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 dancingsoulat43
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 114
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?Page 5 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
[The police can protect you only as much as you help to protect yourself.Here in Ohio the first conviction is a misdemeanor, which generally requires anger management classes and probation. If the classes are not attended then a stint at the Workhouse is imposed. A second conviction is a felony. THAT is why the first conviction is so important, because it is gonna happen again! ]

I don't know what part of Ohio you live in but it's not the same in my area. Certain departments of our lovely "protectors" doesn't want to deal with this kind of problems. I tried and tried to get protection and I was told OVER and OVER that I didn't have enough paper trail to get protection. I was looked in the eyes and told the only way I would get a protection was if I was severally hurt and in the hospital or I was DEAD!!!! I didn't finally have the nerve to turn him in until after he moved out of the house and in with his online girlfriend. I layed in my house at night fearing that he would come and kill me and either kill our son or take him. He would call and leave messages, would come to the house and try to steal things or abuse me and my son more....but no one wanted to get involved. I never felt so alone in my life as I did when the sheriff's department didn't want to talk to me or send an officer out. They gave me some hotline to call and I get a girl on the phone that didn't know what the hell she was doing and couldn't help me because it was the weekend. All she could do was give me numbers to call on Monday....I FELT REAL SAFE!!!! My son and I slept with loaded guns in the house..one with him and one with me. Where was my so called protection???I felt the only way they would get involved was if I let him beat the hell out of me and put me in the hospital...then I might get my protection!!! I did finally talk with one of the town cops and he did start to help me and protected me and my son. But by that time...the damage is done mentally and physically on myself and my son. I feel what you speak of is "fantasy world" of the court system. It looks good on paper and good coming out of politicians's mouthes but it doesn't happen in the real world. They almost made me feel like I was the "bad" person and here I was the victim!!
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 115
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 7/10/2007 2:38:57 AM
DancingSoulat43,
I am speaking of the Ohio Revised Code (2919.25). The first CONVICTION is a misdemeanor, not the first arrest. Prosecution must be involved.
I am saddened that you encountered so much frustration. I am neither justifying nor making excuses, but just trying to find an explanation for the apathy you encountered when I ask this next question. Were you one of the households that have called the police frequently, or where there have been third party calls, and you got the reputation that the cops will be there again tomorrow and she isn't going to do anything.
I insist that domestic violence is a progressive disease, and I wonder how many times the police were called where you did not follow through.
Yes, the law is reactive rather than proactive, meaning that a crime has to be committed before a person can be arrested.
I have taken the time to talk extensively with many female victims of abuse. ALWAYS, they say at the time, THIS TIME I am going to prosecute. I ask them what makes this time so much different than the previous 50 times, and she cries and says she is tired. Whenever I follow up, she never follows up with the prosecutor. Above everything else, this is so unfair to the children involved!
CRIMINAL PROSECUTION is your "protection" but the victims normally do not follow through, for all of the various reasons previously discussed on this thread.
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 116
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 7/10/2007 3:30:53 AM
They DID make me feel like I was a 'bad' person.

Took me a year or two after I walked away before I could look in the mirror and not think that I was some terrible person.

This is part of their 'skill'.... They manipulate you with their words and constantly battering you into submission. They brainwash you.

It amazes me how many people out there are/were in such situations.

Hope all see the light and get the courage to seek help and get out of such a situation.

Best to all.
 carmella24
Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 117
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 7/13/2007 2:36:47 AM
they secretly like it, being submissive, or the drama or they can't leave.

Obviously you have not been reading the replys and have never been through it yourself
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 118
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 7/13/2007 3:32:32 AM
I skimmed this thread so if this post has already addressed this aspect, I apologize in advance.

There is another aspect to the abusive relationship that I didn't see mentioned and that is the very cycle of the abusive relationship: three phases.

1. Honeymoon phase: - everything flows exceptionally well in the relationship. Abuser makes amends, promises change, etc

2. Build-up phase: here the tensions in the abuser start to build, evidenced often by non-verbal cues but can involve projection of blame on the part of the abuser for insignificant things

3. Explosion: When it hits, it's sudden. Can be physical but not necessarily physical

And it goes on over and over again.

