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Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 34
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!Page 11 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Dead -Beat Dad Epidemic???? Are U shyteing me!!!!!!!!!!!.

Stats in the USA clearly show that if we are talking about not working or not paying child support then precentage wise women are the BIGGER dead-beats.

For the record I never heard of all this dead beat dad stuff until I joined POF. Seems this site is full of man hating/bashing women that have made bad decisions in their life and am looking to load the blame somewhere else..

I personally know several hundred fathers(including ones with children under 21).

On my daughter's life I know personally of not one that owes child support. Of course I don't know one that does not have a job, or a car, or does drugs. I also think I can count on ONE hand that rent a house instead of buying/owning one.

This might all be sumed up with the old saying: Birds of a feather

Dig through the profiles and the postings in the forums I come to the conclusion the over whelming man/daddy bashers here are plain and simple making bad choices, having unprotected sex (or sex at all) then running to the forums to blame the man and watch a parade of other women with bad judgements bash away.

Look at all the forums where women are b!tchein about their loser/dead beat and WA-LA..........short term relationship with the guy and more times then not have a child/ren already. Stupid is as stupid does.

NOW here in the USA so many women have dumped newborn children in bathrooms, dumpsters, parks, firestations etc. that a women in the USA can go to a hospital have a baby and leave and WILL not be prosecuted.

It is statistical facts that the custody system in the USA is geared in favor of the women, but guess what.

Women are a higher precentage not paying court ordered support, or have a job for that matter.

Latest stats are from a US government in house memo of October 2002.

Linked site needing adobe reader........

Custodial parents/ court ordered

Mothers Receiving payments ............74.6%....................Dads 64.9%
Mothers Receiving Full Payment........45.9% ....................Dads 37.7%

Mothers Employed.....................................82%......................Dads 91.3%
Mothers full time/ year around(wrking).....49.8%....................Dads 75.4%

So tell me who's the dead beats???????????

Don't even get me started. These deadbeat moms want to be a sperm receptacle, refuse to abstain from sex, and if so choice a loser. They then refuse all birth control. Women got the pill, patch, needle, female condoms, non-intercourse sponge, etc etc etc. Then blame the men, and are NOT even wo-MAN enough to pony up the the responsibilty of a parent.

Direct all hate mail to my email as not to look foolish in the forums.

A Single Full custody (non-payment receiving), hard working, home owning, drug free DAD, looking for non-man bashing woman with sound mind and good judgement.

Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 39
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 9:18:11 AM
Hey D.A.N.P.,

Before I post I do a good bit of reading.

Read all you family related post, and you write like you got a good head on your shoulders . All that said,(and of your writings ) if you are in a bad section of town, or associate with losers(No job, house,car, not seeing their kids, but seeing the "man") Change it all NOW.

Okay, there is no short answer with me. Lord knows my inbox gets flooded with forum praise, so the few that get P.O.ed scroll

OR!?!?!?!?! LET me FIRST OFF piss them all off.

If you are a dead beat parent, and not taking care of your kids the best you can to your ability then plain and simple....YOU ARE A PEICE OF CRAP......It makes no difference what's between your legs, a hole or a pole. However, since it is natural in the animal world for the mom (bird,cow,dog,cat, etc etc ) to fight to the death for her offspring, I weight a little heavier against the mom for abandonment, and heavier against dad for no money sent.(man is suppose to be the gather/hunter/provider). So in our PC bullshyte society I still weight in 75/25 percent on tradional values.

********Not sure the laws there across the border.********

Here in the great USA you can breed like it is going out of style,with anyone,anyhow,anywhere, THEN use,abuse, and confuse your offspring and the government will make the tax payer fit the bill.Then it is a very very rare chance they will ever be held CRIMINAL responsible The Federal courts have ruled that an under aged child can have an abortion and not have to inform her parents. But whoa ,whoa, whoa don't let me not send her to school and they want to lock me up.

The morals in our society towards children have gotten so sickening in the last couple of decades. Do a goggle search....try...."child chained to bed"..."parent sets child on fire",............This one will get the computer processor smoking...."Drug addict (or abusive) mom with child/ren "'.

