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 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 344
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anti- spanking lawsPage 15 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
Every act we do with our children may someday become a memory. Whether your choice of discipline involved spanking, time outs, tearing up their homework, screaming in their face, or even ignoring what they did, they will more than likely remember it and learn from it, possibly reprimanding their children in the same way.

We all agree that children need boundaries and guidance and in fact welcome and recognize it as a form of feeling loved and cared for. Discipline is usually necessary in some form or another, but it's not the act of what they did wrong that stays in their mind, as much as the way it was handled by the parent. Keep in mind that unfortunately many people/adults tend to remember the bad things that happened to them, more than the good things.

I know people who regardless of how many wonderful vacations their parents took them on, or gifts they gave them, will remember most vividly the one time their parent did something that hurt them much deeper than their parent realized at the time it was done. That one act not only had a huge impact on their life, but became their main recollection of that parent even after the parent was gone. I find that sad but true...and no, that doesn't mean you should base the way you modify your child's behavior by what they may or may not remember you for, however I'm sure if we asked ourselves if when we're gone, do we want our child to remember us by our behavior and the method of punishment we just chose to reprimand them, many of us would choose an alternate way to discipline.

Learn to communicate well. State your rules and the consequences for breaking them ahead of time, and follow through on them if necessary. Become educated about as many positive proven methods of discipline that are available. Choose methods of punishment that are most beneficial, and will also guide and teach them better parenting skills someday. Remember that even those recollections of our parents disciplining us can become a loving memory if the punishment is understood, and does not have harmful long lasting effects on our self esteem.

Create positive memories of yourself regardless of what light they someday choose to recall you in.
 CoffeeCanuck
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 345
anti- spanking laws
Posted: 1/12/2006 7:13:11 PM

I know people who regardless of how many wonderful vacations their parents took them on, or gifts they gave them, will remember most vividly the one time their parent did something that hurt them much deeper than their parent realized at the time it was done.

You hit the proverbial nail on the head with this statement unzipped. I was not spanked, and yet at 44 yrs of age I still get teary eyed when I think of one specific incident that occurred with my father, emotional pain is the worst.

Learn to communicate well. State your rules and the consequences for breaking them ahead of time, and follow through on them if necessary. Become educated about as many positive proven methods of discipline that are available. Choose methods of punishment that are most beneficial, and will also guide and teach them better parenting skills someday. Remember that even those recollections of our parents disciplining us can become a loving memory if the punishment is understood, and does not have harmful long lasting effects on our self esteem.

Once again, you are bang on. I would only change the 'if necessary' to '100% of the time', when talking about follow through on consequences.


 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 346
view profile
History
anti- spanking laws
Posted: 1/12/2006 10:11:02 PM
@Coffee:

Absolutely!!!.... and by all the past threads I've written here on this topic, I would hope everyone knows that's exactly what I meant. (If anyone thought otherwise, I apologize because I was rushed and worded it funny with "if" necessary refering to "if" they broke the rule! : ) It is absolutely necessary to follow through on whatever consequence we stated would happen for breaking any particular rule, so the child knows we are serious.

Ohhhh how I love getting along!

**Also, emotional pain derived from many different sources, (verbal, mental, physical etc), can sadly stay with us forever. I'm sorry you have that memory and if you ever have a need to talk about it, the doors in my personal box are always open!
 CoffeeCanuck
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 348
anti- spanking laws
Posted: 1/14/2006 7:24:00 PM

Its crazy to think that we can condone violence (and its is violence regardless of the degree) with our children and then bemoan the violence in our communities.

If you were to ask my 17 yr old son if I was violent with him because I spanked him the odd time, he would look at you as if you had a 3rd eye in the middle of your forehead, laugh and say....."you're kidding, right?"

Ok, I'm thinking this discussion has basically reached its conclusion as we all seem to be going around and around with the same thoughts, and most seem to be whether spanking is bad or not and the reasons why and why not.
 justjazz
Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 350
anti- spanking laws
Posted: 1/14/2006 10:14:58 PM
good for you netab.......SLO...significant learning opportunity...never pass them up and never EVER mess them up by hitting your child
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 351
anti- spanking laws
Posted: 9/23/2006 9:34:55 AM
I won't say whether or not I am in favor of spanking, because it is your choice.
Anyhow, it is proven that spanking teaches nothing at all.
A child who gets hit a lot, will become fearful and aggressive, thinking that
in life they will always be getting hits.
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!
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