Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?Page 2 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

I have never known sex on a first date to progress to a relationship


Meet rory27. Now you've cyber-met someone where it happened. I had sex on the first date with a woman I married. We were together for eight years.

Another three year relationship -- sex on the first date. And another one -- whoops, just to clarify, sex on the 2nd date-- lasted for three years.

I held hands with a few women for a month first. Those ones didn't work out.



I am waiting for the right man who treats me like a princess


And many people still believe in Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Thrilling stories, high spiritual emotions -- the real world is another matter.
 lovinmylifestyle
Joined: 9/2/2006
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/19/2006 6:34:54 PM
I met a guy here and it was soon after meeting......like by the
4th date. Does that count. He and I feel more than just a physical
attraction......more like we crave each other in any way we can
share time.
We're into month 2 now.......so far it all keeps getting better even
though we both have kids and they present obstacles.
 Jackie1954
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 120
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/20/2006 9:42:08 AM

Honey, if they won't respect you in the morning, chances are good they didn't respect you the night before either.

Sex is sex. Not love in any way. Accept that fact and get over it.


Words of wisdom!!
 TriciaLVZFriends
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 121
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/21/2006 1:49:41 AM
100% yes!!

Now let me give u something to think about men!!

Let's say u meet this woman, in whatever way u want, Online, in the market, at work, thru a friend, whatever. U talk on the phone for a couple of weeks, exchange e mails and text messages, and u finally make the official first date.

All of the conversations u had have been wonderful, and u both are attracted to what u know of each other so far. On the date, the chemestry is so thick u could cut it with a knife. U share ur first kiss and before u know it, u have been kissing for 30 minutes.

Now...... u are both adults, and u both have needs. If she decides to sleep with u, she knows she will probably never hear from u again. So she has to play a game with u, and also deny her own womanly feelings (hey, we have been doing it for years!) So why is it ok for a man to have sex on a first date but the woman he has it with is like a cancer now, and u do everything u can to avoid any further contact with her.

Men have basically forced women's hands in this manner. Not that all women want to do this, and I dare not speak for all women, but I am sure there are others here that would love to act differently sometimes, but they are forced to behave in a way that will get them at least a second date!
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 124
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/26/2006 5:41:57 AM
There are two cornestones to any relatinship.

Love and respect.

Neither of these has anything to do with sex despite numerous attempts to make sex a respect thing.

"all men are barstards" is disrespect. THATS what kills relatinships. Not sex on the first date.
 NightLark
Joined: 3/14/2006
Msg: 128
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/26/2006 8:17:46 PM
Yes, it's a rare thing to have success after doing it so soon, but is it not just as rare to have a deep loving relationship in all dating encounters? It doesn't have to kill it if you don't let it. It depends on both people. If after the newness wears off both people are in agreement then what difference does it make? It's obviously not the way of choice but love at first sight DOES happen. It happened to me. My wife and I were parted after 14 years only after she was in a fatal car wreck. I loved her no less because of how quickly we moved.

I say, "Always look forward in optimism, never back in regret!".
 bluejays1965
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 141
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:33:06 AM
Sex on the first night to me is just lust. A one night stand. In most cases it doesn't work in the long run. If that's what your looking for then that's fine. But I wouldn't expect to much from that.
After all....the mystery is gone. I know when you date for awhile it is obvious that sex will happen but on the first date it's a disaster. I have that happen and people I know as well.
Didn't last.
There's always that guilt feeling after the 1st night if that happens.
 Fun_Jess
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 143
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/6/2006 1:22:14 PM
I'v only had one one night stand and we ended up living together in a very serious relationship for two years.
 mike_k13
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 146
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:18:06 AM
Very well put, some people just have so many hang-ups.
 jacktraven
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 159
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 9:34:50 AM

Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?

I've had sex on the first date and lasted a year, so in my experience, it doesn't kill a "potential relationship". But this woman was a colleague at work, so I wasn't a stranger to her. OP meant sex on a first date with a "total stranger", so in my case I couldn't say because I haven't had the experience.


Call me old fashioned but I want a guy to really care about me first before we sleep together and that doesn't happen on the first date

I think that not all women are willing to do this, and that's totally understandable. The heat of a moment could lead to a no escape situation, and sex could take place without notice. If a lady came across a situation like this and said NO, the man should be respectful enough to retreat, and this is the attitude a woman expects. If the guy doesn't call back the next day or two, the woman will know what he truly wanted. In this sense, yes, it could kill a potential relationship.


However, if there's magic I do believe in affection on the first date

Affection with a total stranger, OP? Can you be more specific?

Its all a matter of coming across the situation and be ready to face it when it happens, but respect should always be the top priority.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 162
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:06:32 PM
It would make no difference in terms of respect.

