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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What would you do if the sex was really bad!      Home login  
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 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 26
What would you do if the sex was really bad!Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
That's a tough question.

What's he like in other areas? I dated a man who was very selfish and thoughtless, but he turned out to be selfish and thoughtless and redneck in every area not just in terms of intimacy, so needless to say our relationship didn't develop very far. I don't know what I would have done if the rest had been great, maybe it just works out that a selfish guy in terms of intimacy is like that in all aspects of his life.

Nutt
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 27
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/10/2010 5:15:06 PM
If you have told him what you need and he is not willing to change it, cut him off.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 28
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/10/2010 5:45:36 PM
Demand a refund !!$!$!$!
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 29
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What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/10/2010 7:36:54 PM
I'm with arwen51; no! Why should "in bed" qualities be considered separately? Would you pursue a relationship with someone who was selfish & boring, in any respect?
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 30
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/10/2010 10:16:22 PM
honestly, I've never had that problem..that is one area I definitely follow art of war on ;-) I'm not taking any chances..it's pretty important to me. But , if I was in that situation, I'd leave without hesitation honestly. You need chemistry , compatability, and communication for fantastic sex...especially in the long run. If it's already lacking..well..yeah, it is not going to get better. It sounds to me like you're lacking all 3 honestly..
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 31
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/10/2010 10:29:25 PM
Oh hell no. What's the name of this site? Oh yeah. You need to move on and leave this guy to be all by his selfish self.

I'm sorry, but a bad kisser is enough to make me turn away.
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 32
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 1:09:33 AM
If it's selfishness, I might give the partner the chance to grow. If it's just that the person isn't good at it, I don't care. Sex isn't important. If I'm with the woman I love, she counts. I wouldn't leave her just because she wasn't good in bed that would be ridiculous.
 paul1957t
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 33
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What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 2:25:20 AM
that issue caused my last lng term breakup the distance between us was awfull she just let the physical side to me always , she had no intrest just downing a bottle a wine didn't help either as she did like to drink even my father made a comment one day
and it hurt that you parents saw the problem drinking , we did talk but too no avail
 TravelingLight
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 34
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 5:20:18 AM
Yes well I would have sworn it was ridiculous too until it happened.


Well, for you maybe it's like that. For me... well, you read my post! ; )
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 35
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 9:26:11 AM
Most men have this fantasy that they can just spend their lives sitting on the couch and farting in tandem with a smokin hot woman (with no needs of her own), servicing him at regular intervals with BJs and sandwiches. Men are not as interested in sex when it means having to learn new things and being in tune with their partner. Too much cognitive work for them. They think porn is an education and they've never read an anatomy book or a sex book with actual chapters and paragraphs.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 36
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:07:23 PM
akamyrna - "Training" a man sounds like a lot of work, and I already have a job. It does shock me that there are adults that don't even have basic knowledge of anatomy.
With all of the information right online where one can look up the answer to any question there is just no excuse. If a lover is "into" something in particular and can choose to learn more about it, try it out, etc. Even roleplay is not out of the question. I think when a partner is not open to something new or they're not willing to learn about it they are just lazy or not that into you.
 ea┬«ly
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 37
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:24:44 PM
What would you do if the sex was really bad!


Seriously?

...if it's obvious that it's going to always be that way? Buh bye


I know this should not be the only thing important in a relationship

It's one of a few limiting factors, ...then it is a big factor to consider, unless you're both uninterested in your sexuality...

This should be a serious consideration before committing to anything, yeah, a definite deal-breaker. Incompatibility here can only lead to resentment. That's an easy bail, if there's indifference to you while being self-concerned, ...this probably extends to more areas than just sexuality.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 38
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What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:28:50 PM

You will find that most men are like this


Simply not true! Merely another example of making assumptions against an entire gender. For the mot part, people (regardless of gender) are no different in bed than they are out of bed. Selfish people remain so when they pull back the sheets, and "givers" are ever the same.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 39
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 10:52:13 PM
Jeebus, the thread is 4 1/2 years old, I certainly hope she has trained a new man by now.... cuz if she cant train on in that amount of time.... it just might not be the pupil

Its a new year, may you all get enough sexn to make last year look like a drought.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 40
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:44:16 PM

No two women are the same so yes a man needs to be trained in how to pleasure you.


Annie. I don't think there is anything worng with what you are saying, just the condescending way you are making your point.

I could easily say that I have to "train" every woman how to please me in bed. And no it's not common knowledge. There is a nicer way of putting it without having to be so ugly about it.
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 41
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/11/2010 11:59:54 PM
Agreed with most people here... sex not being very good at first is not a deal breaker - each new partner has a unique body and everyone needs to learn partners needs individually.

