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 KAPOW!!
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 20
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
My s/o is a recovering meth addict.. once recovering, always recovering. There are some days where she she gets really down and wishes she could get her hands on some, and admittedly, it really stresses me out but I always stick around there as long as she's willing to fight the urge and pick herself back up.

There were a couple weeks last month where things were very bad and she actually did coke as a substitute (granted there were a lot of things going on at the time) but she told me about it and after the initial outrage and disappointment we worked through it.

We've both agreed to give up all drugs and even alcohol, leaving us with a lot of time for chainsmoking.. lol.

Anyway, my point is some people deal with recovering addicts better than other and if you can't.. maybe find out BEFOREHAND and cut off the relationship right there instead of being an ignorant and inconsiderate ***hole, what with your BOOT TO ASS and all. That kind of pissed me off, in all reality. How is someone supposed to recover if they keep getting thrown to the curb for letting someone who is supposed to care about them know that they aren't in fact PERFECT.
 justmeinnc05
Joined: 8/12/2005
Msg: 21
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 1:47:26 PM
There is no way I would get involved with a drug addict or a former drug addict. Been there, done that, bought that sad, ugly little t shirt. Cocaine or any form of it is a very horrible drug, and changes a person in ways you can not imagine unless you have been with such a person. Perhaps some can change but I just can't deal with it.
 Fry Lock
Joined: 10/4/2005
Msg: 22
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 1:50:30 PM
No NO NO...I am a cracker, she is a crackhead - BIG difference...

Cracker (pejorative), a slang term for a white person, usually considered pejorative.


A crackhead is a person who is addicted to crack cocaine.

Thank you, WIKIPEDIA...

Fry

and if they really wanna stay clean they will; it's all a matter of choice....if you don't choose to be with her because of her former addiction, that's your choice too....
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 37
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:40:25 PM

Once a cracker always a cracker...


I would love to delve deep into your past, and then continue to persecute you for the rest of your life for mistakes you made. I really would. Then this BS comment from you...


just wanted to say to all you Previous Crackers that you need to Keep it REAL and stay straight

I mean, what is that all about? First you say a tiger never changes it's stripes, then you tell former addicts to stay straight.. which you just said can never happen. Man, YOU need some serious psychological help. Really. I'm glad you kicked her to the curb. You were nothing but bad news for her. She can and will do far better than you.
 neckkiss
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 49
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:56:56 PM
Yes, I think you were wrong in doing so, but I can't be sure I'm right. It would have to be on a case by case basis. People change. From here, it seems a cruel and heartless thing to do, to end the relationship because she was honest with you. Your coldness may well have pushed her back into that chemical hell. Sad, if nothing else.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 55
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:22:44 AM
Well...recently been going down the path with a person who is in AA...quite frankly, I was blown away when this man told me he was only in 4 months (by now it's 6 I guess)...some of you may have seen my other posts regarding him. He told me he was in recovery on the first date. Within a couple of days we were inseparable...and truly I believe opened up to each other in a way that is not the norm. His "overthinking" ended it, and the place he is in is his recovery...there was a little unpleasantness; and now we are in contact, not defined as together at all...but still in our hearts are, just unspoken and unnamed. For me - would I choose to take a path where I worry about someone's sobriety? Would I choose to have such a connection, and yet know that we can't take it to the limit? Of course not - but we meet who we meet, and connect with who we connect with. Will we end up together? I don't know. But the person who he is becoming, is so spectacular, and the opportunity to be someone he knows he can rely on, is so humbling to me...that it is worth it. I am sure of one thing - at whatever level it ends up being - he will always be in my life. That's enough.

So - I guess what I mean is - to me I started a relationship with a person, not with their past or their addiction. Sometimes, who someone is calls to you...and of course, I follow my heart, not my head.
 rickarr5678
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 56
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/28/2008 6:37:31 AM
i was a meth addict for ten years...I KNOW!!.....rehab in1991...been clean since...of course i know i'm an exceptional few who have been blessed with the an extreme desire to be clean....it's taken many years of counseling to overcome the bad thought patterns and feelins that come with addiction.....you can be a 'dry addict' which is someone who doesnt use but hasn't dealt with these issues..that is another thing narc annonymous does for you...is she active in any support groups?...if not she could be hard to deal with
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 75
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:37:23 PM
I think he/she should have told you before you started dating...