He11 yea, you bring a child into this world it's your job to support. Look I'm humane , Let my tax dollar help the parents with children trying their best, but need help/money/education. Government check means a job..period. Prison sure.... it would be too easy to let them opt out to be sterilized . Plus then the diseases this type of person is spreading that will come full circle under tax dollars spent on health care. Chrips, if you are too lazy to get a free condom from the health or probation department, then you sure aint using them so you pee-pee don't sting in the

Sobering fact. We the hard working tax payer are paying 10 fold to raise (not brought up, but dragged up through the system) children that dead-beats are bringing into this world.

Facts. Over 2 million kids are in the State ran Foster system.

Maryland has over 13,000 kids in the foster "system". The department of Social Service has a budget...........................

*****WARNING: **** COVER YOUR KEYBOARD AND MONITOR as not to puke on them.....

Over 2 Billion dollars... Yes $2,000,000.00 yearly. Her is a thought. If you had 2 billion dollars in 1 dollar bills, when you were born, never slept, and lived to be a 100,,,,,,,,,,You'd never be able to count it.

Now here is the kicker...over 1/2..( 1 billion) is Federal money... So all you fish on the USA side of the pond .....Well, those are just stats for one city.

So the truth is when you see a parent at the bar, 200 dollar shoes, hanging on the corner for the afternoon, sporting new 20 inch rims on the SUV,latest fashion statement.....and gets government help.

Whether it be check, food stamps, housing, medical, utilities, or their mother/brother/sister/aunt/neighbor/ etc etc etc collect a check directly related to the dead beat situation (babysitting,transportation etc)...

and not taking care of their kids the best they can.....yes it's criminal and should be dealt with.

Plus how many "Mistakes" should we as a society pay for??? Talking the sicken stats of women 21 and under with 2,3,4,5, and some times MORE children with different babies Daddies???? He11 just read through the forums here with the very very very small percentage of people in the world.

Yes you are correct dead beat parents are become an epidemic , and it is gonna bite us in the aS@ in another generation or so. Look at the stats on teenagers RIGHT NOW. Crime,education, birth rate, shootings, jobless, and such. Chance are they are just gonna add a link to the problem chain not break it.

In closing.................Step up to the plate and raise your child , or step up and grab a plate......IN THE PRISON CHOW HALL. that is.

If I gotta PAY, they shouldn't PLAY.


FYI: In 1992 I took a single mom of 21 with two babies off her mom's couch and welfare system.
Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 52
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 7:00:43 PM

Hi all,

As i am sure you are all aware, deadbeat dad's is one of the single most largest crisis' facing todays children.

I have an idea that i would like everyones feed back on.

I believe that men who abandon their children should face criminal charges. Now i am refering to men who have no contact with there children, who do not pay childsupport, and in alot of cases avoid the court system so they will go through there entire life not being held responsible for their children.

Women who abandon there children at birth are held criminally negligent and are charged with a variety of offences, yet men are not.

Now i am refering to true cases of abandonment and not neglectful fathers.

I believe there should be a law that will hold both men and women equally repsonsibe.

What do you think?

Fathers who do not pay their child support in the US do go to jail. Now they don't go to jail right away, there is a process and attempts made to get the money without sending someone to prison. Now some people might not like the process as it exists now, but I think you have to consider the overrall big picture from the governments perspective.

If you just start tossing people in jail indiscriminately, you are costing the state three times. Once for the child that isn't being supported, who is probably being helped by social welfare programs funded by tax dollars. Then twice, because of the cost associated with housing and feeding and health care for another inmate. Then third, you reduce that fathers ability to earn after incarceration and increase the social cost of the probability that someone incarcerated will return to prison or turn to crime because they cannot get legitimate work.

Child support is based on "inputed income", which means in the US, a man is liable for child support based on his "potential" earnings, not his "actual" earnings. The reason this happens is so Bob the Doctor doesn't decide to become Bob the Gas Station Clerk for five years to avoid massive child support payments. However this becomes a burden for men who become injured or downsized or outsourced or their skills become obsolete. There are plenty of men who would pay, but feasibly can't pay under certain circumstances. There is a classic case of a US soldier who was held prisoner in Iraq, then once released and back home, he was thrown in jail for failure to pay child support. He couldn't write checks because he was a prisoner of war. Thats how the system works. It doesn't care about you, or your kids, it just wants to get as many people off of the systems paid by taxes food cupboard as possible.

I believe there is a "deadbeat" epidemic of catastrophic proportions facing America today, but I do not believe it is solely isolated to just "dads" The disparity between fathers who do not pay child support and mothers who do not pay child support is rapidly shrinking. But the disparity of men who go to jail for not paying child support and women who do not pay child support is growing.

As for women being held criminally negligent, I think statistics do not bear out that claim either. Women, unlike men, can fall back on biological reasons for their criminal defense. A woman can say she was pregnant and had hormones going wild and she did not know what to do. A man however, has no such fall back excuse to give to the court. And consider that a recent study showed that up to 20-25 percent of all paternity tests in America come back false. Meaning one out of every four or five fathers who do a paternity test will find out that their child is not theirs. However they are still legally liable in almost all cases of paying child support, even if it can be shown intent to defraud was present. The women who lie about paternity don't go to jail. These women fill out government documents, many knowing full well that the man they state is the father of their child is not and sign their name to said documents, many of which related to financial matters. But these women do not go to jail, in fact, they are rewarded for their deception because the deceived "father" has to often pay child support anyway. And there is yet no legal precedent set for a child to compel their mother to reveal their true biological father. Can you imagine the financial/moral/social implications of a child who may not know his/her true medical history?

Statistically speaking, women are not held equally responsible legally in the same way as men in regards to child custody and child support. The numbers just do not bear it out. Look at the disparity of "Safe Haven" laws. A mother can physically abandon her child with no criminal penalties, but what do you think will happen if a father dumped his kid in front of a hospital and got caught?

Speaking from a legal perspective, from my work experience, the biggest crisis today involving children and their health both physically and emotionally is not "dead beat dads", its divorce. Divorce in a no fault system where children are growing up in broken homes without their fathers. The issue of child support is an issue within the larger framework of the problem of divorce in America.

No offense, but many of your statements are very broad sweeping generalizations and assertions that simply do not have much basis in fact or current statistics.
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 65
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/25/2006 8:59:14 AM
You Go Jenny,

I'm old enough to be your Dad and raised a boy thats almost your age, and you are at a fresh start, but you got the attitude, and thats what it takes.

Don't get side tracked with the BS.

WOWbyBDJ: When a sharp cat gets thrown, it still lands on its feet.

Good Luck:

That said, these children of today, will be the leaders of tommorrow. As we make decisions for them while they are in diapers, one day they will make decisions while we might be in diapers. Just WOWby BDJ.

We all need to be involved, and including the children and the changes, and if we need to hold others accountable.

Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 75
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/25/2006 6:09:38 PM
Before you get on the whole dead-beat dad thing...from the view of someone that pays that support, wholly and willingly, at the cost of almost losing my ability to be independant...better read up on those child support guidelines. There is not a single source of income that the "custodial parent" can't get money from.

From the Connecticut Child Support Guidelines:

"Gross Income inclusions are:
Hourly wages for regular, overtime, and additional employment not to exceed 45 total paid hours per week
commissions, bonuses and tips
profit sharing, deferred compensation and severance pay
tribal stipends and incentives
employment perquisisites and in-kind compensation
military personnel fringe benefit payments
benefits received in place of earned income, including (but not limited to) worker's compensation benefits, unemployment insurance benefits, strike pay and disability insurance benefits
veteran's benefits
social security benefits
net proceeds from contractual agreements
pension and retirement income
rental income after deducting "reasonable and neccessary expenses"
estate or trust income
interest, dividends and annuities
self-employment earnings after deducting "reasonable and neccessary expenses"
alimony being paid by an individual who is not party to the support determination
adoption subsidy benefits
lottery and gambling winngs (and similar prizes)
education grants"

For all you money-grubbing people...what the heck is missing from that list? I can hardly buy food for myself, much less my child when I'm "allowed" to have him visit me. And if I get a second job to have additional money...well, that raises the money that she gets, which leaves me still short.

Don't forget, it's the non-custodial parent who pays for that medical insurance. And then foots (at least for me) more than half the medical bills, for each and every time that the "custodial parent" decides to take the child to the doctor.

All things told, after my bills are paid, and expenses for just getting to work and back are paid, I'm left with $40 a month for food, clothing, and for heating oil for during the winter. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you start complaining about all those dead-beat dads.

Some of them might have escaped the system...but this is one dad who will pay, but will struggle through it, and hate the system that has caused this. And I will do anything for my child, and the day that I am able to rescue my son from his mother, is the day that I will be forever blissful. My son is my life.

