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 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 213
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
with FWB we dont date. we are going out and doing things together.

Look out, though. Going out & doing things together as more than just friends = a date. It may not be the best choice of word because of what it may imply, but it is what it is. A date doesn't have to be formal, have expectations, etc., so it's not very convincing. Also -- a guy & a girl who don't want to jump into being an item, not want to be FWB (nor be prudes), many times are going to do just that and swear against them being "Dates", because after too many of them, they'd be datING. Wording gets complicated. Situations get complicated, too.

We dont need conversation.

No conversation when you're hanging out together, one-on-one? Mute? :) Or do you mean conversation about your situation? It's given over time, if you're spending time with someone on a more-than-friends level, there's going to be conversation about it -- communication is key to keep people on the same page. After all, you are what you DO, not what you say. If you end up always spending the night and taking trips together with each others' kids too, meeting parents -- you're not merely FWB -- you're Dating and it's not that casual either. Things can bleed from one thing to another... they could go from FWB, and migrate toward a lack of friendship and just being a F-Buddy (where you don't hang out outside the bedroom).... or migration toward Dating. Communication is key.

The potential for anything more is not there.

Right there in the moment if it's declared -- yes. But potential can grow. We're human. Our needs change. Our feelings shift, positively or negatively.

IMO, if you and a FWB are hanging out one-on-one, you're seeing each other. It's more like an open relationship, usually due to lack of attraction & liking them pretty much as friends. It's the key situation for someone who's "not that into you" -- they have attraction, but insufficient... but more like you as a friend. Great. If mutually agreed, you're more than friends, sure, but you aren't aiming to be an item. You're single & yeah, seeing someone to some degree.

If you're a FWB with someone where you don't hang out one-on-one really hardly at all, it's less complicated. They're a friend within a group of friends. You hang out with them among others. Less problem with being mistaken or bleeding too quick into something more than that. More easily to bleed into just being F-buddies, though.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 214
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 1:18:42 PM
Message # 230
It is not my way to send "notes" to people via their PoF email. If I have something to say I'll speak my piece in the forum so everyone can hear(read)...

I am fully supportive of the FwB concept for mature SINGLE adults and I truly believe that if people were not mind-poisoned against FwBs. that perhaps there would be far fewer failed "rebound" relationships. Those relationships that people engineered because they were lonely, anxious, horny, but felt that the only "acceptable" sociosexual interaction was "dating" into a "relationship" that must be headed for cohabitation/marriage. Even though they are not emotionally capable of making that kind of long-range planning after a fairly recent heartbreak or bereavement.

It is in the interest of avoiding more unwarranted "bad press" and "mind-poisoning", that I make the statement that extramarital affairs should NOT be classified as FwB. I do not personally support marital infidelity but I'm not going to get into a bunch of judgemental pronouncements.
Do what you want but if you have a living spouse that you are not divorced from, your extramarital liasons are NOT "FwB".

What kind of "friend" helps a person break a marriage vow? Not to mention setting that person up for unfavorable treatment in divorce court,or-in some states-PROSECUTION?(yes, some states still do have adultery statutes,and/ or a civil litigation process for "alienation of affection"?!

I'm not asking for explanation, rationalization, justification for your extramarital liasons. I realize you may think you have to explain yourself or "defend" your situation. But that is NOT my point-and I do understand that there are some situations where an extramarital source of sex and companionship may be important.

I am simply stating my personal objection to having extramarital affairs, be they one-nighters or a long-standing attachment-put into the "FwB" category.
I think that deeming an extramarital affair as "friends with benefits" un-necessarily distorts the perception of the genuine FwB concept.

Cindy O
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 215
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/27/2012 6:06:39 PM

Don't you? And I didn't mean the details of what you do in bed, come on

I know it wasn't meant for me, but no I don't discuss my sex life with anyone.

Introducing somebody as a friend then sharing a kiss like a boyfriend or girlfriend, will you not be accused as a liar?

