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 Truegirl4you
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 59
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?Page 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Yes, you're right, we do live in a "ME" world, all about "ME", what can you do for "ME"?! Its pretty sad, been there. I just still cannot understand how someone can take their clothes off and do the most intimate thing two people can do together and not have some sort of feelings or want to atleast see if the possibility of a relationship could be there. If they ARE good enough to phuck, why aren't they good enough for anything else??? There is usually a strong attraction with these types of relationships. I think a lot of them are when the person wants their cake and eat it, too. I was in a similar situation...but the guy I was seeing was lying and had a gf in another state, so there was much more to it. I just think its shallow, thats all. When two people connect and have passionate sex, I just can't imagine not atleast giving it a shot!
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 60
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/15/2010 5:53:39 PM
From the Seinfeld episode "The Deal":

FWB:

Jerry: Because this is very good. (Points back and forth between them to indicate friendship)
Elaine: And that would be good. (Points to bedroom)
Jerry: That would be good too. The idea is combine the this and the that. But this cannot be disturbed.
Elaine: Yeah, we just wanna take this and add that.


Relationship

Jerry: So I think we should just forget the whole deal, and go back to being friends.
Elaine: I can't do it.
Jerry: You what?
Elaine: I can't do that.
Jerry: You mean it's... (She nods) No this. No that. No this or that. Oh, boy. What do you want?
Elaine: This, that, and the other.
Jerry: Oh, sure. Of course, you're entitled. Who doesn't want this, that, and the other?
 GRP60
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 61
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/15/2010 7:54:39 PM
FWB means holding back, not having a gut sense of the other being 'the one' but rather 'the experiment', and someone feeling hurt afterwards. After a fully committed intimacy I'd want to rush to the computer and replace my profile with "NSNL- only here for the forums, happy now!!" after blowing my leftover points in sending my love every digital gift I can afford!
And then of course buying something in the real world for her, like travel tickets for some quality togetherness time...
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 62
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/15/2010 7:58:30 PM
OP: My definition of a friend is someone you enjoy spending time with, talking to, hanging out with, someone you can call when you need help or advice, etc. Basically you have developed a platonic relationship with this person then at some point you may add the benefits of having sex with this person. How is this different from a romantic relationship?

What’s different is the way the two feel about each other – the emotional tone of the relationship.

OP: A romantic relationship basically starts out the same way: meet, hang out, get to know the person, become sexually involved.

The externals might look the same, but a romantic relationship usually starts off with a spark, doesn’t it? feelings of attraction? with checking out possibilities of sex, love, intimacy, commitment?


OP: Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?

It can mean that if people want it to. It’s certainly being used as a euphemism for fuk-buddy. Hence the anecdotes about supposed FWB’s behaving in most unfriendly ways. But in the interest of precision, I take the “friend” part literally. For me, it would mean two people who maintain an ongoing friendship. And have sex.

And they’re not expecting, intending or committing to a long-term romantic relationship. Either the feelings aren’t there, or their values differ, or their life-plans are diverging, maybe they don’t speak the same language, maybe their circumstances make if difficult … or maybe they already tried a fully committed relationship (whatever that means) and found they weren’t suited.

But it’s still just a label. Convenient verbal short-hand for describing a relationship. It’s not a definition of a relationship in three words. It’s not a substitute for making specific agreements with a friend about your FWB relationship, about what you can live with and what you expect from each other.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 63
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/15/2010 8:35:12 PM

Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?


Yes, cinderella, it is.
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 64
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/16/2010 12:10:23 AM
^^^

Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?

Yes, cinderella, it is.


That seems like quite a generality to me - as if all FWB’s were the same. Couldn’t there be more to the issue than that, for some couples?

Isn’t it possible that some in a FWB aren’t looking for another relationship at all? And of those that are, some would not necessarily look for someone “better”, but rather someone more compatible? or someone more available?

Couldn’t it also be a way of saying “We can hang out and have sex and also see movies and make dinner and go to the beach and talk about life and sleep together and care for each other, offer each other acceptance and understanding, etc”? And if one of us decides they want a long term committed relationship and finds someone more compatible for that, then the sexual part of our relationship will stop?

Couldn’t FWB mean what the two people involved decided they wanted or didn’t want their relationship to mean? Can we really draw such firm conclusions about people we’ve never seen, met or heard of?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 67
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/17/2010 1:17:36 AM
FWB is the ring pop of relationships.... and when is there every anything wrong with 8 ring pops on your fingers. Admit it, you have done it.

Yep, its exactly that. It is the I am going to mow this lawn today, but tomorrow, I am doing the neighobors yard, just because.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 68
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/17/2010 2:02:43 AM
I love the excuse that someone is going to get hurt, like that doesn't happen in a divorce. The major complaint seems to be a FWB doesn't get financially compensated for the pain. If they did....there wouldn't be a woman on this planet willing to marry.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 70
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/18/2010 8:33:19 PM
Zuglo,

I agree...But.. I heard that if it's done on a fairly regular basis, it's called "dating".