(granted, I'm bitter and...nasty due to a very *ahem* nice woman that let me learn what I DON'T need in my life)
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 84
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:18:21 AM
If a woman is arrested for abandonment it is because she left the child with no guardian. Although it statistically happens less (obviously); if a male parent leaves the child with no guardian he would be arrested as well. If a woman left the child with the father and abondoned the child as so many men do. I have never heard of a woman being arrested in this set of circumstances.

There is an equal law in most states.......If you file the child support papers and report most states are getting very tough on those who refuse to pay.

Now having said this I DO NOT advocate inprisoning an ex partner UNLESS the childs welfare will be jepardized. This is for the childs sake. It puts undo pressure on the child to know their parents are putting each other in prison over him/her. And Oft times the deadbeat parent take it out on the child. I won't go after my ex-wife because I know that it would seriously strain my son's relationship with his mom. And although I am not living high on the hog I do make it to the end of the month.

I faced the prison thing when I caught up to my ex after chasing her across two continents for three years. Iclosed my eyes and imagined what I would feel if I was told my parent had put the other in jail over me .......and I couldn't do it........Much to my friends and families chagrin.

Sometimes IT MUST be done......... but not just because we can
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 85
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:33:31 AM

Spiderham is right the court and most government agencies give us single dad's get a hard time ....guilty until proven innocent. I was in court more than a year .....flying 3000 miles for each hearing with my ex never showing up for the hearings (NEVER ONE and she supposedly lived in town) before they stopped treating me like a second class citizen.

And as for going through the ringer........ walk a mile in another mans shoes. Every case is different. If you heard the whole thing you'd agree

And Lastly ...back on topic is the ONLY way to truely stamp out the eppidemic of deadbeat PARENTS is to teach our children to respect their future childrens rights ABOVE THIER OWN !!!!! This must be done by example.......we must bite the bullet and put our grief and anger behind us. Guys have to stop showing thier sons the love'em and leave 'em technique and women must stop with the "he still has enough to go out on friday and chase women so I need more child support" (just examples folks)

Sexual protection will do nothing to stem the tide if attitudes don't change, There's as many deadbeats from marriages and monagamous relationships as from unmarried and non managamous
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 93
I totally agree!
Posted: 7/28/2006 3:57:56 AM
Broken Wings, I read your profile, and I'm just going to assume that it's recent

when your child comes up to you in a decade or two (or sooner) and asks you why you didn't do everything in your power to ensure that his/her father was more than a sperm donor, come talk to the rest of us. just b/c a woman wants the man that helped create the life to provide for that child doesn't make them conniving b*tches ~ it makes them good moms.

once you're really out on your own w/ your child, you'll see things differently. while you sacrifice and work two jobs to feed, clothe, educate, and maintain the health of your child, you'll understand what it is that the debate is about. there's more to being a parent than just showing up for a visit once every two weeks
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 98
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/28/2006 10:46:26 AM
the gender doesn't matter ~ ultimately, it's about what's the right thing to do for your child. I know a fair amount of single dads, as well as weekend ones, and they are doing everything they can for their children: not because a court told them to, but b/c at the end of the day, it's always about what's best for their children.
Joined: 12/29/2004
Msg: 110
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:36:45 PM
How do I start here? I would like an easy answer also! I have not turned my child's father in for child support because I don't want her wondering where he is all the time if he shows up a few times a year "since I paid for it". He has given her 70 bucks since we split in December of '04. When he did see her, he paid little attention to her and talked more about being with me and how dumb of a person I was for not knowing he's changed (he hasn't) And how everything was him, him, him. I'd rather him just stay away than hurt her... I agree about the term "dead beat parent" bikerboyz, Mom's do the same thing!
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 115
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/5/2006 11:31:40 AM
Hey spider, how ya doing...

How about this angle?

If one parent has to force the other parent by means of the judical system to pay...

Maybe this teaches the child one of the most important lessons in life.

**RESPONSIBILITY** Just a thought.

You know like when the child's not cleaning room/homework/feeding pet etc and then Mom/Dad (as the courts) make them do it... Just a thought, guess depends on how you deal with the situation.

In Maryland Retroactive Support starts from date filed. Now if it's the courts slow a@s taking a year or two, or the parent hiding for 5 years, to get to COURT..... Well ...