I also think he/she should have been going to some type of recovery meetings too..
 jackster121
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 76
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:57:38 PM
Look, I am a recovering addict. I went through rehab 3 & 1/2 years ago and have been clean ever since. From my perspective it should be a non-issue. However, only 3-5% of people do what I have done. Drug addiction is not receptive to treatment and is subject to relapse. Perhaps you could have stayed until (or if) she relapsed then walked away. But these are my thoughts only
 lovinglife369
Joined: 3/10/2007
Msg: 77
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/10/2008 7:44:01 PM
Well, way back when.......the guy i married was addicted at one time to heroin.....it was the 70's/80's and everyone was getting high........

He went into rehab and i stuck w/him.....had a few relapses but once we got really serious, he gave it up....... i was with him for close to 30 years before he died after a liver transplant didn't take....

Long story short, had close to 30 yrs together and a daughter to be proud of
 Chester K
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 78
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:04:31 PM
I’ve been sober for 18 ½ years. Anyone can change but it takes work and constant vigilance on the part of the addict. The partner should be supportive but but out.
 Xboxer1971
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 97
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:40:50 PM
Speaking from personal experience, it's usually a bad idea.
The addiction to the drug itself is only the immediate problem. The addiction is a sign of a self-destructive psyche that may remain in another form even if the addiction to the drug is gone.
I loved a former addict and believe me, I tried to make it work but sometimes the issues beneath are just too much to tackle. I suppose if I were stronger than I am and stuck it out just a little a longer... but how long is a person supposed to try? How much of your own life are you willing to give up in what may end up being a futile attempt?
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 99
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:12:33 AM
I would NEVER date someone with a past addiction with drugs, alcohol, or a mental illness. If they ever do something they always have that crutch to give them an out so they dont' have to be responsible for their actions; no way, I would never do it.
 Xboxer1971
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 119
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:27:11 AM

How insulting. No one has ever tried to sell me an ounce of cancer or told me how a hit of diabetes could mellow me out, or if I just smoke a little asthma it will take the edge off a stressful day.

Wait, you mean nobody's EVER offered you a shot of leukemia?
Just kidding... excellent point.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 128
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/11/2009 11:09:55 AM
splinter, this is America; people have the right to not date former addicts if they want to; the facts are that most addicts relapse and many relapse several times and never get clean. Some brave ones do get clean and i'm thankful for that.

It isn't your right to make people date addicts; I wont date one; not in a million years. thats my right.
 flash733
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 131
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:08:17 PM
All thoughts are just chemical reactions. I have to wonder if response is physical ,like a chemical reaction , or spiritual aka will power. I think addiction is a malfunction of both. Plus learned behavior from parents. Either way a whole lot more families are getting help, since someone started calling it a disease.
From a dating stand point as with most human behavior is a person more trouble than they are worth. With an addict you never know , no mater how long they are clean. You get a call they are dead, or in jail ,or stole your money. Its a matter of ,are the good times worth the danger. As long as the addict know how to treat what ever you want to call it. All will be well . After years if they starts to believe they are like all the other strong people, and sometimes that is just to please the strong people. Bang the time bomb went off . I would date one , I would be careful about falling in love though
 Racenut17
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 134
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 4/16/2009 11:00:06 AM
Well I guess I fall into that catagory of a "Rescuer or Fixer", because I am in my internship studying to be an Alcohol/Drug Counselor. I am also a recovered drug addict. I use the term "Recovered instead of Recovering Drug Addict, because I got clean with the Power of Jesus Christ and my faith is strong! I used for 20 plus years, was one step away from prison and almost lost my kids. I do know that people can change their lives, I am living proof of that fact. In many cases , those that have been addicted and gotten clean are much more productive citizens of society because they have learned how to work on their own character defects and they have learned some spiritual values. A person has to be done with that life of using and the disfunctional ways they were living. Some people believe that addiction is a choice and others believe it to be a disease. If someone had the disease of cancer, would you kick them to the curb, because you were in fear that it might come back? Just a little food for thought......
 lekitty
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 143
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:44:11 AM
Yes, absolutely! I also think that it's a horrible idea to date someone with a CURRENT personality disorder...like not having any sense of compassion, or perhaps feeling an overwhelming need to put every person into a little pigeon-hole. I also would recommend staying away from anyone who thinks that the rest of "us" are somehow better, smarter, sexier, more clever and funny, more talented, more productive, more ambitious with a brighter future than "them". And of course, you see that the list of possible "things-that-'we'-are-better-at-and-so-it's-only-natural-for-'us'-to-be-in-a-separate-category-from"...well, that list is just endless because no matter what, the "we"s will always find reasons to reassure themselves that they're not like "them." However, since your deep compassion and open mind seems to be working out so well for you...I wouldn't suggest that you change a thing! It's always another great idea to continue to make the exact same choices even as the years pass and you get older and older. That's a real sign of growth and maturity as well as someone who's seeking to advance spiritually and emotionally. Good luck with that.

I "just wanted to say to all you" ummm....people who fit into MY little classification that I've created above.... ....at least those people who you're referring to are "Previous Crackers"; they have their sights set on recovery and on moving forward with their lives. One day their addicition will not be such an all-emcompassing issue. But, those people who spend all their time denigrating others and laughing at them as they grow into better people...well, they'll probably never be able to carry the label "Previous" anything, except maybe "Previously Had Hope That They Might Grow Up" and that's really sad to me.

OH...and one last question, if that's okay with you?? You've certainly got a real "eye" for catchin' the ones who don't fit your high standards. How is it that it took you two whole weeks to find out that she was a recovering "crackhead"?? Maybe you were too busy being amazed by your own witty remarks etc...to see? Or is it that you always date scrawny chicks who look like they've not slept in months so it was hard for you to be sure until she wigged out on you and ran off to go score?
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 144
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:30:46 AM
I would not date a (former) crack-head, no matter how attractive she may be. I am not a psychologist, and I don't want to deal with a ton of baggage. Beside that, I want someone that would be a good mother for my children.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 145
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:34:14 AM
I would not date a (former) crack-head, no matter how attractive she may be. I am not a psychologist, and I don't want to deal with a ton of baggage. Beside that, I want someone that would be a good mother for my children.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 156
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Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:54:34 PM
I dont think that a recovered addict would be able to detect from one that isnt. How would know one unless they talked to you about it. If they have the faith to discuss it with me, I should have the respect to her not to make any preconcieved judgements about her, but to allow her to tell me her story. Everyone has made mistakes, and I expect lots of them, just not drug related. The less the better though.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 157
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:25:33 PM
Unless they have a proven record of being straight and clean for some time.... it's a big NO to date them. I knew a guy that never was able to get off, and I just cut off all connection with him in every way. He needed help, but he wouldn't help himself. He became aggressive and his actions were scary, so it was not good to be around him. Also, he tried to offer me the stuff and I was out of there fast. I know another guy, and he was engaged to a girl who was on drugs. She went to rehab and the whole works, and for a couple of years she was ok, but then she went back. Her whole personality changed, and he didn't end up marrying her. He told her to clean up her act first and then he would consider it, but she liked the drugs more than him. She never gave it up. Both of her 2 children she had previously with another man were taken away from her by the state, and she lives on the streets.....not good. My friend said he could not handle her living in drugs, and has never looked back with any regrets on letting her go.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 162
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2011 11:36:20 AM
I worked in a recovery center and I would myself never date a recovering addict. Most of them relapsed and it wasn't pretty. Some dozens of times.

It has nothing to do with being judgmental it has to be that I don't want that in my life. I've seen the carnage it causes.

Are addicts bad? of course night. My college buddy who is one of my best friends is an addict and he's had some real highs and lows. But for me with a relationship and family, it's different and I can't risk it.

Many people have no problem with it and I think it's great. Everyone has a choice. Addicts have to realize that it's not for every person and it's not their right to be accepted by everyone as a partner.
 trinity818
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 164
Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2011 2:30:47 PM

I would myself never date a recovering addict. Most of them relapsed and it wasn't pretty. Some dozens of times.


Sadly, I have to agree with this. I've known a few addicts...crack and/or alcohol. None of them escaped. The crackheads are the worst. It's very sad. My ex-fiance's brother hung himself. He had been in and out of rehab for about 15 years. He just could not get away from it.

Although, my brother-in-law quit drinking about 15 years ago. He has never touched a drop since, and has no problem being in a bar or around people who are drinking.

I guess it depends on how many years have passed, what they were addicted to, and how well they cope now.
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