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 aSydneyMale
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 225
Sex on a First Date - Does it Killl Relationship? LONG!!!Page 3 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

Sex on the first date is proof that the lady is easy.


^^^ I thought we left this kind of crap back in the last century?

Whether I slept with a lady (and they've all been ladies) on the first or tenth dates, they've all had my respect and it was a mutual thing to do it. They weren't 'giving anything up', and I certainly didn't expect it.

I've had relationships and even a marriage develop out of sex on the first date, and these women certainly weren't 'easy'.
 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 226
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 5/23/2008 5:33:56 AM
sex on a first date?? Been there..done that..and absolutely, positively NEVER ends up a permanent deep loving thing.Would i do it again..sure..if it feels right..but for both i believe its just an animalistic type thing..or sometimes alot of booze is involved.
 NYCGuy!
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 229
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:04:23 AM

REMOVED FROM THE FORUMS

 _Red_
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 233
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:44:02 PM
I still believe it depends on the individuals, the chemistry and their backgrounds.

And when I say chemistry, I am not speaking merely of physical attraction because oddly enough, that is not what makes it or breaks it for me.

There was only one time that had there been more of an opportunity to, it would have happened on the first date but other factors prevented it. The next time we saw each other tho, we picked right back up where we'd left off. That relationship lasted 9 months so in that case, no, it didn't kill the chance at a relationship because we understood each other and were sexually and mentally compatible.
 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 234
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:38:50 PM
most sex today occurs between the 2nd-5th date..of course there are exceptions, but this is the averages. Personally, its rare when it goes much furthur for me on a one-night stand....however, i can say i didnt stop to analyze it at the time..LOL..
 MentalXchange
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 238
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:03:57 AM
This is a question based on WHO the two people are and WHERE they are in their life. Putting a time limit on sex is hard, not to say it's in the same area but it's like putting a time on love, impossible. We know before going into it just like everything else in life, for every action there is a reaction, be it good,bad or in between. You should both discuss and know what you're willing to face and handle and what type of relationship you want to have, if you're not sure, don't do it. Please people stop making a meant to be easy/beautiful act hard/ugly.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 240
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:14:36 AM
It doesn't really matter. What makes a relationship click is the level of connection, and that happens nearly instantly even though people refute it. It occurs at a subconscious level out of the ordinary awareness.

One day I'll have to write a paper on love, romance, and mince meat pies to illuminate you all's thinking.

The Eagle
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 243
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 8:45:53 AM
Funny...I guess I am a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to this topic...

I have always encouraged my children to not let lust get confused for love...and I have definitely rolled my eyes a time or two when a friend was regaling me with a tale of such. I am quite sure I have posted in forums, "What do you expect?!"

But yes, I have also been there, done it...and yes, they have resulted in relationships that were gratifying and fulfilling and not just sexually based. (And let's not just limit it to "the first date"...how about just "too soon!?") LOL

In fact, a friend & I were just speaking about this, earlier this morning! It started out as talk of "one night stands" but we got to talking how those intended "one nighters" never truly remained just one night...that they did evolve into more. Maybe not long term realtionships...but more.

I think if it fits for both partners...and it feels right...cause sometimes that chemical connection is present not simply because of the sexual chemistry, but all of the compounds blending!...then so be it.

But I will still always encourage my kids to take time to get to know someone, first! LOL

Sex is better when it is with someone you have trust, friendship, comfort, etc with. :)
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 245
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 10:55:46 AM
Sex on a first date may not kill a potential relationship but I think it makes it harder to achieve a substantial one. If there is a lot of passion right away, it is hard to rein those emotions in, but well worth it in the long run, I think.

