the kids, cologne, birth contro(it's expensive), and much more.
Men, well they throw on a shirt (style doesnt' change much over years) womens change constantly,) they put on their jeans, a pair of shoes, (not all the many we have to buy for fashion) and they are all ready. Women spend tons on things just to go on a date. Men expect a women to be up to date on everything, men well they dont' spend or have to spend near the same money on this.
So, when a woman can make the same pay and the men have the same costs in just going on a date, then I say okay a woman can pay but it isnt' so and women just dont' understand they have so much more money they must spend to just be in the dating scene.

I might have left out some but that is what I believe and is never talked about. Young women just aren't thinking this through.
 Inflated_ego
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 147
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/26/2012 11:43:39 PM
You're making some broad strokes there cashleys, lol... There's way more factors than what you're saying. You're just saying things as if they're true, and not siting any articles, or referencesm and actually you're mistaken, in many bigger cities women are making more than their male counterparts now.

http://blogs.wsj.com/economics/2010/09/01/cities-where-women-outearn-male-counterparts/

Also the wage gap is mainly because of the choices men and women make. Men tend to go chose higher paying fields than women when they earn their degrees, and because women tend to take time of of work for children. Which kind of makes sense if you discount that men more often than not get fired if they try to take time off of work to take care of children.

http://www.avoiceformen.com/video/do-women-earn-less-than-men/

Also, women control 2/3 of all disposable income, as well as many other things, if you go to the next link.

http://womenspowernetworking.ning.com/page/sponsor-opportunities


So women control the purse, women control all access to sex, and women have all rights to reproduction, so in essence women are in control of the family and men, though you all still scream discrimination. lol.

Where there may be some discrimination going on is where we guide women away from fields that make more money like math and science, and guide them towards health and human services. But the trend is women on the rise, men falling. Wealthy female investors are rising faster than the rate of men, and males unemployment rate is about double women's now

http://www.factcheck.org/2012/04/obamas-war-on-women/

....I think mainly because we're turning into a service economy and sending production jobs that me usually do overseas, and women tend to get more jobs in the service industry than men, and these trends are going to worsen for men who are all but defeated now as women just put it in reverse and back over them, lol, because women are earning more college degrees than men now and rising...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/10/post_644_n_821577.html


....but hey, make us pay for lunch too, lol... and I don't care, you're still entitled to your point of view, I just thought you might like to know that you're generalizing a bit there when it comes to claims about men and women...and of course I'll be a bad man now for actually telling the truth. Maybe you all can take me out and like drag me behind your trucks or something here on POF, and all the women can laugh at me, and humiliate me and spit on me as I die for actually looking up facts and making valid points and ruining all your fun. Maybe that would make you all very happy.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 148
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Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/27/2012 1:07:53 AM

I believe the man pays for a date. The reasons I have for this are: Women still do not make the same money even for the same job and still a man's business world. 2. A woman spends a great deal more than is recognized. Women must have all the womanly things done, hair, nails, pedicures and so forth. Along with that they spend more on makup (quite expensive) clothing (must be new and up to date) often sitters for the kids, cologne, birth contro(it's expensive), and much more.
Men, well they throw on a shirt (style doesnt' change much over years) womens change constantly,) they put on their jeans, a pair of shoes, (not all the many we have to buy for fashion) and they are all ready. Women spend tons on things just to go on a date. Men expect a women to be up to date on everything, men well they dont' spend or have to spend near the same money on this.
So, when a woman can make the same pay and the men have the same costs in just going on a date, then I say okay a woman can pay but it isnt' so and women just dont' understand they have so much more money they must spend to just be in the dating scene.

I might have left out some but that is what I believe and is never talked about. Young women just aren't thinking this through.

Long story short. Men should have to pay for the lifestyle choices that women make. Your sense of entitlement reeks pretty bad.

Make-up: So that we don't actually know what you look like? Roger that. I wish I had invented make-up. It's a multi-billion dollar industry that basically tells women that they're ugly. Some of you will pay top dollar to not look like what you naturally look like. Droll...very droll.

Birth control? You know, most of my girlfriends from the past never used birth control. We just stuck with condoms. Amazingly, they didn't break the bank and there were never any unwanted children. Go figure

"I would have had sex with her, but her clothes were outdated" said no man ever.
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