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 SaintLouisMichael
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 194
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?Page 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

FWB is a way to have your cake and eat your ice cream too! Generally one of the partners are in denial and deceptively hurting or sacrificing


Why can't two people simply enjoy the act for the sake of enjoying it? Sex is simple. It's a physical act. It's only complicated when you introduce emotions into the party.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 195
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 7:33:11 PM
Says " the man".....;)
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 196
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/26/2012 8:57:07 PM
^^^ 'Man' – that's short for debased, inferior and pathological, isn't it?
 DeniseScorpio
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 197
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 12:42:22 AM
I actually prefer FWB and I'm a woman,lol.

It means nothing to me. I don't want a serious relationship and prefer to be able to move on when I am done. Or he meets someone he wants to be in a relationship with. No problems here.

BUT I have a hard time finding a man who understands what FWB actually means! Some of the guys act like you'd expect the woman to act by getting attached and/or wanting more.

Sigh.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 198
view profile
History
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:27:14 AM
A FWB is a FRIEND you happen to have sex with. Usually until a "loving partner relationship" possibility comes along and someone breaks it off and you go back to just friends.

FWB's are often temporary but not necessarily so, where as a loving relationship is often looked at for the long haul and no one is supposedly looking for anyone else more suitable.

Both have their merits.

denisescorpio: people will project their thoughts on what they think you want no matter what you say. Others will take you for your word.
I've had both types of relationships and both times I got exactly what I wanted, no matter what people claimed I wanted I did not have a hidden agenda with my FWB either.
Fck them (not) if they don't believe you.

Some just can't wrap their head around the idea that some people can be satisfied with just being FWB's.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 199
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:56:35 AM
Denise,

Just because testosterone protects a man from the effects of oxytocin most of the time, there are still times when he is vulnerable and will bond with you. I think that's why the old dating rituals told girls to hold out until marriage (or until the guy broke down, really), because then he'd be vulnerable and she could have some assurance that he'd bond with her and not just "score" and move on.

Unfortunately, it's when I guy is in "friend" mode that he's most available to bond with you. When he's on the prowl, he's androgenized and the action of oxytocin is blocked. If you want to enjoy a FWB with a man, make sure that he's revved up at least the first time. Otherwise, he is quite likely to go clingy on you.
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 200
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 3:00:02 AM
Here are what _my_ definitions of the various relationship types are, and support the definition with the level of emotional involvement characteristic in each one. At least the differences are clear among them. FWB and relationship seem to be relative terms as, they seem to depend somewhat on individual opinion thus, all these definitions are intrinsically personal.


FB - (Fvck Buddies)

a Fvck Buddy is someone we just met or someone we are, at best, acquainted with. a FB "relationship" is one where two people use each other's bodies solely for sexual gratification. There is little to no emotional involvement. There is no commitment of exclusivity or longevity in this type of relationship, it may end as soon as the F is done. FB are rarely invited to family events (if ever.) Additionally, if any of the participants have kids, it is very rare for the kids to ever meet the FB. They usually end amicably.


FWB - (Friends With Benefits)

a FWB relationship is one where the participants are _genuine_ friends. Genuine friendships are not easy to make and they do require nurturing over time. A FWB relationship is inherently monogamous/exclusive, based on trust and genuine mutual caring. Before the participants start engaging in sex, a significant amount of time is invested building a friendship, usually with no intentions of having sex in the future. This type of relationship usually ends amicably per mutual accord after an indefinite amount of time. There is no commitment from the participants to invest effort into making it "permanent" (merge lives) but, it may happen on rare occasions. One of the participants may invite his/her friend to family events such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Additionally, the friend will commonly be acquainted with the kids (if any) and, may even help them with their homework, be a math tutor, teach them how to play chess or other games and play together. They introduce each other in social circles as friends.


Good Friend/Genuine Friend.

a FWB without sex. Everything else applies.


