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Show ALL Forums  > humor  > Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes      Home login  
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 eddie haskal
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 78
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted JokesPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A guy goes back to this chicks apartment and while he's shagging her, the girls parrot screeches.."AAWWHHHKKK...your the ugliest **stard she's banged this week!" He is upset by this and warns the parrot to shut up. Again he's banging her and the parrot squawks.."AAWWWKkk...you get #3@$% uglier looking, the more you do her!" "Thats it!" yells the guy. He jumps of the couch, grabs the parrot by the throat, hauls him over to the kitchen and slits its throat with a bucher knife. He runs over to the bathroom and tosses the bleeding parrot into the toilet and says..."Try squawking your obsenities now". After an hour of shagging, his chick goes to the bathroom and sits on the toilet to pee and this parrot looks up and burbles out from the water.."AAWwwkkk...I think I'm going to live!" The chick looks at him and says..."Crap...your throat is slit from ear to ear...what makes you think your going to live?" The parrot pipes back...."Lady...if your walking around with a gash that size....I can live from a little nick like this"
 happystone
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 79
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:10:23 PM
Working On The Fourth Husband

A woman announces to herfriend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hopeyou don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! Whatabout your second husband?"

"He atepoisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 80
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 12/31/2007 3:03:12 PM
Lets see now. Twisted????

Your'e not old untill you can have sex with your girlfriends daughter, or your daughters girlfriend.

Without being arrrested.
 Wildbutniceguy
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 81
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/6/2008 7:22:36 PM
Just wrong, funny but wrong
 eddie haskal
Joined: 6/25/2007
Msg: 82
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/20/2008 10:25:46 AM
Q: Whats got 2 legs, spots all over it , and bleeds alot?
A: Half a cheetah.

Q: Whats black and white and red, and cant turn around in hallways easily?
A: A nun with a spear through her head.

 claytie
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 83
Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:48:04 PM
Did you hear that Lorena Bobbitt was killed?

She was on the highway and some****cut her off.
 solitary1
Joined: 11/8/2005
Msg: 84
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Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/20/2008 8:53:02 PM
Two necrophiliacs are chatting over beers. One asks the other - Are you still f**king that one chick? Other replies - Naw, the rotten b*tch split on me.
 barefootbaby78
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 85
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Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:03:53 PM
that is soooo wrong but oh soooo funny!!
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 86
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Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/22/2008 9:46:02 PM
a man goes to the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for birth control pills for his 11yr old daughter.
The pharmacist is surprised at this - "She's only 11 and she's sexually active?"
the father replies "not really, she usually just lays there like her mother."
 surferrosa
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 87
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Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:03:59 PM
What's better than winning Gold in the special olympics?

NOT being disabled.
 surferrosa
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 88
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Warning: Do Not Read Unless You Can Handle Some Pretty Twisted Jokes
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:51:38 PM
What's the worst thing about buying rollerblades?

Having to tell your parents you're gay.
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