Victim impact: Begins to doubt perceptions, accepts blame, attempts to control the abuse by adapting behavior to please the abuser, thinking becomes almost surreal - disconnected to the reality of the situation; begins to think she (and can be he as men are also abused) imagined the abuse. If the abuse is not physical in nature - she has no means to validate the abuse ever happened in the first place as there are no visual marks to substantiate it; isolated and as the abuse progresses, eventually support systems previously in place deteriorate; as afraid to leave as she is afraid to stay; feels like she is losing her mind (abuser propagates that perception); belief in her own ability to make a life separate from the abuser is diminished; self-esteem becomes non-existent, she loses her sense of identity and self; as the cycles occur so fast and furious - she no sooner gets her bearings in one cycle then the next cycle is in play; if there are children involved - more complications in getting out.

The abuser doesn't feel normal unless he (or she) can position the victim as the cause of all his/her problems. The abuser is out of control and only feels in control by bringing the victim under total control. And that process is not so easily detected and recognized as people who have not been there are prone to believe.

The best thing that anyone can do for some one in this situation is to not judge. Be a beacon of light for her (or him) to get out. Validate the abuse.

These days, thankfully, there are more available options to escape these relationships. However, the first step starts with the victim and it isn't usually until a specific event within the relationship fuels the victim's instinct to survive. The event in my situation way back then was hearing the words from my then 4 year old daughter that her father told her I was going to die and subsequently informed by a mechanic that the car I was driving had gasoline pouring on the hot manifold. My daughter rode in that car with me - and he knew it. It was motivation to save her life that motivated me to get out.

EDIT: P.S. - it's not about sympathy for the victims in these cases - it's about compassion. Big difference there.

 seamstressfortheband
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 119
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 9/19/2007 9:49:39 AM
Well the guy I lived with for 7 years was so wonderful in so many ways but he was very verbally abusive. He would say things out of the blue for no reason and I'd say "OMG why did you say that?" He'd say, "cause I love to get you going, I love watching you when you are mad" sorry but that's abuse. I stayed cause he was my home, I loved him and I didn't want to face the world without him.

 wodehousefan2
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 120
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 9/19/2007 4:54:01 PM
The devil they do know seems better than the devil they don't know. If they left, they fear the next guy may be even worse.
 Lee4love
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 121
view profile
History
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:38:10 PM
I have had the same experience--but I was the child looking in...I was about 4 through 12 years old to see my Dear Mom got through 2 different relationships-both abusive. My Dad was one--but at 8 years old she ran from him. Then shortly there after--I will call this guy--my step Dad. He did some great things to bring up as kids to adults. Yet in thei Man;s dark side--he would abuse my Mom. I'd see the busted lips and the facial bruises at first. They went through more traumated moments I do not waht to share here. But let's me say this--it was a life threatening episode in my life. It was a tough time for my Mom and her 7 kids. I am the oldest...

Ok...I think there is a fear at times..Which I saw in my Mom as I was going from the age of 5 through 8. The fear of having this evil Man and losing him--but thinking he was all there was to life. I saw her as she defended my Dad on many days. Saying hos she started the fights and ended up getting a fat lip.
I watched my Mom in the second relationship as she praised him for being a bigger Man--coming along to help raise her 6 kids. Then in about 18 months--we got gifted with a little sister--who is now going to 41 in 5 days from now.
I think many of the Women feel that these are good Men. No matter what type of punches or briuses they get. They blame themselves. They feel that life is not worth living. My Mom even told me--if it wasn't for this Man--we'd be starving. Even though the welfare system was in effect....
My Mom stayed and finally when I was just 16--she kicked him out...after so many years of abuse from both Men.
She did however refuse counseling and tried to turn the table on us. If you would take soem times to read--you'll find that an abused person is not in control.But as soon as they re-gain control...they can go over-board. So we felt the brute controlling Woman who tried without much success to controlour lives. In the end--she is still alive living in Brooklyn, NY--but has ran off all of her 5 boys. The two girls like many girls--have remained close. I 've had to go through the Woman who is my Mom--who meets a girlfriend and a couple of my wives---to tell me how "No Good" these Women are--but not knowing them at all.