Long Term Relationship

Very similar to the FWB above with the addition that, both individuals genuinely contemplate the possibility of eventually, fully merging their lives. Whether this happens or not, depends on the level of compatibility they eventually determine to have in the long run. Neither of them really knows if the objective will be achieved but, hopefully, they both enter into the agreement with the same genuine intentions. If genuine, it is usually monogamous. The level of emotional involvement is generally deeper than genuine friendship, the emotional bond is usually "love" or "in love". They generally introduce each other in social circles as SO, (boy/girl)friend, fiancee/fiance, etc, as mutually agreed. When these relationships end, the end is not always "amicable", and often leaves the participants with baggage, emotional, physical or both.
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 201
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 3:38:47 AM
So if a FWB is introduced as a friend in family gatherings or social circle, are the people in that circle aware that they are intimate with each other? Is it alright to have a PDA in that circle? Are the kids aware that they are doing what a real bf/gf does but they are not bf/gf? Or this FWB thing is hidden from them?
 SaintLouisMichael
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 202
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 3:54:27 AM

So if a FWB is introduced as a friend in family gatherings or social circle, are the people in that circle aware that they are intimate with each other? Is it alright to have a PDA in that circle? Are the kids aware that they are doing what a real bf/gf does but they are not bf/gf? Or this FWB thing is hidden from them?


Do you typically discuss your sex life at family gatherings? Share your favorite positions with your children?
 thepigofyourdreams
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 203
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:00:22 AM

So if a FWB is introduced as a friend in family gatherings or social circle, are the people in that circle aware that they are intimate with each other? Is it alright to have a PDA in that circle? Are the kids aware that they are doing what a real bf/gf does but they are not bf/gf? Or this FWB thing is hidden from them?


Do you typically discuss your sex life at family gatherings?


Hell yeah. I learned some of the best cunnilingus tips ever from my Aunt Gertrude at Thanksgiving dinner one year.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 204
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History
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:15:24 AM

My definition of a friend is someone you enjoy spending time with, talking to, hanging out with, someone you can call when you need help or advice, etc. Basically you have developed a platonic relationship with this person then at some point you may add the benefits of having sex with this person.

That is what MY definition of a FWB. But to some it's just get together for sex.


How is this different from a romantic relationship?

IMO, when you have the so called romantic relationship, it's the road the leads to marriage.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 205
view profile
History
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:24:03 AM
So if a FWB is introduced as a friend in family gatherings or social circle

YES

are the people in that circle aware that they are intimate with each other?

That's really nobody business


Is it alright to have a PDA in that circle?

Sure

Are the kids aware that they are doing what a real bf/gf does but they are not bf/gf?

I wouldn't talk about it to my daughter. Why kids need to be informed about your sex life?????
Interesting family gatherings you must have.lol


I actually prefer FWB and I'm a woman,lol.

Hey now..LOL..Two thumbs up!!
Read your profile, wish we would be more of a fit.
Oh well...
 justlookingvt
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 206
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:35:27 AM
@3ffervescent

Thank you for the compliment. :-) ...

see when you least expect it, a man will surprise you ;-)



I-am-Rei

Or this FWB thing is hidden from them?


Letting the "cat out of the bag" isn't usually done in FWB type of relationships. Therefore neither the kids nor most anyone else knows about it (though some will suspect it.) The "secrecy" usually stems from wanting to avoid social judgement. The few times the cat is let out of the bag is if the FWB transitions to a long term type of relationship.



ThePigOfYourDreams

Hell yeah. I learned some of the best cunnilingus tips ever from my Aunt Gertrude at Thanksgiving dinner one year.


LOL... my Aunt isn't nearly as cool as your Aunt. She never talked turkey with me. :-)


@Janet_Always

I would consider that more of a FB type of "relationship". The main reason for FWBs is the presence of exclusivity/monogamy and an emotional bond. Friends don't see each other as "disposable". The end of the relationship usually takes place shortly before one or the other starts dating. The mutual trust is the greatest incentive to have a FWB type of relationship.