My answer was to sex. I said I wouldn't talk about my sex life to my daughter. Kissing is not sex.
But I can answer to your question.
No I wouldn't share a kiss like she is my girlfriend front of my daughter.
I try to hold hands, my daughter would come between us..So, that's a no go.
I do "behave" different with my FWB when my daughter is around.
She doesn't need to know every details of my life, especially when it comes to sex.
Am I a liar? No, I don't feel that I am. If she would ask if am intimate with my FWB, I would tell her yes.
Funny we were talking about thongs another day..Don't ask..
Anyway, I said so and so wears one. She asked my how do I know? I lied..I said she told me.
So sue me. LOL
 Mrunordinary
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 216
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 7:56:51 AM
FWB's is really no different then relationships in today's society so don't fool yourself lol.
 DarthPhoenix
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 217
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 11:43:25 AM
The difference is sex. You know especially as a woman if you are going to have sex with the man you meet, your just praying he don't screw it up by doing something or saying something stupid, plus either A you give up soon or you try to hold off to make it appear and or have him think there's more to you then just sex and hopes he is thinking or feeling the same way. Now even if you have sex with the dude there's a chance he might now want what you want which means now its just FWB no matter how hard you may try to make it otherwise. A number of factors play into this like did you have sex instantly, did you make him wait, how long, did you back door him with sex then ask for a relationship and a few others. A friend is someone you either aren't attracted too or the timing is bad but you are attracted to him. None of that equals relationship but its the basis for male female friendship dynamic that may possibly lead to other things.
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 218
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 11:55:52 AM
Having a FWB relationship with a female is like stepping into a minefeld. Maybe the first couple of times, it would be ok. But if you guys continue to have sex even longer, she is going to start to want more. Then you will have someone getting hurt by the end when its either over or the man starts a relationship with someone else.
 DeniseScorpio
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 219
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/28/2012 3:07:31 PM
A FWB doesn't meet the family. At all.

If you're introducing him/her to your family and vice versa,feelings have become involved. I view meeting the family as something that is strictly for serious relationships,not someone you are just sleeping with.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 220
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/29/2012 9:04:34 AM
I'm sorry-but I have to disagree that "FwB doesn't meet family.At all."

Now-if we get into "nuances" and one is arranging a family/social event for the sole intent and purpose of introducing one's FwB to family-I'd be inclined to agree that this is leaning pretty heavily towards being more than FwB.

But I also have to state that I don't chase my friends(or FwB) away or take significant steps to conceal them from my family or from my other friends and acquaintances. If events transpire that make a meeting between FwB (or even just a platonic male friend) and a family member(s), I certainly don't DODGE the situation or pretend that my friend isn't present!

If one makes specific PLANS to arrange a meeting of FwB & family, that is probably edging over into"relationship" territory(dependent, or course, on how one defines "relationship").

But if the course of events/life cause family members to cross paths with you and your FwB,and introductions are made-I don't think that needs to indicate "feelings are becoming involved".
Now, once I figure out how one can call someone a close friend and not have feelings for that person-I may be back to elaborate further. I also guess I need to ponder further about how one can have sex with someone that one has no feelings for? Isn't that the purpose of a vibrator???
Cindy O
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 221
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 7:37:28 AM

A FWB doesn't meet the family. At all.

If you're introducing him/her to your family and vice versa,feelings have become involved. I view meeting the family as something that is strictly for serious relationships,not someone you are just sleeping with.


You have ****buddy and FWB confused. My family has met friends with benefits in the past, simply because my family meets my friends because I hang out with my friends.
 AnAustralianWoman
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 222
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 7:57:02 AM
FWB? Two people who have a connection, but for whatever reason cannot committ. Both have need's and want's yet, cannot committ.
Some people just cannot handle full on relationship's, yet still need companionship.....If ya know what I mean.
I guess it is sorta waiting for that special someone, yet fullfilling your need's as well as your friend's.
So long as the situation is mutual I don't see a problem.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 223
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 8:24:45 AM
A relationship means you are emotionally available to each other (and yes, you're having sex and hopefully rocking good sex at that) and are progressing towards or trying to determine if you can/want/will be exclusive. In this stage, neither person should be having sex or dating anybody else. If it doesn't work out, you break up. If you continue to have sex with this person, knowing you're not what they are looking for in a relationship, you've moved in the FWB category.