So in essense--Many Women have let their capters--abrusers take over their physical bodies and minds. THus brain washing them into thinking--"their Lovve is the one and only"...There is no other than them. I have met too many who think so. I was married to one as well... Even today--Women think nice Men will always turn abusive...Trust me--I've been told that a lot from Women. I am too nice and that is not normal...
 bathurstfish
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 122
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 9/19/2007 9:56:05 PM
well sometimes its cause the women has been trough worst things in her past.she was treated like that by her parents or something so she doesnt know or experienced better.
she starts to think its how she should be or deserves to be treated.
 bathurstfish
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 123
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 9/19/2007 9:56:47 PM
cause theyre self esteem is too low.
 AB_Weezy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 124
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 8:34:42 AM

The people you keep around yourself, speaks volumes for the type of person you are yourself.


What a powerful quote!
 sweetlibrachik
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 125
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 9:04:45 AM
Some stay cuz of the kids sake til they're full grown. Some stay cuz of fear of wot the guys may do to them to protect themselves. Some stay cuz their friends or family think they are being honest about their partner so they try to make it look good til one or another catches their partner in the act out of range. Some stay cuz they can tolerate the abuse, meaning they enjoy it. If some don't enjoy it why stay in it??

I'm glad I'm out of mine, I got tired of the let downs and the verbal abuse and whining, it kept repeating.
 sweetlibrachik
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 126
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 9:06:48 AM
Some stay cuz their friends or family think they are being NOT honest about their partner so they try to make it look good til one or another catches their partner in the act out of range.

Excuse the typos I tend to leave some words out.
 Tregana
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 127
view profile
History
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 9:47:00 AM
Coming from a abusive home.... The reason I kept staying in relationships like that in the past was it was comfortable.. even while it was abusive. (not sure that makes sense)

The person that is the abused, (male or female its not just a one way street here) gets locked into the they didn't really mean it. (usually cause the person is doing the I'm sorry repeatedly afterwards) The abused believes it.

Also, usually someone who is being abused or has been in the past, doesn't see it as abuse, it's usually all they've known.

Self-esteem is another reason. If you have lived with the constant abuse, long enough you believe the person(s), that delves it out. So you accept their belief or abuse as fact.

Understand that when someone is abused a lot of times they can't see the way out of the 'abuse'. They don't see the options, and it probably won't work to tell them initially. (till the lights come on) Yes you can tell them but initially they won't believe, or listen, or hear it.
 Belle54
Joined: 9/6/2007
Msg: 128
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:24:25 AM
My 1st marriage I was in the hospital more than I was at home due to the abuse of a severe alcoholic very rich man.

I would run and he would hire people to find me and bring me back, the police brought me back and he met us with a gun, the police left me with him, him with a gun.

I couldn't take it anymore, one night he had a double barrelled shotgun in my face and I told him to either kill me or get out of my face as I pushed the gun away from my face, the gun went off.

That was when I decided that suicide was a much better option, I almost succeded but he chose for me to live as he put it because HE was going to be the one to kill me that I wasn't going to outbest him. So I had my stomach pumped and after close to another year of living hell I got out.

Thank God my friends finally saw him for what he was and hid me out until I got about a 1000 miles away from him.

Strange, it's been years ago and I'm still scared of him. His family finally woke up and dis-owned him, they finally believed me when they had to come to the hospital to see for themselves what he had done to me and didn't recognize me.

So in some cases it's not a case of low self esteem, its a matter of whether you're going to live to make it another day OR you can get the help of friends who knew how to keep their mouths closed when push came to shove about my whereabouts.

Thank You Dear Friends.

Belle~
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 129
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History
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:26:28 AM
I stayed in two marriages where that went on. My reasons were as follows...
I was raised that when you marry it is forever...you take vows...a promise not only to that other person but to the God you believe in. For better or worse...and there is no guarantee of "better"...I just happened to have gotten "worse" the way I saw it at the time. Both men had major issues...didn't know that til after we got married, but it wasn't really because we rushed into it either. My first ex showed those signs after the first year. My second one, after my miscarriage of our twins. Still...I stayed because of the vows...because I was very ill after my miscarriage of the twins, had no job, and a small son from my previous marriage who had mental health problems. I saw no way out at the time. I stayed and tried to build my health, had another daughter in the meantime and then stayed hopin he'd soften a bit. Didn't happen. He finally left, as did my first husband, but I've grown alot since then, gotten my almost non-existant self esteem back, and have no plans whatsoever to go back to any life that consists of constant abuse of ANY sort. I and my kids deserve better than that. We just couldn't get out sooner for financial and health reasons.
 regalrose
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 130
view profile
History
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 10/9/2007 10:40:58 AM
yourgirl....very true (your post)

LMAO...I tried everything known to man to work out my marriages, and they would have no part of it. And, NO , I was not one who stayed for love, if you read my previous post here, you'd know that wasn't one of the reasons listed. I did stay for financial reasons, and to provide what I knew I couldn't alone for my kids AT THE TIME, and both men had at one point or another threatened removing my kids...just to be spiteful. It didn't work because I KNEW I was a good mom, if nothing else. Many of you are right in the low self-esteem thing...and the abuse makes it that much worse. When my last ex left, I didn't realize it for a couple of months, but I hadn't looked in a mirror in years. I would look at "parts"....my teeth when I brushed them in the morning or my hair occasionally when I brushed it (many times brushed it without a mirror, didn't really need one), and I don't normally wear makeup of any kind, so no need there . I would just mentally block the rest of "me" out. Then one day, I came out of the shower, and "saw" myself....really LOOKED for the first time in probably 5 or 6 years....I honest to God did NOT recognize myself!!! I was so shocked I just stood there staring....then I began to cry....I mean wailing sobs too!!! I cried for almost 2 hours, and when it was over, I dried my eyes, went back and looked again, determined to change what I saw and to NEVER EVER EVER let another human being bring me to that point again. I have come a long way...got "me" back to almost the "me" I used to love and had lost along the way, and I lost 104 lbs, that won't be coming back if I got a say in it. It can be done....it just takes the courage and will power to do it.
 AceBugger
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 131
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:39:21 PM
Lets not just say women its men too. . . People stay in abusive relationships because they include love, emotional dependency, commitment to the relationship, hope, view of violence as legitimate, guilt, fear, economic dependence, & isolation. . . . Now for women "Fear of Loneliness" is why most women stay what studies say. . . .
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 132
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/4/2008 10:02:41 AM
I have been absent for quite a while, but I felt this was an important story to share, and it will probably be a bit lengthy. I wasn't sure where to put it, or whether to begin a new thread, but this is as good a place as any.
It is easy for cops to become jaded, particularly in incidents of domestic violence. Pretty much everybody lies to the police to protect themselves or to protect the people they love. Domestic Violence takes that to the next level, because the Victims love their abusers, however dysfunctional, unhealthy, and potentially lethal that relationship. I am also rather jaded, but I still have the ability to try to go the extra mile to help someone as a rookie would.
Last night, we got a call for a male beating a female inside of a gas station convenience store. When we arrived, there was a young woman crying and the suspect was gone. I would give their races, except for I want to protect their identies and domestic violence has no race, color, nor gender preference distinctions in its dynamics.
The young lady said that she worked as a dancer, that her boyfriend had no job, and that he dropped her off and picked her up from work in a car she paid for, and that every day when he picked her up, she gave him her money.
He hit her outside but she had learned to shield herself from blows so she was only struck on the forearm, and she went into the store to try to call her mother or someone to pick her up while they tussled and he tried to take their phone away. The young ladies (23 & 20) inside secured her behind the employee counter, and his criminal history was extensive enough that he knew not to cross behind that counter. They called the police and we arrived within minutes.
Before I could talk to her, she was on the cell phone talking to him. Essentially, they were discussing that she didn't wanna be beat no more and that she didn't call the police but the people from the store did. Oh, yeah, and that he told her she was going to be dead.My partner got her information and another car went to the house to look for him (the lights were on but he parked the car elsewhere and did not answer the door).
On the way home from picking her up for work, he was angry that she didn't make enough money and he was drunk, so he accused her of giving freebies, not being good for anything, called her a slut, and accused her of cheating on him.
The story just keeps getting better from here. Normally, I shake my head sadly at people that choose to have pathetic lives, because there is nothing you can do to help them, from my experiences anyway, though I always still write a complete, thorough, and honest police report.
This young woman was only twenty-one years old. Her boyfirend that she has been with for almost five is thrity-four years-old. Do the math, people! She was sixteen when this predator got ahold of her.
It gets better. She got pregnant when she was thirteen, and now has an eight year-old child in foster care, that she is trying to get back. Somehow, she got her GED and intends to go to college next year, which we all know will never happen if she continues to give knucklehead all of her money, pay all of the bills, and most importantly, take steps towards self-esteem and independence.
I predicted most of this girl's answers, but I was gentler on her than I would have been with a forty year-old. I also suspect that if she got pregnant at such a young age that she had been exploited from a very young age.
She cried that she loved him.
I was reminded of a publication from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children regarding juvenile prostitution and case studies in that booklet, something that I sought out on my own not through my Department
This girl was clearly afraid of this man, and she certainly loves him in her own dysfunctional way. While she revealed some of the abuses, before we shuttled her to the home to try to get some of her property (the girl did not even have on a coat and it was probably near zero with the wind chill), she asked if it was okay if she first used the bathroom. She went to the bathroom to call him and tell him that the police were bringing her to the house to get some things. He told her she could have everything, but that he was leaving, because it was "a set-up."
The plot thickens. About a year ago, he took her house keys away from her and never gave them back. Usually, she could get in the house with some clever use of a plastic card, but because of the cold, the card broke.
She called to warn him to leave. We obtained a picture of him which she steadfastly denied was him. By this time, my partner was completely fed up with her lies, designed to protect him ("If she doesn't want to help herself....???).
I asked my partner if he would let me write the narrative of the report, because he was writing the reports last night. I gave her what counseling I could in the limited time we interacted.
I am entitled to a 30 minute lunch break and overtime if I work late, but I worked through my lunch and then some to try to save this young woman's life. I was able to speak to her as a woman, as a somewhat veteran (does that mean old???) police officer, and as an adult child that grew up in a household filled with domestic violence (before it was ever designated as a crime).
Rather than ask her if she is able to read (she seemed rather articulate), I asked her if she had graduated, which is when I learned about her GED and college aspirations.
I told her that her boyfriend is nothing more than her pimp, except that instead of having her sell her tail and taking all of the money, he only has her shake it. Everytime she was lying to protect her, I made a point of letting her know that we knew.
Yet, when we dropped her off at a relative's for the night, she hesitated and asked about what if she changed her mind about doing something. WhooHoo! I at least reached her a little bit. She also hugged me warmly and thanked both my partner and myself, and I don't think she was being insincere (even though she denied to the end that the photo was that of her boyfriend).
We got a positive ID on this man from the witnesses from the same photo that the girl denied was him. My partner indulged my request to have the witnesses confirm his identity, because he was thoroughly fed up with trying to help a woman that did not want to help herself. Honestly, a half an hour after I could have been home, I was waiting to talk to the Detectives on my own time, actually waiting for the boss, to plea my case to help this girl. Naturally, it was his late day.
It turns out, it was the early day of the detective that would be handling the case! I hand-delivered my report (my partner did all of the fill in the blank stuff, and I provided the flesh per my request) and I filled him in on the details. My report solidly reflects the Victim Mentality of this girl, the Fear, and the obstacles facing indictment and prosecution.
I talked to another one of my coworkers about this, and he says that he would have developed the same level of apathy as my partner of the evening. I told him that this one was a bit different, had potential for a better life, and mentioned womens' intuition (because I do not feel this passionate about every case). My coworker told me in so many words that I was an Idiot, and a better person than him, because every day we see people back together before the ink is dry on our reports.
I yabbered at the detective, telling all of the intangibles that we have all seen too many times, but of the differences in her and why she so especially needed for us to swing the bat for her before she winds up just another statistic in the homicide column.
I had told her about the booklet from Missing & Exploited Children (never asking her if anyone had made her prostitute), since I established that she is able to read, and she was interested in reading it. One can only get one free copy, and since I gave away the copy I had to educate others, I called her to advise her on how to get the information.
I do not sugarcoat things very well, and I do not have a poker face.
She answered her phone! I had her write down the 800 number, the number and title of the publication, and I told her if she had any problems to get in touch with me. I also told her that this was on my own time, that I saw something special in her, and that is why I had not given up on her (which is entirely true).
She told me that she was on her way to talk to the detective about the case I had handed to him. This is a rare, few and far between, potential success story!
She was crying that if she gets away from him she has wasted five years of her life. I countered that if she stays with him for another five, then that means she has wasted ten years of her life!
I gave this young lady my name and promised I will always return her calls. I "gave" the City a free hour of work last night, but you cannot put a price on saving a life, turning it around. When she told me she was on her way in to talk to the detective, I was elated enough to write this post!
She is going to need a lot of support and encouragement to move on, but taking that first step is a giant step!
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 133
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/4/2008 12:03:04 PM
tommy_26
In this particular case of which I wrote, I think this is a young girl who doesn't know any other way, but craves a way out. I cannot say that means she will be attracted to a Good Guy over the Bad Boyz, but my main hope is to rescue her from The Cycle of Abuse.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 134
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/4/2008 5:04:26 PM
NocturnalPrincess: very good post. More often than not, the victim - especially that young - needs someone else who cares enough to step out of the presumption box and show them how to take the first step safely. Even the older victims don't want to stay victims but with much more history behind them, it is even harder to believe that there is anything else in life beyond abuse. These are the often abandoned ones. What you mentioned about your partner's apathy is the norm sadly and is not limited to law enforcement but also family and friends of the respective victims (especially as it relates to repetitive incidents). Still - ultimately, as with an alcoholic, there has to be a bottoming out before the victim is even willing to take that first step. Great work with that young lady. You gave her a chance which is more than she had before. A chance is a start.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 135
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:23:14 PM
For allowing herself to be treated that way