If you respect someone before - you will respect them after.

My ex wife and me (married 17 years) could not keep our hands off of each other the first night we met. If anything I respected her even more for being honest about it.

Years ago ... lets call her Susie (cus that was her name) made me nuts for about 18 months (until she moved to Japan) and I just kept coming back for the same ole same ole dry hunching on the couch - I loved ever second of it and all the sofa rash. Did not change my respect level - I liked her the first time I met her and always did like/respect her.

Three years ago (when I became single) I was a bit shocked to find out sex was being treated as ....... just part of the date. I could have been anyone to those gals ...... I don't actually "respect" that thinking - I could have been any guy - just another sausage to them.
 Greystone1
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 165
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/17/2006 7:47:42 PM

Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?


Only if one of you has a weak heart... but what a way to go.
 Trazhy
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 166
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/18/2006 2:03:22 PM
Well........ I once had sex with a woman three mins after we met and it lasted for 8 years.. Then again I waited or was made to wait 3 months with my wife and she turned in to a vicious male hating wench.....god i loved that woman..lol. Personally, I think it's all a crap shoot. It works or it doesnt. If there are any women in the Arkansas area that would care to test the my theory feel free to write...lol
 sddude
Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 168
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/18/2006 5:18:13 PM
I am celibate , but if she gives me a massage she is a keeper.

Naw sex will not kill it , it depends on the person and their thought of attraction and belifs .

I think some guys get a women for sex , once they get it and then they do not treat the woman the same , they were not looking for a relationship even though the woman thought so .
 macdaddy6145
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 171
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2006 12:40:21 AM
In the modern era sex on the first date seems to be what most mena nd alot of women want. if a man and a women find each other appealing enough to want to have sex what difference whan they have it. When I was a young man it was not a common thing to meet and have sex the first night, but that didn't stop me from trying. Many times the sex consisted of me using just my hands to make her happy but she never stopped coming back for more. unfornately for women the old double standard still applies in the minds of men, it's ok for me but not you, if you will let me how many others have you let do it. unless there is an STD problem, just how the hell are men going to know who's been therwe brfore them if you don't tell. if they have to ask then you can bet they won't respect you in the morning.

BTW if there are any ladies who just need to scratch the itch, i will respect you for ever.
 NocturnalPrincess
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 172
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/19/2006 4:33:46 AM
I am now thinking of Samantha from Sex in the City: "Honey, its just sex!!!"

It really does depend upon the individuals and the circumstances. But even then, sometimes it still works. There was one female that I worked with that was still married, and slept around a lot, while working on her divorce~~um, lets just say she was popular.
Eventually, she got married to one of the guys at work. I heard that someone wrote on the bathroom wall in the men's locker room, "I was the sixth guy to sleep with ______ before ______ married her! So far as I can tell, she seems to be a nice person, and they seem to have a pretty good marriage.

Me? Twenty years ago, I was a Wild Woman. I have no idea of half of the names of the men that I slept with. Life was a Party! Did they respect me? Probably not, but in the words of Bob Segar, "I used them, they used me, and neither one cared." And always these "relationships" were short-lived. I am quite lucky on the STD standpoint. My analogy is: How many times can you play Russian Roulette and avoid the chamber with the bullet?

I am a lot more mellow now, and looking for something more than just sex. I am doing quite well on my own, though instead of having sex 4 times a day, I now have sex maybe four times a year...LOL At this point in my life, I would still have sex on the first date, but probably not if it was someone that I thought might be involved in a bigger picture, a LTR.

If sex is all you are after, then I say, Have Fun! But also, please be safe, because if you are both doing it on the first date, there is no telling, in effect, how many people you are sleeping with. Also, just make sure you respect yourself.

If you are looking for a relationship, then take the time to know another person's mind, their character, who they really are, because otherwise, the relationship will probably become all about sex.

Finally, a wise man that I know, advised me that for a Life Relationship to be truly successful, be friends first, because sex will only last for so long.
 purplerain66
Joined: 12/8/2006
Msg: 179
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2006 12:32:40 PM
ive never had sex on the 1st date, and if a guy even tries, hes history, ive had friends that has done that and majority of the times it never turns out for the best.
 Reelorn
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 180
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/20/2006 1:00:31 PM
When I was 18 I met my exwife, at the time I was just out of a teenage relationship, and honestly was looking to get laid.

My exwife however did not put out, for nearly four months. Oh yes even the first day we met, we made out, heavy petting, all kinds of things, but no sex. Eventually I grew to love many things about her, things I probably would not have noticed had we just had sex that first day.

My general rule for advice to women is three dates. No sex for three dates, not even heavy petting, ok a bit of making out is ok, but thats it. This first of all weeds out those that are just looking for sex, and second gives you the ability to "sell" your other many qualities, such as great conversationalist, funny, witty, and generally a pleasure to be around.