A real/genuine friendship is not a casual thing. It is something that is valued and cared for, not disposed of at any old time in any old way, otherwise it is simply sex between "acquaintances" i.e, FB.

Again, that's just the way I see it.

vvvvvvv
 Janet_Always
Joined: 6/20/2012
Msg: 207
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:38:24 AM
I would see a FWB as not being exclusive or having a need to "break up" if someone better comes along... you just stop calling, or tell them you're seeing someone else.
 kjay41
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 208
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 6:30:17 AM
Nah I'm not that bitter..... :)
 I-am-Rei
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 209
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 7:17:08 AM
Do you typically discuss your sex life at family gatherings? Share your favorite positions with your children?

Don't you? And I didn't mean the details of what you do in bed, come on

I wouldn't talk about it to my daughter. Why kids need to be informed about your sex life?????
Interesting family gatherings you must have.lol

Given this time and age even ten year olds knew when people get intimate.
Introducing somebody as a friend then sharing a kiss like a boyfriend or girlfriend, will you not be accused as a liar?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 211
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 10:57:03 AM
Does anyone besides me ever wonder what brings a topic back to life after a year(or more)? Granted, the rules stipulate a thread search,and theoretically, anyone who actually has the same question could get their answer by reading the comments already posted. Of course, the 2nd purpose of the forums is for people to cite their own opinions, experiences, observations and in some cases factual and valid ADVICE.

But what often seems to happen is just a re-hash of material already covered.

However, I do have to compliment the humor introduced in message#210(Dead on, guy!)

While I can partially agree with the sentiments in message# 211, and sometimes even WISH it were really that simple,can you imagine(be CAREFUL what you wish for!) the void that would exist in all our lives if that wish came true? I mean, what would be left to b*tch, complain, whine,about?


I think that's why the old dating rituals told girls to hold out until marriage (or until the guy broke down, really),
LOL-I believe that in many cases, that is EXACTLY what happened! Girls/young women were taught NOTHING about sex except to AVOID it until a committment was firmly secured. Since what most young women "knew" is that sex is "dirty" and "nice girls don't"-the use of sex as a tool, lever and sometimes weapon continued on into marriage. People can read my words here and laugh-but let me tell you, when I read these forums I often hear these same old teachings coming through.
Obviously, no responsible parent or teacher is going to tell their children/students to just go out and fornicate to their hearts content-there are still concerns about unwanted reproduction, STDs,and, perhaps unfortunately-that ancient double standard.
I would say-going by what I've heard and observed (rather than any personal negative or disappointing experiences)-that double standard must still be pretty active, and I think a lot of people looking for simple unvarnished sexual experiences have heard "scuttlebut" identifying PoF as a "hook-up" site. I'm not claiming that it is, simply reporting what I read and hear.

JLV-that is an excellent post regarding the "categories"!


the fact that if the sex stops, the relationship with the extended families and each other in a (completely platonic manor) can and does continue (for a time at least).


I can PERSONALLY attest to that! I happened to cross paths with an old FwB that I seldom encounter anymore this past weekend, and Saturday night he TALKED MY EAR OFF for about 2 hours! That's ALL it was,just a catching up conversation about families, pets, nutual acquaintances,etc...
At one time I could accept our conflicting values, goals and philosophies for the sake of friendship and sex,and I certainly do not wish him any ill, but I can't imagine anything on earth that would motivate me to resume the FwB. NO, not even if the guy was given free lessons from Dreampigs auntie!)


IMO, when you have the so called romantic relationship, it's the road the leads to marriage.

Or what I call a "psuedo-marriage". One thing I'd like to specifically address is that I also believe that a "romantic" committed relationship can exist, that does not require an "official" or "high visibility" acknowledgement like marriage or cohabiting.

Vtec-while acknowledging that I'm following you into a tangental direction from the OT here-what IS it with you and women who have children? I mean, I strongly support you not dating women with children because you seem to have some kind of an issue(were you perhaps accused of inappropriate behavior towards a child?)-but why do you need to drag it into EVERY BLESSED TOPIC YOU PARTICIPATE IN? I mean, I think we all understand you don't want to share a womans' attention with her child(ren), and I'm sure most of us can also understand that you fear being "used" as a provider,but every topic you participate in it seems like you have to lash out at women with children-and I'm beginning to suspect that your issue is MUCH deeper.I'm not asking you to respond here-though I would understand a defensive reaction,I'm simply making an observation.
That's how I play it when I encounter a forum participant who seems over-focused on a particular issue, to the point of obsessing on it.
Cindy O
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 213
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:54:08 AM
with FWB we dont date. we are going out and doing things together.

Look out, though. Going out & doing things together as more than just friends = a date. It may not be the best choice of word because of what it may imply, but it is what it is. A date doesn't have to be formal, have expectations, etc., so it's not very convincing. Also -- a guy & a girl who don't want to jump into being an item, not want to be FWB (nor be prudes), many times are going to do just that and swear against them being "Dates", because after too many of them, they'd be datING. Wording gets complicated. Situations get complicated, too.

We dont need conversation.

No conversation when you're hanging out together, one-on-one? Mute? :) Or do you mean conversation about your situation? It's given over time, if you're spending time with someone on a more-than-friends level, there's going to be conversation about it -- communication is key to keep people on the same page. After all, you are what you DO, not what you say. If you end up always spending the night and taking trips together with each others' kids too, meeting parents -- you're not merely FWB -- you're Dating and it's not that casual either. Things can bleed from one thing to another... they could go from FWB, and migrate toward a lack of friendship and just being a F-Buddy (where you don't hang out outside the bedroom).... or migration toward Dating. Communication is key.

The potential for anything more is not there.

Right there in the moment if it's declared -- yes. But potential can grow. We're human. Our needs change. Our feelings shift, positively or negatively.

IMO, if you and a FWB are hanging out one-on-one, you're seeing each other. It's more like an open relationship, usually due to lack of attraction & liking them pretty much as friends. It's the key situation for someone who's "not that into you" -- they have attraction, but insufficient... but more like you as a friend. Great. If mutually agreed, you're more than friends, sure, but you aren't aiming to be an item. You're single & yeah, seeing someone to some degree.

If you're a FWB with someone where you don't hang out one-on-one really hardly at all, it's less complicated. They're a friend within a group of friends. You hang out with them among others. Less problem with being mistaken or bleeding too quick into something more than that. More easily to bleed into just being F-buddies, though.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 214
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:18:42 PM
Message # 230
It is not my way to send "notes" to people via their PoF email. If I have something to say I'll speak my piece in the forum so everyone can hear(read)...

I am fully supportive of the FwB concept for mature SINGLE adults and I truly believe that if people were not mind-poisoned against FwBs. that perhaps there would be far fewer failed "rebound" relationships. Those relationships that people engineered because they were lonely, anxious, horny, but felt that the only "acceptable" sociosexual interaction was "dating" into a "relationship" that must be headed for cohabitation/marriage. Even though they are not emotionally capable of making that kind of long-range planning after a fairly recent heartbreak or bereavement.

It is in the interest of avoiding more unwarranted "bad press" and "mind-poisoning", that I make the statement that extramarital affairs should NOT be classified as FwB. I do not personally support marital infidelity but I'm not going to get into a bunch of judgemental pronouncements.
Do what you want but if you have a living spouse that you are not divorced from, your extramarital liasons are NOT "FwB".

What kind of "friend" helps a person break a marriage vow? Not to mention setting that person up for unfavorable treatment in divorce court,or-in some states-PROSECUTION?(yes, some states still do have adultery statutes,and/ or a civil litigation process for "alienation of affection"?!

I'm not asking for explanation, rationalization, justification for your extramarital liasons. I realize you may think you have to explain yourself or "defend" your situation. But that is NOT my point-and I do understand that there are some situations where an extramarital source of sex and companionship may be important.

I am simply stating my personal objection to having extramarital affairs, be they one-nighters or a long-standing attachment-put into the "FwB" category.
I think that deeming an extramarital affair as "friends with benefits" un-necessarily distorts the perception of the genuine FwB concept.

Cindy O
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 215
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History
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 6:06:39 PM

Don't you? And I didn't mean the details of what you do in bed, come on

I know it wasn't meant for me, but no I don't discuss my sex life with anyone.

Introducing somebody as a friend then sharing a kiss like a boyfriend or girlfriend, will you not be accused as a liar?

My answer was to sex. I said I wouldn't talk about my sex life to my daughter. Kissing is not sex.
But I can answer to your question.
No I wouldn't share a kiss like she is my girlfriend front of my daughter.
I try to hold hands, my daughter would come between us..So, that's a no go.
I do "behave" different with my FWB when my daughter is around.
She doesn't need to know every details of my life, especially when it comes to sex.
Am I a liar? No, I don't feel that I am. If she would ask if am intimate with my FWB, I would tell her yes.
Funny we were talking about thongs another day..Don't ask..
Anyway, I said so and so wears one. She asked my how do I know? I lied..I said she told me.
So sue me. LOL
 Mrunordinary
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 216
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 7:56:51 AM
FWB's is really no different then relationships in today's society so don't fool yourself lol.
 DarthPhoenix
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 217
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History
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 11:43:25 AM
The difference is sex. You know especially as a woman if you are going to have sex with the man you meet, your just praying he don't screw it up by doing something or saying something stupid, plus either A you give up soon or you try to hold off to make it appear and or have him think there's more to you then just sex and hopes he is thinking or feeling the same way. Now even if you have sex with the dude there's a chance he might now want what you want which means now its just FWB no matter how hard you may try to make it otherwise. A number of factors play into this like did you have sex instantly, did you make him wait, how long, did you back door him with sex then ask for a relationship and a few others. A friend is someone you either aren't attracted too or the timing is bad but you are attracted to him. None of that equals relationship but its the basis for male female friendship dynamic that may possibly lead to other things.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 218
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 11:55:52 AM
Having a FWB relationship with a female is like stepping into a minefeld. Maybe the first couple of times, it would be ok. But if you guys continue to have sex even longer, she is going to start to want more. Then you will have someone getting hurt by the end when its either over or the man starts a relationship with someone else.
 DeniseScorpio
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 219
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 3:07:31 PM
A FWB doesn't meet the family. At all.

If you're introducing him/her to your family and vice versa,feelings have become involved. I view meeting the family as something that is strictly for serious relationships,not someone you are just sleeping with.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 220
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/29/2012 9:04:34 AM
I'm sorry-but I have to disagree that "FwB doesn't meet family.At all."

Now-if we get into "nuances" and one is arranging a family/social event for the sole intent and purpose of introducing one's FwB to family-I'd be inclined to agree that this is leaning pretty heavily towards being more than FwB.

But I also have to state that I don't chase my friends(or FwB) away or take significant steps to conceal them from my family or from my other friends and acquaintances. If events transpire that make a meeting between FwB (or even just a platonic male friend) and a family member(s), I certainly don't DODGE the situation or pretend that my friend isn't present!

If one makes specific PLANS to arrange a meeting of FwB & family, that is probably edging over into"relationship" territory(dependent, or course, on how one defines "relationship").

But if the course of events/life cause family members to cross paths with you and your FwB,and introductions are made-I don't think that needs to indicate "feelings are becoming involved".
Now, once I figure out how one can call someone a close friend and not have feelings for that person-I may be back to elaborate further. I also guess I need to ponder further about how one can have sex with someone that one has no feelings for? Isn't that the purpose of a vibrator???
Cindy O
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