But your partner being selfish - I.E. unwilling to even TRY to satisfy you is definitely a deal breaker. Would also agree that selfishness in the bedroom reflects general selfishness in the relationship. If he isn't making an effort to make you happy there, what evidence do you have that he would do so anywhere else?

Of course, sometimes Men are unwilling because of other issues - some guys don't like to go down on girls, etc. This isn't as bad as being selfish, but I still might call it a dealbreaker anyways, depending on the specifics.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 42
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What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/14/2010 4:26:26 PM

(Msg 154) No two women are the same so yes a man needs to be trained in how to pleasure you.


Besides, I don't think there are many men who, when confronted by a woman saying, "I want to train you in bed", would reply, "No! Never! I refuse!"
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 43
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/18/2010 12:09:09 PM
I don't think taking issue with the word "train" shows an unwillingness to learn, Annie.

Yes, people train to be doctors, but they learn from professionals. Saying you have to 'train' your partner is degrading because it suggests you are a superior lover to them and need to help them overcome their incompetence in the bedroom.

So I've got to agree, women saying they have to 'train their men' is something I find degrading as a concept.

Learning in the bedroom, on the other hand, is very important. As with anything in a relationship, communication is key and a willingness to understand your partner and their needs is essential. You learn from each other. I think this is all you are saying, and I completely agree with that idea, it's just the phrasing taps into a lot of jokes about how women want to change their men and train them to be good partners, which we men get sick of because the implication is that we're inferior at relationships as a gender, a sexist and outdated idea. Not that I'm angry with you about this or anything, just explaining why men generally don't like the connotation of that word in this context.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 44
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 1/18/2010 2:47:51 PM
First off I think communication is VERY important! I would have to sit down with this person and explain (as you did to us) what the problem is. There can only be two outcomes...
1. The two of you will work TOGETHER to make it better
or
2. Nothing will change.

If nothing changes................SEE YA GOTTA GO !!
 ladyinup2013
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 45
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:27:59 PM
hmmm, you must teach him to satisfy you as well~~it's not always easy talking about sex, but if a man is in it for pleasing himself and not you, lack of experience is okay, but if he refuses to change to please you, a man loves a woman with his sex, otherwise, this dude may be very selfish~~who wants a selfish man in bed?? not I~
 jan1025
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 46
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What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:12:01 PM
Dump him for a lover he's not and the f ###ker he is.... big difference!

What a waste of man!
Just saying....It makes me angry just thinking about what sissy he is...
You need to teach him a lesson. Go get some extreme sex out fit with whips and chains and make him run from you....lol seriously it will work!
That's what I'm talking about, this way he will go and you don't have to worry about kicking his arse to the curb.
What an idiot you have, and you should never allow any man to treat you like a hole.
Gawd, this thread makes me want a beer!
I can't believe you allow him to do that to you!
My question is what is wrong with you for allowing it to go on?
Jan
 rockstar_ocnj
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 47
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:21:17 PM

hmmm, you must teach him to satisfy you as well~~it's not always easy talking about sex, but if a man is in it for pleasing himself and not you, lack of experience is okay, but if he refuses to change to please you, a man loves a woman with his sex, otherwise, this dude may be very selfish~~who wants a selfish man in bed?? not I~


You're a rare person. All of us have been there. We're inexperienced, and we just do a terrible job. If you're a guy and were never in the position that you were just bad in bed (in the girls mind, not what she says to you), you're insanely lucky.

It's a really touchy subject, but nobody is going to learn if yo don't teach them. Now, you don't have to do it by sitting them down and talking about it, but maybe pushing them to where you want them, and finding ways to "control" them does a great job of building good habits.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 48
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 4:26:59 PM
This is why you talk to him about this...lol
 moon_breeze
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 49
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:17:50 PM
I'd definitely be out of there. I might give it more time if everything else was good, but when the sex is fantastic I can overlook a lot of faults I wouldn't be able to ignore if the sex was bad.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 50
What would you do if the sex was really bad!
Posted: 2/12/2013 7:15:36 PM
you talked to him about this, and he still said no.

hate to point this out, but no one is selfish in a vacuum. in other words, he's being selfish outside the bedroom, too. you just haven't noticed it yet...but when you get to be the target instead of other people, then you'll notice it.

this would be the reason why i'd leave a lousy lover. i've stayed with inexperienced lovers and done what I could to suggest things. but if someone focused on themselves and had no desire to learn how to satisfy me...they better have a big--oops, I mean, I'd be outa there :) lol
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