After three dates you can get a sense that the man is not just looking for sex, that he really does want to spend some time with you, because he enjoys being around you, not because he thinks he is going to get laid. :)

My 2cents.
 Denazii
Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 183
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2007 8:02:01 PM
I had a 2 year relationship from it happening and for the last year and a half which ended in us getting engaged. But she wanted to go back to New Orleans since she was a katrina victim and my company was sending me back to AZ. So yes it does happen. Would rather find out if you are sexually compatiable sometimes than go out for a while and find out... Wow.. they suck in bed!! And have to fight those emotions about caring for the person and knowing that they can't sexually make you happy.
 Reel Tyme
Joined: 7/16/2006
Msg: 192
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/12/2007 4:37:54 PM
IF YOU WANT A MAN TO RESPECT YOU SHOW HIM THE REAL YOU. SHOW HIM THE PART THAT MATTERS. SEX IS SOMETHING A MAN EARNS BECAUSE HE CARES FOR THE ENTIRETY OF WHO YOU ARE. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE IS A SURE WAY FOR YOUR NAME TO GO PLACES IT DOES NOT NEED TO.
 *Babydoll272*
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 194
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:40:20 AM
^^^cher-bear^^^
I keep telling them they aren't going to call cause you already put out

I agree totally...

I feel it would definitely kill a potential relationship because first of all...it's a time when two people are trying to get to know each other's personality, compatibility as well as reactions on certain subjects. We all have to be sexually compatible as well but how can you know that when you don't REALLY know the other person and what about respecting yourself.

If you just met and slept with someone on a first date... it's usually in the beginning stages and deep feelings have not occured at this point. It makes for a very lonely after date and don't be surprised if no phone calls for a second or third date.

Now if sex is what you are striving for and don't care about having a long, personal relationship with another..then it's just empty sex with a short span of pleasure but a long span of lonliness and can get old. I've seen too many people still alone because they 'put out' way too fast and still have no particular ONE in their lives.

In my opinion, the reason we date is to get to know each other on a more personal level for a potential relationship. It just shows what kind of a person you were right off the bat...so why pursue any longer....

This is my own personal view.
 Synergy
Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 196
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:15:54 AM
To put out or not to put out....that is the question.

The way I see it, if the relationship were doomed, sex wouldn't change that fact at all. It's easy to say....he didn't call me because I put out. He didn't call because he didn't want to!! You were either not very...good...or he wouldn't have called anyway. Not many men will turn down an offer of sex. I know men like the thrill of the chase, but eventually they would catch you anyway and then what? If you're a keeper, you're a keeper. Period.

I think "holding out" to see if he's going to keep coming around is a method of manipulation that women use too often under the guise of being a "good girl". If you've found a man who's only into the chase, then that can work well. He'll try extra hard to get into your pants. But don't be surprised that he loses interest after that point, no matter how long you've made him wait. He achieved his objective...he got you. Then there are some men who appreciate the lack of game. Then there are some who will think, if she put out for me, she must put out for everyone. Those men don't think very highly of themselves and yet will still do you, lol. It's entirely possible that you just couldn't, or didn't want to, help yourself, but without communication, he'll assume what he's been taught and learned from his friends and perhaps past experiences...this girl's a hoe.

Women need to take control of their own sexuality and stop putting it all on the man.

It's all about communication. Sex hastens intimacy and perhaps assumes a committment where there isn't one. If you're honest about it, I don't see what the problem is. For some people deep feelings are needed to share the body. In that case, wait...by all means wait until you feel it. But don't use it as a dating tool. The only way you can know what another is thinking is to ask.
 *Babydoll272*
Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 201
view profile
History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:37:18 AM
^^^big boi^^^

Right on!!! And that's a man's point of view. Respect is everything to me...first to myself!

First of all, Not all guys but 'MOST' and I said 'MOST' not 'ALL'...think with the head that is NOT above their shoulders....so if a woman "puts out" on the first date, it just tells him that she was easy and most of the time and will go on to the next one.

There has been exceptions to that rule though. Things are not always one way. For instance, an ex family member (sister in-law) met someone on a weekend trip to New York. They stayed together for that weekend and she ended up moving and living with him in Michigan and eventually marrying him...very rare but can happen.
 dslam1
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 212
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 4/15/2007 2:38:28 PM
I agree with the last few posters. Btw, let me ask another question. How much personal, emotional and relationship honesty is there if someone is genuinely wants to have sex and is attracted to that person, but doesn't for the sake of not doing it on the first date? Is that something that really will enhance the relationship and sustain it, not! Also, how does the other party feel if that person has sex on the second or third date, and nothing has really changed in the relationship, other than a few days...
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >