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 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 97
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?Page 2 of 25    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
Well I've just scanned most of the posts in this thread and I must reply to Halfevl333. Just because a woman has sex with you on the first date does NOT, repeat NOT , mean that she enjoys sex as much as you do. If I had a dollar for every time I "put out" because I thought it was expected of me and NOT because it was something that I truly wanted to do, I'd be a rich woman (and I'm talking Canadian dollars too ).

Before women started remaining in the work force in large numbers after World War Two (which most of you are way too young to remember, obviously, but I'm a baby boomer so bear with me) sex and child-bearing was the price we paid for having a man provide us with a home and financial security (or at least the fiction of it). Men's self-esteem was tied up in how good their job was and how well they provided for their families; women's in how nice their homes were and what a great "catch" their husband was and all that drivel.

A lot of us have spent a great deal of time (too much time) believing that our self-worth was tied up in the man in our lives. Sex was the price to be paid for having a man "invest" his time and money in the courtship rituals which would under the old rules ultimately led to marriage (especially if a pregnancy happened).

In this day and age, a woman is perfectly capable of earning her own salary and buying her own home (although she will make less than a man and all of that). We no longer NEED to give you sex in exchange for the illusion of emotional and financial security. The sad truth is that a lot of times you DO stop respecting us when we give you what you ask for. Women who are sexually confident and assertive can be really scary to many of you. How many of you guys have been part of an exchange in a bar or whatever where if a woman said yes she was a slut and if she said no she was a lesbian?


To address the original question; we don't necessarily find it weird to do it on the first date, but many many years ago the magazine Cosmo printed an article telling women to wait until at least the third date before jumping into bed. That's where the third date rule comes from boys and girls - Cosmo magazine. Thank you Helen Gurly Brown (sp?).

To support a number of contributors to this thread - even in the 30 years since I left high school some things have not changed. A girl who has multiple partners is a slut; a guy who has multiple partners is a STUD. The double standard is still going very, VERY strong. It doesn't help that Bill Clinton (and please don't get me wrong he has my utmost respect for his humanitarian efforts BUT) taught an entire generation of young people that fellatio is NOT a sex act. Consequently I just read today that while new cases of Herpes Simplex II are on the decline Herpes Simplex I is being diagnosed more frequently.

Which leads us to a very good reason not to have sex on the first date. It's too easy to get caught up in the moment and not learn everything you need to know about your partner's sexual health. For the record (just call me Dr. Diva) a condom will not always protect you from Herpes since it is transmitted by skin to skin contact HOWEVER the drug company selling Valtrex is lying through their teeth about the stats regarding catching it when no symptoms are present. I don't want to be nailed for hijacking this thread - anybody who wants to know more about this can contact me privately at my profile, okay? I've read tons and been dealing with this for a very, VERY long time.

So, boys and girls, if you want to ride bareback then everybody should get tested for everything (20% of adults in North America have genital herpes - do the math - that's one in five of your partners past present and future Mr. casual anonymous sex!) and ladies if you do have herpes the female condom offers more protection to your partner than the regular one, although because they have skin where we have mucous membranes it is much harder for us to give it away than to catch it.

"why do women find sex on a first date so weird ?" Because I am always surprised, to this day, when a man finds me attractive and wants to get naked with me. But that's just my abused pathologically insecure inner teenager talking - my perimenopausal adult self woke up a few years ago with the libido of a teenaged boy and is still trying to find him to give it back!!!
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 103
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 11/30/2006 8:38:01 PM
Generalising on any boards is risky Dream.

On these boards is downright suicidal.

SOME women are hung up on the idea of sex on the first date. These women are a bunch of pathetic sheep under the thumbs of abusive, overdressed hyenas, who have the nerve to pose as girlfriends and the dispensers of good advice.

Real women either have sex on the first date or , if they decide that the one date is plenty thank you then they don't have sex on the first date or the third date becasue there is no third date.

If the sex is "menaingful" then it usually ocurrs on ALL dates. Paticularily the first one.
 B. Diva
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 106
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/2/2006 10:32:22 PM
She's ba-ack! Just revisiting the forums tonight and I wanted to put in my 2 cents worth, again.

While I agree with the contributor above who took exception to throwing having sex into the same kettle of fish as having a bowel movement etc, the truth is that our basic instincts are fight, flight, food, & f***ing. It's called SURVIVAL OF THE SPECIES boys and girls. As others have noted, however, as humans we have, at least in theory, evolved to a point where we don't have to indulge our baser instincts at every opportunity.

To the gentleman (and I use the term very loosely) who suggested that it's only ugly women who want to hold out as they're not getting any anyway - WRONGO!!! I have always been overweight and I have always considered myself unattractive but I have NEVER had any trouble getting laid. It doesn't hurt that I happen to be GOOD at it. My son's bio-dad came home with me the night I said "you know most guys go after women who have bodies that make promises - I have a body that delivers". That was Jan. 29, 1989 - our son was born Jan. 15, 1990. In other words, sometimes I do have sex on the first "date".

That said, I would also like to add that the most satisfying long-term sexual relationship of my life was with somebody who started as strictly a platonic friend. We were really close for several months but there was nothing sexual about it - I was actually dating a friend of his - but one night my son was hospitalized and Jeff wound up spending the night with me. It started as strictly a comfort thing and I had no expectation that it would last, but because we HAD been friends for so long it was really easy for me to turn off that tape playing in my head about "good girls don't enjoy sex" etc.

It's because of that experience that I find it so frustrating when a guy gives me the once over, decides he doesn't want to get naked with me, and never finds out whether or not I could meet his emotional, sexual, or spiritual needs as a partner. This happens a lot, since I invented love at first sight (honest, it's on my resume and everything). And all the guys posting in this thread, who seem to grok the whole trust/comfort/intimacy thing, all live a few thousand miles away!

Well my kid wants my computer back so that's all folks.
 theon54
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 112
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:08:31 PM
buxomdiva,


We no longer NEED to give you sex in exchange for the illusion of emotional and financial security.


The financial securities you are talking about are history, but there is still a human need that we all need to satisfy: the EMOTIONAL need of loving and being loved. And let's face it, for many men (romantic) love and sex are synonyms - or at least the former implies the latter.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 114
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History
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/6/2006 5:19:44 AM
Why do so many men have this ridiculous notion that women are using there sexuality as a bargaining tool? To many women sex is not currency, because you put such a high "currency" value on it doesnt mean that everyone else views it the same way you do.

It is ours to do with what we want. And just because you are feeling horny it doesnt mean she is feeling it too! I have met plently of men that I have been mildly sexually attracted to but I have not had sex with them. Just because I feel a little bit of a tingle it doesnt mean I am all that interested in them as a person. It has nothing to do with my moral code or my self worth. It is all about who I am intersted in sharing it with.

If I want to go home and take my toys home with me I can! So stop trying to imply that I am somehow tryign to manipulate you because you want to have sex and I dont! If you are sexually frustrated that is not my problem
 fallen-one
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 116
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/6/2006 7:14:26 AM
hmmmm, whats the easiest way to put it.....
why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
i think that about sums it up
 fallingangel9837
Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 122
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/6/2006 7:20:58 PM
I can't answer this question for anyone else, but I personaly think its just nasty , I wouldnt do it unless there are some serious feelings between me and that person, which takes a little more than a date, or two ... Call me old fashion but thats just me ! Sex means nothing unless there are no feelings with it.
 RandMax
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 125
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/8/2006 5:16:37 PM
MMMMMMMM........... Waffels
Gotta go with Chubby Chick, sometimes, someone just excites you, you may not know why, it just feels right. Later you may find they have an IQ in the low teens, but that shouldn't diminish the thrill. We only live once, I'm not advocating abandoning your morals, just allow yourself a guilty pleasure from time to time.
 Manitobaholdem
Joined: 10/13/2006
Msg: 128
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 12/8/2006 8:27:31 PM
Let's not generalize... all women don't find it wierd. Some only say that as a defence.. they don't want to look , feel and act like a whore or anything.. but if the chemistry is right...
 browneyedstallion
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 129
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/26/2007 6:36:49 PM
Just curious....why do so many women say they dont like a guy who "just wants sex"? Women often comment they want to wait until the 3rd date or longer to have sex. That its got to be meaningful etc... Why is that?


Because too many guys want to eat and run! Most women have been burned at least once. You have to see things from their point of view. No woman wants to be used just for sex. Nothing tears at a woman more than giving into a man sexually on the first date and the guy never calling them again. If a woman has sex with a man and dumps them most guys will just look at it as another notch on their belt. Some women become more attached to a man after having sex with them. Men can separate the emotional from the physical a lot easier than most women, because we're brought up differently.

Women are thought of as tramps and whores if they jump in the sack with a man on the first date, while guys are thought of as studs. No woman wants wants to feel like a piece of meat. The thing us men have to consider is when we have sex with a woman we may be one of the very few she's given the privilege to. They may have had only two other guys before me for all I know. If I decide to never call her back again I could leave her with an emotional scar that could last a long time. I refuse to do that! I won't sleep with a woman unless I feel I'm going to stick around for awhile. I'm not going to live with the guilt of walking away when they've given me apart of them. Unless we have an understanding before hand that this may end up being a short lived physical encounter I'm not going to have sex with them within the first three dates.

Some guys will do anything they can to give the impression they care just to get sex from a girl. That's BS! They've heard all the lines many times over, so this is why women aren't so keen about sex on the first date.
 Saiyuki_Reload
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 133
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/26/2007 9:52:10 PM

Women shouldn't really have sex on the first date because it puts out the message you are a slut.

WHY are women considered a slut if the like sex / have lots of sex / dress sexy / talk about sexual prefs / have annonymous sex BUT men are considered heroes and studs if they do the same thing? I find this stupid and infantile.


Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?

AS TO THE TOPIC... People in western society have been brainwashed for hundreds of years that sex outside of marriage is BAD. Men seem to have mostly gotten over that particular (religious based) brainwashing however women and girls are still regularly told by their parents not to dress slutty, not to act too interested (play hard to get), not to get a bad REPUTATION (ooo the dreaded reputation!) and not to have sex with anyone until they are of a suitable age (by suitable age, they meant never.)

In many Asian cultures, people are not brought up with Anglo-Saxon / Christian GUILT and SHAME about sex and nudity so they happily get around in the nuddy, make sick and bizarre kinds of porn (by our standards) (eg: bukake, scat, super-happy-mega-orgy porn, serious looking B&D etc) and service the needs of weird looking pervy foreigners who flock to places like Thailand and Korea to satisfy their sexual fantasies with tiny little doll-like girlies and lady-boys.
 Saiyuki_Reload
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 134
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/26/2007 10:01:50 PM

3) You get a few more free dinners before you have sex and he disappears.

Man! I'm so sick of hearing about men whinging about FREE DINNERS! For goodness sake! What makes you think that women are not capable of going dutch or taking turns with their date in paying for communal food! I personally NEVER allow a man to pay for my food. NOT EVER. And I am not the only one like me. I'm sure MILLIONS of women are perfectly happy sharing expenses with their date and are NOT just sitting there hoping to get money / food / stuff out of him. It's such an stupid male theory I just can't understand it.
 sicilian_angel
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 138
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History
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/27/2007 11:33:43 AM
Well I think that if you have sex with someone on the first date your whole relationship would be based on sex and you don't really get the chance to get to know someone because you are both too busy jumping eachother's bones. It all depends on what type of relationship you are looking for. If you just want to have a sex buddy then having sex on the first date is probably expected. However, if you are looking for a meaningful longlasting realtionship it is better to hold off on the physical part of it until you decide whether you like each other emotionally. Just my 2 cents worth.
 Tigress
Joined: 4/11/2004
Msg: 139
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/27/2007 11:50:50 AM
I don't think it's weird! It's just NOT the thing to do if you are looking for a serious, meaningful relationship. You don't want to base a relationship on sex, cause the sex may not always be there due to medical problems, etc, or it could just get boring. You have to be attracted to each other's minds, and you don't know that much on a first date.

However, if you both just want sex and aren't interested in a long term relationship, then it's not a problem. Just be safe! And be honest about what you want.
 grasshopperme
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 143
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 1/29/2007 8:50:18 AM
It's because most guys only want sex and arent looking for a relationship so they take a girl on a date have sex with her then never talk to her again if a guy can hold out then a girl has a reasurance that he isent only in it for the sex come on boys it isent going to kill u to wait a while to have sex.
 shinobi1
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 153
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:28:39 AM
eah I find this whole thing strange - I guess it's a major difference between men and women.
I have found just in my own recent experiences that most of those women have wanted sex but stuck to some 'not on the 1st date rule' but the second was fine. And they'd even tell me that they had this rule or be in a state of undress as things had gotten 'heated'! I think it's a bit stupid (confessing) so I might judge them by that. Also, any guy who thinks less of a woman because she won't have sex with HIM on the first date is weird - maybe those women should be going out with guys who appreciates them and what they do more!
 lovableladywanted
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 154
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:01:48 AM
I totally disagree with women that say its not ok for a woman to sleep with someone right away . I have had gfs and have slept with some right off the bat and it did not mar the relationship at all. In fact I have dated some for a long time [6months or longer]. I do not judge a lady for sleeping with me right away. In fact I go the opposite way. I respect her more for being able to do as she feels with me instead of holding back because of some societal constraints that really do not mean anything .
 giveitall4it
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 157
Why do women find sex on a first date so weird?
Posted: 5/23/2007 1:47:13 PM
cause they tink you will stick around if you think there good girls even tho most guys will lie till they do get you in bed cause now its a challange but kid yourself not ladies if you approached a guy and told him lets do it right now right here 95 % of them would run like lil babies.....maybe thats the real answer guys cause sex on the first date most likely scares the crap out of women...hummmmm ya think
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