A FWB means you are not emotionally available to the person you are having sex with OR anybody else because you're having sex with another person.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 224
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 10:09:39 AM
^^^. . . trying to determine if you can/want/will be exclusive. In this stage, neither person should be having sex or dating anybody else.


You’ve yet to determine if you’re exclusive, but meanwhile you shouldn’t be dating or having sex with anyone else? How does that work?


A FWB means you are not emotionally available to the person you are having sex with . . .

What if they’re FWB’s because they’re too busy raising children for a comitted relationship? or they live 2000 miles apart and only get together four times a year? Or what if they’re polyamorous? Couldn’t they still be emotionally available to each other? Wouldn't any true friends be emotionally available?

No problem if you’re defining the ideal FWB for yourself here, but if you’re describing other people’s FWB? Ain’t necessarily so.
 tgrlily3
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 225
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:19:15 PM
Nobody agrees on what the difference is, it's just like the the friends first thread. So it's just how I define it.

It's whatever you want it to be. And ya, if I'm having sex with someone I certainly expect that he isn't having sex with someone else. As far as dating goes, when you're first dating, I'm fine with dating other people. I said a relationship...so if I'm in a relationship I'd expect them not to date others. If said mystery man (who I haven't met yet) wants to sleep with others, then I won't date him, he'll have plenty of time to sleep with his FWB.

If you're too busy raising kids (which I get, I have two of my own) and that's the only reason then that could work but really, but If someone tells me I'm too busy, then for me, that wouldn't be what I was looking for and I'd bow out. I don't worry much about it, there are plenty of people sleeping with other people, my values and what I am looking for won't slow them down in their search for the ideal FWB situation.
 Indysweetpea2001_
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 226
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/30/2012 6:38:04 PM
[What if they’re FWB’s because they’re too busy raising children for a comitted relationship? or they live 2000 miles apart and only get together four times a year?]

Since when does raising kids means you cant have a committed relationship? If they lived 2000 miles away and I only saw them 4 times a year I would not be having sex with them. They would be my friend and I do not sleep with my friends. It seems the men keep trying to sell us on this FWB relationship because it allows them to have their cake and eat it too. I would rather wait for the guy who wants to be in a monogamous relationship with me because he truly cares for me and wants to be with just me. He cannot wait to see me and spend time together. He is not just hanging out until someone better comes along and then I am yesterdays news. Let me go and find that guy who thinks I am the best there is. If I am sleeping with you, then how will I ever find a committed relationship? We all are human and have feelings for gods sake. If they are not what you want for long term them keep it in your pants or use your hand. If you have needs, then stop looking for that perfect person who does not exist and learn to commit and compromise. Simple. If there are few women who want this type of arrangement then hit them up in the intimate encounter section or the adult sites.
 Zuglo65
Joined: 4/19/2012
Msg: 227
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:50:46 AM

FWB? Two people who have a connection, but for whatever reason cannot committ. Both have need's and want's yet, cannot committ.
Some people just cannot handle full on relationship's, yet still need companionship.....If ya know what I mean.
I guess it is sorta waiting for that special someone, yet fullfilling your need's as well as your friend's.
So long as the situation is mutual I don't see a problem.

I agree. But IMO sometimes it's mot that he can't, maybe he just doesn't want to.
She is everything he is looking for, but he just doesn't want to get married to her, move in together.
Not sure if all this makes sense, it does to me.


I would rather wait for the guy who wants to be in a monogamous relationship with me because he truly cares for me and wants to be with just me. He cannot wait to see me and spend time together.

And you don't think that could be true in a FWB type of relationship?
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 228
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 8/31/2012 9:43:56 PM
[Is there a difference between friends with benefits and having a relationship?]