What a$$hole has been saying that?! ;) That's very true. Sometimes things on the more-than-friends level start off ONLY being "benefits", but bleed more into other subtleties which end up defining things as more than just FWB.

It might not be LOVE, but there should be some feeling about your FWB.

Yep... on some level, yes. I think FWB is only a temporary short-lived phase for most cases and it isn't a LD situation. Hence, if someone's FWB too long and see each other frequently, it ends up turning into something more.
 Kranck
Joined: 11/30/2009
Msg: 73
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/18/2010 9:25:20 PM
^^^ If their encounters are purely for sexual transaction then why not call it what it is – fuk-buddies. FWB means something else. Even if that "something else" is unpalatable or incomprehensible. It does exist. A friendship that includes sex.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 74
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/18/2010 10:03:47 PM
There is a difference between friends with benefits and a relationship. For one and the most obvious is that you don't have benefits with another person when you are dating or in are in relationship with them.

With today's times, things are completely blurry now. So yes, you can have a friend with whom you have benefits with. The difference when romance is involved is not measured at the present time but rather, where it may lead.

Your explanation of a FWB surely seems correct!
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 77
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/19/2010 5:02:18 AM
Booty calls and FWB's are totally different....I've had both.

Booty call was when we didn't want to spend any time together...she just emailed me what day & time to come over....and then I'd leave after.

FWB was with a woman who although we agreed we wouldn't make a good couple (no passion at all, different lifestyles etc.) we both cared for each other and had fun doing "couple" and friend type stuff...plus we could trust each other. So we'd mess around when we felt like it instead of sleeping around with some stranger....and we stopped when she started dating someone. It was good for both of us.


I doubt I'd do the booty call thing again....it was seriously lacking. I was in that situation years ago right after my divorce.

The only way I'd enter another fwb relationship is if I was SURE neither one of us would get attached. I have had a few opportunities for another but I know I'm not interested in a full relationship yet detect they are hoping I'll change my mind....so, I just don't go there.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 78
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/19/2010 10:46:05 AM

These ladies have FWB for years, and it didn't turned into more..Just might be a deeper understanding the FWB..

I wasn't referring to the length of time you're on a FWB level, but the frequency in which you see them. Sometimes people could call someone a FWSB (sometimes benefits), too. And you could be FWB, for when you both are single and obviously not when one of the two isn't, and have been friends for years, sure.

My reference was about being FWB, and seeing each other frequently one-on-one. That is when it bleeds into more a relationship, open or not, and can get hairy.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 80
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:53:08 AM

I'd say they had feelings they couldn't switch off.

Problem is they often lie to the guys ....and to themselves...they SAY they just want to be a FWB but are really hoping for more....then get butt-hurt when it doesn't happen...best to not go there with this type.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 81
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 10:10:29 AM

It shouldn't matter how long it has been, how many times we hang out, none of that.

But it most definitely should -- actions speak louder than words! If you guys are hanging out 4 times a week for a good while and half your clothes are at her house, and you're picking up her kids from soccer practice... yes -- that speaks more volumes than what the girl OR the guy has said to avoid "labels" or to give the wrong idea. Now, that's an obvious one... but let's just saying hanging out 4 times a week one-on-one, hooking up, spending free time together, etc. -- that's something you don't want to do but still be comfortable thinking it's just FWB.

I know I'm not interested in a full relationship yet detect they are hoping I'll change my mind....so, I just don't go there.

... detect. Key word is detect there. Actions speak louder than words... and we all know the guy and/or the girl, being just FWB or in an uber-casual-situation, can end up wanting something more out of it over time.

The girl (or guy) can lie off the bat -- really on the inside they want more, but they're going to take what the defense gives them. They'll try and win the other person over, most likely starting out in discreet ways and amping it up.

And sometimes guys will look the other way, because they have great company, it's convenient to spend lots of time with her, but still want to free himself from any couplehood.

Someone's level of interest -- take their word as a grain of salt. If a gal tells you she's interested, but you can detect that she's not by what she does, yeah, stop wasting your time trying to win them over. If a gal tells you she wants to keep things on a FWB-level, but she's planning outings together, setting up movie night, wanting to meet the parents, etc -- yeah, you want to avoid that -- and the situation with her for a while so things don't bleed into a relationship you don't want.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 83
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 2:09:26 PM
A FWB's can have other FWB's. He may tell you this is going on, (as a friend), but that doesn't mean he has to be faithful to you.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 85
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 4:36:24 PM

A FWB's can have other FWB's. He may tell you this is going on, (as a friend), but that doesn't mean he has to be faithful to you.

Again this is up to the people involved and not a universal rule.