Once a man is in my heart and in my head...in a good way and the connection is there for him too...the really great sex will come...maybe!!
 dangit1961
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 246
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History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 4:02:36 PM
I'm with you Kat!! I had sex with my wife the first time we went out together.. I will say it was not the first time we met, but was the first time we spent time with each other. There was an attraction that was sexual from the start. It lasted for 20 years. We had our share of problems, but not in the bedroom.. I think each situation is it's own situation. Let's face it..you can be best buds, like chatting with each other, hold hands at the store, and be kissy kissy, but if you don't enjoy each other in bed, usually your are done anyway!!! How can anyone possibly say that if they would have waited till the second or third date, that the relationship would have lasted!! I say be your own judge, but don't judge what you don't know.. To each his own and each is right..
 beautifuldancer400
Joined: 6/12/2007
Msg: 248
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:05:54 PM
It's pretty rare that I will have sex on a first date or meeting. The chemistry would have to be crazy and I would know that no matter what happened later...I would have no regrets.

Having said that...there were only two men who I have felt that chemistry with. The first one I knew for a year...he was the lead guitarist in our band and I was the singer. I knew him for a year before I had sex with him and the experience blew me away.

The second guy I met on here...it was lust at first sight...I guess. We met up about nine months ago and it just happened. We talked a couple of times after that but never got together and lost contact and I just figured that would be the end of it. About a week ago he sent me a message and before I knew it we were meeting that same night. I can only say that the sex and chemisty was not something I imagined!!

In that entire nine months between the two times I saw him, I had sex with only one guy who I was in a semi-serious relationship with but the sex was just like all my relationships... Not that the sex was bad but the crazy intense chemistry was missing...for me anyway...same way even in my marriage.

I doubt he and I will end up in a serious relationship although I do hope we can get together more. What I have learned about sex and relationships is that although it's not easy to have both crazy, intense passion and a loving, committed relationship I will hold out until I find both...until then...I'll take the passion!
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 253
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Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:45:36 PM

(Msg 252) Did it ever occur to men, that if she gives it up that easily for you, she probrably does for every other man she meets too.


That's a familiar refrain, however, there is another way of looking at it. The longer it takes for her to "give it up" the less she likes the guy. And let's not forget she probably "gave it up" rather quickly at least once in her life so the curent guy knows she doesn't like him as much as she liked the other guy.

Taking those two things into consideration hopefully one can understand why guys tend to leave rather than hang around when they see nothing is forthcoming.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 256
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Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 4:40:24 PM
I have had sex on first dates and some have turned into long term relationships. I think it depends on the person, I personally don't have any bad thoughts about someone that liked me so much they wanted to sleep with me.
 sriannaailyim
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 257
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:42:56 PM
Honestly- I couldn't take him seriously- if he did it with me on the first date.... he is probably doing it with other females too. Yep- I use that same saying on them like they do to females- no double standards here.
 Van_the_man_Unusual
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 258
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:57:11 PM

Sex on a first date with somebody you just met is not a good thing.

Sex on a first date with somebody you have known for say, lets start out small, 2 years is different.



I agree
 twyrick
Joined: 9/9/2006
Msg: 260
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:38:44 PM
I just have to comment that while a first date, obviously, includes learning who the other person is, it also includes taking in the physical beauty of that individual (assuming it's there for both people involved). I think that with a pair of open-minded people, not hung up on religion or any other such things making it "taboo", the possibility of sex on the first date is definitely there.

It doesn't *necessarily* mean a long-term relationship is doomed to failure, or that one or both of the people were "only wanting the sex". I had one monogamous relationship that lasted about 2 years with a woman I had sex on the first date with, and another 11 month long one that started the same way.

Of course, it occurred to me that if a woman was so willing to have sex with me on the first date, then she's probably done that a number of times before meeting me. But again, why does our society consider that a "bad" or "negative" thing? Sex is like anything else in life. You get better at it with more practice and experience. I don't hold a woman I'm seeing to a different standard than I keep for myself. (In my case, that means yes, I'm "ok" with such things as sex happening on a first or second date - but I'm just as "ok" with it not happening. I don't care if the woman I'm with has had a lot of sex in her past. I only ask that she not cheat on me while our relationship is going on.)
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 262
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/1/2008 11:53:36 PM
Kimbo you really believe that c**p. The hots doesn't translate into LOVE. You can be in lust, attracted, chemistry, what ever you want to call it in the moment,but LOVE that comes from with in down in the soul of every human being. LOVE grows with intimacy of the mind.
If two people are really interested in having a exclusive,commited monogomus relationship then sex will not only be worth waiting for but better when it is desired by both people on the same emotional page...
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 266
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Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:04:14 PM

(Msg 278) The hots doesn't translate into LOVE. You can be in lust, attracted, chemistry, what ever you want to call it in the moment,but LOVE that comes from with in down in the soul of every human being. LOVE grows with intimacy of the mind.
If two people are really interested in having a exclusive,commited monogomus relationship then sex will not only be worth waiting for but better when it is desired by both people on the same emotional page...


I believe chemistry is wanting to have sex with the other person but experiencing chemistry is more than just sexual. For example, a person may look at an individual and think, "Wow! What a great body!" and they think sex. Then they go and meet the person. If the person smelled bad the sexual attractiveness would quickly disappear so chemistry is based on more than looks.

If the person saw the individual and was turned on by their body and met the individual and was further turned on by their scent but the individual started yelling and cussing the chemistry would quickly disappear.

If the person saw the individual and was turned on by their body, turned on by their scent, then additionally turned on by their seductive voice but the person harshly berated the waiter/waitress because they brought the wrong drink the sexual attraction would probably disappear.

The point being sexual attraction is not some superficial feeling based on only one thing which seems to be the way a lot of folks think about it. "He wants to get me in bed because I have a nice a$$." That may be one reason but there are numerous other, more subtle reasons.

When a person postpones sex it means none of those other reasons sufficiently motivate them; neither the other person's physical appearance nor their scent nor their voice nor their manners........So the question becomes, "What do you find special about that person?"

I believe that's why relationships fail today. Rather than choose a partner based on chemistry, that special something that is rare, people go for qualities like enjoying similar activities. If finding somone who plays golf is more of a turn on than the initial chemistry then what makes that person so special?

As for what a guy thinks about a gal going to bed on the first date is there any lady here who would want a man who thinks, "If she'll go to bed with me it means she'll go to bed with anyone." Not only does it show a tragic lack of self esteem on the guy's part but God only knows what other bizarre thoughts he has about women.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 272
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History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:41:50 AM

(Msg 286) and for the guys who claim they wont be back because SHE! gave it up to easly BULL! again because if it was hot! you will be back!!!!!!!!!!


Exactly!

Some people use such strange logic when it comes to sex. They say guys are just after sex and then turn around and say that if they supply sex the guy won't be back. That is the height of illogic.


(Msg 290) Men enjoy the pursuit and the chase... easy women just don't get it... why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?


I'm not sure of the relevance of the cow analogy unless a woman thinks of herself as an animal to be bought and sold.

As for men liking the chase logic dictates such a man will endeavor to seek out chases. Whether the woman holds out for a week or a month or six months once it happens the chase is over and .....well, when the chase is over, it's over.

The opposite applies, as well. People who value being chased more than being with the person will be dissatisfied in a relationship. They will expect their partner to continue the chase, meaning they are high maintenance folks, or they will seek another partner (chase).