Yep - that is part of the dysfunction. So is terror that you cannot possible imagine unless you have been there, not to mention the isolation and mind games that cause one to question their very own sanity at times. It's not about blame actually - more shared accountability but still - when the day is done the bottom line is the victim needs support, encouragement and the ability to leave safely and has to believe in all three - not an easy think to do at all. Remember, blahblah, all these victims know in a majority of cases is the very life they are living. That is all they know.

EDIT: just as it is unfathomable for a victim to remain in an abusive relationship, it is also just as unfathomable to the victim that people actually can enjoy relationships without fear, control, mind games, and all that is part of that vicious cycle of abuse.
 cindy_dc043
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 136
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 1:41:50 AM
i was in abusive relasionship for years.he was not abusive untill i married him.when we was dated he ackted like he was agensit guys abusing woman.but after i married him and was exspecting our first baby that,s when he got abusive.he would punch me.drang me thourgh the house by the hair.pick me up and though me out the door.call me real bad names and acuse me of stuff.islataed me from my friend,s and family.the reson i went back was because i loved him.and he would cry and beg me and promise to change.and his babies would cry and beg for thare dad.after we divorced every time he would do somthing good for his kids he would cuss me out for it.he died a mouth ago of cancer no chance of him changing now.i never called the laws on him.but a nabor girl did but thay never came.and once my cousion called tham and thay said it sounded like i was asking to be abused.so the cops never did try to help me.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 2:04:39 AM
There is no doubt that there are so many reasons a person stays in a relationship. I guess to get out of a abusive relationship you need a lot of help and support to get out both physical and money and emotional support. As the person is being controlled they may have lost a lot of contacts and have minor social contacts and probably no money and fear of the consequences of trying. A lot of people are programed to stay out of other families business and support services may not be available to a lot of people to leave these situations. Some of these people find themselves homeless to get out of abusive relationships and there kids as well suffer the consequences of this not only the woman. I think that in australia the support services arent there for these people and it is very sad.
 angelheart3
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 138
Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 1/5/2008 4:42:46 AM

So needless to say, I tried to offer what comfort I could


Consider that exiting an abusive relationship is a process. While it may feel like you didn't do much, even what you did was a lot to her. As for "saving' her? She has to want to save herself more than she feels compelled to stay first.
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