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 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 164
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
FWB & FB I still maintain are nothing more than euphemisms.

Hmm… euphemism for what, I wonder? Certainly, “benefits” is a euphemism for sex. But Fvck Buddy? Is fvck a less explicit word for something I don’t know about? What are people doing out there?
 smokincigars
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 165
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 4:19:20 AM

Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?


Yes.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 166
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:56:56 AM

So the term FWB is an oxy moron technically because if they're just having sex out of meeting a need (aka addiction) then you are not friends and meeting an addiction is not a benefit. It's a cowardly way of avoiding certain emotional aspects of yourself.

So friends couldn’t like each other and have sex together because they like to and want to? It sounds like you don’t think such a thing could exist. Are all such relationships addictive and cowardly oxymorons?


Making love means you have to be emotionally present and connected. It means you are bringing light and energy into your spirit body and sharing that with your partner.

And how about if you don’t believe in a spirit body – is making love impossible for the vast number of people who do not share your spiritual beliefs?
 Tremolux
Joined: 4/8/2011
Msg: 167
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 8:31:47 AM
All hell for the almighty orgasm! All hail the almighty orgasm! What a comforting and reassuring thought to know that one is a mere crack in the paving stones of the road that leads to "something better."
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 168
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 9:54:08 AM
If they're not doing that then they're not your friend. So the term FWB is an oxy moron technically because if they're just having sex out of meeting a need (aka addiction) then you are not friends and meeting an addiction is not a benefit.

Sexual satisfaction is a benefit -- not friendship-related, but a benefit nonetheless. Of course, it presents potential dangers because feelings beyond more-than-just-friends can easily slip in on either side. But they can be a friend -- in the minority of cases where there is no real romantic attraction felt indefinitely on both sides. It's put more into your terms for those who can't handle it, and there's always someone in everyone's lives where they can't handle it, but for a decent amount of people, there can be someone where they can.

Someone can help the other grow, as a friend, with or without a sexual history, past or present. Non-making-love sex isn't necessarily meaningless. It holds less emotional value, yes, but that doesn't mean it's meaningless -- otherwise, nobody would want to do it. Heck, with someone's partner, a quickie can be done that's certainly not "making love".

It has natural meaning, a driving force, without mental problems or issues, to have a desire to have sex before or without romantic love. Society presses the guilt for the act of engaging in such things. One can be friends with someone -- maybe not the closest of friends as that would bring a FWB to an imbalance almost always -- but they can be genuine friends, before, during, and after any affair had, given the right "match" involved.

An -ideal- relationship is something different -- it's romance, it's emotional closeness beyond a friend or even a friend in which there are sexual liaisons. A non-ideal relationship is one that doesn't have much more romanticism than a somewhat close FWB. But all in all, a relationship has couplehood, where FWB does not. FWB, at best, is something where you inform the other if you start dating someone else, as FWB isn't dating, just engaging on the side.
 MagikMan59
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 169
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 10:01:27 AM
A FWB, sex is the priority with all the other stuff just killing time until you're somewhere you can have sex again. In a relationship, sex is secondary to all the other stuff. Or to put it another way, in a relationship, sex is the icing on the cake, while with a FWB, sex is the cake and the icing.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 170
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 10:18:32 AM

In a relationship, sex is secondary to all the other stuff.

Funny, isn't it, that so many people in a relationship complain that the sex has become secondary to all the other stuff. And then there are those who are in "open marriages" or "open relationships" or are actually married or in a relationship and cheating but insist they are in a relationship when, in fact, the "relationship" is or has become nothing more than living a FWB life. At least those who state they have a FWB relationship with someone are being more honest with themselves. What anyone else thinks is inconsequential
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 171
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:01:42 AM
Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?

Ideally, that's what both should be saying - to someone they genuinely like but don't want to get involved with, whether it be that they have too much going on, or know they aren't compatible in a full relationship. If one feels like they are second best they aren't in an FWB, and they shouldn't have agreed to the situation. A true FWB involves someone you know already, and is supposed to be convenient and enjoyable to BOTH parties.

Therefore when one does meet someone they want to date seriously, the other should be fine with it and wish them well when the time comes. If that's not going on than someone's there hoping for more than they agreed to.

That's not the fault of the arrangement, it's the fault of the person who's there pretending to be ok with something they're not happy with.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 174
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:29:05 AM
FWB is using each other and if that's what each wants that is their business but for me that isn't going to happen. I don't want to boink to get my needs filled. I know for everyone you boink, you are f'ing all the ones they have.

I know women with HPV from multiple partners. Condoms provide a lesser degree of protection than other STD's.

Am I a prude (hell no) but multiple partners is not only scary but icky to me.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 175
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:39:01 AM
Actually, Rain, the benefit of FWB is that you DON'T have the risks of multiple partners - you have the safety of one, who is also a friend and as such would - if they're a real friend - avoid putting you at risk. But, each to their own preferences.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 176
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 12:02:02 PM

I know women with HPV from multiple partners. Condoms provide a lesser degree of protection than other STD's.

Am I a prude (hell no) but multiple partners is not only scary but icky to me.

It's icky to a lot of us. What that has to do with FWB I have no idea. There is a misunderstanding about the term FWB, mostly caused from people using the term to their own advantage. If you're talking about sleeping with random strangers from a bar, I'd have to agree with you, that's gross - to me, anyway. FWB is actually not even in the same ballpark as the point of it is to be around someone you know and trust...I've had FWBs. Mine have mostly been exes, but I digress.

Now there are some people that have been convinced by someone looking for casual sex that it was an FWB they wanted (likely a spin on it to get a person to agree), but that doesn't make it so.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 177
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 12:34:24 PM

FWB is using each other

Only if that YOUR intent...I wouldn't use someone or be in a FWB with someone who was using me! Any relationship amount to the intentions and integrity of those in the relationship.



I know for everyone you boink, you are f'ing all the ones they have.

So, you will never have sex with another person as long as you live? What does this have to do with FWB?


I know women with HPV from multiple partners. Condoms provide a lesser degree of protection than other STD's.

What does this have to do with FWB?



Am I a prude (hell no) but multiple partners is not only scary but icky to me.


What does this have to do with FWB?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 179
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 1:42:36 PM
FWB is sexually based, the only foundation in that kind of relationship would be " The Rules " both people agree on and it's only sex.

Relationship foundation is trust as well as respect along with other things as well but mainly love and compatibility. Both people have to work at a relationship. Sex is there but that's not the only thing running the relationship.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 180
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 1:50:22 PM

both people agree on and it's only sex.


No, It's PRIMARILY a friendship....YOU are describing FB.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 181
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2011 1:51:55 PM
I don't think there's any sharp line dividing those two things. I suspect it's usually easier to see each other as "friends with benefits" when the sex isn't all that spectacular. The more passionate and erotic it is, the harder it may be to feel like just friends--and the less you may want to. Especially if you keep enjoying each other that much, and especially--but not only--if you're a woman.

Prostitutes and porn actors avoid intimacy by leaving the kissing and other kinds of affection out of things. And then it really is "just sex"--one-point contact. Hard to see how that could be really intense or satisfying, but that kind of detached sex may be all some people want. Whenever I've felt it was "just sex," I've also felt it was just so-so. And I'm pretty sure most women wouldn't say they had their best orgasms ever with guys they didn't feel an emotional connection with.
 xirumiao5
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 182
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 9/22/2011 10:10:46 PM
(FWB was when you had a physical attraction to someone you already knew but, it is clear that a lasting long-term relationship with the person wouldn't work. Due to differences in lifestyle, geography, etc. So a friendship with a physical side developed and both parties knew the limits of the relationship, friends and physical interaction. )
Totally agree with that, but there is no 100% thing in your life, I think who knows, maybe one part will change their minds. I don't know. But if the guy doesn't then it will never happen.. I think guys are more directly, if he likes the woman, he will do it, if he doesn't, then no matter how hard a woman try, it will not work.

Jing
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 183
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 9/23/2011 1:25:03 AM
Pmsl ^^^^^^^


For a nutter maybe


Personally these have fallen into two main types, the most common being a mutual arrangements or occassional instances with someone I already know where niether wants or is looking for a serious relationship at the time, but rather than seeing random strangers prefer to spend time with each other. Not purely for sex, but for the intimacy side of things too which for some is far more important than sex


The second main type is where its more occassional often going long periods between occurences or groups of occurences as one or both is dating and only happening when both are between relationships or are taking a break from looking

For it to be classed as an FWB with me it would only be with people I know, talk to regularly and spend time with whether or not its happening, Otherwise theyre not by any description a "friend" are they?

It only tends to be viable with someone who can see sex in a recreational sense as well as the more emotionally driven, someone who has a strong sex drive and someone who isnt tied up in knots with social stigmas and expectations where their sexuality, needs and desires are concerned

But rather than being purely a sexual thing as many seem to think for many whats really missed between relationships isnt just sex, but the unique closeness of skin on skin contact with not just "someone" but someone you know well, and who knows you well. So often it will end up with just spending a night together and not always with sex. But rather than just meeting, shagging then phoning a taxi also includes just ordinary socialising like with any other friend but with an extra level of closeness too

A lot of people try to dress up what is nothing more than an FB as being an FWB which is pointless really as theres nothing wrong with an FB/booty call either if its what both people want, and both are mature enough and emotionally stable and adjusted enough to do it

But from seeing some of the rather bizarre and narrow minded ideas on what this is I think with most they've either never been able to do it themselves, have never even tried or with the more bitter ones have probably tried to use an FWB to get someone to want to date them seriously which failed so they spout their vehemence at the activity wherever possible,,,, and ofcourse theres the god squad brigade and those who object to there being an alternative to jumping through hoops and dealing with constant tests to get the "prize" of sex as anything more relaxed removes the appeal of interacting with that kind of controlling manipulative nut job lol

For some people sex and intimacy are inate needs or preferences that dont just magically vanish between relationships, or even if theyre not looking for one in the full sense of the word. For other people they arent or vanish totally when between relationships

They also dont work for people who are uptight or have romanticised notions about sex, people who (often quite falsely) like to claim some moral highground, and trying to use one as a means to actually dating someone is just manipulative and dishonest

They seem to work best with a couple that HAVE already dated, and where "most" things were right but it just lacked that missing ingredient that meant it could go long term, but did have a foundation in a genuine friendship with plenty of mutual attraction which for some people is enough to carry on with and try and make it last the distance anyway. But for others they can see that its not quite "all that" and end it amicably and the friendship remains

And in those instances hearing about someones new partners, dating successes etc isnt "painful", awkward or anything except standard everyday chit chat like with any other friend. And if it IS awkward in any way then thats someone you most definitely shouldnt ever try to do the FWB thing, because youre not totally over them and doing so will most probably lose you the friendship as a result

I also think that theres also quite a few people who prefer the term FWB to "casual" when they "could" see a future with each other, but just arent the types to pile on loads of unrealistic fairy tale type nonsense from the moment you meet or labels that imply a "future" is expected or guaranteed. But just prefer a more natural day by day interaction and just seeing where it will go without trying to force it

So in effect its almost "dating" but without much of the associated nonsense that tends to be introduced by many as soon as the word is used

So calling it seeing someone "casually" or as an "FWB" is just a less pressured or regimented way of seeing someone without expectation, meaningless promises or structure and taking it day by day to see what happens

A subtle difference, but for some people a quite important one, especially nowadays with so many desperate people trying to force something from zero to "serious" in 3.82 seconds of meeting each other as not everyone starts assuming a "future" based on list in the first hour of meeting. Some people realise that it is JUST lust, and that as you get to know each other better and more intimately compatibility is actually far more likely to decline rather than increase. So why complicate the process by introducing pipe dreams that have no grounding in reality?
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 185
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 9/24/2011 10:46:41 PM
Friends with benefits is: having sex with someone that "You Know" you don't have a passion with or don't have the belief she or he might be the one. It is a casual thing that you aren't thinking is the real thing.
People know the real thing. Of course you want to have a friendship with someone you love or care about, but that term "friends" is quite different than the one with benefits.
If you can't stop thinking about someone, long to be with them, they make your heart beat fast, and have great passion for "it isn't a romantic partner". And anything less is just casual sex without a serious emotional attachment with. And an easy way out if you come across 'THAT ONE" that will rock your world.
I don't like the friends word when it comes to relationships. I tell people I don't have sex with guy friends.
 treedr
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 187
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:18:16 AM
Yes this is à relationship just à none commital one. With Meaningless sex. You would have to have some sort of attraction to the other person to have sex with à friend. It also means Ya we can hookup until something better comes along. How degrading is That? I could never put à empale friend of mine through much à disrespectful situation.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 188
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:38:56 AM

i don't value myself enough to wait or you enough to commit...
There is a lot contained within this deceptively simple statement. Well put.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 189
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 9:53:42 AM
Is there a difference between friends with benefits and having a relationship?

A romantic relationship relationship? Yes, there is a difference. What is that difference? No romance and no real implications of there being romance, really. :)

Basically you have developed a platonic relationship with this person then at some point you may add the benefits of having sex with this person. How is this different from a romantic relationship?

Yeah, doesn't seem that different, does it? I see profiles with headlines of "Looking for Best Friend & Lover". Oh, friends with benefits? Oh no, wait, she's 45, a strong Christian, actively looking for a relationship & Long-Term. Yes, there is understandable confusion...

Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?

If you declare yourselves as FWB from the get-go, yes. But sometimes FWB happens naturally without calling it that. One or both parties don't want to "jump" into a relationship or get serious at all. They want to hang out, know each other, have fun, etc, and yes, they're more than friends, and much of the time sexual relations will be had before they'd even talk about being an item or couple, as it was known very recently that one/both didn't want to become an item, etc. They don't call themselves a couple, but geez, after 2 months of hanging out here and there -- what are they? They're not merely friends, that's for sure. They're FWB. When not declared, there is that possibility lingering for it growing into something else. If it's declared early just FWB, fat chance it will grow into something else.

Basically, a friend w/ benefits is a friend who's more than a friend. A girlfriend/boyfriend is a friend w/ benefits who's more than just a friend w/ (mere) benefits.

FWB isn't a booty call. Unlike a booty call, it's being friends -- actual friendship, but it's essentially on the same level of someone you're "kinda seeing, but we're not Dating - we're single". And what people mean when they declare they just want to be FWB -- they are calling off the opportunity to be a couple. So yes, it is "until something better comes along" or "until I'm ready to truly be dating" if declared off the bat.

Some people though will really mean booty call, which is not being your friend but a mere house call here and there... but just befriend you at first to get their foot in the door.
 Onofrio_Villani
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 190
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 10:40:57 AM
lol, you r correct....instead of finding it at the bar, you found it elsewhere....oh is that different !! FWB....where does being friends come in.....everyone gets benefits with or without a "elationship"....wether its family or not.....just another excuse for the lack of intimacy....I almost guaranttee it was started by a femenist ...just like the word Independant woman.....never heard in an dependant guy...LOL
 thrive2survive
Joined: 5/11/2012
Msg: 191
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 6:40:55 PM
well; i personally would prefer relationship; as it seems most people are dtf or want fwb
i actually want a good man to get to know, he will be my best friend.lover and my man that in which i
do not want to share with . i wanna grow old with ,have family, and maybe get married. who knows? i just wanna be happy:)
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 192
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 6:54:11 PM
FWB is a way to have your cake and eat your ice cream too! Generally one of the partners are in denial and deceptively hurting or sacrificing
 SaintLouisMichael
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 193
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 6:59:15 PM

Yes this is à relationship just à none commital one. With Meaningless sex. You would have to have some sort of attraction to the other person to have sex with à friend. It also means Ya we can hookup until something better comes along. How degrading is That? I could never put à empale friend of mine through much à disrespectful situation.


I'm not buying this is true for a second. Dood, you'd take benefit with any friendly woman who invited you.
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