In any case it does not bode well for a long term relationship. If the chase is more important than the relationship one will leave a relationship so as to experience another chase. It just seems like common sense to me.
 mroocu
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 273
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:09:57 PM
FIRST OF ALL,A DATE IS ALL ABOUT GETTING SOME,WHY GO OUT,YOU
PROBLABLY SPENT AT LEAST FIVE OR SIX HOURS ON THE PHONE BABBLIN.
BABBLE ON,IS THAT WHAT YOU GO OUT FOR?TO GET DRUNK?I HAVE MALE BUDDIES FOR THAT ACTIVITY,LIKE THE SIGN SAYS MY DRINKING
TEAM HAS A BOWLING PROBLEM!AS FOR GOING TO EAT OUT, SAME
DEAL WHY SPEND 30 OR 50 CLAMS , ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS THIS
WOMAN?WHY?DO YOU INTEND MARRIAGE. I DONT BELIEVE SEX KILLS
AND IF YOU WANT A POT-ENTIONAL RELATIONSHIP THEN POF. COM
IS NEITHER THE PLACE NOR THE TIME. MANY WOMEN AND MEN TOO
ASSUME MARKUS IS THEIR PIMP SUPPOSED TO GET THEM A MARRIAGE
PARTNER. WHY DO YOU LET SOMEONE CHOOSE AND PICK AND MAKE
AVAILABLE THE MEN YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND MEET.
FOR ME THIS SITE IS GREAT TO MAKE FRIENDS, AND THOSE WOMEN
WHO CONDUCT BVSINESS DO IT, AND NOT EXPECT POF.COM TO FIND
YOU A MARRIAGE OR SEX PARTNER.
FOR ME ITS A PLACE TO MEET ,TALK , AND LASTLY MEET ,BUT WITH
NO EXPECTATIONS OF A REAL RELATIONSHIP. POSTED JULY 3 2008
 Honcho
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 276
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:05:10 PM
Many, many years ago I had just gotten out of the Navy and had sex on a first date, married her 9 days later. Lasted 6 yrs and 3 kids later, but she got to running around on me so I divorced her.........and to just think if I'd have killed the ****, I'd probably be out by now!
 Squidlette
Joined: 6/22/2008
Msg: 278
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:39:53 PM
You know: one predominant theme which has been running here which I believe is incorrect is that if a woman will have sex on a first date w/ one guy, she'll do it w/ anyone (or everyone!)
that said ( i have had sex on the first date, but typically do not!) i DO think it wrecks any future. Seems that by giving in, guys suddenly realize "Oh, I got that. Now there's nothing left. Huh."
and so they never call, they get all weird on you, they freak, basically, and next thing you know you're left with the "gee, what did i do wrong" remorse.
it sucks.
so, does it have to kill a relationship's chances? No. Does it, though? Sure seems to.
 Listen2hear
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 280
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History
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2008 4:55:43 PM
I personally do not have sex on the first date is because there is really no reason to. Waiting a little bit for sex is an investment in better and more frequent sex when it finally arrives. There is really nothing to lose unless the world is going to end the next day. By not pressuring a woman for sex on the first date it shows good scruples and this usually earns a guy some much needed Brownie points. Plus, it keeps them wondering. By waiting, a man is probably assured of a steady sexual relationship and so, more sex in the long run. You see, good sex takes time. Time to know what the other person likes. There is no such thing as a universal technique or some assurance of success in the sack. Everyone is different and has certain likes and dislikes. You should do what a person likes and they should do what you like and as often as you like.

The one attractive component to the one night stand and why it may be so attractive to both men and women alike is that for those brief hours, everything is near perfect. You don't worry about tomorrow or what your partner thinks of you or the consequences. It is pure passion and erotic need. Alcohol only diminishes inhibitions further.

If there is a chance of a lengthy or permanent relationship it is best to wait to engage in sexual activity. What's a few days, weeks or months? There are many married couples that wait longer than that for sex and these are people who have been together for years. The moral: It is never too late to have a bad sex life.
 SarahTM
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 283
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 12/7/2008 10:33:44 PM
It depends on the people and their maturity. If I'm really attracted to someone, I'd rather have sex on the first date than say, go 'bowling' Grizfan -
Some dates start off in the early afternoon with lunch and an afternoon together and then a dinner out and an evening together and if you hit it off, back to someone's place for a private drink, or whatever?
After at least 12 hours together, I don't see a problem. What are all the previous posters - strict Catholics or Amish?
 Breezy_Bird
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 289
Sex on a First Date - Does it Kill a Potential Relationship?
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:29:07 PM
All I can say is that I have had it happen and I am alone today. I do not understand why it has to be that way, but for some God forsaken or God created reason it is that way.

I have always found, however, that it was the immaturity of the man after it happened that made it impossible to have a relationship. They just feel like they opened a package, which contains a classic novel, and they don't care to read it. They just want to get to the next woman and open her package, and leave that book unread as well.

You just have to be the book in the beginning, and they have to read all the way, until at the very end, they get rewarded with a present-you!

But where are the guys who are patient, confident, or desirous of a single woman enough to be so persistent and romantic as to have to delay gratification for so long?

I still cry sometimes thinking of men I've lost because I let them sleep with me before we got married. But you know, there was always something that I could tell about those guys...something....that told me that I would NEVER want to marry THEM.

So who knows what the hell is really going on?
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