From reading the OP, it seems that you're playing games...word games...with yourself. You appear to have a way to describe one then the other in such a way as to distract from what FWB really means and how the term is used.

Friends With Benefits are two people who are NOT really close or deep friends. They don't do all the things that you described, and they don't feel about each other the way you described. The word "friend" in the term FWB doesn't mean the same thing as it means when used in other ways. FWBs are people who just keep in touch and on good terms the way co-workers might do who don't otherwise get real close or do very much sharing. FWBs agree to get together for sex. Sex with few rules (strings) concerning the rest of each other's lives and who else they might also be "seeing". FWBs keep things relatively impersonal.

And, if FWBs grow to have what you'd describe as a relationship, then it's not FWBs anymore, duh, it's a relationship.

Moreover, while you might think that a typical relationship can begin the same way as a FWB that starts out as FWB but develops into a relationship, and therefore is no different...the BIG difference is the intentions, motivations, and goals in the beginning. A FWB has no initial desire for anything that would be called a relationship (aside from a FWB-relationship, for those who would still play that word-game), whereas people who attempt to begin a relationship are people who want a relationship.
 AidenL
Joined: 2/3/2013
Msg: 230
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/6/2013 11:34:15 PM
pretty much. no commitment to each other is the main idea ha hah
 434handyman
Joined: 1/21/2013
Msg: 231
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 4:00:55 AM
FWB is when you keep your emotions in check and there is more emphasis on sex than a deep friendship.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 232
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 10:12:06 AM
But I also have to state that I don't chase my friends(or FwB) away or take significant steps to conceal them from my family or from my other friends and acquaintances.

First, you don't have to chase anyone away from one's family. It's the lack of an action to pull in. The point is, if you're FWB, and you want to keep it that way, you don't bring them in one-on-one to your family, kids, etc. Now, if they're a friend-within-a-group, in which there's benefits -- that's fine. A group of friends stop by -- sure.

But a one-on-one relationship (friendship) in which you're banging, sleeping over, going out together one-on-one, etc -- and bringing to meet your family -- sorry, that's a boyfriend/girlfriend. Ever see anyone's headlines say "Looking for Best Friend & Lover?" They're not looking for FWB. Just because you suck the romanticism out of things, doesn't mean it's a "FWB".

Remember, you are what you DO. FWB, boyfriend/girlfriend, dating, seeing each other -- those are descriptions of what you do. Whatever you wish to label it may be accurate or inaccurate. The best way to see what you are is to see what you guys are doing. That trumps any descriptions. Descriptions aren't rules. You can have odd rules to something -- but still be (whether you like it or not) DATING. May not be a committed couple, but that's not required for two people to be dating. Maybe you're not exactly Dating by what you do, but if you're hanging out one-on-one, you're at least seeing each other.

Friends With Benefits are two people who are NOT really close or deep friends.

Theoretically they could be, but 99.9% of the time if they are for a while, they'll be dating but just want to call it something else (FWB) to alleviate pressure. That rare time would be when they are close friends but don't hang out one-on-one much if at all but within a group and may occasionally hook up, but at the same time give each other advice on meeting others, etc.

FWBs are people who just keep in touch and on good terms the way co-workers might do who don't otherwise get real close or do very much sharing. FWBs agree to get together for sex.

I think what you're describing is more of a Booty Call. There's a difference between that and FWB. A FWB is a friend... not someone they merely know or technically a facebook friend.

A FWB, if a one-on-one relationship between the two and have a really close friendship, and you hang out one-on-one all the time -- you're dating, whether you like it or not. Ground rules don't change what you guys are. A married couple who agrees to hook up with others doesn't mean they're not still in a Relationship.

A FWB, if it's very distant of a 'friendship', little communication, and only agree to meet up for sex for 99% of the time -- that's a Booty Call.

So where's the in-between that's an actual FWB?! Three main examples, the first one the most common:
(1) You know how when you meet someone new and you hang out with them... and it progresses toward datING as you see each other more and more, then gets more serious and you progress into a Relationship?