When I have a fwb it's agreed that we're exclusive until one or both find someone with potential....If that someone has enough potential to be having sex with then it's time to put a hold on the FWB thing...
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 86
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:08:37 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
But you were not being unfaithful. (Such a word!). You did put a hold on the FWB's relationship. Safer for everyone. Did you put a hold on the FWB before or after you had sex? Did you feel the need to tell your FWB before or after you had sexual interest in someone else? Curious C
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 87
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:24:14 PM
We talked about all our dates and interests in others...if there was anything happening with another or the chance something would then no sex between us....it's not like we were going at it all the time anyway....we were friends first who happened to share some intimacy if there was nothing going on with either of us at the time...and not just sex either....if we were seeing someone other than a first date type of thing then it reverted back to just friends.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 88
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/20/2010 9:29:33 PM

But it most definitely should -- actions speak louder than words! If you guys are hanging out 4 times a week for a good while and half your clothes are at her house, and you're picking up her kids from soccer practice... yes -- that speaks more volumes than what the girl OR the guy has said to avoid "labels" or to give the wrong idea. Now, that's an obvious one... but let's just saying hanging out 4 times a week one-on-one, hooking up, spending free time together, etc. -- that's something you don't want to do but still be comfortable thinking it's just FWB.


Every FWB relationship is different.......but those that are truly based on friendship can spend major amounts of time together without it changing anything.
There have been times when my FWB and I spent every day and night together for a couple of months when he was going through a rough patch in life....didn't change a thing for us.....because we know and understand that we are truly friends first and foremost. The sex is just a physical aspect that will never change the type of relationship we have.

Now that I am dating someone........the sex has ended.
I just spent 10 days with him in another state sleeping in the same RV without sex being
an issue.
It's called respect.......and it's what all friendships and relationships should be based on.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 90
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/21/2010 3:35:47 AM
One doesnt belong to you; its on loan.
Some people like librarians.....
It depends on where you are in life.
Our needs change as we do.
 Purr Heart
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 93
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/21/2010 1:23:07 PM
With FWB it's generally understood that it's a temporary union sans relationship expectations. The latter part can be refreshing to either genders if , for example, they've just gotten out of a relationship and just need a nice itch scratch once in a while...or sooner.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 95
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/21/2010 6:18:28 PM
"Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?"


That's exactly what it is and there's nothing wrong with that as long AS: That has actually been said, discussed and agreed with by both people...otherwise someone is gonna get hurt and someone is lying. Sometimes the person lying is the one who gets hurt because they lied about the understanding.

You can love someone and still know you're not compatible on a long term basis...as long as you come to terms with that you'll be okay...too many people use all kinds of relationships to fill a hole instead of fixing the hole...same goes for obsessions and addictions IMHO.

If you think about it same sex bast friends is the same thing....you're using each other for company, emotional support and loneliness until a significant other comes along...chances are you ARE using each other for sex...in the wing man capacity (or...? depending on your orientation! lol). That is why friendships lessen once one or both friends find a mate...they stay friends but in a lesser capacity usually.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 97
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/22/2010 6:26:00 AM

I'll go further..SEX isn't always happening!!
Am I the only one who's been at the movies, than that was it? Or just went out to eat something, talk about stuff that was on her mind, WITHOUT trying to have sex with her???


Ditto!!
Seems folks think all FWB's do.......is fuk!!
That you can't possibly hang out and not fuk!

Just because FWB sometimes have sex........it is not what the relationship is based on....
and not a requirement to spend time together.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 98
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 4/22/2010 1:02:13 PM

I'll go further..SEX isn't always happening!! Am I the only one who's been at the movies, than that was it?

Well, didn't you get a BJ at the movies? Kidding, kidding! :) No, I know where you're coming from. I think a fvck-buddy would be the one where sex is always happening. With a FWB or a gf/bf or casual-dating, sex isn't always happening.

FWB can be in different "flavors". Basically, it's where you're not a couple, what's defined between you two is a friendship, but there is also a sexual relationship woven within that friendship at least to some degree, in it's own way which can vary over time or compared to another FWB pair.

It's about knowing what you get yourself into. The true FWB is about understanding.

True, but anything that is not a platonic situation is all about knowing what you're getting yourself into. FWB can be the trickier of the bunch, just as another (trickier) one is when two people remaining a couple-of-some-sorts, upon one moving 4 hours away for school.

Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free? Both parties can want this, but also sometimes one and the other will take what the defense gives them. -Either- way, in the standard FWB situation, you can't just say it once and be done with it indefinitely turning a blind eye to everything, as feelings change for better or worse on either side, and many times, not on the same page as time rolls on. You can't expect to have "a talk" every 2-3 weeks after a standard/common FWB situation kicks off, but if you don't want to creep into couplehood, ie outside of merely FWB, you have to watch the potentially -key- actions that may occur -- not the label you merely gave it a while ago.

If the two FWB end up migrating to look like a couple, act like a couple, spend as much time together one-on-one like a couple, they become one. That's my point. It's both people's responsibility to be on the same page, and the key thing is to NOT creep into that if you don't want that.

Here's where a label or a talk can mean SQUAT: One can't say to a girl or guy "I just want to be friends, nothing more" and have them accept that, but a week later having made out with them and starting to go down on them. Obvious example, but when you're talking about being FWB vs being-more-of-a-couple, or casual-dating vs not-casual-dating, same rules apply -- what you end up doing WILL define what you actually are IF it clearly over-rides the label or talk you've had prior.
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