Either way it starts at the date filed, and in Maryland they will go after you until the day you die.,,,,example...

Had a guy 55 wanting to work for me , and could not get his licence because he was still behind. Something like 20K plus... His Daughter's were 25 and 27. He was paying like 1K here and there, because he was still under a court order and could still be put in jail.

Oh the licence??? Md takes them away when you get behind and are not paying ANYTHING...NOW THAT'S PLANE Stupid

Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 124
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/9/2006 7:36:48 AM
I'm behind you 100% Kitty. Spider you play that out like your picking out a dress or new shoes. That is a decision that a women carries to her grave, and a lot of times thinking of it their whole life. I could never choice EITHER unless my health issues where to the point I could not take care of MYself.

I have a handfull of female friends that I have been in contact since we were kids and the few that chose abortion ,question there choice 20 years later.

I also have close friends that had to let a newborn go because it was born brain dead, 2 beautiful girls and 8 years later she still crys about it.

I believe that those are BOTH last CHOICE options.

The decisions dealing with my daughter, far out way all my daily life's chocies, even including buying a house, and where to live. That's just me.

A life is the most precious thing on the earth, and a 18 year contract at best.

I child is not a renewable resourse like a tree, or crop of corn.

We as a society need to be thinking more clearly BEFORE the dim lights/bottle of wine night and NOT 9 months later.

Just a thought

Joined: 12/29/2004
Msg: 159
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/17/2006 12:34:46 AM
This situation is hairy. I just filed for child support on behalf of my three year old daughter. I am working fulltime and so is her father. The only time I've heard from him lately, (the last time being about 2 months ago) he only wanted to try to get me back by throwing in my face how much money he made. Now, knowing what all he spends his money on (part of being why I left him in the first place), and if he is in fact making that amount, I think our daughter should get some of that. I know I could use the help. I just don't know if it would be worth him coming in and out of her life trying to "play dad" just because he's butthurt that I left him because he refused to just grow up. I am not asking for back childsupport or medical expenses, just a resonable percentage of what he makes. This whole time I'm a little sick to my stomach that I couldn't get along alone and take care of her myself. She told me the other night "I don't want to see my dad anymore because he doesn't want to see me, he doesn't love me." Now I've never said anything like that to my girl. I don't speak negatively of him around her. When she asks where he is I try to be vague and say "At his house" or "He might be at work, honey, he just moved." Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? It rips my heart out. Not to mention the fact that if he comes around demanding to see her because she took $100.00 a month or something and she says it to him? He'll blame me of coarse and probably not come around for another 4-6!!!!
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 160
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/18/2006 6:00:28 PM
I'm glad to see that someone other than me see's that there are dead beat mom's as well. I've had my kids for 1 1/2 years and only recicved 2 months child support. She is only seeing the kids every now and then. She is self employed and truely making near 100,000. However she only claims she is making 19,000. I can't prove it but its true. Any time the kids ask her for something she tells them to see your dad, thats why I pay child support. .
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 166
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:44:38 PM
This is true only one in 12 custodial dads recieve ANY child support

And I am not one of those, but as one person said .....In todays world we have NO BUSINESS having children if we don't think we can support them alone. The odds are just to great, and when you fight over CS your child's family support suffers .......AND THAT IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT.

The ones I dont get is the He/She ran off and doesn't see the child good riddance
THESE ARE THE ONES YOU GO AFTER. The ones that don't pay but at least spend time with........ are contributing something important. The runners don't contribute at all. Believe it or not the time they spend with the child is worth far more than the dollars.

(I got the stats for another thread )Census'00 and CS Enforcement report
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 178
view profile
What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:33:57 AM
As a Single Parent that has never gotten a dime of CS

This should not be a criminal offence, itshould be a civil offense.

People that lock their childrens other parent up over money..........How do you look your child in the face? What example are you giving your child? Even worse those who try to refuse visitation because the other person is in arrears.

Those who use the arguement that your child deserves all they can get........So true
I recently apologized to my 10 year old son for not having the money for an activity. He said we're doing great Dad don't sweat it. They understand...........they appreciate the situation. AND I"LL BET IF YOU ASKED THEM ....... getting less vs parents in jail
the vast majority would choose less.

Children aren't tools .......don't use them as leverage
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