This common FWB is a (usually) purposeful move to keep yourself in a perpetual loop" in that "getting to know ya phase" void of any romanticism, while you're not seeing each other very frequently. You do hang out, but it's somewhat sparse and you plan to keep it that way... you mainly keep in touch frequently thru work or IM or whatever here and there. But it's not close; kind of distant. Much like keeping a distance and not "moving too fast" when you're in that initial "pre-dating" phase. But here, you're purposely keeping yourselves locked into that where there is no aim for actually datING. Again, you're locked into the pre-dating phase with no intention of leaving... hence, you don't progress what you do together, otherwise you're not FWB anymore.

(2) Another flavor of FWB is the geo-distance friendship. You keep in touch online a decent amount, and when they're in town/you're in town, and you're both single, yeah, you'll be game to hook up.

(3) Another flavor of FWB is where you're not one-on-one, but you're friends-within-a-group. They'll be a friend in which you'll mingle with the most and talk to more... and if/when you're both single, you may hook up and agree to keep it as friends. You are friends, but not hanging out one-on-one keeps it from getting too close or becoming dating.
 LightedJourney
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 233
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:14:45 PM
If you tell the guy you are dating that you r beginning to develop feelings & he responds by "I still want to play the field" then one would assume that you are now in a FWB situation.......... am i corrrect??
 tnt144
Joined: 2/1/2013
Msg: 234
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:34:40 PM
As to the original post, the problem is, that in one of those two types of relationships, there is at least one control freak. And control freaks are not good relationship material for the long term. Or, it's a half-baked relationship of convenience where at least one person is not in love. The relationship is destined to fail, and somebody has a high chance of getting rejected and burned - badly.

Long term, for the best chance at success, you want a relationship where both people are way too much in love and easy to get along with. Anything less and you are playing with fire.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 235
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:35:22 PM

and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?


Yeap
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 236
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 12:50:30 PM
251: If you tell the guy you are dating that you r beginning to develop feelings & he responds by "I still want to play the field" then one would assume that you are now in a FWB situation.......... am i corrrect??

Not necessarily. It could mean they go separate ways. It could mean the “developing feelings’ party decides to play the field too.

It could be that the dating couple aren’t even having sex. That would be Friends without Benefits. It could be their relationship isn’t rooted in friendship. That would be Not Friends With or Without Benefits. In either case, FWB wouldn’t accurately describe their relationship.

You have identified the one characteristic we know about FWB, however. Feelings are never reciprocal, something always goes wrong, it always ends badly, somebody loses an eye. The best way to avoid pain and heartbreak is to get married. I wouldn’t lie about something like this on the internet.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 237
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FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 2/7/2013 1:07:18 PM

You have identified the one characteristic we know about FWB, however. Feelings are never reciprocal, something always goes wrong, it always ends badly, somebody loses an eye. The best way to avoid pain and heartbreak is to get married.


I'm guessing your joking about this, but in case you aren't or someone else doesn't read is as such, all of the above is completely wrong.

The difference between a working FWB OR f***buddy situation (two different things, which people in this thread that don't read are equating with each other), is that they work out fine if both parties are honest, forthcoming, and aren't doing the situation with an agenda. If that's the case, then either situation normally works out fine for as long as it works out, and doesn't end badly. Things end badly when one person is dishonest about their true goals/feelings/etc., but then again, that's no different than any other situation.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 238
FWB versus relationship. What's the difference?
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:46:57 PM
And here is the dumb thread for FWB


cindersella37
Is there a difference between friends with benefits and having a relationship?

My definition of a friend is someone you enjoy spending time with, talking to, hanging out with, someone you can call when you need help or advice, etc. Basically you have developed a platonic relationship with this person then at some point you may add the benefits of having sex with this person. How is this different from a romantic relationship? A romantic relationship basically starts out the same way: meet, hang out, get to know the person, become sexually involved.

Is FWB just a way of saying we can hang out and have sex until someone better comes along that I want to have a relationship with?

Just curious what others think.



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